Fate: Look! A Solution appears! Mwa ha ha ha ha.

Disclaimer: Not ours. Anyone. Except Monique and Blaze. Monique will probably continue to show up anywhere the Kaiba mansion shows up. Blaze...well, he probably won't. Yeah. Moving on.

"Seto-niisamaaaaaa..."

Seto cracked open one eye. "Where have you been?"

"Aww, you were worried about me!" Mokuba plopped down next to his older brother, who had apparently fallen asleep on the couch while waiting for Mokuba to return. "I'm sorry for being gone so long. I thought I'd be back earlier." He let his head drop onto Seto's shoulder. "How long have you been waiting?"

Seto blinked somewhat blearily at the clock. "I wasn't waiting so much as I was working down here until you returned."

"Uh huh." Mokuba stole the file folder from his brother's lap and flipped it open to see the latest notes. "You inviting Yuugi-tachi to this thing?"

"Some yes, some no," Seto said meditatively.

"Yuugi-kun?"

"Yes."

"Honda?"

"Emphatically no."

"Otogi?"

"That psychopath? Maybe," Seto added.

"Hmm. Mazaki? Bakura? Kujaku?"

"No, totally raving mad so maybe, yes."

"Jounouchi?"

"...your point?"

"He is good, isn't he?" Mokuba grinned. "And don't you want to see him?"

"He doesn't have one of those gold things and he's not internationally renowned. Would you invite him?" Seto inquired.

Mokuba thought about it. "Would you prefer to invite Crawford? How about Ryuuzaki? Haga's internationally renowned. Do you want him?"

"Crawford's dead, Ryuuzaki is crazier than the white-haired psycho who offed Crawford, and Haga is internationally renowned more for the general idiocy and melodrama than his skills," Seto listed.

"Oh, do not start playing with that Eye thing," Mokuba groaned. "Makes me feel like a bartering piece when you do that."

"Why all this interest in Jounouchi?" Seto inquired sharply.

"Oh, only that my darling niisama has taken quite a fancy to the boy, and I feel it's my duty to ensure the happiness of all involved. That, and I ran into Kujaku and Jounouchi about an hour ago," Mokuba added, examining his nails. "They're quite curious about the tournament. Oh, and it sounds like Bakura – both of them – are fascinated by the idea as well. They've been consulting him on finding you a replacement Jounouchi," he added blandly. "Apparently they think Bakura has some amount of knowledge of whorehouses."

Seto bit back a snicker. "That wimp? Granted, he's a very disturbed wimp, but he's still a wimp."

Mokuba shrugged. "It was mostly their idea. They've got quite a party going to try and figure out how to save their ikkle Jounouchi from your grasp."

"He hardly needs saving when I don't want him anyway," Seto said crisply.

"Don't you?" Mokuba asked. "You haven't gotten any in months. You've got a giant tournament coming up in three weeks. The announcements go out next Monday. We still have to get the landscape ready."

"The building's been fully furnished, right?" Seto asked.

"Done and done. I'm going out to check on it Sunday. With my Magnum to keep me company," Mokuba added with a smirk.

"Mokuba..."

"Haaaai, Seto-niisamaaaaa?" Cue the innocent look.

"You're not going to shoot anyone, are you?" Seto slanted his eyes sideways to his younger brother, then looked away quickly, trying to ignore the innocent look.

"Weeeelllll...what if they didn't do as you asked?" Mokuba asked.

"Then push them out the window," Seto retorted.

"That's been done, niisama," Mokuba answered. "By you, no less."

"Okay, push them out the first floor window. And make sure you open the window first," Seto added. "Unless you feel like replacing the window at the last minute."

"Hmm. It has its merits," Mokuba said thoughtfully.

"Seriously. You aren't really going to shoot them?"

"As I recall, you were the one who gave me my Magnum at the tender age of...what was it, nine?" Mokuba added.

"And then you were the one who started threatening to use it on your classmates unless they did as you asked. For four years straight."

"I didn't cheat at chess with a grandmaster to get us adopted into hell!"

"I didn't bribe the other kids into not beating me up with a gun rather than with the Kaiba name!"

"There were no other kids," Mokuba pointed out. "This isn't the point, though."

"I find it entirely pointy."

Mokuba rolled his eyes. "The point is Jounouchi. Are you willing to accept a random blonde pretty-boy rather than the real thing?"

Seto gave this a good amount of thought. "Hmm."

"Hmm?"

"Yes, hmm. How random are we talking?" Seto demanded.

"There will be a screening process, of course," Mokuba said carelessly.

"This is all being kept strictly private," Seto added.

"Of course, niisama," Mokuba said, sitting up and flipping to a new page in the tournament plans. "Now. You need a good de-stressing before the tournament begins."

"You really shouldn't know about this," Seto moaned.

"I know nothing," Mokuba said virtuously. "I merely want to find you some company. Take the boy out to a show or two. You know. Holding hands and the lot."

"Argh. Well, get on with it."

