Lets Talk About Wizards
Hey Guys, I think you'll like this fic. It is a One Shot. It's all about Fred and George having a talk show! They rant and rave about different things, you'll have to read to find out. So all right, I'm excited… are you? Just go on and read it… we'll see if you like it! REVIEW!
Disclaimer- I do not own Harry Potter… I wish I did… but I don't… don't ask me again, thanks.
The Episode
"AND ACTION."
Fred and George are sitting on chairs in the middle of the stage. There is a couch beside the two chairs in which they are situated, as well as a table in front of the couch. A full audience views from behind the stage.
"Hello, and welcome to 'Let's Talk About Wizards'!" Fred says looking around and smiling.
George adds in, "We have an excellent show for you today. First half is a talk about the Dark Lord… we will get to the a.k.a's later… you'll see what we mean."
Fred nods. "Yeah and then we will get a first class interview with Harry Potter!"
George laughs. "And then onto another interview with some of the students at Hogwarts!"
"So what are we waiting for?" Asks Fred, looking around. "Lets start the show!"
…Theme Music Begins To Play… (In very happy, jumpy music)
Fred and George,
George and Fred,
Gred and Forge and Forge and Gred…
Oh la, la!
"All right then…" George says, staring around awkwardly at the speakers.
"I made up the song." Fred says proudly.
George laughs. "Well, we have a lot of fan mail from different people about this topic… the Dark Lord."
Fred opens a letter. "Dear Fred and George, what do you like to call The Dark Lord? Love, Carrie."
"Well Carrie, it's good you mentioned that, because we can get to the a.k.a's!" George says, clapping his hands together, and pushing back his red hair. It flops in his face again. "The Dark Lord, a.k.a. Voldemort, he-who-must-not-be-named, you-know-who, Master, the evil wizard, Tom Riddle…"
Everyone pauses.
"Tom Riddle?" The audience asks.
"I don't think they were supposed to know that…" Says Fred.
George pauses.
"Now onto the Harry Potter interview!" Fred says.
Harry walks onto the stage smiling and waving while girls and a few guys swoon. He sits down and looks over to Fred and George.
"Thanks for coming out, Harry." George says.
"Anything for friends." Harry says smiling.
"Can we ask you something?" Fred asks.
George laughs. "Didn't really give him a chance there, did you?"
The audience laughs.
"We want you to answer audience questions." Fred said.
Harry nods. "Shoot."
"Not literally!" George shouts to the audience and a few guns are out away.
A girl from the audience puts up a hand. "Harry, can you dance for us…?" She asks shyly, talking into the microphone.
Harry nods and stands up beginning to dance to "shook me all night long" (which I do not own) by Ac/Dc. He throws a shirt into the audience and then sits down again.
"I can't go any farther… Ginny would kill me." He explains.
"Going out with my sister?" Asks Fred.
George laughs.
"Get off the stage." Fred says.
George laughs harder.
"No, I'm serious." Fred says.
George stops laughing abruptly.
Harry's eyes go wide and Fred chases him off stage holding the chair over his head and trying to swat him with it.
"Anyways… lets have a commercial break." George says slowly.
……………….
"Buy new chocolate lovers. Give it to the love of your life, and you'll see if your love is true."
A wizard hands a lady a chocolate. She eats it and rounds on him.
"HOW DARE YOU, I HATE YOU! YOU ARE NOT THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!" She screams. Then she snaps out of it and looks around. "What just happened?"
"Love of your life is not always the woman you are with."
………………
"Now we're back!" George announced.
Fred is sitting back in his chair, looking around. "Lets call in our Hogwarts students!"
In run Neville Longbottom, Luna Lovegood, Alicia Spinnet and Crabbe.
"Out Crabbe." Fred says.
Crabbe keeps running right out the other side.
"Welcome Neville." George says.
"Thank you." Neville says back. "Why am I here again?"
"Hello Luna." Fred says.
Luna takes out the Quibbler.
"Um… right." George says watching Luna.
"Hey Alicia… she's our friend." Fred says to the audience.
Alicia is watching George and biting her lip. "You're so hot today George." Alicia said watching him.
George laughed nervously.
Alicia stood up and walked over to George swaying her hips. She sat on his lap, facing him on the chair. She tilted her head down and began to kiss him. George sat there, arms on the armrests of the chair at first and then he slid his hands to her waist and up through her hair and to the side of her cheek.
