Away on Dragon's Wings
Collaborated work by: Skycat and "Me"
Chapter Two
Hakkai trudged through the dirt path, his head hanging slightly downwards as he was lost in thought. Goku walked next to him, he was chatting continuously about something while Hakkai just nodded his head and gave a friendly grin when it felt needed. He was trying to listen to Goku, well, sort of, but the image of water tugged at his mind. Hakkai sighed hoping to release the clinging memory of the dream but it remained, haunting him. And for some reason he found it bothersome that all traces of last nights rain had disappeared into the heat. He almost felt as if he wished it were there, some type of evidence it had existed, something for him to cling to.
"Oi, Hakkai are you even listening?" Goku stepped in front of the hazed Hakkai. He twisted his face into an innocent child upset that their parent wasn't listening to whatever they found oh so important.
"Of course I am!" Hakkai gave an appropriate grin to soothe Goku's worries. "Hey why don't we head back to the inn? It's about time for dinner." Hakkai wanted the promise of food to end the rest of the conversation. He didn't want to talk for now. For some reason all he wanted was to sit and think, somewhere without interruptions. Somewhere that he didn't have to worry about constant begging for food, noisy gunshots, quarreling, or demons attacking. Hakkai felt a sigh rise in his throat and he quickly swallowed it. Now wasn't a good time to think, at least not about what he wanted. He had too much to do: food and supplies to pack, make sure Sanzo doesn't actually kill Gojyo or Goku, make sure Goku and Gojyo don't kill each other, make sure demons don't kill any of them.... Hakkai ran the list over in his mind, reassuring himself he didn't have to think right now, he shouldn't, there was just too much else to deal with for the moment.
His entrance back at the inn was greeted with a cheer from Gojyo. "There he is! Oi, Hakkai! Did ya pick up any cigarettes? I'm completely out." Hakkai plastered a grin on and dug out a pack of Gojyo's brand, Hi-Lites, tossing it to him. Gojyo's mouth thanked him, but his mind was set on opening the pack and lighting up.
"Hakkai! Hakkai!" Hakkai felt the familiar tug on his sleeve. He flashed his quick grin down at Goku's wide, open face. "Yes, yes, Goku. Let's go see about dinner, okay?"
"Yess!"
Sanzo glanced up from his paper and froze. Had that been a look of pain on Hakkai's face just then? A lesser man would have dismissed it as his imagination, but Sanzo made sure not to let such trivial aspects of himself interfere with reality. It was a fleeting slip of Hakkai's interminable smile. Staring unseeing at the bold print in his paper (Man Fallen into Upholstery Machine, Now Fully Recovered) Sanzo found he couldn't brush the sight from his mind.
Sanzo was being unusually quiet, Hakkai found. Chaos rained around their feast laden table while Sanzo sat, seemingly oblivious in the depths of his paper. Must be an interesting article, Hakkai though leaning over to catch a glimpse of the headline. He raised at eyebrow at it but shrugged it off. As long as Sanzo is entertained. Hakkai glanced at Gojyo and Goku, they were arguing over a plate of food. Hakkai slowly reached out to grab a bit of food, hoping not to distract the two from their argument. He was successful and began munching on his bit of food. He leaned back in his chair to watch the fight ensue and wonder how long it would take Sanzo to react.
"That meatball is mine, you stupid monkey boy, now give it here!" Gojyo lashed out trying to grab the food from Goku. Goku however quickly stuffed the food in his mouth then looked at Gojyo innocently, begging him to ask for the meatball again. "You damn monkey!" Gojyo began beating Goku on the head, in some weird hope it would bring back the meatball.
"Ah, Gojyo stop it!" Goku swung his arms upwards to stop Gojyo. Hakkai glanced at Sanzo out of the corner of his eye, still no response from the monk. Hakkai gulped down the last bit of his food. He hoped this didn't mean Sanzo was going to blow up at a random moment.
