Chapter 10 - Waiting

I'm at work, but I'm so tense that I'm struggling to give the woman in front of me the attention she deserves. With an effort, I manage to keep enough concentration to follow her story as she recounts, haltingly, the episode that brought her here. For now, as with so many of the people I see, all she needs is to know that I believe her.  What she experienced, well, it'd be routine for Sunnydale, but it wasn't for her. It was horrifying and totally outside her experience. And then, of course, the stark refusal of the authorities to take her seriously did its damage on top of the rest of it.

I'm wondering if Willow's called yet. I'm desperate to know what happened with Fred. I'm hoping Willow doesn't tell Fred too much right now – we really just need to have some idea of where her loyalties lie. Anything else can wait until I hear from Angel.

And thinking of Angel, I haven't heard from him yet. I know, logically, that I only spoke to him last night, and that he might not have an answer right away. But logic doesn't really figure right now. Memories of last night, of how it felt to be with Spike again, well, if they were intended to make sure getting him back is my highest priority then they succeeded. Not that it wasn't already. It's just so frustrating - there's just so much that's unknown, and so little time. At least back in Sunnydale, I generally knew who was on my side. Ok, it took me a while to work Spike out. But the rest of them? They either wore black hats or white hats. Here? It seems like grey is the colour this season. Or maybe stripy. Black and white hats may be considered to be the height of fashion.

I drag myself back to the present. My client's looking at me, and despite everything I've said so far, she's expecting me to say something to refute what she's said.

"I know this is hard to believe right now, but you'll get your life back," I tell her. "These things exist. I know it. I've seen them, and I understand things about them. They have weaknesses, and if you know what they are, you can keep yourself safe."

She looks at me, and the expression on her face is one of utter amazement.

"You really believe me," she says, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Yes. And, if you'll just take a few simple precautions, you can be confident that you don't meet any more of them."

I hand her a card. It's not a business card, although it will fit into her purse easily. It simply describes the ways she can avoid vampires in future – you know, not being out alone at night, not inviting a stranger into her home, that sort of thing. I find those cards more useful than a lot of the other things I do – it's something for her to take away, and not only does it give her useful advice, it gives her written proof that someone has taken her seriously. When she comes back, we'll get down to some real counselling. This first session, like so many first sessions, is more a hold-over from my active Slaying days. She gets up to go, looking a great deal happier.

When she's gone, my secretary comes in to tell me that Willow called, and asked that I return the call as soon as possible. Which means now, luckily.

"Hey, Will," I start.

"Buffy, hi. How's work?"

"Pretty routine. How was Fred?"

"I think she's ok," Willow explains.

"I didn't tell her anything, not really. I just chatted about the work she's doing, and sort of worked the conversation round to how the whole Wolfram and Hart thing's going. She gave off some very similar vibes to Wes, really. She's not aware of anything, but she's still not completely comfortable. I … asked her how Angel was doing. You know, if he thought it was working out. She said something interesting. Like she felt that it had changed him. Something changed about him, and it happened round about the time he took over. She said it was like there were barriers around him that she hadn't seen before. Like he was pushing his friends away. Not that he hadn't done that before, but this was done, well, quietly. No big gestures, just … a distancing. She hoped you and him being together would bring him back, but …"

"Ok," I reply. When I think about it, the Angel who got his soul anchored seems pretty much the way he was back in Sunnydale. And maybe that should have surprised me? I mean, yeah, at two-fifty and counting he's not going to be changing as fast as me between sixteen and now, but you'd expect there'd be something. Just the fact of getting his soul anchored should have done something.

"Buffy, you there?" Willow asks, and I realise I've been temporarily lost in thought.

"Yeah, Will, just thinking."

"Heard from Angel yet?"

"No, but then I don't know how long it's going to take. If we don't get a meeting set up within a couple of days, then maybe we should just wade in and ask Fred."

"Maybe," she agrees. "Meantime, I've got some more work to do on some of this information. We've got the basics of most of it, but there're some things that don't make sense. I want to go and have another look, see what I can come up with. I'll be here if Angel calls and you want to talk, ok?"

"Thanks, Will. I really appreciate all this, you know?"

"Sure. Still, you never know when I'm going to need a counsellor or a vampire in Cleveland, so …"

I smile at that. A counsellor and a vampire. Now that sounds like a winning combination.

The next call I get is from Wes. I feel tendrils of guilt around my stomach as he starts to speak. He's been so supportive over all this, that in some ways I know it's wrong to keep him out of this part of it. I just couldn't bear to hurt Gina right now, and with the being pregnant, she might not see Wes having contact with Lilah as being entirely a Good Thing.

"Is it ok if I come round this evening?" he asks.

"Since when have you needed an invitation?" I answer. "Or is there something you're not telling me?"

"What do you mean, something I'm not telling you?" He sounds defensive, and I'm confused.

"Invitation - Vampire? I know it's not much of a quip, but they can't all be winners."

