Chapter 5 - First Clues

Soon after we get up in the morning, it's obvious Gina isn't feeling well. She tries to hide it, but her complexion is just the wrong shade of green for the rest of her colouring. And, just in case we didn't spot that, the rapid movement towards the nearest bathroom is a bit of a give-away.

"I'm sorry," she apologies when she returns, a worried Wes at her side. "It's like morning sickness, but I don't get it all the time. The thing is, I don't think I could cope with going on a ferry today."

We had planned on doing some ferry rides, just for the fun and the views, but I understand. Nausea on top of motion sickness is too much to expect her to cope with.

Once he's sure Gina is feeling a little better, Wes returns to his computer. Gina starts to apologise again, but I interrupt her.

"Look, I really don't mind. My mind's on Spike anyway, and it's all I can do to force myself to think about anything else. The trip'd be wasted on me. Now, is there anything I can get you?"

"Well, maybe I could manage something - maybe some toast?"

"Anything on it?"

If anything her complexion turns slightly greener as she considers that.

"No, just dry."

"Ok, and anything to drink?"

"Some ginger ale?"

I walk towards the kitchen to get what she wants. As I'm waiting for the toast to finish, I'm thinking. Wes worked late last night, but when I asked him this morning what he'd found, he was vague. I got the impression that he's found something, but he wants to be sure before he tells me. There was a time when I'd have been sitting on him, waiting for him to tell me everything as soon as possible, but I'm trying not to. I know he'll tell me. And then there's Willow. She's due in this evening, and it looks like Wes'll have to go and pick her up at the airport. If Gina's still feeling queasy, she won't want to go, but Wes won't want her left alone. And then there's me and driving - never was my favourite thing to do.

