Chapter 14 - Human Tolerance
At last, the hedge ends, and I run around it, rushing back along its length, and I see him, a mere glimmer in the moonlight. The sight almost causes my heart to stop as it's exactly what I dreaded seeing. No, wait, that's not exactly true. I freeze on the spot. He's fighting, well, I guess you could call it that. He's drunk. He's giggling, and he's staggering, but somehow, it's more like Spike than anything I've seen so far. His co-ordination's not up to much, but he's managed to stake the one who was feeding from him.
One of them tries to run, apparently deciding he doesn't like food that fights back, but the other closes in on Spike, who's sitting on the ground, apparently having a great time if the giggling is anything to go by. He's not afraid, and I wonder for a moment whether or not to help, but when I see him try to stand, my indecision's gone.
Too late, the vamp realises I'm behind him. He turns just as I thrust a stake through his back into his heart. I take a quick look around, but wherever the third one is, it's nowhere around here.
I look back towards Spike, and the result of that is a recurrence of the giggles. I don't know whether to join in or yell at him, but in the end, I'm just so relieved, and so angry that he let himself get into this position, that I yell.
"What do you think you're doing, Spike?" I demand, hands on my hips.
He seems to sober a little at my words, but then he grins.
"Was staking me a vamp or two," he replies, his words slurred.
"I mean, what are you doing out after dark, in a park, no less?"
"Park? That where I am?"
He looks thoughtful. "Don't remember being in a park."
"Save it," I answer. "Let's get you home, and then you can tell me why you're trying to get yourself killed."
His expression as I say that is so remorseful after a second, that I feel my anger melting. I go to him, and haul him to his feet, putting an arm under his arm, and pulling his arm over my shoulders. He's actually fairly steady once he's upright, and I take him back the way I came, out of the park, and onto the street.
By the time we get to the apartment, I get the impression he doesn't need any support, but he doesn't let go, and it's the last thing I want to do right now. Being this close to him, touching him, feeling his pulse, it's such a strange mixture of the familiar and the new. Once we're inside, though, there's no excuse. He flops onto a chair, and I turn to see Willow pulling her suitcase out of her bedroom.
"Is he ok?" she asks.
I nod. Words seem difficult when I think how things could have turned out.
"My cab should be here in a minute," Willow says.
I glance at my watch, and realise it's later than I thought.
"Sorry, Will."
"No problem. As long as everyone's ok."
I hear the sound of a car horn from outside, and glance out the window to confirm that it's Willow's cab.
"It's here," I tell her, covering the distance between us. I hug her tight.
"Thanks for everything," I say softly.
"Really no need for thanks," she replies.
"Thanks anyway. And safe journey."
She nods, and I pick up her suitcase to walk her out to the cab.
I watch as the tail lights vanish along the road, then go back inside.
Spike's sitting where I left him, but he's not looking so happy.
I sit beside him, and lift his face so he's looking at me.
"What were you doing? Trying to get yourself killed? You had me so scared… I thought I'd lost you again."
"Wasn't," he murmurs.
"Wasn't trying to get killed," he finishes. "That's what you said, out there. I wasn't."
"Well, what were you doing?"
"Getting drunk."
He says that as if it explains everything.
"Getting drunk," I parrot.
"Well, yeah. I seem to remember it helps. Well, no, it doesn't really, but it seems to for a while."
"Where'd you get the money?" I ask, trying to keep my voice level.
"Played some college kids at pool. Easy enough scam. Play them without a stake and let them win, then give them the chance to fleece me too, except then I play properly."
"Ok, so you suckered some college kids. Then you got drunk."
He seems to have to think about it. "Yeah, except, I don't remember drinking that much. Started feeling kinda … sick. Never felt like that before. Went outside, thinking I was going to throw up, and the next thing I remember was some vamp trying to take a bite."
"Ok," I say. "Makes sense, I suppose. You're human now. Makes sense you'd only have human resistance to alcohol, and your human body isn't used to it, so it wouldn't take a lot to make you drunk."
"Hadn't thought of that," he admits.
"You were really scared?" he asks, dropping his head again.
"Of course I was. Ever since I first realised there was a chance you could come back, it's all I've been able to think about. And to lose you again … I couldn't take it."
"Sorry," he mutters. "Sorry I scared you. I didn't think …"
"No, you didn't."