Sanzo remained oblivious for the next ten minutes until with an almighty crash, Gojyo knocked Goku forward, straight into Sanzo's plate. Sanzo jumped, his gun leveled at Goku's head before he saw who it was. Recovering magnificently, Sanzo growled, "Shut up! You two make so much noise that it's impossible to think!" A lie, but a plausible one. After traveling with them for so long, it became easy to tune the continuous fights out. Eventually.
Hakkai helped clean the mess up, apologizing to the waitress until she had to laugh. The evening wound down, as it always did. Gojyo left to try and find a bed warmer, hopefully woman-shaped, while Goku sprawled out on Sanzo's bed. Sanzo occupied a nearby chair, fitfully trying to finish his paper, while Hakkai tried to read his book. He'd brought several books along on the journey, but was still on the first. He rarely had time to relax like this. Goku snored nearby while the scent of Sanzo's cigarette filled the air. For the first time in a while, Hakkai tried to immerse himself in his book. He opened the book, the old pages giving him a comforting smell. He relaxed back into his chair, found his place and began to read. Or rather he tried to begin reading, but after re-reading the same couple of pages over and not realizing it, Hakkai decided it was impossible. He could concentrate at the moment, he couldn't seem to relax his mind. Hakkai glanced over at Sanzo to see what the priest was up too. Sanzo was still engrossed in his paper. Hakkai could have sworn that Sanzo had to read those same articles a million times for as often as he read the seemingly same paper.
Hakkai sighed and turned back to his book. He attempted to read again. He tried to let Goku's gentle snoring calm his mind enough to concentrate but all that lead him to was wondering if they had enough food to last to the next town. Then his thought lead to if he had enough cigarettes for Sanzo and Gojyo. Which of course lead him to wonder if Gojyo was okay, what he was up to, and if he had found another demon disguised as a woman. That of course meant Gojyo might be in trouble and although Hakkai knew Gojyo could defend himself, that didn't stop the worrying. Listen to me, I sound like their mother! Hakkai laughed inward at the thought.
If I am the mother, his thought continued, then Sanzo has to be the father. Ha! He even reads the newspaper like the stereotypical father in the old books. Hakkai enjoyed the image for a moment. Still, his amused thoughts didn't linger long, drifting away like the intangible mist in the wind.
Sanzo glanced up from the paper, still unsure about whether to mention anything to Hakkai. It wasn't his business, but it was driving him insane! To speak or not to speak, that is the question.
Sanzo finally decided not to speak of Hakkai's strange behavior. It wasn't his business. Standing, he walked over to his bed and dumped Goku unceremoniously out of it. "Get your own bed, monkey." Goku sat up dazed, then glared at Sanzo.
"Hey I was trying to sleep! Why you have to do that!" Goku stood up and rubbed his head.
"Cause its my bed." Sanzo glared down an Goku.
"You weren't using it!"
"I am now. Now go to your own room!"
"Goku," Hakkai put in, unperturbed by the fight. "We're leaving early tomorrow, so try and get to get some sleep."
Goku sighed and dragged himself out of the room. As he walked out the door, he called over his shoulder. "I'd better get a big breakfast tomorrow! I'm already starving!"
Hakkai chuckled softly at Goku's remark. "Always hungry," he mumbled to himself as Goku stomped out of the room. Hakkai turned to Sanzo and with a forced grin and proclaimed, "Well, we better get to bed as well."
Sanzo gave him a studying look. "Yeah," he said quietly, his eyes seemingly glued to Hakkai.
If Hakkai noticed he didn't say, as he slipped into bed. Sanzo snorted, turned off the lights, and tried to sleep.
Hakkai was already up and gone when Sanzo awoke the next morning. That fact wasn't unusual, so he paid it no mind. In fact, he was rather glad that he didn't have to face Hakkai first thing. He had had a dream about Hakkai that disturbed him.
They had been traveling as usual, in his dream, when suddenly the ground beneath Hakaryuu gave way. They fell, yet only Hakkai seemed normal when they fell. He was still speaking as he had in the jeep, as if nothing had changed. Suddenly, they plunged into water. They resurfaced, all but Hakkai, who drowned without even noticing it.
