Fate: Hee. Hee hee hee. This was fun. I'd forgotten how much fun this was, once you got into it. Off to do TDH!
Disclaimer: Not ours, not ours, you'll know who's whose. Well, except Ruoko and Lupita. They belong to us. Bwa ha ha ha ha. And Alice. Hurray for supporting characters.
Mai and Jounouchi both spent a good minute doing passable impersonations of goldfish. Behind them at the counter, Ruoko, Lupita, and the new girl were also trying out the goldfish look. The only two people not in on this new and cool style were the cashier, who was too asleep to be a goldfish, and Mokuba Kaiba, who was wearing too much leather and too creepy a smirk to be any sort of fish.
Well.
Maybe a piranha.
"Hmm," Mokuba said, sliding into the seat next to Mai. "All this attention is going to go to my poor teenaged head. Do I look all right for being watched by every bleeding person in this flipping coffee house?"
Mai looked at Mokuba thoughtfully, then patted him on the head after a pause for consideration. "Aww. Such a cutie," she announced to the world at large.
"You're not taking me seriously anymore," Mokuba pouted.
"Hon, you're fifteen. Granted, the slut look wears well on you, but you need a hairbrush like nobody's business," Mai informed him. "Now. You must be here because of Kaiba-sama, because I can hardly imagine that you're reviving close on nonexistent friendships from years past."
"Kujaku, you underestimate my charitable heart. That hurts me. Right here. In my clavicle." Mokuba tapped the affected area with a wince.
Jounouchi dropped his head to the table. "No wonder your brother's out to foff me, if this is what you're like at home."
"Oh no. I'm much more manipulative with Seto-oniisama." Mokuba said teasingly. "We do love each other a good deal, but not like that, Jounouchi. Really, you make me sad. Now." Mokuba leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table. "Let's have a meeting of allies." He swivelled and waved energetically at the three sitting at the counter. "Come over here! Yes, you three!"
Ruoko, Lupita, and the new girl warily detached themselves from the bar, carting their drinks. The six squished around the circular booth that was meant to sit about four at best. Mai landed in Jounouchi's lap, the new girl managed to drape herself over the back of the circular bench most comfortably, and Ruoko and Lupita managed to fit themselves indecently close together. Mokuba managed to prop his feet up on the table without kicking over anyone's drinks, and the conversation continued.
"First things first. Who are you?" Lupita said, pointing at the new girl.
"Liviania," the new girl replied. "Who the hell are all of you?"
"A pack of loonies," Jounouchi muttered in Mai's ear.
Introductions were summarily made. The requisite "Yes, the duelist (insert name here)" was uttered. Inquiries after the cashier revealed that none of the parties present admitted to drugging her, and a thousand would cover a few rounds to start. And yes, Jounouchi was trying to find his most hated nemesis someone to shag.
"There we can collaborate, Jounouchi," Mokuba said, putting up a finger officiously. "So if you'll all consider my plan – what? Seriously, what?"
"You're at least four years younger than any of us here," Jounouchi finally uttered. "How did you manage to gain control of this enclave?"
"Hmm. Let me think about that one. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I happen to be Seto Kaiba's brother in my spare time?"
Everyone paused to digest this fact.
"He's got a point," Lupita admitted. "Rightoh. So, Seto Kaiba's darling baby brother, let's hear your plan."
Mokuba grinned beatifically at them all. "So Seto wants to boink someone with long pretty blonde hair, big gold eyes, and...sizeable other aspects. We have one such person matching that description right at this table. Oddly enough, that's exactly who my brother fancies at this moment, allowing me to make my most accurate description. Well, I'm guessing on the last bit, because there's another voluptuous long-haired blonde with big eyes rather in the way."
"Oi," Mai said irritably.
Liviania buried her face in the vinyl cushions to muffle her snickering as Mokuba continued. "So either we get Jounouchi to do a one-night stand with my big brother – whom, I have been informed, is very – "
"GYAAAAAAH!" Jounouchi screeched. Mai went temporarily deaf and her hair flew about with the gust. Liviania toppled off the back of the booth and landed on the next table over. Ruoko and Lupita took advantage of the convenient opportunity to slide unnoticed under the table. Mokuba's hair stood on end. The cashier flopped off of her seat and landed on the floor.