He grins sheepishly, and I raise a hand to his face, sweeping some stray hair off his face. He closes his eyes at the contact, but his body stiffens, so I pull away.
"How're you feeling?" I ask.
"Like a pillock," he admits. "A very sleepy pillock."
"You didn't sleep last night, did you?"
"Maybe an hour or two."
"Let me change the bed Willow's been using, and you can go and lie down."
"Don't bother. Don't imagine the witch's that dirty, and I'm sure I've slept worse places than her used sheets. Ok if I go and lie down now?"
"Sure," I answer, getting up as he does.
He leaves the room, and I follow him into the hallway. He goes into the bedroom but pauses in the doorway, turning towards me.
"Was fun, though," he says, smiling at me.
"Fun?"
"Yeah, fun. Staking vamps again. Bit of violence. Fun."
He doesn't wait for an answer, just turns and closes the door behind him. When I check on him ten minutes later, he's sleeping like a baby.
He's still sleeping when Wes and Gina arrive. They follow me into the living room as I explain in whispers what happened.
"He managed to stake one of them though," Wes asks.
"Well, yeah, but it wasn't much of a vamp. It'd been hurt, I guess by Angel from what they said."
"But an average human, as drunk as you say Spike was, wouldn't stand much of a chance even against an incapacitated vamp," he insists.
"Well, no, but then Spike's not average. He's got a century of fighting techniques at his disposal. And to be honest, I think he got lucky."
"Ok," Wes agrees, but I can see he's not convinced.
"So, you've heard from Lilah too," I change the subject.
"Yes, this morning. It appears that, effective immediately, I'm not welcome at Wolfram and Hart."
"That's not what she said," I disagree. "She said you were on paid leave."
"That's what my communication said too, but I'd be naïve to think I'm going to be trusted again. I'll continue to take payment while I help you complete your task, but as soon as that's over, I'll go back to working on my own. I may even be able to persuade some of the others to join me, but that's for another time."
"What else did she give you?" he asks.
I hand him the stack of papers, and he scans them, reading more carefully when he comes to the background information on the Carnolan demons. I leave him to it, although I do feel just a little guilty. But then, research - not my strong point.
"Have you shared this with Spike?" he asks, looking up from the papers for a moment.
"No, and I'm not going to," I reply.
He looks at me, the sort of long look that authority figures use when they don't like what you said.
"Buffy, he deserves to know what you promised to do in order to bring him back."
"But, he's human, and without all the super strength, and the being already dead, I'd just have to look out for him all the time. And there's no way he wouldn't want to be involved."
"Yet I'm involved," Wes reminds me. "And, in her own way, Gina's involved too."
"I know, and I'm sorry," I start to apologise, but Wes holds up his hand.
"Buffy, stop. I'm not looking for an apology. I chose to be involved, and so did Gina. Or at least, she knows what I do, understood that before I married her."
Gina puts her hand on his arm. "He spent about a month, while were engaged, trying to persuade me to break it off because he didn't want me involved with demon fighting, however indirectly."
"So, Gina and I have chosen to be involved. But Spike has the right to choose too. Like it or not, it concerns him, in a very real way. You've given up, albeit temporarily, your 'normal life', and you did it for him. Now, I know you did it willingly, but you owe it to him to tell him what happened. And you know what I'm saying is true. If you and he are ever going to have a future, you need to let him into all aspects of your life."
Deep down, I know he's right. It goes against the Slayer thing, the part of me that feels it's up to me to look after everyone else, but he's right. The times I nearly failed as the Slayer were the times I tried to do it alone.
"Ok," I sigh. "I'll tell him. I'll tell Spike what I agreed to do."
The words are no sooner out of my mouth than I realise he's standing in the doorway.
"What's this? What're you going to tell Spike?"
I jump at the sound of his voice, guilt and surprise adding to make my heart thump in my chest. He ignores me, and walks towards Gina, hand outstretched.
"Seems we're going to have to introduce ourselves," he says, shaking her hand.
"I'm William Carrington," he says, "formerly known as the Vampire Spike or William the Bloody."
"Gina, Gina Wyndam Pryce," she answers, smiling at him.
I shouldn't be surprised. If there's something Spike's never been lacking in, it's charm, oh and appreciation of an attractive woman.
