duende
.:empathy:.
chapter two
"Don't attack him Kirara, not unless he starts to transform," Sango leaned forward to explain as she rode the cat-youkai back to Kouga's location. She stroked the demon cat's head and neck tenderly, paying particular attention to the area behind her ears. "He's not acting like himself, but I think we can help him. So don't attack him unless I call for you, okay?"
The beast growled in reply as she flew through the air, her hackles still rising despite her master's reassurances. Sanga knew that the waning aroma of blood and battle still clung to her even though she bathed her flesh clean and donned new clothes. As they came within sight of the place where she had confronted Kouga, Kirara tensed beneath her.
"It's okay, girl," Sango said, trying to reassure her companion. She knew the cat-youkai was protective of her, but she would not disobey. Not without good reason.
The breeze shifted direction, carrying the scent of fresh wolf blood. Even Sango could smell it and a shock of fear went through her. If she could detect Kouga's blood on the wind, anything in the area could, too. Kirara growled, alerting Sango that something was amiss before quickly veering off to the west. The taiji-ya held tight as the cat dived downward, weaving around trees and branches until they came across a set of familiar tracks. Sango ground her teeth together as she spurned Kirara forward. It only took seconds to catch up to the injured wolf-youkai, but by the time she caught sight of him Sango was more than ready to slap some damn sense into him.
Don't get angry, the demon-hunter told herself as Kirara moved to intercept the fool. He'll just feed off of your anger. Focus on getting him home.
As they closed the distance between them, Sango quickly checked her pocket to reassure herself that she was prepared for another possible fight. She pulled her hand from the inside of her sleeve just before Kirara landed a few yards in front of the wounded wolf-youkai, who immediately grimaced his distaste when he saw them.
"Where do you think you're going?" Sango asked. In spite of her best efforts, her voice had an edge of anger to it. She tried to soften her tone by appearing relaxed, calm, but Kouga growled at her anyway and said nothing in response. Taking in his form, she was grudgingly impressed that he was able to travel so far without assistance. Precious blood was steadily trickling down his belly and leg where it was beginning to form a small puddle around his feet. The taiji-ya was certain there was more of Kouga's blood outside his body than in and her heart clenched painfully in her chest. She wondered if she would eventually have to bury him, too.
Kouga watched her emotions play across her face and sneered at her, his voice cocky despite his condition, "Unless you're here to finish what you started, leave me the hell alone."
Sango quickly dismounted Kirara and glared at him, her facade of calm falling apart as her growing concern quickly morphed into anger. The jerk wasn't healing as fast as he should. Either that or he reopened the wound intentionally. Sango wasn't certain which was the case without closer examination, but she wouldn't be surprised if the suicidal prince shoved a clawed finger into the wound and then forced himself to walk in order to further aggravate the injury. He was already acting so outlandish that the concept seemed highly plausible.
Neither spoke for several moments as they anxiously waited to see what the other would do. Sango wouldn't fight him again and Kouga seemed to know that instinctively. The only way she would lift her weapon against him would be if he attacked her, but she doubted he had the strength to do so.
"I don't want to fight you, Kouga," she said. "Why are you doing this? Let me help you. We're friends."
"Friends?" he asked, voice acerbic. "You're insane."
"Kouga-"
He snapped his jaws at her and made a sound not unlike a bark, the sudden outburst surprised even himself. It had finally come to this, in the time that he was most desperate for death to claim him he resorted to barking to vent his frustration like a common fucking dog. If that scumbag Inuyasha could see him now...
Shaking his head as though to clear his thoughts, he narrowed his eyes as he focused on the taiji-ya. He truly did not wish to fight her. Not only because the idea was repugnant (he loathed the idea of harming her), but he didn't wish to burden her with his sin. She didn't understand Yourouzoku honor or his place in his tribe's hierarchy. He was their prince, their leader, their alpha - and he had failed them.
He needed to atone, but he did not wish to harm her in order to do that. Yet, he did. Worse, he knew he would do it again if he knew for certain that she would end his misery. Permanently.
"Weren't you hired to exterminate me?" he asked. "Either finish what you started last night, or let me finish it for you."
"You know I can't do that," she said, the razor-fine edge of anger was slowly draining from her voice as she studied him. There was pity in her visage. Compassion. He hated it.
Kouga snorted at her bitterly and turned away, pride keeping him upright. He took four steps before he felt her reach out and take hold of his arm.
"Please, let me help you."
A burst of annoyance cut through his growing fatigue and he wretched his arm away from her touch, the forcefulness of it almost knocking him off balance. He recovered as smugly as he could and squared his shoulders defiantly. With the best look of insolence he could manage, he faced the girl who once begged him to let her die with the human she loved and forced his voice to sound more vehement than he felt, "It seems that the help I want is something that you are unwilling to give, friend."