"Does this happen often?" Liviania demanded, poking her head up over the back of the booth.
"I think she's carked it," Mokuba announced gloomily from the counter, glancing down at the unconscious salesgirl. He reached into one of his pockets and extracted another thousand yen. "For Charon's boat fare," he said, tossing it to the fallen cashier.
Lupita popped out from under the table, looking somewhat dishevelled. "Nah. She's just in a really deep sleep."
"That's what they said about the parrot," Mokuba muttered as he turned back to the table. "So that option is out. The next option is getting a Jounouchi lookalike!"
Everyone looked intrigued. Ruoko even glanced out from under the table to add to the intriguedness of the group.
"Where are you planning to get one of those?" Lupita demanded.
Mai swiveled in her makeshift seat to look directly at Jounouchi. A slow, evil grin spread across her face. "I think your albino nympho friends came up with the solution before we ever knew it was a problem."
Jounouchi rolled his eyes expressively and threw his head back, nearly hitting Liviania in the spleen. "Argh."
"Ladies and gentlemen, we need to find us a whorehouse," Mai said cheerfully. "And I think I know just the people to help us."
"Oh God. More people?" Jounouchi wailed dramatically.
"More like people revisited," Mai replied. "I think a call to said albino nympho friends is in order."
"Oh. Okay then." Jounouchi hauled out his cell phone from some sneaky place and nearly got slapped by Mai. "Hey, hey, you were sitting on my phone! Ow! Eeeeep! I'm sorry! But – "
"Well, if you didn't keep your phone there then – "
"Hello? Ryou? Bloody hell. Answering machine. Please be out of your house and not...you know. Um. You remember that whole thing...with the whorehouse...yeah. Um. We need to find...uh...me. Or a lookalike me. Or. Uh. Yeah." Jounouchi stuttered to a stop.
"Oh for the love of Ra," Mokuba said, sounding exasperated. He snapped the phone from Jounouchi's hand expertly and said, "Hello! We're looking for a boy, about one hundred ninety centimeters tall, longish floppy blonde hair, big limpid gold eyes, and...ahem. You see what I'm getting at. Reference Jounouchi should you need more information! Ja!" He hung up, tossed the phone back to Jounouchi, and sat back. "There. All set."
"You said 'for the love of Ra'," Ruoko observed.
"Indeed I did," Mokuba acquiesced. "Bad habit of mine. Battle City. Marik had quite the language problem. You should hear me when I get going."
"You know..." Liviania poked Mai. "You're about Jounouchi-san's height, and you've got the hair..."
Everyone stared at Mai's hair.
Then everyone stared about a foot and a half down, save for Jounouchi, as he was in a rather bad viewing position.
"Or not," Liviania stated.
"Don't even think about it," Mai warned Jounouchi.
"I'm purging my mind right now. Swear to God. Want to hand me a napkin before my nose bleeds all over your shirt?"
Mai rolled her eyes and complied. "See, these are the sacrifices I was talking about when I was explaining being gorgeous."
Jounouchi grinned behind a wad of rapidly reddening napkins.
Mai held out another wad to Mokuba. "Care for a napkin?"
"Sorry to disappoint, but I don't do the whole boobs thing," Mokuba explained.
"No disappointment at all," Mai assured him. "Anyone else? No? Well then. What do we do next, other than await a call from the creepy albino boys?"
"Coffee for the road?" Liviania wondered.
"On me. Help yourself," Mokuba said with an expressive wave. "I've got to hit the road myself. I've got some work to do for the new dueling...thing." He smiled mysteriously. "Nice to work with all of you. I'll be speaking with my brother presently about the replacement, Jounouchi. Fear not, I will name no names," he added to the others.
Lupita and Ruoko had already scurried back to the bar and were downing more espresso as though it were their lifeblood and they'd each been down a few pints.