"That mean you're with him?" he asks, nodding his head in Wes' direction.
"For better or worse," Gina replies, smiling warmly.
"So," he says, moving to an empty chair and flopping down on it. "It seems I've been out of the loop for a while, so maybe you'd better start at the beginning."
And so we start. To tell the truth, Wes does most of the talking. I'm watching Spike, how he reacts to what's being said, looking at every twitch and change of position from under my eyelashes.
Spike tenses noticeably when he hears about the deal. It's hard to tell what emotion caused the tension, whether it was anger, or fear, or something else altogether. I chance a proper look at his face, and I see confusion, and then pain. He doesn't say anything.
Wes goes on to outline what the documents in front of him say about Carnolan demons. The fact that they're flesh-eaters, but that they've not until now been numerous enough to impinge on human awareness. He adds some further information, including what he remembers from his Watcher training, but all that does in reinforce what we got from Wolfram and Hart.
Wes pauses then, letting us consider what he's said.
"Seems there's something odd about this," Spike says.
"What?" I ask.
"Well, two things, really. If these demons are as potentially nasty as their advertising suggests, why would these evil lawyer types want rid of them?"
"Balance of power, Lilah said," I answer him.
"Mmm hmm. So, if there're two or more groups, all balanced, and you go and get rid of one of them, what does that do to the others?"
"It upsets the balance," I answer, but Wes interrupts.
"It effectively increases the power of the other group or groups. We knew that, but it's a risk we're going to have to take, even if it means taking on the other groups afterwards."
"Ok, I get that. I'm not sure why you'd take that risk just for me, but, ok. The other point is something about the Carnolan demons themselves. There's something about what you're saying that just doesn't make sense. I can understand that the Watchers council, and humans in general wouldn't have much contact with these demons. But, I don't understand why they don't figure in vamp history. We're too alike, I mean, we've got the same food supply, so we're bound to have crossed paths sometimes."
"Yes, I suppose so," Wes agrees, but he doesn't seem to know where this is going.
"Then, why have I never heard of them?"
"Just because you've never heard of them, …" Wes starts, disagreeing.
"Look, watcher. I've been around a bit longer than you. Living out there, among the demons. I speak bloody Fyarl, and a couple of other languages they didn't teach at UC Sunnydale, or Oxford. Demons know demons. Even if it's only knowing which ones to fight and which ones to keep the hell away from."
"So, what are you saying?"
"I'm saying, I've never heard of Carnolan demons, and I've never heard of anything that has that particular MO. Sounds like the sort of thing to frighten young ones with - bogey man or the likes."
"But, there're records, both at Wolfram and Hart, and at the Watchers Council," Wes remonstrates.
"And, records've never been altered or made up before, now have they?"
Wes turns strangely pale at that, but it's not the time to start asking for explanations.
"So," I say, catching on. "You think there's something more to all this than they've told us."
"Bloody right I do."
Wes is silent at that, thoughtful.
"I'll call Giles. If my memory serves, Carnolan demons were only mentioned in one text. It would obviously be easier to fabricate a single reference."
He turns towards me then adding, "Would it be ok for me to borrow this? I'd like to digest the contents before I talk to Giles."
"Feel free," I tell him. "It's not like I'm itching to read it."
That comment earns me a very Giles-like glare.
Wes is sitting on the edge of his chair, and I know he just wants to go and get on with his research. Gina's watching Spike and me, and trying not to be obvious about it. Spike? He's decided his lap is very interesting. And I desperately want to talk to him, find out how he feels about the information, but I'm not going to ask him in front of the others, so I'm relieved when Gina nudges Wes and says, "I think it's time we were going home, Wes. You can read that and make notes to your heart's content, and then you can call Giles."
Wes takes his wife's hint, and gets up to leave. I follow them to the door, and once there, Gina gives me a hug.
"He's not happy about things, but you knew he wouldn't be. Give him time, though. If he loved you as much as you remember, he'll understand why you did what you did."
I hug her back, and we separate, but then she leans over to whisper in my ear, a wide grin on her face. "Oh, and for the record, I fully understand you wanting him back!"
I can't help but smile back at her, and for a few seconds all I feel is joy that he's with me. She's right. We can work all this out, I know we can. Just as long as we're both willing to try.