Title: A Far Cry From Yesterday - #1 in the 'Shadows In Time' Series
Author: Isis Blue
Started: May 25, 2003
Completed: September 10, 2003
Feedback: I'd be eternally grateful if you let me know what you thought of this fic! vagabond_angel@comcast.net
Disclaimer: not mine, just borrowing them from all the people at ME, Fox, UPN, WB, etc.
Rating: R, for language Pairing: B/A, minor use of other ships (W/O, X/C)
Series Summary: post-s3 (BTVS) AU.departs from canon after the s3 finale and jumps into my own universe. From there, almost everything will be different. A few characters and concepts will pop-up, but really, this doesn't relate at all to the seasons that followed s3.
Fic Summary: Buffy must face the consequences of something she did and finds her life drastically changing.
Spoilers: Anything through the end of s3 of BTVS, but mostly the end of s3.
Distribution: my site (Vagabond Soul), ff.net, Enchanting Place, CBAU, and LoD; & Starrkitty's Archive if they want it...and probably some other places I'm forgetting, anyone else, just ask first.
Author's Notes: Keep in mind that this jumps cannon at the very moment the episode ends, which is with the gang walking off into the night.
AN2: My apologies to the Xander fans for what is to follow...I love Xander, but he was a victim of my plot. Sorry! Also, I must warn all of you that there will be little B/A direct interaction for a while in this series, but the pair is still the focus.
AN3: My eternal thanks to *Stars*, my beta, who was wonderful in helping me get this fic fine-tuned!
Warnings: Angsty, depressing, crude/bad language
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
Part 1
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
Completely disinterested in the company she was with, or the conversation going on, Buffy sat quietly and absentmindedly pushed the pasta around her plate. She hoped the act would make it look like she had actually eaten some when really she'd only had about two bites. Just the thought of eating made her stomach churn violently.
Cautiously, Buffy lifted her eyes to take a peak at her mother and the guy who was supposed to be her 'date'. She released a small sigh when it became apparent that neither one was really paying any attention to her. Glancing across the table, she looked at the blonde haired, blue-eyed college student. She idly wondered if he knew he needed a haircut. Not like she really cared, though.
Her Mom had planned the whole evening, saying she was inviting over a 'nice young man named Riley' who helped out at the gallery doing heavy lifting and such for dinner. Her reasoning for inviting him was to thank him for being such a helpful employee, but Buffy knew it was because her mother wanted her to meet him. Joyce seemed only too happy to push her to date now that Angel was out of the picture.
There was only one problem with her mother's big plan...Angel was far from out of the picture. At least not in Buffy's mind. His hold was still firmly clenched around her heart. Not even his absence could weaken the love she felt for the souled vampire. Her mother didn't seem to understand that, though. Joyce was just happy that Angel was gone, and was determined to set her daughter up with a nice, 'normal' young man.
Buffy wondered if they even remembered she was sitting at the table with them. She wasn't particularly interested in talking to either one of them, but it still stung a bit to be virtually ignored. Unfortunately...or fortunately...she wasn't sure which, her roaming eyes seemed to attract Riley's attention.
"So Buffy, your Mother tells me you will be going to UC-Sunnydale this fall," Riley spoke up, drawing Buffy out of her thoughts.
She rolled her eyes at the statement. "Yeah."
"Maybe we'll have some classes together," he smiled a goofy little grin at her.
Oh yeah, that would just be lots of fun, Buffy thought to herself. "Yeah, maybe."
"You should take Pysch with Professor Walsh. She's my favorite," he told her while buttering a roll.
"I haven't decided what I'm taking yet," shrugged Buffy, making a mental note not to take Pysch. If Riley liked this professor, it was unlikely she would.
Joyce smiled at the conversation between the two. They were perfect for each other. "So Riley, have you decided what you major will be?" she asked politely.
Her Mother and Riley were soon engrossed in conversation, which Buffy eagerly tuned out. The rest of the dinner proceeded with the two chatting amicably, which was fine with Buffy. She had absolutely no interest in dating Riley, or anyone for that matter. There wasn't much she did have interest in these days. Everything seemed darker and hopeless since Angel had walked off into the darkness of night.
Everyone thought she was fine, but she wasn't. Not in the least little bit. Each day she hoped it would get easier. It never did. The simplest little things were a struggle to do, and no one seemed to particularly care that the moment Angel had walked away from her it had felt like half her being had been torn out of her. No, they didn't care about that.
"Well, I think dinner went very well. Don't you?" Joyce questioned after Riley had finally left.
"Yeah," Buffy shrugged, but couldn't have cared less about the stupid dinner.
"I like Riley. He's a ni-"
"Nice young man. I know," snapped Buffy, thoroughly sick of hearing her mother sing Riley's praises. "I have to go...promised the gang I'd stop by the Bronze and then I have to patrol."
