A few hours later, all four of us girls found ourselves at Mary Anne's parent's farm house. We were all a little buzzed and I knew the moment of truth would be coming soon. I knew they would all want to "share their feelings" before the end of the night. I knew they would all need some kind of closure, so I decided to speed things up a little.
"You guys, I know you're a little bitter about me moving away, and I just wanted to say that I'm sorry about that. I really didn't think about anybody's feelings in advance, and that was really shitty of me. I really am sorry about that."
All three of them looked at me, dumbfounded. Then Claudia broke out in laughter, and soon Mary Anne and Stacy followed.
"God Kristy, you really haven't changed, have you?"
"What? I really am sorry... I know you guys must still be pissed at me."
Stacy snorted.
"Please, Kristy. We all got over that years ago. We were GLAD you got away from your tight ass military-style behavior. Thank God you got away from it!"
"Yeah, Kristy! It's not like the world revolves around you or something," Stacy said.
I looked at them in confusion.
"You mean you don't hold a grudge against me?"
"No way! Is that what you thought all these years? Kristy, it happens. We grew apart. We all moved away, went to school, found jobs and lovers and other interests. It's not like we could have kept the BSC around forever."
Ouch. I knew she was right, but it still hurt. If it were up to me, I probably would have tried to keep the BSC going forever.
"I think the better question here is, are you mad at us for leaving?" Stacy said, staring at me.
"Well, yes. You guys ditched the club. I was bitter." I said.
They all laughed.
"Same old Kristy," Claudia said. "You might look all fancy and know a little more French than you did before, but you're still the same."
I knew she was right. It was something to think about.
Claudia and Stacy drifted off to sleep an hour or two later. I was satisfied with our chat, if not a little disappointed. They were right – even with 10 years of growth behind me, I still pretty much thought the world revolved around me. Leave it to my childhood best friends to bring that to my attention.
I couldn't sleep. I had something on my mind and it didn't feel good. Logan kept entering my thoughts, and I tried to shake it off, but he wouldn't leave!
As if reading my thoughts, Mary Anne whispered, "Kristy, are you awake?"
"Yeah."
"Can we talk?"
"Isn't that what we've been doing all night?"
"You know what I mean!"
"Sure. What's on your mind?"
"Kristy... why didn't you come get me when you found Logan? I still don't understand."
"I don't really know. I just saw a friendly face, you know? Someone who I felt didn't care that I abandoned him and went to France. It was really good to see him."
"Yeah, it was. I really think we can be friends now without all the other stuff that goes along with it."
I knew Mary Anne believed that in her heart, but I also knew that she was wrong. What if I told her we exchanged numbers before she found us outside? What if she knew about the weirdly intense connection that existed between us?
It was too complicated to actually work out; I knew that in my heart. I was going back to France in a few days. And I knew when it really came down to it, I couldn't do that to Mary Anne.
But she didn't have to know ALL the details.
"That's great, sweetie. I'm glad you guys can be friends."
"It looks like you guys were pretty deep in conversation out there," she said quietly.
"We just had a lot of catching up to do! I haven't seen him in so long." I said. I hoped I was convincing enough.
She grabbed my hand and squeezed it.
"It was great seeing you, Kristy. I know France is your home now, but we like to have you around."
I grinned at her, but I didn't think she could see it in the dark. I was just hoping she couldn't tell what I was thinking.
"Let's get some sleep," I said. "We had a long day."
She got back in her sleeping bag and fell asleep after a few minutes. I stayed up, thinking about betrayal and Logan's sexy southern drawl.