Amy woke up late on Saturday morning feeling anything but rested. She
pulled on a pair of denim shorts and a wrinkled Capeside High T-shirt and
went downstairs to the kitchen. Jack came in as she was pouring herself a
cup of coffee.
"You look rough," he said.
"Thanks." She winced as she took her first sip of the bitter liquid. "Doug's coffee is too strong."
"Don't drink it," Jack said agreeably enough. He cleared his throat. "You know, we weren't finished talking last night."
"Dad, please don't. It's too early."
"It's almost noon."
"I just woke up."
"Too bad." He held his arm out, motioning for her to follow him. Sighing, she took her bitter coffee and let him guide her out onto the front porch. The sun was bright and scorching, reminding her of how soon school would be out for the summer. Every summer she could remember was inseparably intertwined with Andy. Every one.
Jack sat down on the porch swing and patted the seat next to him, but she shook her head and flopped down on the top step instead, facing her dad across the length of the porch. The sun-warmed stone burned against her thighs.
"Doug talked to Johnson this morning," Jack began conversationally. "Seems you left out a few details about your little adventure last night."
"Like what?"
"Like the fact that Ben failed a breathalyzer. As did you. Ring a bell?"
"I told you he'd been drinking. I didn't lie."
"A lie by omission is still a lie."
"Says who?"
"Says me. Want to drop the attitude, please? I'm trying to make this as painless as possible. I don't want to fight with you, Amy. This isn't fun for me, despite what you seem to think."
Amy put down her coffee cup. It was too hot for coffee. She looked at her dad steadily. "What do you want me to do?" she asked, making her tone as neutral as possible. "I'm not being a smartass, I really don't know. Do you want me to apologize? Fine. I'm sorry, Dad. I really am sorry. I wish last night hadn't happened. But I can't undo what's already done."
"You're right. And what if Ben had done more than just rear-end a cop last night? What if he had wrapped his car around a tree and killed both of you, or some innocent bystander? You couldn't undo that. The point is, Amy, that you have to think about the consequences of your actions. BEFORE things like that happen. You're old enough to do that now. You're smart enough. So all we're left to think is that you just don't care. And that's unacceptable to me."
"It's not that easy, Dad! Who thinks about every possible outcome of every situation they encounter every day? That's not logical. You can't expect that of me."
"I can expect you to not get in the car with someone who's obviously drunk. I mean, damn it, Amy, you've got a laundry list of people you can call to come and pick you up in situations like that. There's just no excuse."
"There were more important things on my mind at the time," Amy said quietly. "Things you don't even know about."
"Well, by all means, enlighten me."
She shot him an incredulous look.
Jack leaned forward in the swing with his elbows on his knees, his expression serious. "It's up to you Amy. I can't force you to tell me anything, but when you leave me in the dark like this I can't give you the benefit of the doubt. I have to assume things based on what I do know, and that doesn't cast you or your buddy Ben in the greatest light. And it makes it damn hard for anyone to trust you."
"You used to trust me."
"You used to tell me what was going on in your life. You used to not look me in the face and lie to me on a regular basis."
"You used to understand me."
Jack closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened them again, she was still looking at him, challenging him to respond. He braced himself for the outburst that was sure to come when he said what he had to say next. "Doug and I...we don't want you seeing him anymore."
Amy pierced him with a look that could have drawn blood, but she refrained from answering right away. She was determined not to let the confrontation dissolve into an all-out shouting match. She had lost many a fight that way, by letting her temper get the best of her. And this was too important to mess around with.
Finally, she responded. "That's not your decision to make," she said calmly, forcing herself to look him directly in the eyes. "I'm sorry, but it's just not. Ben is one of my best friends, and...he's actually more than that. I can't cut him out of my life just because you're paranoid."
"Amy, this isn't a request." Jack suddenly sounded very worn out. "You don't have any bargaining power here. If I have to, I'll talk to Ben myself."
She stared at him, wide-eyed, losing the battle to restrain her temper. "You're kidding, right? You must be kidding, because my dad is not this tyrannical. Did Doug finally get to you? Are you going to become the kind of overbearing control freak that he is? Because if that's the case, I'll pack my bags right now. I can't live with two dictators! Daddy, please! This is crazy. You can't weed out my friends."