I can't wait to see Will again. It's been a couple of years since we were last together, and phone calls just aren't the same thing at all. And apart from wanting to see her, I'm desperate to know what's been going on. I just hope she can answer some of the questions I've got.

~~~~~

It's been a lazy day. I've spent a good part of it sitting on the deck, trying to re-create whatever it was that let me talk to Spike yesterday, but it hasn't worked. Oddly, that hasn't left me feeling frustrated, but it has been relaxing. Gina's nausea has been coming and going pretty much all day, but when she's been feeling up to it, we've had some concentrated 'girl time'. I've told her a lot more about Spike than before - not just the important, big things, but all the little things too. The way he looked at me, and the way he used to say my name. I don't think I've talked so much in a very long time.

From what she said, it looks like the nausea was a result of getting over-tired yesterday. She had some days like this earlier in her pregnancy, especially before school broke up, but she's been ok for a while. She thought she'd passed that stage, but now she suspects she just did too much yesterday, and she's been paying for it. She went to bed a little while ago, determined to be feeling better by the morning.

Wes should be back soon. He called as they left the airport, and now I'm waiting for the sound of an engine to tell me they're here. He said he'd spend the return journey filling Willow in on what's been happening. We haven't got a lot of time before we're expected back in LA, and we can't postpone our return in case it alerts someone to what we've discovered so far.

At last I hear the engine approach, and I run up to the front door, pulling it open to see the car pulling up in front of the house. Willow grins as she sees me, and she's out of the car almost before it stops completely. And then we're hugging. She looks well, and I mean really well. The guilt about the past was still with her, right up until the end of Sunnydale. Even then, she still had some doubts, and she took them with her when she and Kennedy moved to Cleveland. That doubt's gone from her face now. I've got to admit that I never took to Kennedy the way I took to Tara, but she's been good for Willow. Where Tara was the more responsible one in the partnership, now it's Willow, and I think that the responsibility's been good for her.

We come in, and I take her into my room. There was a sofa in one of the living rooms that doubles as a bed, and I hauled it into my room. I thought she'd prefer to be on the lower floor with the rest of us (to say nothing of the bathrooms), and there's plenty of space.

Wes goes to check on Gina while I get Willow settled, but she doesn't want to waste any time. As soon as she's done the bare minimum of unpacking, she wants to get started.

We move into the smaller living room, which I set up earlier with a small table and some chairs. Willow puts a case down on the table, and starts to prepare a few things.

"I've brought everything I should need," she explains. "First, I'd like to just do the trancy-thing that you did when you found that Dawn wasn't your sister like you remembered. I'll get it set up, but I won't start until Wes comes back."

"Good," I reply, actually rather relieved. I need whatever help Willow can give us, but I'm still wary of magic. I spend the time thinking of the times magic went wrong, but then, of course, I'm reminded of the time Willow's spell caused Spike and me to get engaged. At the time, it seemed awful - that magic could change my feelings like that, make me love someone I really hated. Now, I can't imagine really hating him. I can remember thinking that I hated him, but I can't remember feeling it.

Wes comes in a few moments later.

"How is she?" I ask.

"Sleeping soundly. I knew yesterday was too much for her, but she wouldn't say anything at the time."

Wes and I make ourselves comfortable, and Willow starts the trance, sitting immobile on the floor, in a circle inscribed with sand. I once asked her why she used the floor so much for these things, and she told me it was because there wasn't so far to fall. I never was sure whether she was joking or not.

She opens her eyes, and looks around the room slowly, appearing almost drugged. She gets up off the floor and walks towards me, studying me very carefully. When she reaches me, she stretches out her hand to my face, stroking my cheek, then moving down to my neck. She spends several moments running her finger around my neck, and then following a line from there, diagonally to my chest. There, she inscribes a circular shape, before tracing another line up towards my neck.

When she's finished with me, she approaches Wes, studying him closely. She makes no attempt to touch him, although she does gesture to him to raise his hands so she can study them better.

When she's finished, she returns to the floor, sitting as she started, and then she reaches out and breaks the ring of sand around her.

She sits for a couple of moments, as if getting her bearings, and then she looks up. She stares at me for a moment, then stands and comes to sit next to me.

"Well, what did you see?"

"The amulet, I saw the amulet."

"Spike's amulet?"

She nods, and I realise what was happening.

"You could see it around my neck, couldn't you? That's what you were tracing with your hand."

"Yeah. But that's not all. Whatever the deal is with the amulet, I don't think it's got anything to do with the memory thing. It's more like it's imprinted itself on you. The other thing I saw was pretty clear. It's a variant of the spell I used - the forgetting spell. The basis is the same, but it's been refined past anything I've seen before. It's fading, but whether that's because you've moved from the source, or whether it's a time-related fading, I can't tell. If anything, I'm more surprised that the fading's gone far enough to make a difference. I'd have thought it was still pretty powerful."

She bites her lip for a moment, and I know she's puzzling something out. "It's just a thought, but it could be that's because of the amulet. Maybe it's weakening the spell in some way. Maybe, it's been doing that all along, and the spell was meant to completely wipe Spike from your mind. There was definitely a sense of protection coming from the amulet."

"What about Wes?" I ask.

"Well, there hasn't been a spell on him as such. It's more like he's … been touching something that's been magicked, and he's got some of it on his fingers."

"As if the information itself is protected, and I've just picked up the residue?" he asks.

"Exactly."

"So, what can we do about it?"

"Well, I can give you something - a sort of counter-charm. I'll make it as specific as I can, so it'll counter the memory spell, and make it possible to see what's hidden, hopefully without affecting the amulet thingy, because I really only got positive vibes from that. And, even if I didn't, since I don't have any idea of the sort of power that's left that mark on you, it's not very likely that I'd be able to counter it even if I wanted to. I've got what I need, but the best way to administer it would be through the skin, and by inhalation."

I'm really not sure I like the sound of that.

"Through the skin?" I ask.

"It's ok, Buffy. The best option would be to put it in something for you to use in the bath. That way, if you have a good soak for fifteen or twenty minutes, you'll absorb more than enough to counteract the other mojo. What I'll do tomorrow, is I'll buy some stuff, you know, bubble bath or something, and I'll add the rest of the ingredients to that. Then, as long as you use it daily, you should stay immune."