It was a very strange dream.
Hakkai bustled, doing the normal morning chores he had performed every morning in their travels. Check on Goku and Gojyo, order breakfast (that would take several hours to prepare because of the sheer enormity that they ate), check their wares, pack, make sure they have enough food, water, beer, cigarettes, and other paraphernalia that the members of their party needed, hide food in the jeep for Goku, and other such things that would make them ready for traveling as soon as possible.
Hakkai stuffed the last remaining items into the jeep. He was running over his metal checklist when Gojyo and Goku sauntered out of the inn. Both of their eyes were glazed with sleep as they practically leaned on one another as they made their way to the jeep. Sanzo came out a little while later, looking annoyed at the early morning hour. Hakkai grinned at them all trying to lighten their moods.
Gojyo climbed into the backseat, Sanzo took his respective place, Goku on the other hand had fallen asleep. Hakkai went over and gently woke him up and placed him into the backseat next to Gojyo. Hakkai sighed and made his way to the driver's seat. "Smells likes its going to rain," Sanzo said absentmindedly.
Hakkai sniffed the air. "No. That's just the residue from this morning. It rained for about an hour."
Sanzo shot Hakkai a look. "Did it?"
Hakkai laughed lightly. "I guess everyone was so tired that they didn't even notice."
"You did, of course."
"Ah, well. I guess I have pretty good hearing."
"Che. Everything packed?"
Hakkai ran through the result of his mental check-list. "There is one last bag. I'll be right back."
Sanzo studied Hakkai as he left. The monk took out a cigarette, he tapped it against his lighter, thinking as he recalled his dream. Recalling Hakkai slowly retreating into the sea, not even noticing, or not even caring.
"I'm back, ready to go?" Hakkai grinned, held the bag up as proof and looked for a response. He received a unified mumbled "yes". Hakkai climbed into the driver's seat and started off, direction: straight west, as always.
"It's been raining a lot more," Sanzo commented, after taking a long drawl of his cigarette.
"Yea, I guess so," Hakkai responded.
"Wonder if that means spring is here." Sanzo cast a glance at Hakkai, waiting for a response.
Hakkai nodded, then his eyes widened and he remember. Spring, that was when...that was when......
"Oi, I'm hungry. Hakkai where did you hide the food?"
Sanzo scowled as the easily distracted Hakkai turned his attention of Goku, spoiling the stupid monkey horribly. Then again, Hakkai spoiled them all horribly, almost always giving in to their demands of food, cigarettes, alcohol, and the like. Still, was it him, or was Hakkai's usual smile more brittle this morning?
It started raining halfway through the day as they caught up to the mild storm that graced their Inn earlier. The rain wasn't that bad, so they continued driving through it, covering themselves and their supplies in water-proof coats.
Sanzo glared at his water-proof coat. He hated the damn thing, it was damn uncomfortable, damn annoying, and the damn blinding yellow looked horrid on him! He shifted in the stiff coat, biting on the edge of his cigarette, the rain wouldn't let him light the damn thing.
"If you pull your hood up you can light your cigarette." Hakkai informed the pouting priest warmly.
Sanzo glared at Hakkai and mumbled something about stupid, damn hoods. His cigarette was ruined anyway. He flicked the useless thing out of the jeep.
"Well well. What do ya know? The monk is littering!" Gojyo's grating voice arose from the back. Sanzo scowled.
"Idiot. Tobacco is a plant. So it's not littering."
"Uh huh," Gojyo, obviously not believing him, smirked.
"Oi, Sanzo? Tobacco is a plant? Can I eat it?"
"Stupid monkey," Gojyo mumbled from the corner of his mouth.
"'Fraid not Goku," Hakkai replied gently. "I'm sure you could try, but I doubt it would be any good."
"Too bad he can't eat the things. Then our supplies might actually last a bit longer." Gojyo said, glaring down at Goku.