Mokuba smiled to himself vaguely. "Very well. I'll find you some companionship for the next week or so. Everything is more or less done at work until the tournament starts, so I believe I can handle what comes up."

"Does 'handling' fall under the realm of shooting people?" Seto asked.

"Oh, I have no wish to waste my bullets like that," Mokuba said, waving one hand expressively. "Now, if the gun were unloaded and people were under the impression that I did want to waste my bullets on them..."

Seto snorted. "All right, all right. I place myself in your capable, gun-laden hands."

Mokuba hopped off the couch and tapped Seto on the nose. "Now if you'll excuse me, niisama, I have a deck to upgrade."

"Oh, right, those cards you wanted? They're in your arena," Seto replied, poking Mokuba in the stomach. "How long has it been since you've had sleep?"

"I'll go to sleep once I'm done with the preliminary upgrade, I promise," Mokuba said, wincing. He hugged the tournament folder to his torso as a makeshift shield and added, "You could use some sleep yourself, if your nights are going to be as busy as – "

"Mokubaaaa!"

"Meep!" Mokuba tossed the folder aside and bolted from the room. Seto easily overtook the shorter boy and tackled him, sending them both to the floor in a giggling heap.

The door near them opened. "Er," their young, blonde maid said, clutching her robe near her neck. "Is something wrong?"

"No, no," Mokuba gasped, fighting Seto off halfheartedly. "Go back to sleep, Moni."

"Er," Monique repeated, and shut the door.

"I think we scared her," Seto said between bouts of laughter.

"Uh huh," Mokuba agreed. "Gerroff."

"Yeah, yeah." Seto pushed himself to his feet and dragged the black-haired boy up as well. "Don't forget the folder."

"I won't," Mokuba called, going back into the front room. "Good night!"

"It's morning."

"...whatever."

[-]

"Goooood morning."

Mai squinted at the clock. "I think it's still morning."

"Mrr."

Mai sat up and reached for her comb in one motion. She started raking the teeth through her curls, then stopped. "Is that your phone?"

"Buh?" Jounouchi fell off the sofa bed and started scrabbling through his pile of stuff. "Er. Moshi moshi?" Beat. "Bakura-kun! Hello. You what? Oh my god, you know someone who – no, I do not have a yami, thank you very much. No evil twins either. No brothers. I have a sister," he offered. "Were you there for the monkey thing? No, you weren't. Yeah. Did Otogi tell you? Oh. Oh. Uh huh. Um." Jounouchi's eyes narrowed. "Get off the line, dammit!" There was a burst of epithets from the other end. "Oh please, zombie-brains. Yeah, yeah. You're going to turn me into a doll again? Or is it a card this time? Or are you going to suck out my soul for your RPG game that you're actually not controlling? Uh huh. No, I did not!" Jounouchi flushed a rather deep shade of magenta. "Shut it! What, is he making you sleep on the couch?" Snicker. "Ooooh, burn. Bakura-kun, are you listening to this?"

Mai rolled her eyes and decided to grab a shower before things got any more ridiculous.

When she returned, she found Jounouchi eyeing the packets of instant ramen. "Healthfulness is overrated."

"Cheers," Jounouchi replied. "Shower's mine?"

"Indeed," Mai told him. "Are you still arguing with the evil albino freak?"

"Yes, she called you an evil albino freak. Hey, you can't talk to a lady like that!" Jounouchi whined into the phone. "Toss off!"

Mai held her hand out for the phone imperiously, her hair dripping all over the carpet. "Give it here and go take a shower."

"You're just so eager to get me naked. I am suddenly filled with warm fuzzy feelings," Jounouchi mocked as he left the room.

"Masochist," Mai called after him, tossing a wayward slipper in his direction. "Right, let's hear it."

A torrent of heavily accented and rather creative abuse came pouring forth from the phone. Mai quietly went over to her vanity table and started brushing extra conditioner into her hair while she waited for the speaker to wind down. She had finished with her hair, applied all her makeup and lotion, and had begun to contemplate taking out her deck for one last upgrade before the speaker finally shut up with a sort of muffled squeaky noise and a resounding crash.

Mai stared at the phone, then slowly put it back to her ear. "Hello?"

"What the fuck do you want, bitch? You're interrupting a snog session here, dammit!"

Fighting laughter, Mai started tapping her fingers on her vanity table. "Put your omote on the line."

"No. He's busy."

"Doing what?"

"Do you want to know?"

"Shut up, Yami!"

Mai took the phone away from her ear, goggled at it momentarily, then put it back. "Anyone home?"

"Go away!"

Mai rolled her eyes. "Are you going to find us a Jounouchi lookalike or what?"

"You must have missed that bit," Ryou called from the background. "We already have. We just...kind of haven't asked him about the whole idea yet. We're going to ring you when we do."

Raising an eyebrow, Mai continued, "Then why is your foul-mouthed and deranged other half even talking to me, if this whole thing is resolved?"

There was a generally perplexed silence on the other end of the line.

"Men," Mai said expressively, hanging up.

"Yeah, what about us?" Jounouchi inquired, wandering into the room with a towel draped over his head.

