Away on Dragon's Wings

Collaborated work by: Skycat and "Me"

Chapter Three

Hakkai awoke the next morning feeling like shit. He had fallen asleep in the window, so his back and neck felt like one big cramp. He was also hungry, not having eaten since the morning before, and depressed. All in all, he felt like he had cause to be rather cranky. But no cranky-ness allowed for Hakkai. He still had a job to do. The dawn's early light was just spilling over the countryside when Hakkai finished tying up the last bundle. He stretched carefully, grimacing as his back protested loudly against the movement. He sighed softly. The others would be awake soon. It was time to start the day. Hakkai took a shaky breath and stepped out to face the world.

Or the scowling face of a certain blonde monk, as it turned out. Hakkai, his hand still resting on the door-knob, stared curiously at Sanzo. "Yes?"

Sanzo's scowl darkened. "Only making sure you are awake. Come on. I want to get an early start."

"Right. I've ordered breakfast..."

"Goku and Gojyo's finished it already."

"Oh?" Hakkai hid a wince. He still hadn't eaten. Not that he'd tell the others. They had enough to worry about without Hakkai grousing about a few lost meals. Grabbing the last bag, he grinned at Sanzo. Sanzo snorted and walked away, clearly expected Hakkai to follow. Hakkai did, wondering when would be the next chance he'd get to eat. If they had the opportunity for lunch, which was rare, however, if not, then he'd have to wait until that evening. If Hakkai ate in the jeep then Goku would be all over him trying to get some food. Sanzo wouldn't appreciate that. Hakkai hated doing anything that made his friends upset.

"Let's go," Sanzo said. Hakkai slipped quietly into the driver's seat and braced himself for the rest of the day.

The hunger seemed to be eating his stomach, but there was nothing he could do. Hakkai only hoped that Gojyo and Goku's arguing would cover the occasional sound of his empty stomach. Hakkai's hands gripped the steering wheel tight, a reflex from being so light-headed. What he wouldn't give for a single crumb right now, anything to take the sharpness out of the hunger. And to join in on his horrid day, a migraine headache had surfaced and now threatened to burn his eyes out. Hakkai felt so horrible that stopping this jeep and throwing everyone out and pouting seemed like a very wonderful, very pleasant idea, but he couldn't and wouldn't. There would be no point, the pain would still be there, but at least their noises wouldn't aggravate his head, and the slight smell of food wouldn't taunt his lips. Hakkai began let out a huge sigh, but stopped himself, after his talk with Gojyo he didn't want to give any slight hints that something was wrong.

Of course, when your friend is a monk who notices everything and anything, even breathing deep is too much of a hint. "Something still bothering you?" Sanzo turned to look towards Hakkai but threw a backward glance at the two in the back. He didn't want an intrusion.

Hakkai blanched. Caught. In an attempt to cover-up, Hakkai laughed easily, casting a side-long glance at Sanzo. "Just a touch of a headache. It must be the heat," he said dismissively. Sanzo scowled and spun around to catch Goku and Gojyo's heads with the back of his fan. "Now you see?! You're so loud you're even giving Hakkai a headache!"

The sudden silence unnerved him. Gojyo placed his hand on his shoulder. "Hakkai?"

Hakkai flashed him a reassuring grin. "I'm fine, Gojyo. Don't worry." Sanzo watched as Gojyo's expression didn't change as he leaned back. Goku opened his mouth. "Oi? Hakkai? Hakkai? You alright? Does your head hurt? Hey?"

Hakkai winced inwardly. That was the reason he shouldn't have said anything. Now he had them worried. He tried to think quickly around the blinding pain in his head. "Just a little, Goku. Don't worry. It's probably from all this heat."

"I didn't see you at breakfast this morning. Did you get anything to eat?" Gojyo asked suddenly.

Hakkai froze. "Uhh."

"Shit, Hakkai," Gojyo spat. Rummaging around in a bag, he produced an apple that he handed over to Hakkai, who gave him a weak grin and took it. After living with the man for nearly three years, Gojyo had picked up on Hakkai's little habits. Like, not telling people he hadn't eaten. The last time it happened, Gojyo's luck had been low and Hakkai failed to mention there being little food in the house. Hakkai had nearly passed out for going for four days without a proper meal.

"Hey? Gojyo? Give me an apple, will ya?"

Gojyo ignored Goku and quickly gave Hakkai the apple along with a huge scowl. "Your going to make yourself sick if you don't eat."