"Shall we?" Mai asked, glancing around at Jounouchi. "Are you and your nose up to my car?"
"Of course," Jounouchi answered. "What do you take me for?"
Mai declined to answer. "Goodbye, all. This has been an enjoyable evening." With that, the two blondes left.
"Mocha." Liviania hopped back up to the bar as well and started filling a supersized cup. She glanced over the counter and stared at the fallen cashier. "Her name is Alice, or so says the nametag. Jeez, who hired her?"
"I did," Mokuba announced from where he was lounging by the door. "KaibaCorp also backs real estate and a few shops downtown. It's useful for me, having this coffee shop as something of a meeting place at night. It seems I'm not the only one." He smirked at the two espresso addicts.
"Meeting, hell. We didn't do meetings until Jounouchi came in one night screaming like a banshee about Seto Kaiba," Lupita told him. "We're in it for the espresso."
"And for Seto Kaiba's fine body," Ruoko added.
Lupita considered this. "That too."
Everyone left conscious in the room found themselves agreeing. Except for Mokuba. Because that would have been scary.
Mwa ha ha ha ha.
"We're here," Mai sang out, unlocking her apartment door.
"Heeeeello," Jounouchi added, poking his head over her shoulder. "Any homicidal rapists? Child molesters? Hairy icky knuckle draggers?"
"I have an undead air conditioner," Mai told him, giving the aforementioned appliance a shot with her fist to get it started. "And I think I've got a non-hairy but certainly icky knuckle dragger in the back closet who's managed to use all my wax. Don't go in the back closet. I don't want to know."
Jounouchi looked disturbed. "I don't get the wax thing. I mean...ow."
"A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do."
"I kind of get it now," Jounouchi amended, wandering over to stand in front of the air conditioner.
"Look, the best way to cool off is a cold shower." And of course let's not forget their magical properties on the cooling of random lust attacks. "I'm going to go take one. You mind?" Mai asked worriedly.
"I have second dibs," Jounouchi replied with an easy grin.
"Deal." Mai locked herself in the bathroom with a change of clothes, stripped, and dunked herself into the cold spray with a sigh of relief.
Bad girl. No hormone attacks over helpless, traumatized friend from past. Bad Mai! With this mental beration as her new mantra, Mai clambered out of the shower after ten blessedly cool minutes and tugged on her clothes regardless of how damp her skin was.
"Anything good on?" she asked, idly spritzting detangler into her hair as she padded into her living room.
Jounouchi glanced up at her, then glanced away quickly, blushing. "Uh. X-Files is on in five minutes. It's a marathon."
"Nice. Do you mind if I pull out the couch bed?" Mai inquired.
"Couch beds are your friend," Jounouchi replied, standing and wobbling into the hallway. "And so are cold showers."
As soon as she heard the bathroom door close, she raced to her vanity mirror and took a look. Smudgy eye makeup. Lots of loopy curly hair hanging down everywhere. White overshirt rendered more or less see-through by wetness. Purple sports bra and clingy short-shorts preserving modesty. Not overall a bad picture. She wasn't classy, but she wasn't Our Lady of Trollopland, either. This was mostly because of her hair covering a good deal of her body, but she wasn't arguing. She definitely wasn't anywhere near terrifying, so Jounouchi's flight had been rather random. She shoved the thought to the back of her mind and turned her full mental powers to opening the couch bed, which would be a nightly ritual if she wasn't in the habit of watching TV on the couch until she fell unconscious after two or three consecutive all-nighters. Thus, she was somewhat out of practice. However, after falling on her ass a couple times, she managed to get the contraption out and relatively decent-looking.
She stood back and surveyed her handiwork. Clutter between the couch and the TV had been stuffed into the closet to make way for the foldout. Said foldout had been equipped with lavender velvet sheets and all the pillows that had formerly been on the floor in lieu of chairs. Lavender velvet wasn't great for muggy summer nights, but its other qualities outweighed practicality. Mai grabbed her bottle of lotion and flopped onto the bed, bouncing somewhat while she grabbed after the remote.
