A/N: Its been awhile since I updated this one, and I thought Id take a break from Feels Like Coming Home since Ive been updating that so frequently. I hope I didnt lose the feel for this story in the interim; its harder than I thought to keep more than one story going at the same time because you have to stick to the tone of each one, and theyre so different. So forgive me if Ive missed the mark here. I hope you like it, but let me know either way. Thanks in advance!
------------------------------------------
Later that night, Andrew lay awake, staring at the moonlight shadow patterns that played on his bedroom ceiling. He felt hollow. He kept seeing Amy's eyes when he closed his own, those beautiful blue eyes that had been filled with pain that he'd caused. And he'd done it on purpose; he couldn't deny that. She had hurt him, and he wanted to hurt her back. It was childish but true. He'd wanted her to know how she was making him feel. Now he regretted it, but the regret had come too late.
Had he overreacted? Maybe ... probably. He only knew that he'd been feeling distant from her for months in a way that he never had before. And he knew that he blamed Ben for that distance, because deep down he thought that he himself had never really won the fight that had taken place last year. It was an awful thing to face, but he had an idea that Amy had chosen him only to avoid losing him altogether. Hadn't she all but told him that?
Seeing her in Ben's car tonight, just when he was feeling the most vulnerable in their relationship, had been the last straw. It was all in her eyes, everything he needed to know and had been afraid of knowing. She wanted Ben now. Whether or not she would follow through was another story, but she wanted him. And could Andy hold on to someone who was with him for all the wrong reasons?
Glancing over at the clock by his bed, he saw that it was almost midnight. She was probably still awake. If she was feeling anything like he was right now, she would be awake. He sat up on the edge of the bed and reached for his shoes.
---------------------------------------
They sat side by side on the pier for a long time. Jack held up his end of the bargain, letting Amy spill everything to him without interruption. When she finally seemed to be winding down and there was a period of silence, he put his arm around her shoulders.
"I wish I could make this easier for you," he said. "I hate to see you going through this kind of pain and not be able to fix it. Your mom would know exactly what to do, she'd give you the right advice, she'd say the right words. I'm not nearly as gifted at healing emotional turmoil as she was, that's for sure."
"What would she tell me to do?" Amy asked.
Jack frowned. "I wish I knew, babe. She'd want you to follow your heart, though. She was big on that."
Amy smiled up at her father. "And if my heart is telling me that I belong with Ben...?"
Jack sighed, closing his eyes as if hearing this pained him. "Oh. Well ... in that case ... I guess she'd probably tell you to ... go for it."
"Are you telling me to go for it?" Amy asked, amused by her dad's dilemma.
"You're a pain in the butt, you know that?"
"Asking for sage parental advice is being a pain in the butt?"
"No, but entrapment is. This is entrapment."
"Ben's not a bad guy, you know. Joey says he reminds her of Pacey. The way he used to be, back in high school."
Jack raised an eyebrow at her. "Oh, way back then, huh? Thanks, but we're not that old." He took a deep breath. "Okay, kiddo, here's the deal. I'm going to lift the Ben ban, because I've been thinking about it, and it's not really fair to punish you just because we don't trust a friend of yours. But you have to do something for me in return."
Amy nodded and waited for him to go on.
"You opened up to me tonight, and that was great. I need to know what's going on in your life on a regular basis, Amy. Otherwise, my imagination takes over and I'm forced to draw my own conclusions about what you're up to, and that's not good for either one of us. I know you don't feel like you can talk to me about everything. But please try. And if you don't feel comfortable talking to me about something, go to Joey. Whatever you do, don't shut us out like you have so much this year. And I want you to stay out of trouble. If something like the ecstasy thing happens again..."
"It won't," she said firmly, meeting his gaze steadily. "I swear."
"Yeah, well, Dougie's going to kill me. He was all for locking you up in your room until you're eighteen. But then I reminded him what eighteen-year- olds are like, and he changed it to thirty. You really don't know how lucky you are that I didn't give in. He's very persuasive." He looked at her seriously. "So, am I allowed to ask what you're going to do?"
"I'm not sure," she answered truthfully. "I think I have to fix things with Andy before I do anything else. I really hurt him, Dad. I have to at least try to salvage our friendship."
Jack nodded. "Sounds familiar," he said. "Believe it or not, I've watched a drama very much like this one unfold before."
"Joey and Dawson?"
"Yep. And look at them now. They're still friends, even though she ended up marrying Pacey."
"But Dad, I need to see where things go with Ben. I want to give it another try with him. For real this time, without having to worry about what every decision I make is doing to Andy."
"I understand. You know I'm not crazy about the guy, but I do trust your judgement, and maybe this is one of those times when it doesn't really matter what I think. Just be careful, Aim. Be careful with your heart. You've only got one." He sighed. "Now, I guess I've got to get back inside and break the news to Dougie that I'm letting our little girl grow up." He leaned over and kissed the top of her head. "Just don't do it too fast, okay?"
Amy smiled. "You mean, if Ben offers to unburden me from my virginity tonight, I can't say yes?"
