Title: Different [8/10]

Author's Notes: This chapter was really difficult to write. I know it's short and has a cliffhanger, but things are resolved soon enough.

8

I woke up early this morning and called Col as soon as I could get my head off the pillow. He wasn't exactly happy that it was 6:50 AM when I decided to do this, but he was happy that it was me on the other end of the phone. I came over to his house and found him, after ringing the doorbell over and over, boxer clad with bed head and half opened eyes. I told him to go back to sleep—he didn't even give me a second glance; he walked straight up to his room.

Needless to say, I decided to be productive while someone else decided to catch a few more Zs. Looking around his kitchen I was able to find enough ingredients and tools to make omelets. Forty-five minutes later I had two beautiful omelets and two glasses of orange juice sitting on his table. Sleeping beauty came over at that point and we sat down and ate breakfast together.

Now, it's silent at the table, we're both focused on the food in front of us. I look up and see Colin, he's in the middle of eating a bite of his omelet when it hits me—now is the time. I push my plate away from me and look at him. "This isn't a soap opera, or a story from a bad TV show. As unbelievable as it is, as it'll sound, this is my past." He makes this weird face, his cheeks pouch out, and I can tell he is trying really hard not to spit out the food in his mouth.

His face starts to turn into a pink-redish hue. I know he's trying not to laugh, he doesn't believe me—but he doesn't want me to think that. He looks at my face, closely, for a minute, until he finally says something. "What?"

"I thought I found my soul mate a little over 5 years ago. I had been engaged to another man at the time—and I thought my life would be perfect with him, before everything changed."

He's not sure of what to make of it all. "I was engaged to a kind and caring man, Danny. He was a doctor and I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with him. But there was a secret I had kept from him. I had to tell him, before I could marry him—for him to know who I really was."

He doesn't seem too fazed or afraid. "Okay, we all have some secrets that we hold on to, no big deal, right?"

I shake my head, I can't look at him, I'm afraid of what's going to happen next: revealing my secret, again; how he'll react. "I told him, I told everyone, that I worked for a bank: Credit Dauphine. Credit Dauphine was a cover for a secret division over the CIA, SD-6—or so I thought. When I told Danny the truth, and security section found out, they had him murdered. I found him dead in our bathtub. That's when I found out the truth. SD-6 was one of ten divisions of a black market criminal organization. I had been working for the very people I thought I was fighting against. I found out everything I'd ever known was a lie." I hesitate and look over at him. I can't read his expression and I'm more scared then I can remember being in a long time.

Truth list: 18. Drudging up the past sucks.

I want to get this off of my chest and then run for the hills. "I went to the CIA and became a double agent—to bring down SD-6 and to revenge Danny's murder. But the fight was bigger then I thought it was. Instead of weeks or months, it took years. While I worked, I had a contact with the CIA, my handler, Michael Vaughn. That's Michael, that's how I really met him, that's how we really started to work together. At first I thought he was too young to handle my case. We butted heads at the begging. But when I had no one else, he became my shoulder to cry on, my strength and my support. After a while it wasn't about revenging Danny, so much as bringing down SD-6 to be free—to live my life however I wanted to.

"We got a break and were able to bring down SD-6. I was free and the emotions that had built over the years I'd known Vaughn were able to be expressed. Everything happened very fast and we were in love. There was barely a moment to spend with each other, we were almost always working. If it wasn't a mission half way across the world in an insane get up, it was half way across the world without him. After so much, we were going to finally go away for the weekend, to Santa Barbara. He dropped me off at my house and was going to pick me up after he went to debrief." I can't escape the memories anymore and I can't pretend that I can overcome then, not right now. I want to cry, to forget it all happened, but Colin deserves to know—even if he hates me once he knows.

"When I got home I found out my roommate was actually a double. She wasn't my best friend Francie, she was a double—someone that looked exactly like Francie, sounded like Francie, was Francie—who had been living in my house for months after she'd killed the real Francie. I found my other best friend, Will, in the bathtub—just like I'd found Danny. Only Francie's double, Allison Dorien, found out I knew the truth and we fought. The next thing I remember was waking up in an alley in Hong Kong. I found out two years had passed. That's where I was. That's why I don't know things sometimes, because I have no memory of living then. I spent months trying to find out what happened. But my life was gone. Francie was dead. Will was in witness protection. My father had been imprisoned. My partner Dixon was now Director." The memories are overcoming me. I have to pause for a second; the worst part of all was still ahead. Mustering strength I know I don't have, I'm going to try to finish. "Vaughn had gotten married. He thought I'd died, he moved on, and gave up on us. Everything ... everything was different." I can't help it anymore, it's too much, and I just ... broke down, the sobs over coming me. He's silent, the only sound I can hear are my own sobs. The food is forgotten, the moment is dragging on, and the silence is killing me. I can hear the nothingness over my cries—I can't stay here with him hating me.

Truth list: 19. The truth hurts.

"I know I've kept so much from you. I didn't want to lie to you; you had to know some things. But I've been through so much; I couldn't share everything until I knew. I ... I didn't want you to get too involved and then find out the truth—and be revolted. There isn't ... I'm sorry."

I'm sitting there, just for a second, one second too many. I'm suffocating; the air is being squeezed out of me with each second of silence. I can't muster enough courage to look into his eyes. I can, though, run away from him, from the house that is strangling me, from his face that would surely kill me if I stay any longer. "I'm not ... I can't be strong any more, I can't."

tbc