I'm relieved. I was sure she was going to say I had to inject or drink something containing eye of newt or something like that. I can't say I'm too impressed with the idea of bathing in it either, but it's definitely a lesser evil.

"So, anything new on the research front?" I ask Wes. I know, I promised myself I wouldn't nag, but I need to know.

"Well, I've been through a couple of Giles' leads, and I agree that they're not what we're looking for. The one I'm working on now looks a lot more hopeful, though, and I'd really like to get back to it. There's a particularly difficult passage I need to translate, and I managed to think of an alternative possibility while I was waiting for Willow. So …"

He gets up then, to go back to his work, and Willow and I are alone.

"So, Spike, eh?" she says, looking up at me.

"Spike. He's been in my thoughts so much these past few days, that it's hard to believe it's been seven years."

"Are you sure you're not just reacting to the break-up with Angel?"

I considered that too, in the beginning, but it didn't take me long to discount the possibility.

"I've never been more sure of anything. I knew I loved Spike while we were still in Sunnydale. I even told him, at the end. I just didn't know what I wanted. I mean, I loved him, but I also thought I loved Angel. If Spike had been able to leave with us, I don't know what I'd have done, because I wasn't ready to settle down with anyone. But I did love him, even if I didn't know who I really was."

"I know you missed him, well, we all knew. Even Xander, although he tried to pretend that it was something else you were missing. Even Giles, before he went back to England, told me he wished you'd be able to get over Spike."

"It felt like I'd lost my … anchor. No matter how lost I was in that last couple of years, he was always there, loving me, watching my back, even when I wished he wasn't. And then, I got my wish. And then I came to LA, and Giles got his." There's that bitterness back again.

"You don't think Giles had anything to do with it, do you?"

"Giles? What? No. I don't think he's been doing any magic. Not just to make me forget Spike."

"So, who? Angel?"

"I thought that too, but it doesn't make sense. Well, it does in some ways, but not in others. When I moved to LA, he still had the whole total happiness clause to worry about. And, as far as I can tell, that's when it all started, right when I moved."

"Or, that's when you were close enough to the source to stop the amulet from protecting you completely."

I shrug. "I suppose it could be like that. As long as I don't forget it again. He said he needed our help, and I'm going to make sure he gets it."

And then I realise that Willow might not be so keen to help Spike as I am. "Are you ok with this Will? I mean, helping Spike?"

"Well, the 'I'm going to bite you' Spike maybe not so much. The 'I saved the world' Spike - yeah, I think I can go with helping him if he needs it."

"How about the 'my friend loves him' Spike?"

"Him too, I guess."

"So," I say, trying to make my voice sound bright and worry-free. "How's Kennedy? And Slaying? And did you ever manage to perfect your portable sunlight?"

She laughs at the memory of her early attempts to create artificial sunlight. "Kennedy's fine, I think. We've been spending less time together lately, but I think we're still ok. With work and everything, it's sometimes hard to spend enough 'couple time', but she's busy too."

Having an indefinite article with "sunlight" seemed a bit odd at first, but now I'm not sure.

"Sorry I had to drag you away."

"No problem. Ken's away now too - visiting some friends. They're not people I feel … comfortable with, so she went on her own."

"Why don't you feel comfortable with them?"

"Oh, you know. Imagine Cordelia in high school, then imagine the sort of crowd who'd have thought she wasn't good enough. I feel like I'm back to being the nerdy freak when I'm with them, and that's not how I want to feel any more."

"If they're that bad, why does Kennedy want to be with them?"

"I don't know, but she does. It's like she needs to remind herself of where she comes from sometimes. She gets a bit edgy when she hasn't been around them for a while. It's funny. She seems so confident, so sure of herself, but underneath, it's like she needs them to tell her she's ok before she believes it."

She's quiet for a few seconds, but I know she wants to say something else. "There was a time I'd have done something, used some spell or other to make it so she didn't need anyone but me. Even now, I'm thinking about how it could be done, but I know I won't. I didn't learn that lesson with Tara until it was too late, and I'm not going to make the same mistake again."

We're both thoughtful for a few seconds, and then it's Willow's turn to change the subject.

"So, how did Angel take the news?" she asks. "I was so surprised when I got your email. I though you and Angel were together for life."

"I thought so too, at first. I mean, it's what I wanted when I was in school, and it's what I thought I wanted for so long after that. But we just weren't right together. He was … surprised, I think, when I told him it wasn't working, but I think he understood when I explained - well at least as well as I did then. The magic was gone, you know?"

"So, he's ok?"

"I don't know. I haven't seen him since I moved out, and Wes says he hasn't seen much of him either. He's probably thrown himself back into his work for a while, but I think he'll be fine. He loved Cordelia too, and he got over that. He'll find someone, someone who needs him. It's not as though he's getting any older."

"Very true," Willow agrees.

"So, you tired?" I ask, noticing that Willow was stifling a yawn.

"Yeah, I am."

"Ok, you take the bathroom first, if you like," I offer. "I'll just sort out your bed."

A short while later, we're both settled in bed, and I turn off the light.

"Goodnight, Willow. It's good to see you again."

"Yeah, it is. Maybe I should try to arrange to come to LA some time."

"Yeah, that'd be great. Just wait till I've got my own apartment. I can't really expect Wes and Gina to take in my guests too."

"Ok," she agrees. "I'm looking forward to meeting Gina. Wes is different than I remembered. Even when I got Angel's soul back for him the second time, Wes had changed, but he's different again. Then, he was more confident, like he'd grown up. Now, he's still with the being grown up, but he's kinda softer too. In a good way."

"Yeah. I don't know what I'd have done without them, both of them. I guess I'm lucky, really. All those years of being the Slayer, and I got to share it with friends I could trust to stick with me no matter how tough it got. And here I am again, different town, different problems, and I've still got friends who'll stick with me, do whatever they can to help."

"Yeah, well, count this girl in on the helping, but only if it can wait till morning," Willow warns, before yawning again.

I take the hint, and stop talking. Instead I just listen to the quiet, the sounds of her breathing, and the quiet ticking of a clock somewhere. The next thing I hear is that her breathing has slowed, and I know she's asleep. Now, I wonder if I'm going to be able to sleep. My hand moves to my neck, remembering the path Willow's finger traced. The amulet. Spike said it linked us, and Willow could see it and felt it was protecting me in some way. I knew I wasn't dreaming when I saw Spike last night, and this just confirms that. The down side of it is that it means that someone's trying to hurt him, but at least we can now work to make sure that doesn't happen.

