Chapter Forty-three

She had been here before. She remembered it now. Alison's eyes hurt from the intense violet light shining around her. She was wearing a long white gown that she hadn't seen before. More than anything, the thing that confused her most was that she felt kind of out of it – like she was floating.

She heard someone calling her name and turned around.

"I promised him I'd wait a while before I met you." The man before her said with a grin.

She knew all at once who was speaking to her.

"Ed…" She whispered.

"Such a smart girl my son went and married." He looked at her thoughtfully. "Blondie – what are you doing here? You're not slated to come up for decades."

She wasn't really sure how she got there exactly herself. "I'm sorry. I don't know. I don't know why I'm here. I only know that I'm just so tired."

"I don't doubt it. I only had him with me for ten years – you've had a much harder time of it." Ed replied with a bit of a chuckle. "If you need a little break I don't blame you."

"Sit down my dear and tell me your troubles." Ed motioned for her to take a seat. "Are my grandkids misbehaving?"

Alison nodded. "You've probably seen it for yourself. It's Katie."

"And Caleb's kid? Ironic, isn't it?" Ed said with a sigh. "This whole thing's not sitting well with my son I'm sure."

"No." Alison felt herself begin to cry. "It scares him to death. I've tried to tell him to go easy and not to push her but it's no use. He wants to keep her safe. He just can't help himself."

Ed nodded in agreement. "He never could. Stubborn as a truckload of mules that boy is. Then again, if he wasn't so stubborn those four amazing kids wouldn't be on this earth."

"There's just three." Alison whispered, her voice catching in her throat.

"Hmm?" Ed asked.

"Just three." Alison said again. "I fell - running after Kate." She looked down and noticed her ring still on her finger, the four gems twinkling at her. She placed her hand on her stomach and wondered aloud. "I'm not sure we'll have that fourth one after all."

Her father-in-law looked at her with concern. "Let us be the judge of that. Unless you're saying you're tired enough to stay up here with me?"

Alison didn't speak. She simply stared at her hands.

"Let me ask you something sweetheart. What do you think would happen if you left them right now? Can you see it in your mind?" He tilted his head and spoke to her softly. "I could show you if you want but why don't you tell me what you think it would be like?"

Alison shook back her hair and looked at him. His eyes were so kind. Just like Rafe's she couldn't help but think.

"Tell me." Ed prodded.

"I've never really thought of it before. But - I think I know exactly what would happen." An odd sense of peace came over her as she spoke. "Katie and Grant – they're grown. Katie would blame herself at first I'm sure but she'd have a lot of people around who'd love her and help her through it. Eventually, I think she'd be OK. Not ever the same – but OK."

It took her a minute to go on. The thoughts spinning through her mind.

"Grant is always optimistic - but this would make him furious. He might lash out and do something drastic. But maybe - maybe because of it he'd finally turn to Chloe. They belong together." She said with a nod. "If he finally realized that they could be together that would be a good thing."

She was far too modest. Alison was way off base. Kate would never let go and move on. Grant would never let himself depend on Chloe. He'd be terrified he'd lose her too.

"And Becky?" Ed asked softly, wondering if she'd see it this time.

It was then that she fell apart. Alison voice was choked with sobs. "Oh no..." She trailed off, unable to go on. "My baby. She's so sweet and innocent and happy. She's a ball of sunshine - my little one."

She looked up at him, tears running down her cheeks. "Rafe always said she was so sweet because of all the sugar I ate when I carried her." She fought to catch her breath. "I don't know if she'd ever understand. She's so small she sometimes gets confused and mixed up about things." It was part of what she loved so much about her little girl. Alison began to shake with fear. "Losing me could change her in so many ways. She could become sad and bitter..." The image horrified her.

"What about Rafe?" Ed prompted.

Alison stood and paced while she spoke. Her voice was barely a whisper. "It would be far worse than Becky. He'd blame himself completely."

Knowing he'd done his job and then some, Ed simply stood by and let her go on.

"I know how much he loves me. I know he thinks it's his job to protect me - always - and he'd blame himself." She tried to imagine exactly what he'd do. "He might lock himself away. He'd definitely begin to neglect himself and as much as it would pain him - he'd neglect the kids too. At least I think he would - at first. He'd eventually come back to them, but it would never be the same."

Ed nodded. She'd come pretty close. "And then later?"