Ignoring her mother's disapproving frown, Buffy grabbed her jacket and some stakes before quickly exiting the house. She didn't bother to tell her mom that Giles had given her the night off. If her mother had known that, she would have made her stay home and Buffy had no desire to listen to one more word about the farm boy with stupid hair.
That was what they wanted, though. All of them. Forget and move on. They just didn't understand that it wasn't possible. Nothing could ever make her forget her Angel.
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
"Hey Buffy!" Willow chirped happily from her spot at the table in the Bronze next to Oz and Xander.
"Hey guys," spoke Buffy solemnly. The last thing she wanted at the moment was to be around her giddy, ignorant friends.
"So...how was the big dinner?" asked Xander, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.
Buffy groaned internally at the motion. "It was fine."
"When are you going to go out with him again? Ooooh! We could go on a double date. There's a really good movie playing at the cinema," babbled Willow with a grin, not noticing Buffy's lack of interest.
"I don't think I'll be seeing him again," answered Buffy, hoping they'd get the point that dating wasn't part of her plans now or in the near future.
Willow frowned slightly. "Why not? Your Mom said he was a really nice-"
"Nice guy. Yeah, I know. How could I not?" Buffy grumbled, wondering if it would be wrong for Mr. Nice and Perfect Normal Guy to have an unfortunate encounter with a vamp. "I gotta go guys...slayer...vamps...patrol."
"But you just..." started Xander, but before he even finished Buffy was gone. ".got here."
Buffy quickly exited the Bronze, wanting to get far away from the people inside. She collapsed against a nearby building, no longer able to hold back the tears that had been threatening to fall. Quiet sobs shook her tired body.
Why didn't they understand? Did they really think she could just go on like Angel had never been a part of her life? He was the one person who'd ever remotely understood her life and all the sacrifices she had to make. He was the one person who could make her smile with just a look. She couldn't just forget about those things.
Forcing herself to calm down, Buffy wiped the tears from her eyes. Slowly, she picked herself off the ground. She had no desire for any of her friends to find her like this. Pulling out a stake from her pocket, she wandered off to one of the graveyards hoping that she wouldn't run into any vamps since she wasn't in the best fighting condition.
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
~later that night~
With a groan, Buffy eased herself through the window to her bedroom. She didn't know why she was using her window. It wasn't like her Mom didn't know that she'd been out. But it was familiar, and familiarity was something she desperately needed right now, especially after the forced dinner earlier where her Mother had completely disregarded her feelings toward Angel and pushed her toward another guy and then her friends had pretty much acted the same way. Buffy couldn't help but feel like her entire world was crashing down around her.
Numbly she limped into her room, carelessly dumping her stakes on to her desk. Her whole body ached, and not just because of the tough fight with an unusually strong vamp she'd had earlier. No, not just because of that. A lot of it was due to the fact that the past two months, since the day of her high school graduation, she'd hardly slept more than a few hours every couple days, and she seemed to eat even less. Her body just couldn't handle the concept of food. If it weren't for the fact that she was the Slayer she had no doubt that she'd be in the hospital right now.
Weak and exhausted, Buffy slumped to the floor against her bed. All she wanted was one night of peaceful sleep, but she knew it wouldn't happen. Sleep only ended up tormenting her whether it be by visions of the past, hopeless dreams of the future, or the worst. horrid nightmares of pain, torture and death. They were always there every time she closed her eyes.
In short, her life had pretty much gone to hell the last two months, all of which could be traced to the lingering pain in her heart caused by the absence of her soulmate. Tears formed in her eyes as she cast her memory back to the man who'd torn her heart out and ripped it to shreds.
She wanted to hate him for leaving her, for forcing her to bare the weight of her destiny alone, but she couldn't. It was impossible to hate him when the love she felt for him still scorched the very core of her being. So instead she wallowed in the misery his absence had heaped upon her.
She kept hoping that each day it would get a little easier, that her heart would ache a little less. But it seemed as if the opposite were true. Each day it all only seemed to get worse. Angel was the first thing she thought of when she awoke each day, and the last thing she thought of before the few hours of sleep she'd attempt to get each night. And even when she did sleep, he'd just dominate her dreams.
How had her life gotten so bad? Only a few months earlier she had been relatively happy. Things hadn't been perfect, but at least she'd had some peace now and then. She'd also had her Angel. He had been the one solid thing she could always count on. Now he was gone and she was alone.
Well, she wasn't quite alone, she still had her Mom, her friends, and Giles, but they seemed to be oblivious to the endless pain she was in. Her Mom, though she never said it aloud, was happy Angel was gone and kept trying to get her to go out and meet someone new. Giles was Giles, content to have her focus on her training and slaying. Xander was still finding ways to berate Angel and her past choices and didn't seem to care at all that her heart was dead and continuously aching. The only one who seemed to be aware of her emotional condition was Willow, but even she seemed more apt to push her to move on when she wasn't yet ready, if she ever would be at all.
