Nightswimming

Nightswimming deserves a quiet night.
The photograph on the dashboard, taken years ago,
Turned around backwards so the windshield shows.
Every streetlight reveals the picture in reverse.
Still, it's so much clearer.
I forgot my shirt at the water's edge.
The moon is low tonight.

"Ugh." She muttered and placed the book down. Noting could hold Raven's interest for long today. Not after what had happened. She sighed. Looking around the room, she could see Terra in everything. It had seemed like years since she'd been here, as one of them. Raven could see her by the couch, playing video games with Beast Boy. She was in the kitchen, eating Starfire's alien food with joy. But then, she was attacking them, beating them down... No. This is pointless Raven thought suddenly. Terra was gone, and this pointless wandering was a waste of her energy. She had to clear her mind of this. Deciding to mediate, Raven walked to her room.

Nightswimming deserves a quiet night.
I'm not sure all these people understand.
It's not like years ago,
The fear of getting caught,
Of recklessness and water.

They cannot see me naked.
These things, they go away,
Replaced by everyday

Slowly, the incense filled the air. Raven inhaled deeply, calming herself and began to find her center. Chanting softly, she closed her eyes. She remembered how the others had not understood her need for private mediation at first. But she did not seek this solace for herself. She did it alone because of her friends. She remembered the first time, she had mediated, in Azarath. She had wanted to learn the answer to a riddle proposed by one of her teachers. At first, she had been filled with calm. But then, Raven began to feel something else. Something was growing inside her, something evil. She had opened her eyes and looked in a mirror. She had seen the face of a monster overlapping her own. She had seen the face of her father. Form that day on, she had used it as a shield, a way to block off his evil influence, never to learn of herself. It was Raven's secret fear, that someday, her friends would learn of her true nature and reject her. Perhaps, after all that time, they would accept her, but she could never take that chance. Suddenly, Terra's face filled her vision. Annoyed she tried to banish it, but it remained.

Nightswimming, remembering that night.
September's coming soon.
I'm pining for the moon.
And what if there were two
Side by side in orbit
Around the fairest sun?
That bright, tight forever drum
Could not describe nightswimming.

You have found your peace. said a voice form the corner of her mind. Raven's eyes opened wide. She had never heard a voice before, and she did not understand what it meant. What did Terra have to do with her fear? Terra had never been her friend, just someone who had betrayed her... And still, you mourn for her. said the voice again. Why? Raven realized that she didn't know. Why had Terra had such an impact on her? Was she wrong? Yes. Terra had been her friend. But it was more.

You, I thought I knew you.
You I cannot judge.
You, I thought you knew me,
this one laughing quietly underneath my breath.
Nightswimming.

She remembered how she had felt after Terra's sacrifice. Part of her had still hated her for what she had done. But another part had... envied her. Because Terra had had a secret too. Yes, it was a horrible secret, not as bad as hers, but still horrible. And yet, she had let it out. She had let herself be seen at the core, and yet at the end, hadn't they all accepted her? Hadn't she become one of them again, in memory if not in being? She had done all that, and Raven stayed the same, shrouded by her fears and mystery. Was that why she couldn't get Terra's face out of her head? Because in the end.. Raven envied her?

The photograph reflects,
Every streetlight a reminder.
Nightswimming deserves a quiet night, deserves a quiet night.