A/N: OK. It's official. This is the longest story I've ever written. Even with that - the end is actually in sight - though I have trouble believing it myself on occasion and I'm struggling with letting it go. For those of you who were surprised about Becky - I was torn about this whole thing. I know I'm the one who created her but I gotta say I just love her to pieces!! Of course, anyone who reads what I'm writing know that if it's a fanfic by me - all will be OK in the end. It always is. Until (gulp!) 61! Enjoy! xox-G
Chapter Sixty
Alison walked downstairs expecting to see him in the living room or at least the den. He must be outside, she thought with a sigh.
She rubbed at her eyes and moved into the kitchen, arranging the things she'd need for breakfast on the counter.
Right before she ventured downstairs, she had checked on Becky and found her sleeping soundly, her beautiful little face peaceful, her tiny arms clutching her bunny tight. Alison felt herself calming down as she simply gazed at her little girl. She suddenly had a feeling it would all be all right.
She heard the front door open as she began to stir pancake batter. At the same time she heard a little set of feet running down the stairs. Her heart caught in her throat. The moment of truth was here.
Alison heard Rafe greet their little girl. She moved towards the doorframe but kept herself out of sight. As she heard him talk, tears formed in her eyes. He sounded so sad.
"Hey there Angel Face."
"Hi Daddy." She gave him a grin. Her eyes squinted a bit. "You look really tired."
She looked OK, but he still wasn't sure. He gave her a smile. "That's because I am. Come here." He said as he crouched down to look her in the eye. She skipped over to him. "Are you alright sweetie?"
"I'm OK. I was tired too." She said with a little yawn.
"You had a rough night honey." He took her tiny hand in his. "Do you want to tell me what happened?"
"I don't remember alot. I remember I was talking to Chloe. Did you know she loves Grant?" Becky smiled at him. "He loves her back too."
Rafe sighed. She looked so precious. "I know baby. Tell me what happened when you ran away from her."
"There was a bad man near the woods. He was hurting the lady. I wanted him to stop it." Becky said with a frown.
"And you did." He said as he ran a hand over her head.
"I did?" She looked at him shocked. "I don't really remember. I just knew I had to do something. I threw a stick at him. It was like the ones you have Daddy."
"I know. Yeah, sweetie you did. And you did a great job. But I don't want you to take a chance like that again OK? If that ever happens again you go get Grant or Katie OK? Don't try to take care of it yourself."
"What about you?" Becky asked.
"What?" Rafe stood upright and stared off into space. He was visibly upset and distracted.
"Daddy? Why shouldn't I find you?" She looked up at him.
"Becks, sweetie?" Alison called out as she moved into the doorway.
Becky turned towards her and flashed a huge smile. "Hi Mommy. Can you make me pancakes for breakfast? Pretty please?"
She fought to keep her voice steady, she was so relieved to see that her little one was OK. "Sure honey. As a matter of fact, I knew you'd ask that. I've already started."
Becky giggled as she ran towards her. "Cool. How about chocolate chip?"
"Of course." Alison replied with a smile.
Becky threw her arms around Alison's waist and gave her a hug. She paused a second, just like she always did lately, and kissed her stomach. "Good morning, baby." She whispered before easing away. "Can I go watch cartoons until breakfast is ready?"
"Sure honey. Go ahead." Alison said absentmindedly. She waited until she heard the TV click on. It was Becky's favorite show and would occupy her for a while. She sighed with relief. Now that she knew Becky was OK, there was someone else who she needed to take care of.
Rafe had turned away and was staring out the window.
"You didn't answer her question." Alison called out to him.
"I couldn't." He said softly.
"Why not, Rafe? Is it because you don't think you'll be here? Could that be it?"
"Alison. Please." He said as he turned to face her.
He looked at her beautiful face, happy that she had finally stopped crying. For at least that much Rafe was glad, since whenever he heard her cry his heart broke over and over again. He didn't know what to do to make it better. It seemed the right thing that he should make good on his threat to Caleb. He should find a way to kill him even if it meant he'd be gone too."
"I understand you don't want to upset her - but you will answer me." Her voice was a mixture of rage and sorrow. "Do you want to leave me? Are you saying you're going to leave us?"
