5. Hogwarts students are friends not food

A/N: Yes, I am finally updating, and yes it is a Finding Nemo reference. Thanks to the reviewers! Alex, thanks for reviewing twice, feeling a bit heartened now.

"...I was terrified they would desert me the moment they found out what I was. But of course, they, like you, Hermione, worked out the truth..." –POA

Two defenseless boys huddled in the corner of the shack. The one with hazel eyes was sobbing, and the one with long hair stared in horrified disbelief. They were looking at me. I wanted to kill them. I wanted to kill them a lot.

"Remus," whispered the hazel-eyed boy, "We-we had no idea. Are you alright?" He stretched out a hand to me. I snapped at it. He pulled back; I could smell the fear on him.

"R-Remus," asked the other boy cautiously. I wished they would stop saying that. It sounded so familiar. It almost made me want to kill them less. Not that much less. I snarled at them. I felt the hackles on my back rising. Now was the time to taste their blood. I feinted forward; the hazel-eyed boy shoved the other boy out of the way. The force of my pounce sent me flying headfirst into the wall, which splintered at the impact. My blood was dripping into my eyes, but I ignored it, turning instead to search for the boys. I could hear their hearts pounding, the adrenaline flowing through their veins.

I wanted that blood. They were going up the stairs. Clattering, no stealth at all, it was easy to follow them. I rounded the bend at the top of the steps just in time to see them run into a room on my left. I was in no hurry. The hunt was the best part.

Quietly, I padded down the hall. My mind reeled with anticipation. I could smell the blood. Turning into the room where the boys were hiding, I stopped dead, not seeing them right away. So, they wanted to hide. I could play that game. After several good sniffs, I was able to discern their location. They were under the bed, how childish. Also very problematic. The bed was an enormously heavy old four-poster. The wood was bolted to the floor, probably in anticipation of an attack by me.

I snaked a paw underneath the bed, but it didn't connect with anything. The taunting whimpers of fear were driving me mad. I had to kill them. No matter, I could just throw myself into the bed until it gave way. Steeling myself, I slammed headfirst into the solid wooden structure. It gave a satisfying shudder, and I continued until there was so much blood in my eyes, my vision was completely obscured. A bit of the blood dripped into my open mouth. It tasted good. I needed more. Ripping at my leg with my teeth seemed like a good way to start.

"Bloody hell, James. What is he doing?! He's going to kill himself if we don't do something!"

"And what do you suggest we do? If we leave this spot he'll tear us to shreds!"

I didn't care what they said. I wasn't interested in their talking or their tears. I wanted their blood. But I couldn't have it. It was so close, just out of my reach. That's what made me extra vicious in my attack on myself. My animalistic howls of anguish could be heard for miles that night.

There was pain of course, but the need for blood always outweighed that deterrent. Finally, when I was in absolute tatters, the rage fueled by nearby blood subsided, and I lay still, too exhausted to go on. It was nearly sunrise. I wondered vaguely if I would even survive the excruciating transformation back into a boy. No, I would be fine. I had experienced worse nights than this.

The first peachy tendrils of sunlight touched my face, and I stayed on the floor, enduring it as my howls turned to screams and then to sobs. I always tried so hard not to scream.

"Sirius, he's...back to normal. Come on Sirius, we have to help him or he's going to die!"

James? No, it couldn't be, I thought, before I blacked out.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"Is he going to be alright Headmaster?" came a tentative voice from somewhere to my left.

"I'm sure that Mr. Lupin has seen much worse in his lifetime," said Dumbledore softly, sadly even. "Boys, I'm afraid that I must impress upon you the seriousness of what you now know. I'm sure that this is not the way he would have liked you to find out. I'll leave you three alone to discuss what has happened, but please remember that this is a secret that must be handled with the greatest discretion. Remus will tell people the truth when he is ready."

I heard two soft murmurs of assent, and then the door clicked as the headmaster left the room. What was going on? My mind felt fuzzy, the way it did after a particularly violent transformation. My eyes shot open to reveal the ceiling of the hospital wing. Last night had been a transformation. Terrible images assaulted my brain. James and Sirius in the Shrieking Shack, the sort of scenario that haunted my nightmares. Oh God.

I began to shake violently. Looking around the room, I saw them in the corner, whispering together and looking very grave. There was a lot of blood on their robes. I prayed that it was mine.