"I didn't know anyone could curse like that," Mai replied wonderingly.

"Who, the nutty tomb robber?" Jounouchi rolled his eyes. "Try not to run into him in person too much. He gets even weirder."

"Do not tell me he's going to be at the tournament," Mai complained.

"Uh oh," Jounouchi replied, looking alarmed. "Forgot about that. Oh shit."

"Right then," Mai said briskly. "Let's get our priorities in order. We can hide from any number of scary people in the back room with my disturbing closet monster with the Nair fetish, pack you off to Kaiba-sama's in a taxi, or go elsewhere in search of food. You pick."

"I like food," Jounouchi replied. "The hiding in the closet bit is tempting, though."

"Be a bit crowded, what with the Nair fetish monster, you, me, and the vacuum cleaner," Mai speculated.

"Is this a scary drooly Nair fetish monster?" Jounouchi demanded.

"Probably."

"Eeeeeeewwww."

"Right. You need more clothes?" Mai asked.

Jounouchi glanced at his attire, then shook his head. "I have cash but no change. Used it all up last night."

Mai sorted through the mess on her vanity table and unearthed a handful of change and a couple bills. "Oooh. Didn't know I had this. Right, we're off." She grabbed a pair of shoes from the bin by the door and hopped into them, then clattered downstairs. Jounouchi attempted to put his shoes on as he walked down and nearly wound up braining himself.

"So where are we – oof, sorry," Jounouchi apologized, backing away from the person he'd run into. Then he did a double-take rather than finish the sentence. "What the...?"

The boy he'd nearly run down stared back. He was tall and slender, with a pale, pointed face, big gold eyes, and tousled blonde hair. "Holy..."

Mai whistled. "Dear God."

"Jounouchi-kun!"

All three blondes whirled to behold Ryou tearing along the street towards them. He skidded up to them and surveyed the stranger and Jounouchi for a minute. "I think we did good."

There was a muted gold flare, and a boy who was for all intents and purposes identical to Ryou except for minute differences (the eyes, the teeth, the general evil aura) appeared out of nowhere. "What the fuck is this, invasion of the twins?"

"Shut it for a minute," Ryou retorted, holding up one hand. "Blaze, this is the boy you're replacing in Kaiba-senpai's affections."

"Oooh, so it's you I have to thank?" Blaze said, his eyes widening. He grabbed Jounouchi's hand and hung on for a minute. "I love you. Eternally. Forever."

Jounouchi seemed to be only just restraining from having hysterics. Ryou and Mai were both staring at the spectacle with doom-laden expressions, and Bakura was laughing his ass off.

"Ahem," Ryou finally said, prising the two apart. "Jounouchi-kun, this is...Blaze. We kind of found him a few months ago."

"Where?" Mai asked.

"Er," Ryou spluttered. "Yami! Dammit, stop laughing!"

"We seem to be the only sane ones left," Mai said conspiratorially to him. "Hurrah. This brings back old memories."

"Oh, Lord," Ryou muttered, clapping a hand to his forehead. "I never want to think about Duelist Kingdom again."

"Tournament's in three weeks," Mai told him.

Ryou glared. This was an almost humorous spectacle. "Die."

Bakura perked up. "Someone talking about death?"

Jounouchi and Mai shared a long, panic-stricken look. "We have to go somewhere," Jounouchi invented, shaking Blaze off of his shoulder. "Now. Away. By ourselves. Stay here," he added, pointing at Blaze. "Sit on the step or something. Bye."

As the purple Bug roared away, Blaze said sulkily, "I have the feeling we've been dismissed."

No answer.

"Guys? Hey?" Blaze asked, twisting to look for the remaining two people. "Whoa. Holy mother, you don't see that everyday, and I'm the man-whore. Eeesh. I'll be, uh. Going up there." He gestured a bit for a minute, then dropped his hands. "And you guys couldn't give a damn. Right." Blaze hastily trotted up the driveway to the apartment and sat in the lobby dejectedly. "Well, this is turning into a pisser of a day. Hey, could you at least keep it down?" he yelled over at the pair now thankfully hidden by the topiary garden.

Fluffy: gigglefit Hey, if they talked on the phone, they had to show up. And will summarily go away without ceremony. Enjoy them while they're here.

lilmatchgirl007: Thanks. ;; I'm having fun, so I hope you continue to like it.

ani05tersrvip: They are fun, and so easy to play off each other...

Kitten: blush Thank you!

bloodquartz: I laugh whenever I see Ditzy!Mokuba. He's constant bait, but pretty shrewd.

TaleneIsMyYami: I am now on vacation (until July 7th) and am thus updating like a madwoman. Madthing. Er.

Sailor Epyon: Hmm. Perhaps I should throw in a flashback of just how Blaze was procured and from where.

Lethe Seraph: People ask me why I have random gigglefits whilst typing. I am enjoying myself far too much.

Liviania: Bwahaha. At least you didn't fall onto the linoleum. Gods know how long it's been since it was cleaned.

Duel: FEAR ME! REVIEW!