"Yeah, but then he'd be eating all our cigarettes," Sanzo said.
Gojyo's eyebrow twitched as Goku sniffed one of Gojyo's cigarettes thoughtfully. "Don't even think about it, monkey!"
"Aw com'on! Just a taste?"
"Goku, there are some canned peaches under Gojyo's pack. You shouldn't try eating cigarettes. It's not healthy," Hakkai said smoothly.
Goku continued to eye the cigarettes. "Come on, can't I just try it? Why is it so bad anyway?" Goku cocked his head to look innocently at Hakkai.
Hakkai hesitated for a moment. "Well...."
"Just eat the peaches, you damn monkey!" Gojyo shouted and slammed his fist into Goku's head. "And stop crowding my space!"
Goku glared up at Gojyo. "Damn water-sprite! I just wanted to know, geez!"
Hakkai raised a finger knowingly. "Ah, but if it's not healthy to smoke cigarettes, then it is certainly worse to eat them."
Goku stared blankly for a moment. "It's...not healthy to smoke them?"
"Oh great. Thanks a lot, Hakkai," Sanzo groaned, knowing what was coming.
"If it's so bad then why do you guys smoke them? You should stop if it's so bad for you!" Goku exclaimed. Leaning forward, he swung his head around to stare at Sanzo's brooding profile.
"Don't even think of touching my cigarettes, monkey," Sanzo growled.
"But Sanzo, Hakkai said they're bad for you!" Goku pleaded with Sanzo. "They could.......they could....." Goku looked towards Hakkai. "What could they do?"
"Well, they-"
"Spare us the lecture." Sanzo said irritated. "I don't care and I doubt a damn cigarette will kill me when I've got worse troubles." Sanzo turned to glare at Goku. "Now sit down and be quiet, dammit!"
Goku slumped back into his seat, still troubled by the cigarettes.
Meanwhile Gojyo murmured to himself, "Gee, nice to know you guys care about my health!"
They managed to make it to the inn before nightfall. Gojyo and Goku were busy eating all the food the Inn had to offer. Hakkai, Gojyo noted between frequent bounds of chopstick battles with Goku, was being unusually quiet. He had a peculiar look on his face, one familiar to Gojyo, but out of place. Hakkai was wearing his usual mild grin but it had a slightly fixed look; the one he usually associated with when it was raining.
Hakkai was off in his own usual world, he realized, when Sanzo cracked his fan across both Gojyo's and Goku's head and Hakkai missed his usual cue of laughter and apologies to nearby tables for disturbing them. Perhaps he should forgo his plans of girl hunting to see what was up with his best friend?
Gojyo frowned and began to think. Girls, so many babes, one less night near monkey boy, Gojyo thought, weighing his decision. Then there's Hakkai. Not a babe, and waay to near monkey boy. Then again maybe..... "Hey Hakkai, think I could room with you tonight, I can't stand this twerp another night!" Gojyo tried best to sound desperate and on the edge of sanity, not that far of a leap in the circumstances.
"Um, sure, but I think we all have our own rooms tonight. So it shouldn't be a problem." Hakkai's voice sounded less cheerful, and it was obvious when he tried to make up for it by grinning wider. "Well, anyway, I think I'll head to my room. Goodnight everyone."
He had his own room?! That's perfect for babes....wait. Dammit, he'd decided to see what was up with Hakkai. Snagging the last egg roll, Gojyo stood and made a face at Goku as he headed after Hakkai.
The room was dark when Gojyo pushed open the door. Hakkai sat in the small window seat, oblivious to Gojyo's entry. A small smile graced his lips, residue of weeks and months of grinning nonstop. Yet, his eyes, Hakkai's eyes were dull and empty. Gojyo flinched when he saw his expression. He'd seen it before, but never on Hakkai's face. It was the eyes that Sanzo wore when it was raining. Gojyo glanced out the window, the sky was clear, with no hint of rain. Hakkai never reacted to the rain the same as Sanzo. Sanzo withdrew from any and all worldly contact, including food, while Hakkai tried to carry on with a smile so brittle that it would cut you if it broke. Gojyo was glad he'd chosen to see his friend. Something was very wrong. "Oi, Hakkai?"