Jack stood up and started toward the door, rubbing his temple with one hand to soothe the headache that had suddenly sprung up. "The case is closed," he said quietly but firmly.
The screen door banged shut behind him. Amy stayed where she was, stunned, her heart beating very fast. Surely they didn't intend to enforce this. Surely they COULDN'T enforce it. She thought of Ben, of lying in the sand and kissing him under the stars...of his strong embrace and his deep green eyes that seemed to be able to look right into her heart. She had missed her chance to be with him before; she wouldn't let anyone get in the way this time.
"What was that about?"
Startled, Amy looked up to see Andrew standing at the bottom of the porch steps, his hands in his pockets, his blond hair blowing slightly in the breeze. She was so surprised that she forgot her anger for a moment.
"Hi," she said. "I tried to call you fifty times last night."
"Yeah, I turned in early. I was tired."
"You're lying."
He smiled slightly. "Yes."
"You were too mad to talk to me?"
"I wouldn't say that. I was glad to see you'd made it home safe. Your dad called me when you didn't show up by curfew."
"I'm sorry he did that. I didn't want you to worry."
"I knew you were with Ben."
Amy couldn't quite make herself meet his eyes. "Did that make you worry less?"
"More," he admitted. He came up the steps and sat down next to her. "Listen, Aim, I did a lot of thinking last night. I've been a jerk. You've given me no reason not to trust you; I know Ben is just a friend, and I should be more secure in our relationship than I've shown you lately." He reached for her hand and held it as she stared at him helplessly, a growing anxiety in the pit of her stomach. She wanted him to stop, but she was speechless as he continued. "Seeing you with him...it just brings back stuff I'd rather forget, you know? It was so hard for me when I thought I'd lost you for good last year. Unbelievably hard. I guess I'm just having trouble laying it to rest now. But I promise you I'll try. It's my problem, not yours, and I'm not going to let my stupid insecurities get in the way of what we have."
"Andy..." Amy's voice broke.
"I love you, Aim."
Feeling as if she were on the verge of tears, Amy pulled her hand out of Andy's. "I love you too," she said mechanically. "I--I've got to go; I'll talk to you later."
"Amy?" She didn't respond, and he just sat there and watched as she stood up and disappeared inside the house.
"You look rough," he said.
"Thanks." She winced as she took her first sip of the bitter liquid. "Doug's coffee is too strong."
"Don't drink it," Jack said agreeably enough. He cleared his throat. "You know, we weren't finished talking last night."
"Dad, please don't. It's too early."
"It's almost noon."
"I just woke up."
"Too bad." He held his arm out, motioning for her to follow him. Sighing, she took her bitter coffee and let him guide her out onto the front porch. The sun was bright and scorching, reminding her of how soon school would be out for the summer. Every summer she could remember was inseparably intertwined with Andy. Every one.
Jack sat down on the porch swing and patted the seat next to him, but she shook her head and flopped down on the top step instead, facing her dad across the length of the porch. The sun-warmed stone burned against her thighs.
"Doug talked to Johnson this morning," Jack began conversationally. "Seems you left out a few details about your little adventure last night."
"Like what?"
"Like the fact that Ben failed a breathalyzer. As did you. Ring a bell?"
"I told you he'd been drinking. I didn't lie."
"A lie by omission is still a lie."
"Says who?"
"Says me. Want to drop the attitude, please? I'm trying to make this as painless as possible. I don't want to fight with you, Amy. This isn't fun for me, despite what you seem to think."
Amy put down her coffee cup. It was too hot for coffee. She looked at her dad steadily. "What do you want me to do?" she asked, making her tone as neutral as possible. "I'm not being a smartass, I really don't know. Do you want me to apologize? Fine. I'm sorry, Dad. I really am sorry. I wish last night hadn't happened. But I can't undo what's already done."
"You're right. And what if Ben had done more than just rear-end a cop last night? What if he had wrapped his car around a tree and killed both of you, or some innocent bystander? You couldn't undo that. The point is, Amy, that you have to think about the consequences of your actions. BEFORE things like that happen. You're old enough to do that now. You're smart enough. So all we're left to think is that you just don't care. And that's unacceptable to me."
"It's not that easy, Dad! Who thinks about every possible outcome of every situation they encounter every day? That's not logical. You can't expect that of me."
