A Note from the Author: From the very beginning I have had this epilogue. It's done and has been for a very long time but I'm still not in love with it. Even with that said, I couldn't help but want something to really make this is an 'as close to happily ever after as possible'. So, in all its fluffy glory, here's the epilogue to Different.
EpilogueI was asleep when something softly touched my face. Turning into the warm hand, I can't help but nuzzle against his skin. He murmurs something; I know it must have been kind and loving. All I can understand, though, is that the barest edges of sleep still hold me. Colin is soothingly rubbing my face and whispering words of love and affection—I'm sure this is a dream.
He becomes insistent, outlining my entire face, softly telling me I have to wake up. I am given no choice in the matter, but waking up like this isn't exactly horrible. He helps me get out of bed and stays by my side as I try to come back to the real world, instead of my dream world. Convincing me to come outside with him, he holds my hand and leads me down to the beach.
I can hear the waves, just as soon as we pass through the sliding glass doors. Barely awake, I'm afraid that I'll fall asleep from the rhythmic sounds. The only thing that kept me awake is the wind—and his touch.
I had fallen asleep, waiting for Col to get ready for our night out. He had taken too much time and my day had been too exhausting and too long. I was fast asleep, with my make-up on, my hair done, and my best dress on before I'd even realized my head had hit the pillow.
But now, the moon is full and the stars are shining like I've never seen before. It's dark outside, but there are candles and torches all around—bringing light and a flickering glow to the entire scene. There is a blanket and a comforter and sheets, covering a section of the beach—inviting just by sight to snuggle and look up at the sky. There are also flowers and decorations all around; it seems like something taken from the pages of a fairy tale.
He looks over at me, emotion seeping out of his eyes, tears barely held back. "I love you." If I thought his eyes held emotion, his words ... I'm blown away by him. "I love who you are, who you can be, who you aren't. I love you because of you—your past, your present, and your future. I love you for your kindness, for your beauty, for your intelligence, for your strength and your weaknesses, for your humor, for your unwavering loyalty, and for so much more then I could ever list in a lifetime."
The tears fall on their own accord from love and joy as he tells me all of this. "I want to spend all my days with you, my nights, my smiles and my tears. I only want a future with you in it. I want to wake up with you next to me and you beside me as I go to sleep." He takes a deep breath, and continues to say, "I want to be able to call you my wife."
I want to stop him, to say something to him—anything, at all, and he'd know what I was trying to tell him, what I want to tell him. But he keeps going on, and makes me want to love him even more. "I want a future with you, as my wife, my friend, my lover. I want to live through fights and making up. I want everything, as long as I have you." Holding both of my hands in his, he looks into my eyes—really looks into them, as if the secrets of the world lay in them. He pulls his left hand away, but keeps his right hand around both of mine, and reaches into his pocket. His hands shake and his eyes glisten. "Please, I love you so much, would you be my wife?"
The memory of a man on his knees in the grass at UCLA singing to me flashes in my mind for a second. But it's the man in front of me, kneeling; looking at me with love and anxious fear that holds my attention. Feeling the look of Colin's eyes on me and the pull of the sea behind us, the grin spreads across my face and the tears stream down my cheeks. "Yes, yes ... yes, Colin!"
"So that was a yes," he asks—if I didn't know better I'd think he was truly unsure about my answer. "You weren't just blinded by the glint off of this rock?" In typical and true Colin fashion, he decides to makes a serious situation funny. But he makes me realize: there's a ring. Looking down, it really is a rock—it's huge!
"Colin!" I squeal. It's beautiful. If I would have picked it out myself I wouldn't have been able to find something this beautiful. It's huge, it's gorgeous, and it had to have cost more then an arm and a leg—more like a whole person or two.
"I guess it really was a 'yes', huh?" he grins. I just can't say anything. I hug him and kiss him and hold him to me as close as I can: just breathing him in, the night, the air, this moment. I pull back, just enough to brace my head against his neck. He's stiff and ridged—he's suddenly demure and almost timid. "Can I put it on you?" he asks, pulling back to look me in the eyes, unsure and weak.
"Yes, yes, yes! I love you Colin, so much. I ... I would love nothing more, I would be honored."
He pulls this symbol of his love for me from the box and he grins, a 'my life can't possibly get any better' grin as he slides the ring onto my finger gently. "Try to not let it pull your hand down too much," he jokes, admiring his new mark on me. He stares at my hand for a moment and then back up at my face and he lets out a breath I didn't realize he was holding. "My god, Syd, you're beautiful," he says, awe struck.
I start to blush and hide my head in his neck. "You're the beautiful and amazing one, Col," I murmur into his warmth.
"No, I'm the insanely lucky one." He laughs and moves his head to look at me. "Syd, do you realize ..." he begins, the emotion evident in his words. He's serious and loving when he continues, "We're going to get married; you're going to be wife." His voice cracks and he holds me close. He stays silent for a while, it's just the two of us and the night and our future.
I break the silence, but I can't help it, "I love you so much Colin." I nuzzle into him, admiring the warmth of his skin against my own.
"I do too Syd, I do too," he says, just above a whisper. Before saying anything else, he guides me wordlessly to lie down on the blankets and sheets he's set up on the sand. Snuggling in his warmth and looking up at the stars in the sky, the soundtrack of the waves, I could fall back asleep without much effort. "When I met you, I never thought this would—could—ever happen. I didn't realize I was missing so much until I found you—found that you filled gaps and spaces I never knew I had. I didn't think there was anyone that would make me feel like I do when I'm around you, or thinking about you. I didn't know life could be like this. I know we've been dealt some curve balls, but we've made it through. We can get through anything. I ... I'm just, I want nothing more then to get that opportunity: to be with you, through thick and thin."
I want to voice my fears, but I don't—it'd ruin everything. If nothing else, Colin has always made it a point to reassure me of my fears. 'No one is perfect,' he tells me. 'But we can do our best.' With a smile and a laugh, and his strength and optimism, I would always believe him. He doesn't hate me when I remember things from my past, habits that are hard for me to break, or when I act oddly to things that only I find pain from. I'll always harbor fears of another man that I love being killed or having his life ruined, because of me. I won't have the time that's been taken from me, and I doubt I'll ever find out what happened to me, but I can't live in fear forever. Just go with the flow and make sure the flow takes you in the right direction—that's one thing that Colin's taught me.
I know that we'll have our fights and I know that my life won't ever exactly be easy. But I see us together. I see a future, whether it's with a white picket fence and 2.3 children or me on missions until I can't anymore. I see a life that I'll enjoy living. I see happiness and laughter. I see strength and love. I see the two of us.
"Do you mind staying out here for just a little bit longer?" He asks me this, after we've remained silent for so long. I'm enjoying just being here with him. It's ironic, that I started my new life on the beach, with the waves and the sand. I'm beginning this new life on the beach, with the sand and the waves—only this time with Colin as well.
Seeing a shooting star skitter across the night's sky, I look over into my new fianc's face. "I'd love that, Colin. I just want to be with you right now."
Turning so it is only the two of us, he gently leans into my face, so that we share the same breath, and places his lips on mine. "Me, you, and the stars," he promises me. Corny and sentimental sap, but it means the world to me. "Come here," he instructs, holding me until the lines defining our separation are blurred. "I'll carry us in if you fall asleep—can't have you getting sick on me, fiancée." Lighthearted and loving; just one side of many to the man I feel in love with. "We've got our futures ahead of us and I'm not letting you go any time soon."
I relax against his chest and the rise and fall with each of his breaths. The monumental events of this night are beyond even my wildest dreams. For right now, it's peace of mind, Colin, and the endless night. It's just us.
the end