Hakkai gingerly took the apple. He grinned slightly at Gojyo's concern, trying to keep the situation light. "Ah, don't worry about it. I wasn't that hungry anyway."

Gojyo frowned, not believing the response, but he let it go and slid back into his seat.

"Hey Gojyo, what about my apple? You know I can get sick too!"

Gojyo glared down at Goku, his eyebrow twitching. "Are you kidding?..." Then the fighting ensued and Hakkai turned back around, his grin placed back on his face. Everything settled to the way it always did. Sanzo, however, watched Hakkai out of the corner of his eyes for the rest of the day. Sanzo didn't like Hakkai's uneasy behavior, it was worse than usual. Something's tormenting him, something that almost has to be more than the usual.

"Come on! The least you could do is give me something to eat! I'm starving over here!"

"Why should I? You eat all of our food anyway! You can wait until lunch!"

"Hakkai!"

"Don't you go running to Hakkai, you stupid no-brain monkey!"

"Don't call me a monkey, you perverted cockroach! Ya starting something?!"

A vein in Sanzo's forehead throbbed in rhythm to the voices raised behind him.

"Maybe I am! Do ya wanna do something about it?! Midget monkey! Chibi chimp!"

A second knot appeared next to the first as Sanzo tried in vain to ignore them.

Goku turned to Hakkai. "Pull over, man! I'm taking him out!"

"Now, now, Goku," Hakkai said in an amused voice.

"Ha! You couldn't beat me if you tried, stupid monkey!"

"SHUT UP!" Sanzo's Japanese fan whipped across Goku and Gojyo's heads. "Be quiet or you're full of lead!" The pair glared dubiously at Sanzo's twitching trigger finger and subsided for the time being.

The morning passed without further incident. Gojyo and Goku passed the time playing cards and bickering. Sanzo brought out his infamous fan several times while wondering how Hakkai managed to take their annoying fights in stride. Hakkai laughed weakly, trying his best to ignore the black depression hovering on the edge of his mind. The country-side rolled by as they headed unerringly West. There wasn't time to falter, to get distracted. They all had painful memories. It would be selfish of Hakkai to allow his to overcome his exhausted mind.

Again they repeated their routine, all four gathered at an inn, Hakkai and Sanzo upstairs in the room and Goku and Gojyo remained fighting over the last bits of food. Sanzo sat reading his paper and Hakkai shifted through his book. Hakkai tried to concentrate on the words but there was an uneasy feeling settling in his stomach. Something was horribly, strangely wrong, but Hakkai didn't know what. Perhaps it was the odd feeling that had sunken into the room. An uncomfortable feeling, one that warned against any sudden movements or loud noises. Hakkai glanced over at Sanzo, but the monk seemed to only be his usual, irate self. Hakkai shook his head trying to clear himself of that feeling.

Goku soon burst into the room, a big grin on his face and a bruise on his cheek, indicating he'd won the last of the food. "Hey, Sanzo!" Goku plopped down next to the monk, starving for attention.
Hakkai gave up on his book, closing it carefully. He stood, giving Goku and Sanzo a brief grin and slipped quietly out of the room. A long, hot bath would be just the thing right now.

He sank into the all encompassing heat with a soft sigh. The warmth lapped at his chest as he shut his eyes against the moisture hung air. The room was silent, minus the soft splashing against the tub sides.

Hakkai felt himself drifting off to sleep, the warmth of his bath was so soothing and relaxing. He enjoyed the rare silence it provided. Just listening to nothing eased his soul. There was nothing he need to concentrate on, nothing that needed his attention, nothing but air running by his ears and the slight splashing of the water that called him to focus. Hakkai smiled in his comfort. Finally a moment of complete peace, no screaming, yelling, and fighting, no sideways glances from Sanzo, none of Gojyo's worries, nothing to remind him of his life, of himself. Hakkai fell into a slight nonexistence, finally a life with no responsibilities or past.

Rain poured down in torrents, striking the hallowed halls like an incessant drum. Hundreds of nameless faces, each one uglier, more disgusting than the last passed through his red-stained vision. So many faces, each unimportant, each monster an obstacle in his path, expendable. They fell in rivers. Their bodies hitting the ground in rapid succession, echoing the terrible rhythm beating at the walls and ceiling. No one survived, each falling into the turbulent flow of blood that swept along in his wake. A whirling pool, dragging him down deeper into the pit until he reached a plateau deep within the bowels on the castle. The only dry area, free of taint, a shining light that freed him of the chains that dragged him into Hell's jaws. A brief light submerged by a sudden surge and extinguished, leaving him alone in the dark, drowning in a sea of blood. Somebody kill me.