"Amy! That is not funny," he said sternly, shaking his head as he started back up to the house.
Amy looked up at the black, starry sky and wondered what time it was. It felt late. Would Andrew still be up? Would he even talk to her if he was? She sat there awhile longer, gathering her courage and preparing herself for whatever reaction Andy might have when she showed up in his bedroom in the middle of the night. And when she told him what she had to say.
Halfway across the backyard, Amy heard a noise that stopped her in her tracks. Looking back in the direction of the house, she could make out the silhouette of a person standing in the shadows formed by the overhang of the back porch. The sound came again, a faint clicking noise that was somehow vaguely familiar.
"Who's there?" she asked in a loud whisper, squinting through the darkness.
The silhouette moved. "Amy?"
"Ben! What are you doing here?"
They walked toward each other. Ben held his hand out, palm up, to show her the creek pebbles that he'd been tossing at her bedroom window. She couldn't hide a smile.
"What year is it?" she asked, amused. "Why didn't you just call me?"
He smiled slightly. "I thought this would be more romantic," he said. "And I didn't want to wake your dads, because I'm not quite ready to die yet."
"So ... why are you here?"
Ben seemed to be gathering strength to say something. He took a deep breath, then dropped the pebbles, brushed his hands off on his jeans, and reached for Amy's hands, squeezing them in his own. "Because I wanted you to know that what I said to you last night at the beach still stands. Even if you were only saying those things because you were drunk, or if you only said them to get back at Andy for something, I really don't care. All that matters to me now is that you know how I feel about you. That you know it hasn't changed. It never did, even after ... even after you chose him. I love you, Amy, okay? You should know that even if you end up choosing him again."
There was a silence that, to Ben, felt like an eternity as they looked at one another. He was about to drop her hands when she suddenly pulled him toward her and stood on her tiptoes to kiss him. He was taken off guard, and it took him a moment to realize that this was really happening. Her hands wound around his neck and he pulled her closer, savoring the feel of her lips, her body, the wisps of her hair that tickled his cheeks.
When they finally stepped apart, both were slightly out of breath. Ben spoke first.
"What was that for?" he asked.
She looked at him with her piercing blue eyes. "That was for us," she said. "For our second chance. The one that's going to count."
Ben's heartbeat quickened, but he still didn't quite believe what he was hearing. "Lindley, do you mean...?"
"You know what I mean," she said. "This time I'm going to follow my heart."
They leaned in for another kiss, and both of them were blissfully unaware that they weren't alone. Both were ignorant of their friend, who stood cloaked in shadows behind the dividing shrubbery of the next-door neighbor's yard.
Andrew wanted nothing more than to look away, to erase this scene from his mind, but he couldn't. As he watched helplessly, his heart broke for the second time that night.
------------------------------------------
Later that night, Andrew lay awake, staring at the moonlight shadow patterns that played on his bedroom ceiling. He felt hollow. He kept seeing Amy's eyes when he closed his own, those beautiful blue eyes that had been filled with pain that he'd caused. And he'd done it on purpose; he couldn't deny that. She had hurt him, and he wanted to hurt her back. It was childish but true. He'd wanted her to know how she was making him feel. Now he regretted it, but the regret had come too late.
Had he overreacted? Maybe ... probably. He only knew that he'd been feeling distant from her for months in a way that he never had before. And he knew that he blamed Ben for that distance, because deep down he thought that he himself had never really won the fight that had taken place last year. It was an awful thing to face, but he had an idea that Amy had chosen him only to avoid losing him altogether. Hadn't she all but told him that?
Seeing her in Ben's car tonight, just when he was feeling the most vulnerable in their relationship, had been the last straw. It was all in her eyes, everything he needed to know and had been afraid of knowing. She wanted Ben now. Whether or not she would follow through was another story, but she wanted him. And could Andy hold on to someone who was with him for all the wrong reasons?
Glancing over at the clock by his bed, he saw that it was almost midnight. She was probably still awake. If she was feeling anything like he was right now, she would be awake. He sat up on the edge of the bed and reached for his shoes.
---------------------------------------
They sat side by side on the pier for a long time. Jack held up his end of the bargain, letting Amy spill everything to him without interruption. When she finally seemed to be winding down and there was a period of silence, he put his arm around her shoulders.
"I wish I could make this easier for you," he said. "I hate to see you going through this kind of pain and not be able to fix it. Your mom would know exactly what to do, she'd give you the right advice, she'd say the right words. I'm not nearly as gifted at healing emotional turmoil as she was, that's for sure."
"What would she tell me to do?" Amy asked.
Jack frowned. "I wish I knew, babe. She'd want you to follow your heart, though. She was big on that."
Amy smiled up at her father. "And if my heart is telling me that I belong with Ben...?"
Jack sighed, closing his eyes as if hearing this pained him. "Oh. Well ... in that case ... I guess she'd probably tell you to ... go for it."
"Are you telling me to go for it?" Amy asked, amused by her dad's dilemma.
"You're a pain in the butt, you know that?"
"Asking for sage parental advice is being a pain in the butt?"