Alicia pulled him down behind the couch and everyone was abnormally silent. Neville looked behind the couch and screamed, sitting back down.
"George…" Fred began.
George's hand shot up into view and he put up a finger.
Fred looked around and sat there, twiddling his thumbs. "Done yet?"
Alicia and George appeared from behind the couch, George fixing his shirt and Alicia pulling down her skirt. She gives him a kiss and sits down.
"Lets not talk about what just happened…" Fred suggests.
Everyone on the couch nods.
"All right then, what do you guys think about Hogwarts?" Fred asks.
"Yawn." Says George, looking over at Alicia and smiling. "Why do we have to discuss that?"
"Because it's what was planned." Fred answers.
George nods. "Okay."
"But you're certainly right." Fred says. "Did anyone hear about the famous love triangle? Hermione, Ron, and Draco!"
Everyone gasps.
In bounds Hermione, Ron and Draco at her heels.
"Well if it isn't…" Fred begins.
"We know." Answers George.
Alicia gets up and pulls George up by his tie, dragging him off stage with her.
"Do you all have something to tell?" Asks Fred.
Hermione sits down, with Draco and Ron on either side. "I brought you two here today to tell you that… well… that I'm cheating on you, with each other."
"Sorry, which one are you cheating on?" Asks Ron.
Draco nods in confusion.
"Both of you." Hermione says.
"No…!" Gasps Draco.
Ron and Draco jump up, as everyone gasps.
"We're leaving you Hermione." Draco says.
"He is…" Says Ron. "I forgive you."
"PANSY!" Draco yells, running off stage.
George walks back on stage followed by Alicia. "Commercial break!"
………………….
"Toothpaste. Wizard like! Buy it now."
A little toothbrush runs past toothpaste that is chasing it, finally latching on and then brushing a wizards tooth by itself.
"You'll love the way it brushes!"
…………………
"We're back!" Fred announces.
The stage is now empty like usual of all the people, and Fred and George are sitting on their seats.
"We're going to re-unite someone with another person he's been KILLING to meet!" George says.
"Isn't it usual dieing?" Asks Fred.
"He asked me to say killing." Says George.
Fred nods.
"Meet, 'Lord Voldemort'!" George says. "A.k.a…"
"Don't start." Says Fred.
Voldemort walks on stage waving, and people boo at him and throw oranges.
"We ran out of tomatoes!" Shouts an audience member.
Voldemort sits down and looks anxiously around. "Is he here?" He growls.
"Voldemort tells us he's been waiting to meet Harry since he was born. Even though they have met on various occasions, he still wants to see him once more. Bring out Harry potter! He has no idea, who wants to meet him!" Fred says excitedly.
Harry walks out with a blindfold over his eyes, Luna leading him to his chair.
"You may take of the blindfold, Harry!" George says.
Harry takes off the blindfold and looks over to see Voldemort, grinning at him. Harry screams, jumps up and runs around the room, Voldemort chasing him.
"Awww… I love heart-felt moments like these…" George says.
"Really?" Asks Fred.
"No. I'm paid to say that." Answers George.
"Oh…" Fred says.
Harry runs by screaming.
"Well, until next time, goodbye from George…" George says waving to the camera's and audience.
"And Fred!" Fred adds.
"BYE!" They say in chorus.
Camera zooms out of focus and credits roll.
"AND CUT!"
"Who keeps saying that?" Asks George.
"Action and cut?" Asks Fred.
George nods.
Fred shrugs.
"They said cut." George says, looking over at Harry who is still screaming, and Voldemort who is still chasing him.
"Oh well…" Says George, standing up as Alicia runs over to him, kissing him.
"Yeah… bye guys." Fred says.
Audience files out as well as everyone but Fred, George, Harry, Voldemort and Alicia. Fred, George and Alicia stand in silence for a while, watching Harry scream.
"Bye." They say again, walking off stage and turning out all the lights, walking out the building.
Harry becomes silent in the pitch-black darkness.
"Can we stop chasing each other for today…?" Asks Harry, seeing as though he isn't able to see Voldemort any longer.
"Yeah… no cheap shots." Says Voldemort.
Weird I know, but I wrote it when I was super bored and super hyper. It's very… strange. I like it. Oh well, anyways, review. I want reviews.
-Kit
P.s. even though this was stupid, I have a way better story called 'Between Us' about Fred and George… no twincest or slash, I promise. Just read it.