Hakkai jerked awake to his own spluttering, he spit out the now cold bath water, feeling completely frozen. How long have I been here? Hakkai quickly dressed and drained the water. He opened door quietly, knowing only that it was sometime into the night and he did not wish to disturb anybody. He tiptoed back to his room and slid underneath his covers. Hakkai sighed gently and closed his eyes to sleep now accompanied by snoring, and a strange wheezing noise Gojyo was producing.

He lay for a moment, unable to place what seemed amiss in the room. It was the fourth familiar stream of relaxed air. Sanzo wasn't asleep. Hakkai rolled over and spied the empty bed, laid neatly as if to mock him by it's occupant's absence. The soft noises of the other two people failed to relax him, his mind exhausted but unable to rest. Sanzo was probably out having a smoke or something, no reason to be worried. It wasn't as if he were…missing. He just wasn't there. Finally, he sighed and sat up. He wasn't going to sleep anytime soon.

Moving to curl up in the window seat, Hakkai stared down at the empty road. Well, Sanzo could take care of himself, he wouldn't appreciate Hakkai disturbing him. Dull, green eyes watched the passage of dark clouds over the brilliantly hung moon, it's light falling though Hakkai's window. Silver light caressed his skin, his monocle reflecting the light, seeming to glow. It was four years ago at this time that Gonou had breached Hyakugan Maoh's castle, armed only with a dagger and an iron-cold determination.

The soft click on the door being shut pulled him out of his musings. Hakkai turned to find Sanzo standing by the door, his robes hanging loosely about his waist, his black undershirt hugging his skin. A cigarette lay, already lit in his hand. Piercing, violet eyes pinned him to his seat. "Good evening, Sanzo," Hakkai said, trying to hide his relief at seeing the monk. The man didn't move, glaring at him as if he had personally affronted him. "Is something wrong?"

"That's my line," Sanzo shot back, his voice low in order not to wake the other two. Hakkai stared blankly back. Sanzo's soft footsteps brought him stand a few feet away from Hakkai and leaned against a wall. "I don't know why you are acting so strange, and I don't care," Sanzo said, his eyes shut as he pulled on his cigarette. "Just don't let it distract you from our journey."

Hakkai pulled his face into a semblance of his usual grin, it looking almost pained. "Subtle as always, Sanzo."

Sanzo breathed out a stream of smoke, stubbing the dog-end against the wall. Hakkai watched as Sanzo pulled back his blanket preparing to get into bed. "Oi."

Hakkai blinked. "Yes?"

Sanzo stood with his back to him, his head bowed slightly as he spoke. "You know that if you have unfinished business elsewhere you can leave. There is no real reason for you to remain if you don't wish it…" He trailed off. They stood silently for a long moment, the only noise the occasional snore from Goku. Sanzo stared at his bed, waiting for a response, any response from Hakkai. None came. Finally, he snorted and climbed into bed.

Hakkai didn't know what to say. What other business would he have? And besides, he wanted to be there. To be with them and support them. Just as he loved to support Kanan… But, "no real reason"? Did Sanzo think Hakkai wasn't needed? Did Hakkai over think his role as caretaker, when in reality he was only…baggage? Is that what Sanzo said?

Hakkai shut his eyes and took a deep breath. He needed to go for a walk. He stood. Hakaryuu cooed softly, its long white neck arched to peer at him. Walking over, he ran a hand along the white fridge along it's neck. "Stay here, Hakaryuu." The small dragon cooed again, its tiny red eyes staring up at him in concern. Hakkai couldn't even manage a small smile for the creature. "Don't worry. I'll be alright." Dark depression threatened to grasp hold of his mind. Hakkai pulled away and shut the door carefully behind him, unaware of a pair of purple eyes watching with some foreign emotion faint within their depths.

The wooden stairs creaked slightly as he made his way down. He didn't try to keep quiet. Hakkai kept his eyes focused on the ground. It was easier to think with fewer distractions. He cast an empty glance outside, searching for some guidance from

the night. Finding none he decided to let his feet guide him, take him anywhere.