"No, but entrapment is. This is entrapment."
"Ben's not a bad guy, you know. Joey says he reminds her of Pacey. The way he used to be, back in high school."
Jack raised an eyebrow at her. "Oh, way back then, huh? Thanks, but we're not that old." He took a deep breath. "Okay, kiddo, here's the deal. I'm going to lift the Ben ban, because I've been thinking about it, and it's not really fair to punish you just because we don't trust a friend of yours. But you have to do something for me in return."
Amy nodded and waited for him to go on.
"You opened up to me tonight, and that was great. I need to know what's going on in your life on a regular basis, Amy. Otherwise, my imagination takes over and I'm forced to draw my own conclusions about what you're up to, and that's not good for either one of us. I know you don't feel like you can talk to me about everything. But please try. And if you don't feel comfortable talking to me about something, go to Joey. Whatever you do, don't shut us out like you have so much this year. And I want you to stay out of trouble. If something like the ecstasy thing happens again..."
"It won't," she said firmly, meeting his gaze steadily. "I swear."
"Yeah, well, Dougie's going to kill me. He was all for locking you up in your room until you're eighteen. But then I reminded him what eighteen-year- olds are like, and he changed it to thirty. You really don't know how lucky you are that I didn't give in. He's very persuasive." He looked at her seriously. "So, am I allowed to ask what you're going to do?"
"I'm not sure," she answered truthfully. "I think I have to fix things with Andy before I do anything else. I really hurt him, Dad. I have to at least try to salvage our friendship."
Jack nodded. "Sounds familiar," he said. "Believe it or not, I've watched a drama very much like this one unfold before."
"Joey and Dawson?"
"Yep. And look at them now. They're still friends, even though she ended up marrying Pacey."
"But Dad, I need to see where things go with Ben. I want to give it another try with him. For real this time, without having to worry about what every decision I make is doing to Andy."
"I understand. You know I'm not crazy about the guy, but I do trust your judgement, and maybe this is one of those times when it doesn't really matter what I think. Just be careful, Aim. Be careful with your heart. You've only got one." He sighed. "Now, I guess I've got to get back inside and break the news to Dougie that I'm letting our little girl grow up." He leaned over and kissed the top of her head. "Just don't do it too fast, okay?"
Amy smiled. "You mean, if Ben offers to unburden me from my virginity tonight, I can't say yes?"
"Amy! That is not funny," he said sternly, shaking his head as he started back up to the house.
Amy looked up at the black, starry sky and wondered what time it was. It felt late. Would Andrew still be up? Would he even talk to her if he was? She sat there awhile longer, gathering her courage and preparing herself for whatever reaction Andy might have when she showed up in his bedroom in the middle of the night. And when she told him what she had to say.
Halfway across the backyard, Amy heard a noise that stopped her in her tracks. Looking back in the direction of the house, she could make out the silhouette of a person standing in the shadows formed by the overhang of the back porch. The sound came again, a faint clicking noise that was somehow vaguely familiar.
"Who's there?" she asked in a loud whisper, squinting through the darkness.
The silhouette moved. "Amy?"
"Ben! What are you doing here?"
They walked toward each other. Ben held his hand out, palm up, to show her the creek pebbles that he'd been tossing at her bedroom window. She couldn't hide a smile.
"What year is it?" she asked, amused. "Why didn't you just call me?"
He smiled slightly. "I thought this would be more romantic," he said. "And I didn't want to wake your dads, because I'm not quite ready to die yet."
"So ... why are you here?"
Ben seemed to be gathering strength to say something. He took a deep breath, then dropped the pebbles, brushed his hands off on his jeans, and reached for Amy's hands, squeezing them in his own. "Because I wanted you to know that what I said to you last night at the beach still stands. Even if you were only saying those things because you were drunk, or if you only said them to get back at Andy for something, I really don't care. All that matters to me now is that you know how I feel about you. That you know it hasn't changed. It never did, even after ... even after you chose him. I love you, Amy, okay? You should know that even if you end up choosing him again."
There was a silence that, to Ben, felt like an eternity as they looked at one another. He was about to drop her hands when she suddenly pulled him toward her and stood on her tiptoes to kiss him. He was taken off guard, and it took him a moment to realize that this was really happening. Her hands wound around his neck and he pulled her closer, savoring the feel of her lips, her body, the wisps of her hair that tickled his cheeks.
When they finally stepped apart, both were slightly out of breath. Ben spoke first.
"What was that for?" he asked.
She looked at him with her piercing blue eyes. "That was for us," she said. "For our second chance. The one that's going to count."
Ben's heartbeat quickened, but he still didn't quite believe what he was hearing. "Lindley, do you mean...?"
"You know what I mean," she said. "This time I'm going to follow my heart."
They leaned in for another kiss, and both of them were blissfully unaware that they weren't alone. Both were ignorant of their friend, who stood cloaked in shadows behind the dividing shrubbery of the next-door neighbor's yard.
Andrew wanted nothing more than to look away, to erase this scene from his mind, but he couldn't. As he watched helplessly, his heart broke for the second time that night.