"Oh, yes, yes, precisely."

Now I know there's something wrong.

"What is it?" I demand.

"I've got some news, about that … thing. If it's ok, I'll come round later and discuss it with you."

I have to assume he's got someone listening, so my curiosity's going to have to wait for satisfaction.

"Sure."

"Good. I'll see you at eight if that's convenient?"

"Yeah, see you then."

He grunts an affirmative and follows it with a goodbye, then hangs up. He hasn't actually told me anything, but I'm worried. There was something in his voice that screamed 'bad news' louder than I could ignore. The familiar chill settles on my stomach, and I have to steel myself to go on with the rest of my day. Eight o'clock seems a long time from now, and I'm pretty sure it's not going to seem any closer for a long time.

~~~~~

The afternoon at work passed in the longest blur I can ever remember experiencing. Nothing about it is clear, it just seemed to go on forever. I force myself to go to buy some food on the way home. Not that we don't need anything - my cupboards are pretty much bereft of nutrition right now - but I just want to get home and talk to Willow, and hope that Wes comes earlier than he said.

There's no method to my shopping. I know it even as I do it, throwing packages into the cart at random, hoping that they will magically result in meals. I pay for it in a daze, and go out to the car.

When I get home, there've been no real developments, so I busy myself putting away the groceries. And why did I buy so much breakfast cereal? I'm seriously worrying about the state of my mind when my cell phone rings. I rummage through my purse and pull it out.

"Hey, Angel," I answer it.

"Buffy." It's one word, and I know he sounds pleased to hear my voice, but it's not the way Spike says it.

"So, have you set up the meeting?"

"You still want to talk to Lilah?"

"Why would I change my mind?"

"I just thought, maybe, you'd realise it's pointless."

"Does that mean you didn't persuade her?"

"What? No. She's willing - she seemed quite keen to meet you, actually."

"So, when?"

"Tonight. Midnight."

"Of course, it had to be. I always suspected she'd be the sort to arrange midnight meetings."

"You don't have to go, you know."

"Actually, I do. Will you be there?"

"Yes. I don't understand why you have to meet her, but I'll be there, just in case."

"You think she's going to try something, don't you?"

"I don't know. It's just, Lilah, she's … unpredictable. She could want to meet you for her own reasons."

"Don't worry, Angel. I can look after myself."

He sighs, and I can just picture his expression.

"Someday you'll realise that doesn't have to be a one-person job."

"I already know that," I blurt out, thinking, naturally, of Spike. "I mean, …" I hastily correct myself, "Xander, Willow - they helped me keep going before - watched my back."

"Yeah," he replies, but the sarcastic tone in his voice is obvious.

"So, I'll come to the Wolfram and Hart building tonight, a little before midnight. Will I get in?"

"I'll set up a pass for you, get them to send you straight up to my office."

"Ok. See you then."

After too long with not enough to do to help get Spike come back, suddenly it seems like things are moving. Now, if only I knew what Wes is going to say. I hope he's not planning on staying too late - it might be hard to explain the sudden need to go out late at night.

My thoughts are interrupted by my phone, and when I check the caller, it's Gina.

"Hey, Gina, how're you doing?"

"I'm good, Buffy. Listen, Wes is going over to see you tonight, isn't he?"

"Yeah, he called a while ago. Why? Is it a problem?"

"No, no, nothing like that. It's just, there's something wrong. I don't know what, and I don't think it's anything to do with Spike. He's been, I don't know, kinda broody since the other night. I came across something he'd been working on, or at least his notes, and it was something about a child – two vampires creating a human child, and it was about Angel."

"Whoa," I answer. "Vampires can't …"

"I know, but that's what his notes said."

"Look, I'm sure it's nothing."

"But you'll tell me, right? If there's something I should know, you'll tell me."

"I'm sure Wes wouldn't tell me anything he couldn't tell you."

"But … No, you're right. It's probably nothing, or it's something he just wants to get straight in his head before he tells me."

"Maybe it's something to do with Spike and he just wants to tell me first," I offer.

"You're right, that's probably all it is. He'll come home after talking to you and he'll tell me everything. And I don't mind that, I really don't. I'm just being silly."

"You're not being silly, it's hard sometimes. Loving someone – it's hard, because when you love them, you're just so vulnerable."

"Yeah," she murmurs.

"But, hey, Gina, you don't have to worry. Because he loves you too. Anyone with half an eye could see it. So, he's not going to hurt you. He might try to protect you from things sometimes, but he only wants the best for you."

"You're right. I'm going to make myself some tea, and do some work I need to get done. I'll keep myself busy till he gets home, and then I won't be able to fret about nothing any more."

"You do that. Take care, Gina."

I end the call and mull over what she said.

Angel? A father? Nah, not going to happen, at least not this side of him getting his reward, humanity and all that.

Now, Gina's keeping busy, what do I do until Wes gets here?