"Please tell me you got out in time," I whispered, causing them to abandon their conversation and rush to the side of my bed. "Please say that you left when I told you to." I was trembling so violently now that I thought that the bed must be shaking. They couldn't be hurt. I had worked so hard—spent my whole year—trying to keep them safe. The world wouldn't be so cruel. I couldn't have hurt them.

Sirius touched my shoulder. "No Remus, don't be so scared. We're both fine. We were in the Shrieking Shack all night. We hid under the bed," there was a note of self reproach in his voice, "You-you really did a number on yourself. I know James and I made it worse."

I breathed again. Nobody hurt. The words spun in my head like beautiful music. Then the crushing weight of what could have been slammed into me. They were in the shack all night. They could have been killed. They could have been bitten. At the very thought I bolted out of bed, ignoring the violent protests of my sore muscles and assorted injuries, and made it halfway to the bathroom before collapsing and being violently ill on the floor.

They were both by my side in a second, James pulling back my hair as my stomach continued to heave. I realized that my mouth was full of blood, probably some internal injury, and spat disgustedly. They supported me back to the bed, and I bowed my head in shame, furious with myself for allowing enemies to see me so pathetic and weak. Because that is what they were now, enemies. Whatever James had said last night, about not caring; he wouldn't stand by today after what he had seen.

Horrific as I felt though, I was also a little relieved. I could practically feel the euphoria I had been floating in for the past months, my months with friends, evaporating and being replaced by the old resignation. Having friends was different, exciting, beyond what I had ever imagined, but at the same time a part of me already knew. Knew all along that it was too good to be true, too perfect to last. At least now I was back in familiar territory. Losing friends was familiar.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, "I'm so sorry. For whatever you saw last night." I meant every word. I was starting to remember now. It was not a pretty picture.

"Why are you sorry?" James said, "We're not the ones who are hurt! It's our fault you got banged up this way." He really sounded remorseful. Was this some sort of prank?

"Still, it's not something people should have to see—"

"You see it every month!" cried Sirius, looking shocked.

"Listen," I said patiently, they were just upset by what they had witnessed, maybe they even felt sorry for me, "I'll have my things out of your room first thing in the morning. I know that we can't be friends anymore," I wondered why it hurt so much more than usual to say, "But I really would appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone about this. I'm not dangerous when I'm human, you see, and I really would like to continue here at Hogwarts..." I trailed off lamely, unsure if this was too much to ask. Apparently it was, because they both looked surprised.

"Remus, we don't want you to move out," Sirius said. It took a minute for the enormous meaning of that statement to sink in.

"But...now you know the truth about me. I'm dangerous to you. If you had gotten hurt last night, I don't know what I would have—"

"It's our own stupid fault for going in," James said, looking somber.

"You-You're supposed to hate me." What on earth was I doing? Persuading them to be prejudiced against me? Remus you idiot! But it felt so unnatural for people to be this accepting. It couldn't really be true. But they were both smiling now. Not furtive, fearful smiles, genuine smiles, smiles that didn't seem to hate me at all.

"Of course we don't hate you, Remus. We hate your condition though, that's horrible stuff mate," said James, flopping into a chair opposite my bed as if that settled it and now everything could go back to normal, well normal as it ever was.

Sirius looked hesitant. "We were talking earlier, and from now on, we're going to try to help you. We can't let you do it alone, it's too awful. From now on, we'll be there for you. Ok?" He gave me a weak, hopeful smile.

"Ok," I said quietly, still disbelieving. With a relieved sigh, Sirius flopped down on top of James, who gave a startled yelp and shoved him off, laughing. I grinned too. I was going to go to Hogwarts. I was going to have friends.

"Thank you," I said, "You two don't know what this...I mean I don't even know how to..." I really didn't know how to express my thanks. James and Sirius looked bewildered. Suddenly, James started laughing.

"Wait until we tell Peter all of this! He'll have a nervous fit!" Cried James, rolling around the floor in hysterics. Sirius started laughing too, and soon the whole hospital wing rang with our fits of merriment. As our laughter subsided, I managed to say again, "Thank you."

They both gave me the smallest half glance, but I thought that this time, they understood.

"And they didn't desert me at all."—POA

A/N: Sorry this wasn't as long or as good as I wanted it to be, but it's so hard to capture the Marauderly awesomeness. Anyway, let me know what you think. Next chapter should be up sooner. I'm thinking of doing one about Remus' first birthday with his new friends.