Incredulous, Sango bit back, "I'm not some sort of mercy killer, Kouga! And I am your friend!"
Aqua eyes locked with hazel and the two exchanged curses in silence. Weariness dulled his eyes for a moment, but he still managed to keep up his side of the altercation. He didn't think to hide his surprise when Sango was the first to blink submissively and look away. His peripheral vision caught the movement of her hand and he watched as she produced a strange pouch from the folds of her kimono. Kouga followed her movements suspiciously as instinct told him to step back and create some distance between them.
"What are you doing?" he asked, still watching her, still wary.
"Nothing," she said as she made some strange motion with her hand, then rubbed her neck near her collar. His eyes followed and her lips quirked upward. She was planning something, but before he could question her further she took two steps toward him.
"I'm not going to kill you Kouga," she said in a low whisper as she poured the contents of the pouch into her palm. It smelled like lavender and something else. Something he couldn't identify, but it reminded him of some kind of tea that humans liked to drink. "But I'm not going to leave you here, either."
She embraced him then, her hand clapped over his mouth as she held him tight. He knew better than to inhale the powder pressed against his nose and mouth, but the shock of the moment caused him to gasp. He felt dizzy almost immediately and found it surprisingly difficult to push her off of him.
"It's okay," she whispered, still holding him, still keeping her hand firmly in place over the lower half of his face. "I've got you, Kouga. I've got you."
• • •
He was so malnourished and dehydrated it was disturbing. She knew he was starving yesterday, but now that she was able to examine him in full daylight without fear of being seen by another human she felt truly horrified. Twilight and the darkness of night hid the ugly truth from her when she first encountered the wolf-youkai, but now she knew and she was honestly amazed that he was still alive. Had she known the extent of his physical frailty she never would have left him.
Sango sighed as she began to clean his wound, noting its depth and coloration. She worried that if he didn't start to eat, the wound would become inflamed and Kouga would develop a fever. Kagome told her once that such a reaction was called an 'infection.' She explained what caused them, but Sango didn't quite understand everything the young miko had been trying to tell her, but she understood enough. Infections were bad, but they could often be prevented by simply keeping wounds clean.
Sango hoped that she was doing a decent job, otherwise she didn't know what she would do.
The taiji-ya poured the last bit of water into the wound as she finished washing it, then proceed to pat it dry with great care. Such a wound probably would have killed a human by now, but Kouga was strong in spite of himself. Sango took great care to lave the wound in the salve her mother taught her to make when she was young. She didn't know how effective it would be on a youkai, but if applied to a wound early enough, it could save the life of a human. Even so, her medicines were no where near as effective as Kagome's, but the fact that the salve was so quickly absorbed gave Sango much hope.
She was thankful that the powder worked so quickly to subdue the wolf. It didn't take much to render him unconscious, but seeing how physically weak he really was she was just glad it didn't kill him outright. She measured out enough to use on a human adult male, but she wondered it that was too much. He was still sleeping and he should have been awake hours ago.
Still, it worked to her advantage that he was still unconscious. She could clean and dress his wounds without a fight, but that was only part of the issue. The jerk was trying to starve himself to death. He was purposely trying to weaken himself to be easy prey.
He was trying to die.
But the wolf in him would not let him simply die. His inborn instinct to survive was far too strong for that. It wasn't enough for Sango to clean and dress his wounds until he was healed, if he continued to starve himself he would be a danger to everyone. If a human happened upon him in his food-starved state, the wolf in him would take over and he would kill again. Hunger would always win out over reason, and if that happened, she'd have no other choice but to kill him.
She carried enough guilt and regret already. She didn't want to carry more.
• • •
He woke up choking. He flailed for a moment in shock, until someone helped push him up into a seated position and thumped him hard on the back. The physical jolt caused him to cough harder, which sent bolts of pain through him as his belly screamed in protest. He clutched his side as he continued to clear his lungs, the pain making his eyes water.
"Are you okay?" a familiar female voice asked, "Sorry about that."
Kouga turned his head to peer at Sango through thick bangs and realized with a start that he didn't know where he was. None of the sights and smells were familiar to him, except for her and her pet. He breathed the air deeply as he watched her, trying to assess his location.
"What are you doing?" he demanded. "Where am I?!"
Sango lowered the cup of water to her lap, "You need to drink something. I've been able to get you to swallow a few sips of water all day, but I spilled a little too much into your mouth and that's why you choked."
"No," Kouga said impatiently, "what are you doing bringing me here? I don't recognize this place. This isn't my forest!"
