Title: Different [10/10]

Dedications: I have to thank Jude for the inspiration and Mel for betaing this for me. To Colin, because--mayhaps there's more then I could say. And to everyone that's ever read and especially anyone that has reviewed this.

Author's Notes: This was the first thing I wrote of the entire piece. Over time it's changed but the heart of it's remained the same. Thank you for reading this!

I've lived a little—a lot—since my life started again. I went through being alone, regretting and missing my past. I went through the steps of reclaiming my life again and I thought I'd managed. It took running into an amazing stranger and his dog to really make me see life again. Through tears of laughter and smile wrinkles I'm living again, with a new family—a self made one—where I am happy and safe and loved.

Love really did creep up on me. This amazing man, this friendship, became more then I could have imaged—more then I've ever had before. With Noah there was admiration and a crush that lead to infatuation, which I confused with love. With Danny there'd been companionship and innocent love. With Vaughn there'd been a spark—with the potential for forever: love, friendship, comfort, happiness, everything. But that potential didn't get a real chance. I know that I loved him. Given more time, it would have become everything I saw in his eyes and felt in his words and touches. But time was what we lacked. And then my life started all over again.

I didn't realize it, I didn't want to admit it, but I'd found love and it had found me. I've grown up and I've learned some lessons. I know things won't get easier. No, anyone that says that would be lying. And that's just one more lie that can be crossed out on the "Truth" list. But it does get different. And different isn't always bad. Different can be good. Easy isn't always easy or what you want, or need. But different sometimes is.

There doesn't have to be a happy sunset, a prince charming, or a 'happily ever after'. There may just be soul mates, people that have this connection with you that no one else has or could ever have. But I also know there's people that you genuinely care for, adore, love. And if your love is strong enough, you can keep it together. I've found that, both of them. I didn't think I would, but I have.

Truth list: 22. You need to be happy with yourself before you can be with someone else.

If Danny had never been killed, I may just have had a good life. Had I not lost two years of my life, things would be different—I could've been happy, or not. But I have now. A now with a man that I'm not his mistake, with a man that loves me for who I am, for who I was, for who I may be, for everything he knows and everything he doesn't need to know about me.

Different, for me—right now—is what I need, and what I want. You can take your 'easier', but I'll take my 'different'.

I'm in love with my different. I have a future with my different. And my different, my Colin, sees a future with me as well, with the golden glimmer of love shinning in his eyes. Things aren't always perfect but we work hard to keep things together—it's an up hill battle, but we love the adventure we're on.

I may not have forever, but this time I'm cherishing my todays, every day, for as long as I have them. You never know what tomorrow will bring or when things will change. You should always know what you have right now—make sure to hold onto it and not take things for granted.

I'm still sure of only a few things in life: The life that I live. The people I live it with. The moments that make my life what it is. The reasons why I love who I'm with and what I'm doing.

Never say never—you can come to have to face that 'never' as it's biting you in the ass. But you can always say no, and change your mind later.

Truth list: 23. A woman's prerogative to change her mind should be used when necessary.

The sound of someone screaming echoes throughout the house, "Cannonball!" Of course, my screaming banshee, Colin, just jumped into the pool.

Okay, so my different is a five year old in the disguise of a thirty- two year old man. He's funny and crazy but he's amazing and I love him. And I'm stuck in my disgustingly hot clothes.

"Syd," he wines, lapping at the edge of the pool. "Syd, come out here!" he shouts. I'm not his mother or his maid and yet I'm moving towards him.

"What," I grumble. It's too hot outside and the AC has gone on strike for the day. I'm cranky when I'm hot, he knows that.

He swims a lap around the pool—as if he's showing off for me—and then he comes back over to where I'm waiting. "Come on in and join me," he says, partly in question and part in instruction.

"How can you be in there? It's a freaking desert out here, with a broken AC—which I still don't believe you called the repair company for—and the water's got to be 80 or more. I can be out here and be hot just as easily—or even inside."

"But it's nice in here. And I did call the repair company, apparently everyone else's broke down today too. I don't think they'll make it out today to work on it—I could have taken a look at it myself, but you insisted that I can't, so you'll just have to suffer." He's being smarmy, with a smirk and a laugh—he knows I'm not happy. "Water, ohh ... refreshing!" he tries to convince me. "Nice and cool! The best weapon of defense we have against the heat," he insists, as if he's the spokesman for pools all around the world.

"No, really, it's okay—I'll go back inside. At least there I can lie down under those great fans, on high," I tell him as I head inside. Ceiling fans on their maximum setting and comfy beds—combined together they produce something truly wonderful: beautiful, comfortable man-made breezes.

Truth list: 24. Ceiling fans are amazing—I love them.

"Fine," he pouts as he enters the bedroom. "I'll just have to stay up here with you," he jokes as he reaches the middle of the room. He stands in front of me, bare chest and towel around his wait, and gives me that look of his. That puppy pout, 'why are you—', mischievous grin, 'I didn't do anything, yet' look of his. I just give him one of my own. I turn back to lying next to my dog, who's on his back and enjoying the ceiling fans just as much as I am, and we both—Casey and I—bask in the cool breezes of my amazing bedroom. "Okay, maybe it is nice in here," he admits. Refusing to admit defeat willingly, he asks as if he's being forced, "You happy?" I just smile and lean against Casey, he makes a really great pillow.

Truth list: 25. Dogs care just as much as humans about basic needs—including comfort, love, and the optimum temperatures.

Colin isn't about to plop down beneath the fans just yet, so it sounds as if he's drying himself off. It's either the heat or my newfound 'man-made breeze' that's affecting my brain, because crazy things are going through my mind. "If guys can go without their shirts, why can't women?" I ask. He looks at me like I'm crazy and stupid. I always wondered that. When I was little I didn't understand those logistics but I soon learned that's just how things were around here. But when it's this hot outside, why can't us gals do something about it—men can. Traditions and society's parameters don't mean a great deal to me right now.

His expression goes to a whole other level, beyond his initial look of bewilderment, when I actually take the threat to heart. As my shirt hits the floor I think his audible gasp and then gulp can be heard throughout the house, above the noise of my ceiling fan.

"I never was fond of traditions ..." he stutters. The rest of his words are cut off when my shorts follow, along with his towel and his swim trunks.

Different can be really good, under the right conditions, I think—before I suddenly don't care about being hot anymore.