Hakkai jumped, turning wide, surprised eyes on him. "Gojyo! You scared me. Is there something the matter?"
"That's my line, man. You look like you have Chin Issou standing on your head or something. You okay?"
Hakkai's lips curled in a fragile attempt at a smile, but Gojyo cut him off. "Stop that. I don't say anything usually because it seems to help you, but don't pretend that there's nothing wrong by smiling stupidly at me."
"I don't understand," Hakkai said.
Gojyo sighed and raked a hand through his hair. "What's wrong?"
"I..."
"And don't say everything's fine, 'cause I know that ain't the case."
Hakkai dropped his gaze. He stared at his hands laying folded in his lap. Those hands. Those hands that killed so many, yet were completely unable to save the one they did it for. I love your hands.
Hakkai jerked his eyes up, but they refused to meet Gojyo's crimson gaze. Gojyo waited patiently while Hakkai tried to gather his thoughts. "I checked a calendar when we arrived here," he began. He couldn't help it, he smiled bitterly. "Tomorrow... is the anniversary of Kanan's death."
Gojyo felt as though he had just be slapped. Of all the things he'd expected, this wasn't anywhere close. "Shit, Hakkai," he breathed.
Hakkai finally met his gaze. "I'll be fine, Gojyo. I just need some time to think, if that is alright with you."
"Of course it's all right. I...You know, I'll be next door if you need anything. Anything, man. If there is something I can do, I'll do it..."
Hakkai smiled faintly. It was sad how tiny it was. "Thank you, Gojyo."
Of course he'd thank me for something like this, Gojyo thought as he left the room, shutting the door quietly behind.
Hakkai looked back down to his hands lost in painful memories. He began to trace his forefinger down the lines in his left hand. He gave another weak smile, hoping it would make the memories more enjoyable. "I love your hands," the echoing voice returned. Hakkai felt fingers trace over his hand and the echoing words came again "I love your hands." Hakkai's eyes automatically squeezed shut, trying to hold it in, trying to compose himself into what he was supposed to be. He was calm, cool, and collected, not breaking down, not lonely, not lost. A raspy sigh escaped from his lips attempting to ease the raw wound. "Four years is a long time. I shouldn't feel…..it shouldn't be this sharp. What ever happened to 'time heals all wounds'?" He slowly opened his eyes and focused on the room: a bed, table, and chair. Hakkai felt a chill creep into his bones, the loneliness of the room seeping into him. Hakkai quickly shifted to look outside the window. He placed his head on the cool window. His green eyes searched for something to occupy his mind. There was nothing but empty streets, a crescent moon, and a few dull stars to help. Another sigh escaped him and he returned to tracing the lines on his hands and playing the memories of Kanan in his mind.
Gojyo still stood at Hakkai's door, wresting with what to do next. Tell Sanzo seemed like a good idea, but he had a feeling the monk already knew. He couldn't go back in there, he didn't know what he was supposed to say now. "This is just too damn awkward!" he mumbled. "Maybe I should just go talk to the monk anyway." Gojyo walked a few doors down and knocked strongly on the door. "Hey monk, you in there?" No response. Gojyo pounded the door again, just to make sure. "Sanzo?" Again no response, so Gojyo decided he must still be downstairs. "Damn monk, never there when I need ya." Gojyo rushed down the stairs, anxious to get another awkward situation over with. But Sanzo wasn't downstairs either, in fact, even Goku didn't know where he was, for Sanzo told him he was going to bed. Gojyo sighed and decide to give up. What was the point anyway? So it was off to booze, babes, and card games.
He was halfway out the door when a thought floated back to him. What if Hakkai went to talk to him and he wasn't there? Or, even worse, what if Goku tried to interrupt Hakkai's "alone" time? That decided him. Gojyo would stay and keep an eye on the monkey.