She smiled nervously, "I told you I wouldn't leave you there."
Kouga glared at her in disbelief. Had she lost her mind? Couldn't she see that he deserved death? That he should be dead?
"What the hell is wrong with you!?" Kouga yelled, his patience suddenly frayed to nothing as his mind became overwhelmed with anger. The pain in his side only fueled his outrage causing him to feel strangely righteous. He spit in disgust, "If you can't fucking kill me then leave me the hell alone, you bitch!"
Sango held the cup in a white-knuckled grip as she stared at him.
"For crying out loud!" he continued, "I didn't ask for your damn help!"
He shot her another angry look before he started to push himself up. Sango clenched her jaw as she watched him struggle to stand, his efforts tearing part of the bandage wrapped around his middle.
"Kouga, stop," she said, voice curt. He ignored her. "Kouga!"
Standing on shaky feet, he glared down at her with contempt before turning toward the door.
Sango shot to her feet. "I'm not going to let you leave."
"Like hell!" He took a half-step toward the door, his movements restricted due to pain, "You've got some damn nerve knocking me unconscious and dragging me here, fucking bitch."
Sango moved to stand in his way, blocking him. "Koougaaa..." she growled, her composure quickly dissolving.
"Don't speak to me, bitch," he grated, "Mind your own damn business and get the hell out of my way! Ignorant human—"
Sango cut off his words when she threw the contents of the cup she still held in her hand in Kouga's face, rendering him speechless. Unsatisfied, Sango threw the cup itself and succeeded in hitting the petulant wolf just below the eye.
"You bastard," she hissed, leaning toward him menacingly. "After everything we went through together you actually expected me to kill you or leave you to die? And you call me ignorant?"
Kouga's tongue froze as the irate human began to advance toward him until they were standing nearly nose-to-nose.
"You're such a damn coward. Look at you! When was the last time you had anything to eat or drink? The reason you aren't healing is because you're trying to starve yourself to death, right? You're trying to weaken yourself on purpose! Yourouzoku don't believe in suicide, do they? You want someone else to do the job! You're just waiting for some old enemy or maybe a well-armed human to come along and cut you down while you're weak! What kind of Yourouzoku prince are you?"
Eyes narrowed dangerously, Kouga snarled, "You have no right to mention my people. You don't know what you're—"
"Like hell I do! I was there! I know why!" she raged, surprising herself with her own anger. "I saw what Naraku did. I saw what you did. I have every damn right! Where's your pride, Yourouzoku? If you die, Naraku will have won!"
"Don't hand me your philosophical bullshit," he spat. "You have no idea what you're talking about!"
Sango's eyes filled with angry tears as she grabbed Kouga by the wrist and yanked him forward, dragging him out of the hut and into the glaring sunshine. The sudden momentum and throbbing pain prevented him from regaining his balance enough to wrench his arm away, leaving him with no other option but to try to keep up. He squinted against the light as he tried to see where she was leading him when she suddenly stopped and shoved him forward. He tripped and fell hard to his knees, causing him to bite his tongue painfully.
"Look around," she demanded from behind him, her voice cracking. "Tell me what you see."
He turned his head to take in the rows of raised dirt and freshly cut flowers. "What are you—"
"Those are graves, Kouga," she said, voice hard. "My brother and I were the last survivors of my village. The village that Naraku wiped out. That grave you just tripped on belongs to Kohaku and the one to your left honors my father. My people — my tribe — they're all gone!"
She stepped toward him until her shadow fell across his back, "Don't you ever tell me that I don't know, Kouga, that I don't understand. I know, better than you think. And if you think I'm going to let you starve to the point of death or madness you're a bigger idiot than I thought."
Kouga absorbed her words and felt both abashed and frustrated. He had forgotten that she had lost her people, too. Swallowing hard, he whispered, "If you understand, then let me go. Let me atone."
Sango clenched her jaw. "There is nothing for you to atone for. Your people died because they loved you and wanted to protect you, not because you failed them. If you give up and die now their sacrifice will have no meaning."
"No," he said. "No, you don't understand. Human, you can't possibly understand. Not this! I am the alpha! I am their prince!"
"Kouga—"
"NO!" he turned toward her, eyes wide with anger and self-hate. "Finish your job, taiji-ya, or let me leave! Your fucking help isn't wanted!"
She said nothing for several seconds. She simply looked at him, her eyes moving over his face, his chest, his legs and feet and back up again. She seemed to take in his entire form with her eyes and the more she looked at him, the more her expression softened. It made him hate himself even more.
"The reason I won't let you go," she said, sotto voce, "is because I understand."