He could barely speak. He tore his eyes away from her. His words were broken as they tumbled from his lips. "I don't - I think it's the only way..."
"You said you'd never leave me." She cut him off.
Rafe took a deep breath. He knew she'd fight him but he had to make her see. "Alison..."
She shook her head at him. "You see what happens when I'm without you. I know what you're thinking but it's no use. It won't work - Rafe. Even if you leave it won't be for long. I won't rest until you're back here with me."
He held his hand up to her to make her stop. "Alison, don't. I don't deserve it. I let this happen."
She knew she had made him feel this way. She wiped the tears from her cheeks and spoke again. "I'm sorry, Rafe. I didn't mean...you have to understand I was scared last night. I said things I shouldn't have."
"Everything you said was true." He insisted.
She walked closer to him. She wanted to grab his hand but he kept his arms crossed in front of him. She touched his elbow instead and he almost leap away from her. She grabbed on and held tight. "No. Rafe. No. I knew who you were before we even were together. I've known it all along and I love you for it."
"Stop." He said, unable to look her in the eyes.
She didn't listen. "I know that the kids are a part of you. I was just shocked. That's all. She'll be fine. I know that now. It's obvious she's OK. You taught her well."
His eyes pleaded with her to understand. "I taught our children how to kill. Do you get that? How did I ever think this would be OK?"
"You taught them to protect themselves and others. It's always amazed me how unselfish you are. You amaze me Rafe."
He shook his head at her. "Your life would be so much simplier if you've never met me."
She shoved him and stared into his eyes, her own glittering with anger. "What did you just say? OK. That's enough. My life would be empty without you. Rafe Kovich, don't you dare. That's it!! I'm not going to let you do this."
"Alison..." He said quietly.
"Don't you dare. You won't do this. You want to feel guilty - fine. Go off and sit somewhere until you're done beating yourself up. I won't watch it anymore. I won't let you do this in front of me. You wish you never met me? You'd like to live your life without our children? Is that what you want?"
Her words hit him like icy cold rain. It made his head snap up and his eyes go wide. "I didn't say that." He replied.
"Oh yes you did. You said you were going to leave. You were already planning it. I could see it in your face. Don't worry - you don't have to go anywhere because I don't even recognize you right now. My husband is no where to be found at the moment."
"I'm sorry." He said for the millionth time. "I never dreamed, you have to know – I never imagined..." He couldn't finish the thought.
"I know." She said her voice full of love. "I know you didn't."
"But you still can blame me. I deserve it." He said, his voice soft and full of incredible guilt.
Rational thought had begun to take over Alison's brain. She moved to wipe at her eyes. "Stop. I'm so sorry. I know what I said to you and that was unfair. You weren't even there Rafe. How can I blame you?"
"I wasn't there..." He said, his eyes brimming with tears.
Just hearing the sound of his voice, just looking at him, Alison had been able to let it all go. Now it was time to be there for him. "You prepared her Rafe – she knew what to do."
Rafe was so far away from her. If she didn't see him standing right there she would swear he was already gone. "Why did you say yes to having another kid, Alison? Why would you ever want to start a life with me? Look at what has happened. She was the most amazing little girl and I ruined her. Alison, I ruined her."
It took tremendous effort but she made him uncross his arms. She eased close to him and put her arms around him, holding him tight. She lay her head on his chest and whispered. "You did no such thing. She's fine, Rafe. We're all fine. I wouldn't change one moment, Rafe. I would never want to live a life without you. I'd live with danger everyday as long as it meant I'd have you with me. You have to believe that."
Rafe's arms closed around her and he clutched her to him, inhaling the scent of her hair. "I'm sorry..." He whispered.
"Shh. It's alright. Just stop. It's OK..." She said again, hoping to make him finally see. She tilted her face up to his and kissed him softly. Once she did he knew he was kidding himself. He'd never be able to walk away from any of them. Especially not her. It was crazy to even think of trying.
From the doorway leading to the den Becky looked on and giggled. "Hey Mommy? When you finish kissing Daddy can I please have some pancakes? I'm really hungry."
Rafe laughed against Alison's lips and at that moment, they both knew everything was going to be just fine. Alison gave him a look as she answered, "Sure, in a second honey. I'm not finished yet." right before she kissed him again.