"I can expect you to not get in the car with someone who's obviously drunk. I mean, damn it, Amy, you've got a laundry list of people you can call to come and pick you up in situations like that. There's just no excuse."
"There were more important things on my mind at the time," Amy said quietly. "Things you don't even know about."
"Well, by all means, enlighten me."
She shot him an incredulous look.
Jack leaned forward in the swing with his elbows on his knees, his expression serious. "It's up to you Amy. I can't force you to tell me anything, but when you leave me in the dark like this I can't give you the benefit of the doubt. I have to assume things based on what I do know, and that doesn't cast you or your buddy Ben in the greatest light. And it makes it damn hard for anyone to trust you."
"You used to trust me."
"You used to tell me what was going on in your life. You used to not look me in the face and lie to me on a regular basis."
"You used to understand me."
Jack closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened them again, she was still looking at him, challenging him to respond. He braced himself for the outburst that was sure to come when he said what he had to say next. "Doug and I...we don't want you seeing him anymore."
Amy pierced him with a look that could have drawn blood, but she refrained from answering right away. She was determined not to let the confrontation dissolve into an all-out shouting match. She had lost many a fight that way, by letting her temper get the best of her. And this was too important to mess around with.
Finally, she responded. "That's not your decision to make," she said calmly, forcing herself to look him directly in the eyes. "I'm sorry, but it's just not. Ben is one of my best friends, and...he's actually more than that. I can't cut him out of my life just because you're paranoid."
"Amy, this isn't a request." Jack suddenly sounded very worn out. "You don't have any bargaining power here. If I have to, I'll talk to Ben myself."
She stared at him, wide-eyed, losing the battle to restrain her temper. "You're kidding, right? You must be kidding, because my dad is not this tyrannical. Did Doug finally get to you? Are you going to become the kind of overbearing control freak that he is? Because if that's the case, I'll pack my bags right now. I can't live with two dictators! Daddy, please! This is crazy. You can't weed out my friends."
Jack stood up and started toward the door, rubbing his temple with one hand to soothe the headache that had suddenly sprung up. "The case is closed," he said quietly but firmly.
The screen door banged shut behind him. Amy stayed where she was, stunned, her heart beating very fast. Surely they didn't intend to enforce this. Surely they COULDN'T enforce it. She thought of Ben, of lying in the sand and kissing him under the stars...of his strong embrace and his deep green eyes that seemed to be able to look right into her heart. She had missed her chance to be with him before; she wouldn't let anyone get in the way this time.
"What was that about?"
Startled, Amy looked up to see Andrew standing at the bottom of the porch steps, his hands in his pockets, his blond hair blowing slightly in the breeze. She was so surprised that she forgot her anger for a moment.
"Hi," she said. "I tried to call you fifty times last night."
"Yeah, I turned in early. I was tired."
"You're lying."
He smiled slightly. "Yes."
"You were too mad to talk to me?"
"I wouldn't say that. I was glad to see you'd made it home safe. Your dad called me when you didn't show up by curfew."
"I'm sorry he did that. I didn't want you to worry."
"I knew you were with Ben."
Amy couldn't quite make herself meet his eyes. "Did that make you worry less?"
"More," he admitted. He came up the steps and sat down next to her. "Listen, Aim, I did a lot of thinking last night. I've been a jerk. You've given me no reason not to trust you; I know Ben is just a friend, and I should be more secure in our relationship than I've shown you lately." He reached for her hand and held it as she stared at him helplessly, a growing anxiety in the pit of her stomach. She wanted him to stop, but she was speechless as he continued. "Seeing you with him...it just brings back stuff I'd rather forget, you know? It was so hard for me when I thought I'd lost you for good last year. Unbelievably hard. I guess I'm just having trouble laying it to rest now. But I promise you I'll try. It's my problem, not yours, and I'm not going to let my stupid insecurities get in the way of what we have."
"Andy..." Amy's voice broke.
"I love you, Aim."
Feeling as if she were on the verge of tears, Amy pulled her hand out of Andy's. "I love you too," she said mechanically. "I--I've got to go; I'll talk to you later."
"Amy?" She didn't respond, and he just sat there and watched as she stood up and disappeared inside the house.