Hakkai traced over the last few moments in his mind. "There is no real reason for you to remain if you don't wish it…" Sanzo's words haunted his thoughts. No real reason, huh? What was the reason he came in the first place? Hakkai halted as he

felt a light mist in the air. Because it was expected of him. He was asked and he came. The mist began to form into light droplets of water, running down his neck and through his hair. I've done as I was asked but… was it really necessary? Should I even…

Hakkai shook his head in confusion. Too much raced through his mind. The anxiety and pain that was plaguing him seemed relentless. Hakkai thought back, remembering Sanzo's appearance. He seemed angry or upset. Perhaps annoyed was the best word.

Should he even be here? He shouldn't if he was just getting in the way. If he strayed too lost in these thoughts than…its not really worth him being there, is it? Perhaps Sanzo was right, there is no real reason for him to be here. Hakkai stopped and looked up. There was little moonlight left; storm clouds had stolen most of it. Hakkai squinted his eyes to examine his surroundings.

"Where am I?" Hakkai frowned and tried to gain his bearings by studying the empty streets. Nothing looked familiar, Hakkai shrugged it off. He continued to walk hoping to come across something to guide him. I could just leave. Just walk away from it, collect myself, stop these thoughts. Hakkai halted, the rain grew heavier pelting him strongly. Why don't I? These thoughts, these memories they controlled him too much. They were stealing his life. They seem to own it now. Hakkai sighed and leaned his head back, wanting to feel the rain on his face. Everyone kept asking him what is wrong. I am becoming a problem, a burden.

Perhaps, it would be better….and if they didn't really need him. If he was only along for the ride, maybe he should just walk away for a while. Why should I stay? Hakkai opened his eyes to stare back at the rain. Why don't I leave? The image of an annoyed Sanzo standing over Gojyo's body, full of holes while Goku sat gripping his stomach in starvation passed trough his plagued mind.

He smiled gently, Ah, that's why. 'Cause they still need me. They still need me to protect them, and them I can protect. Hakkai brought his face down and looked back down his path. He was ready to return. Everything felt clearer. A shadow slipped out from aside him. Purple eyes caught his green, water streaming down long talons. Hakkai stiffened as the creature gave him a menacing grin before the world vanished into darkness.

End of Part One

Notes:

Skycat: Oh my god! Look! We actually finished the first part!

Me: ::blinks:: Is it real? Is it finally over? Months of grueling over numerous e-mails all over?

Skycat: "Me"? That's your alias? snigger Well, it was only...what...four months worth of email? Now, we can start the NEXT part! Here comes the fun bit! I know you're looking forward to it!

Me: Hey, its 2am and I'm on a massive sugar high! I can barely sit still long enough to write this! Next part? You're writing all of that right?

Skycat: Whaaat?! You're going to make me do it by myself! You know it'll die if you leave me! Noo, "Me"! Heeelp! Okay, so, I'm kinda hyper too. But we're supposed to be talking to our audience! Hi! Thank you for reading this! We spent a lot of time on it.

Me: Oh, yes the audience.......Thanx for reading & hope you enjoyed it. Sorry if the next bit takes a while...

Skycat: It'll be out eventually. "Me" is leaving and school is starting soon, so I'm not sure how this arrangement will work. Hopefully, since we're working by email, it won't cause much problems. We'll do all we can to finish this fic. It'll take a few months, though...

Me: I'll do anything that helps me procrastinate. This is any awfully long authors' note.......

Skycat: I've seen longer, but we probably ought to wrap it up. Okay, everyone, this is Skycat and my co-writer and lazy-butt friend...

Me: Hey! I may be lazy but you are just as lazy!

Skycat: Nuh-uh! I got myself a JOB! Well, two if you count selling my Kitties. You just lay about the house watching LOR and fighting over the computer...and avoiding me when I get the new Saiyuki.

Me: I went to New Zealand and Australia! And last night I went and saw a movie with a friend I hadn't seen all summer! She finally got back from her numerous crazy adventures so we had to do something since she's leaving again in a few days!

Skycat: Blahblah. .

Me: oooooooo! You can be sooooooo mean!

Skycat: I know. It's fun. But we've gotten off track again. We should try and not make into another of our continuous emails, you know.

Me: I like continuous emails, they're fun. But true, this needs to stop. So Goodbye for now.

Skycat: Goodbye, and do review, they will help fuel the speed that which we continue. Besides, "Me" has never gotten any reviews. So, boost her ego, believe me, she needs it. Ja ne!

Me: sticks tongue out at Skycat Bye bye!