"Sooner or later it would come back to what it always does. He'd try to find Caleb. He'd want to destroy him. It would consume his every thought - all of his energy would be focused on bringing him down." Alison was still crying. She wondered how, she shouldn't have tears left. "And I hate to think what he might try to do to Colin."

Her eyes were huge and shining with love. "Rafe loves our children fiercely." Alison said softly. "He's the most unbelievable, amazing father. He'd still take care of the kids, but without me once they were grown I think he'd turn back to the way he was before. He'd be so alone his life would be something he'd become careless with."

She was right on the money. Ed turned her to face him. "My son is a strong man." Ed said with pride. "But he's got nothing on you."

"What?" She asked, completely baffled.

"You amaze me young lady. Don't you see it? You are the one that holds your little family together. You're the one that enables all of them to live the lives they're destined to. Without you it falls to pieces. None of them are as strong as you."

She moved to sit back down, mesmerized by Ed's words. Rafe always told her she was brave but she thought it was just him being sweet. She didn't think she was strong at all.

Her father-in-law took her hand as he continued. "If the tables were turned, if Rafe was the one up here you'd grieve for him. You'd hold him to you forever and you probably would never love again. I know what you would do - I know you would focus all that love on your kids. You'd never give up."

"But I'd want to..." She whispered. "Living without him - I've done it before. It's so incredibly hard. Every single day I'd want to give up."

"But you wouldn't." Ed insisted. "You would never."

Alison wiped at her eyes and took a deep breath. She knew what she needed to do.

"Rested enough, Blondie?" Ed asked with a smile.

"Yes. I think so." Though her heart was still aching, she grinned back at him.

Ed leaned in and pulled her close. "Do me a favor will you? Make sure that son of mine grovels a bit. It serves him right for being so pig-headed."

Alison smiled softly as she kissed Ed's cheek, knowing what he was really saying. "Don't worry. I will. And I'll be sure to tell him you love him too."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When he saw her seem to go back under, Rafe panicked. He had every available hospital staff member in her room in seconds.

Hearing the commotion, Alison opened her eyes and wondered what all the fuss was about.

She had only been out for a few moments, but to him it seemed like hours.

"Angel..." He sighed. "You scared me. Where'd you go?"

"Your dad says hi..." She whispered, closing her eyes again.

He must have heard her wrong. "What did you say?"

She looked over at Rafe. He looked like a truck ran over him. She knew there was a lot to work out, she knew everything was currently a mess, but she also knew Rafe was blaming himself  for it all. She was sure she was the only one who could convince him otherwise.

"Rafe. Please. Stop blaming yourself. I'm going to be fine." Alison said softly. "I just needed to rest - that's all."

Rafe held her hand tightly in his and moved closer to her side. He stared into her eyes, cringing when he saw the bandage that covered the gash in her forehead. "You're not fine. I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have pushed her to choose. You warned me that she'd choose him. I just - I never believed it was true."

"She loves him, Rafe. She loves him like I love you. You can't expect her to give that up." Alison replied as she ran a hand over his cheek.

"I know. I made a mess of this - Alison. I'm so sorry. I - I don't know how to fix it." Tears filled his eyes as he thought of all that was going on. There was a lot to deal with. He needed to talk to Becky too, to make sure she understood. And Grant. Grant was so angry. How had everything gone so wrong?

"We'll fix it together, OK? As soon as I'm better we will." She was desperate to soothe him. She knew he'd take this all on himself. "Rafe, please. Listen to me. It will all be alright. Trust me. You just need to accept the fact that Colin is not Caleb. He may be part of him but don't you see? He shuns everything that Caleb holds sacred. He just wants a normal life - a life he never got to have. You don't have the right to deny him that. And you can't tell Kate how to live her life either. She needs to choose for herself."

Rafe knew she was right. He kicked himself knowing it was lesson he should have learned before she got hurt.

"You look so tired." Alison said then, running her hand over his hair. "You should get some sleep."

"I won't leave you." He insisted, shaking his head.

Her eyes were fluttering closed again. Her head was pounding and it hurt just to see. "Rafe…" She whispered. "The kids need you. Please, go home and get some rest."

She was right, as usual. He needed to be with them too. "I will. I promise. But not until we know everything's OK." He took her hand and kissed it again, his mind spinning.

It had to be alright, Rafe thought desperately. It had to.