~~~~~

Next morning, Will and I go into town to pick up supplies. I want to sniff at the various possibilities, but Willow puts her foot down. She picks up several bottles of something lavender-scented after she's read the labels.

"I've got to be sure there's nothing in this that'll affect the other ingredients, and you're going to need something with a fairly strong scent. Lavender's about the strongest one I know that'll have a neutral effect."

I knew I didn't like the sound of bathing in eye-of-newt essence.

"And why does it need to be scented? What's in it?"

"Various herbs, and, some … other … things. You'd probably be happier if you didn't know."

Well, at least she's honest.

When we get back, Willow spends the next couple of hours in the bathroom, mixing and concocting whatever it is, and when I go into the bedroom to tell her lunch is almost ready, I instantly regret it, as the smell hits me.

"I'll be up in five minutes," she promises. "It's just got to sit for a while then, before I can add it to the bubble bath."

Sure enough, five minutes later, Willow comes up to the dining room to join us for some salad. I can't help it, as soon as she walks into the room, I sniff the air, trying to detect some of the foul odour on her. She smiles when she sees me.

"Daisy fresh, that's me," she quips before sitting down. "Seriously, you came in at exactly the wrong time. The smell should fade now, so it won't be too bad by the time I go back to bottle it."

I decide to just trust her on that. I turn my attention to Wes, who came in just ahead of Willow. He's looking preoccupied, so I stick my nose in a bit further.

"How's it going then, Wes?"

"What? Oh, yes, the translation. I think I'm getting there. It's all pretty much as Giles translated it, except for one thing, and that could be very important. I want to check it again, and then I want to follow up one lead, but I really do think it's important."

"And?" I demand.

"And?" he parrots.

"And, what does it mean for Spike?"

"Ah, well, now, I've only done a first level translation of the consequences, but it seems you could be right. Spike needs our help."

I stop with my fork half way to my mouth. "Help with what?"

"I'd rather finish the translation first, Buffy," he pleads.

"Help with what?" He really should know me better than to tell me part of it without finishing the whole story.

"Well, if I'm right, the amulet is a way of focussing the power of a soul. It can be used for good or ill, depending on the soul behind it. The power available depends on the sacrifice being made. In Spike's case, he believed he was making the ultimate sacrifice, and from what you told me, he did it willingly. That would have maximised the effect. But, there's a … loophole. If those left behind wish it, there's a way to bring the wearer back."

"So Spike could come back," I whisper. It's exactly what I was hoping, but couldn't let myself believe.

"Well, it's not so simple as that. You see, it was assumed that the controller for the amulet would be in the hands of those others who were involved in the incident. And I have no idea what sort of form it could have taken, although it seems likely that it wasn't part of the package that Angel gave to you."

"So, we find this controller, and bring Spike back," I insist.

"Buffy, we have no idea where this controller is, or even what it looks like."

"We research, and we find it," I argue.

"Again, there's a problem. The bearer of the amulet was destined to remain in, well it translates best as 'the empty place'. It sounds like somewhere that's neither good nor bad, perhaps like the limbo belief of some Christians. It's where unbaptised children are believed to remain until the last day. There's no pain, but there's also no joy there."

"Still not seeing the problem," I warn.

"Yes, you see, there's a time limit. It's going to take me a while longer before I complete the detailed calculation. It depends on the alignment of various stars and so on, but my first level calculation tells me it's soon."

"And when time runs out?"

"Spike, well, he goes to Hell."