Draco and Snape slash, by Harry Potter and Ron Weasley.

How come your name's first?

Because, I did it in alphabetical order.

Oh.

Where do we start?

I don't know! I've never written fanfiction before.

Fanfiction. Wow. We're our own fans, Harry.

Got that right. Bleedin' fangirls, what's Draco got that I haven't?! I'm the star of the series! Oh, I have an idea. Here it is:

Draco spritzed himself with cologne generously and then set out for the dungeons. He had detention with his ultra-sexy Potion's Ma-

Ron, stop sniggering.

Sorry, I can't help it. You- you just called Snape sexy!

Well, stop it, anyway. Wait until I'm done.

His ultra-sexy Potion's Master-Ron!- that night, and he wanted to look- and smell- his best. He had learned from his ex-girlfriend, Pansy Parkinson, and his two best friends, Crabbe and Goyle, that that cologne drove Snape wild.

Ron!

That's so funny!

Hermione's gonna hear you howling with laughter like that, quit it.

Hey, Harry?

What?

Don't Crabbe and Goyle have first names.

I don't know. Do they?

Probably. But who cares, anyway.

Draco strode up to knock on the door, but then he was afraid. His palms were sweaty and he was nervous; what if Snape didn't feel that way about him?

It's obvious he feels that way, like how he favours him in class and everyth- ,

R O N!

Sorry....I did it again, didn't I?

He threw all caution to the wind and knocked on the door.

"Come in," called Snape silkily. Draco shivered, then walked in and closed the door. Most students felt doomed when that happened, but Draco felt alive.

Ron, I'm telling you, if you keep on laughing lie that, we'll never get to finish!

I'm sorry, Harry, but this is so funny!

It's almost as good as that story Sincerity wrote about her and Lupin.

Yeah, that one was good.

"Mr. Malfoy," Snape addressed him curtly, "you will be making this Potion here." He tapped the book open in front of him. Draco walked over. Snape stopped breathing for a moment, as he could smell the cologne.

How could he not smell the cologne, with a nose that big...oh, sorry Harry, were you writing?

Ron, I give you three seconds before I hex you all the way into the Buffy the Vampire Slayer section.

"This one, Professor, on "How to Induce Passionate Love"?" Draco inquired. He was suddenly overcome with shyness- his Potion's master was so close to him! He could reach out and kiss him right then, if he wanted to.

Harry, er, now you're the one howling in laughter.

I know. You want to take over?

Sure. Can I do Snape's POV?

Sure. I'll try to keep my voice down.

Get some of Hagrid's treacle fudge- I think I have some left over from last Christmas.

That's gross. Just write the story.

'K.

So, Snape looked over at Draco. He was his favourite student, and he looked especially cute in his slithrens colours.

You spelled Slytherin wrong.

Shut up.

He looked as good as Hermione Granger did when it rained.

What's so funny? I'm just making him fancy Hermione.

Yeah, well, you're making it sound like you fancy Hermione.

That's horrifying, Harry! How can you say that?

What's Hermione look like when it rains, Ron?

Like a girl, Harry. Because she is a girl.

Do you fancy her?

No comment, Harry.....

And he smelled as good as James Potter used to when they-

Just kidding, Harry, I'm jut kidding.

And he smelled as good as Lucius Malfoy used to when they got stuck in that broom closet for two hours. Snape just couldn't help but make him brew the potion on Passionate Love. He watched as Draco stirred it, and when the fumes from the Potion reached his abnormally large nose-

You're horrible.

Yeah, but it's huge! He could slice bread with that thing!

Urgh, Ron, I had a sandwich for lunch today.

Er, sorry about that.

-he had to clutch at his desk to keep himself from dragging Draco onto the tabletop.

Wow, this isn't going to end well.

Harry!

Well, now you know how I felt!

Eventually it all became just too much.

"Draco," he said, standing, trying to stop his hands from shaking. "Come into the supplies closet with me..."

And he stepped into the room with his student, shutting and locking the door.

Hey, can I do it from Draco's POV now?

Yeah, okay.

When the Potion's Master locked them in the tiny room, Draco could feel his palms get sweaty again. Snape put his hands on his shoulders and croaked, "Draco, I-"

"I want to, too," he said, excited.

"Okay."

Stop laughing.

That was really lame!

Well, I can't stand graphic slash, it's nasty.

But it's not as though it's people we like, it's just Draco and Snape.

Exactly.

So? Let them get R-rated- oh, bad image, bad image.

Exactly! Hey, I have a great ending idea.

What?

Just make sure Hermione doesn't read this.

Wha- oh... Haha. Good idea, Harry.

Thanks, mate.

Meanwhile....

Hermione stepped cautiously into the dungeons, noticing a very neglected potion. Judging by the scent, colour and consistency, it was at one point a potion for inducing passionate love, which was located on Page 56, paragraph 2 of most Potente Potions, which could be found in lane 6, shelf three, seventh book from the right in the Restricted section. She wondered faintly who had been brewing it.

She sat down and wondered when her Potion's Master would tell her what she had gotten detention for, and what were those unearthly noises coming form the supply closet? It sounded as though someone was being sexually tortured in there, judging by the screams. But the dungeons were located at such a remote point in the school that she doubted anyone but her could hear it.

With a sigh she stood and walked over to the cupboard, attempting to open the door. It was locked.

She frowned, then pulled out her wand and said, "Alohomora."

The door unlocked. She opened it...then froze.

A very unwelcome sight met her eyes. The two contorted figures on the floor froze in shock, and Hermione stared in horror.

She finally squeaked: "Oh, I must've gotten the date of my detention wrong, Professor....see you two tomorrow in class, then. Hopefully dressed."

She turned on her heel and ran out the door, pausing only to grab the books she'd brought. She wondered if she should tell her friends, the talented Harry Potter and the gorgeous Ron Weasely, about the encounter, but decided that it would only make them sick.

That's it.

Can I add something, Harry?

Sure.

Snape watched her go, then turned to Draco. "Mudblood or not, she's a very lovely girl. Think we should invite her next time?"

Draco nodded.

Muahahahah!

Did you pick that up from your sister?

Yeah, I guess so. Oh, Ron, I hear someone coming up the stairs. It's probably Snapey and Malfoy right now.

Nasty. Hurry up and upload it! Maybe we can create the story if we have the time.

You bet. Hold on.

Yeah, it's them, I can hear them. Stop sniggering, Ron, they'll know we're up to something.

Not for a while. Hey, should this be a one-shot?

Maybe not, if people like it enough.

Think Sincerity will forward us the reviews?

She had better. Oh, crud, Harry, hurry...I can smell him....

THE END...maybe...