"It's channel 83. The X-Files, that is. Wanna see it?"
Mai twisted to get a good look at Jounouchi. "You need some other clothes? I'm awful, I should have asked you earlier."
"You have guy clothes?" Jounouchi asked, looking perplexed.
"Sort of." She vaulted off of the couch and rooted through the closet, then tossed first a pair of fishnetty cargo shorts, then a band shirt at Jounouchi. "These do?"
Jounouchi examined his clothes, then the handful he'd been given. "Better than a long sleeved shirt and jeans. Thanks a ton."
"Why the devil are you wearing those, anyway?" Mai asked as Jounouchi retreated to the bathroom to change.
"First thing I grabbed when I got up," Jounouchi called. "I was in a rush."
Mai winced. "I see." She flomped back over on the bed and clicked over to channel 83. Trading the remote for her lotion, she began working on her legs.
"Doesn't that take a while?" Jounouchi flopped next to her on the foldout. "Purple velvet. Cool."
"The lotion?" Mai asked. "Not really. I don't really notice it. I'm usually doing two things at once."
"X-Files and lotion. Now there's a new one on me," Jounouchi teased.
"'Chinga'," Mai read off the screen. "Seen this one?"
"Yeah. Possessed doll."
"And the giant lobster scene."
"Exactly," Jounouchi replied. "I'm still wondering how you eat one of those myself."
Mai switched legs and started work on her left thigh.
"Does that stuff have glitter in it?" Jounouchi inquired, looking fascinated.
"Yes," Mai replied, trying not to laugh.
"That is awesome," Jounouchi announced. "Glitter is the shit."
"Here," Mai found herself saying. "Try it."
"On my legs?!"
"No, you dimwit." Mai reached over and tugged a lock of his sopping wet hair. "Your face."
"Huh?"
"Oh, hold still," Mai said impatiently, gently commandeering Jounouchi's head and amusing herself by applying glittery lotion that was faintly scented with cherries. To a boy. Granted, it was a boy who could use a haircut and was a glitter fiend, but still.
Oh well.
"There," Mai said, swiping her fingers along his hairline. "Hey presto."
"Am I all glittery?" Jounouchi asked hopefully.
Mai grinned. "Yes."
"This is fun," Jounouchi announced. "We should have slumber parties more often."
"Yes. Yes, we should," Mai agreed as the two of them turned their attention to the X-Files.
Though I wish I knew why he wouldn't look at me earlier...
Oh well.
Fluffy: Yo! Hee. Glitter. X-Files. Everyone needs to see the X-Files. Or at least read all the transcripts, just like us.
Oooh ooh, and the Plan starts to go into Action next chapter!
Kitten: Trying to come up with Jounouchi-ish expressions and such is fun. ;;
Liviania: Mweh-heh. Behold, you reappeared! :P I need supporting characters, dammit! I thought people would...y'know...ENTER the contest...and I'd have more. Not complaining though. ;;
TaleneIsMyYami: It's okay! Really. Scary yami, yours. Meep.
SailorEpyon: I'm having a lot of fun. Do you like it?
Dark Maiden of the East: Very few people look at Mai as anything but background. She's so cool! I lurve her, and the Jou-Mai chemistry is so overlooked. Lots of fun, this is.
Shinnyu Kudzu: stands aside Go forth and molest! My blessings and luck to you! I won't leave it unfinished. Promise.
Pyschopathic Sixth Grader: Isn't he?
Lethe Seraph: OO!! Wow. Lots of reviews. About the quotation mark-question mark thing. Back when I was basically writing my stories on one computer, emailing them to myself, and opening and sending them here on my roomie's computer, I'd send them in text format, so I lost everything formatted – dash marks, ellipses, italics, bold, and all my quotes, which were converted to question marks. So I changed all the question marks to quotation marks and then went through and tried to find all the questions. ;; Sorry. Times have changed and now I have an external floppy drive on USB, so I can directly transfer everything. Life is good.
Duel: Behold the reviews. DO AS THEY HAVE DONE! Go!