So instead of being able to turn to her friends and family for support, Buffy found herself feeling more alone than she ever had in her whole life. The only thing she wanted was Angel. She missed his calming words, his soothing embrace, and most of all, she missed the loved feeling she got whenever he was near. Would she ever feel like that again? If the last two months were any indication.
Buffy's thoughts abruptly stopped at the seemingly innocuous internal statement.
Two months.
Two months.
It had been two months since Angel had left. Her eyes widened at that particular realization. Jumping up from her spot on the floor, Buffy dashed across her room and out the window. As she ran off into the night the words 'two months' continued to echo through her mind.
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
TBC!
Feedback: I'd be eternally grateful if you let me know what you thought of this fic! vagabond_angel@comcast.net
Disclaimer: not mine, just borrowing them from all the people at ME, Fox, UPN, WB, etc.
Rating: R, for language Pairing: B/A, minor use of other ships (W/O, X/C)
Series Summary: post-s3 (BTVS) AU.departs from canon after the s3 finale and jumps into my own universe. From there, almost everything will be different. A few characters and concepts will pop-up, but really, this doesn't relate at all to the seasons that followed s3.
Fic Summary: Buffy must face the consequences of something she did and finds her life drastically changing.
Spoilers: Anything through the end of s3 of BTVS, but mostly the end of s3.
Distribution: my site (Vagabond Soul), ff.net, Enchanting Place, CBAU, and LoD; & Starrkitty's Archive if they want it...and probably some other places I'm forgetting, anyone else, just ask first.
Author's Notes: Keep in mind that this jumps cannon at the very moment the episode ends, which is with the gang walking off into the night.
AN2: My apologies to the Xander fans for what is to follow...I love Xander, but he was a victim of my plot. Sorry! Also, I must warn all of you that there will be little B/A direct interaction for a while in this series, but the pair is still the focus.
AN3: My eternal thanks to *Stars*, my beta, who was wonderful in helping me get this fic fine-tuned!
Warnings: Angsty, depressing, crude/bad language
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
Part 1
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
Completely disinterested in the company she was with, or the conversation going on, Buffy sat quietly and absentmindedly pushed the pasta around her plate. She hoped the act would make it look like she had actually eaten some when really she'd only had about two bites. Just the thought of eating made her stomach churn violently.
Cautiously, Buffy lifted her eyes to take a peak at her mother and the guy who was supposed to be her 'date'. She released a small sigh when it became apparent that neither one was really paying any attention to her. Glancing across the table, she looked at the blonde haired, blue-eyed college student. She idly wondered if he knew he needed a haircut. Not like she really cared, though.
Her Mom had planned the whole evening, saying she was inviting over a 'nice young man named Riley' who helped out at the gallery doing heavy lifting and such for dinner. Her reasoning for inviting him was to thank him for being such a helpful employee, but Buffy knew it was because her mother wanted her to meet him. Joyce seemed only too happy to push her to date now that Angel was out of the picture.
There was only one problem with her mother's big plan...Angel was far from out of the picture. At least not in Buffy's mind. His hold was still firmly clenched around her heart. Not even his absence could weaken the love she felt for the souled vampire. Her mother didn't seem to understand that, though. Joyce was just happy that Angel was gone, and was determined to set her daughter up with a nice, 'normal' young man.
Buffy wondered if they even remembered she was sitting at the table with them. She wasn't particularly interested in talking to either one of them, but it still stung a bit to be virtually ignored. Unfortunately...or fortunately...she wasn't sure which, her roaming eyes seemed to attract Riley's attention.
"So Buffy, your Mother tells me you will be going to UC-Sunnydale this fall," Riley spoke up, drawing Buffy out of her thoughts.
She rolled her eyes at the statement. "Yeah."
"Maybe we'll have some classes together," he smiled a goofy little grin at her.
Oh yeah, that would just be lots of fun, Buffy thought to herself. "Yeah, maybe."
"You should take Pysch with Professor Walsh. She's my favorite," he told her while buttering a roll.
"I haven't decided what I'm taking yet," shrugged Buffy, making a mental note not to take Pysch. If Riley liked this professor, it was unlikely she would.
Joyce smiled at the conversation between the two. They were perfect for each other. "So Riley, have you decided what you major will be?" she asked politely.
Her Mother and Riley were soon engrossed in conversation, which Buffy eagerly tuned out. The rest of the dinner proceeded with the two chatting amicably, which was fine with Buffy. She had absolutely no interest in dating Riley, or anyone for that matter. There wasn't much she did have interest in these days. Everything seemed darker and hopeless since Angel had walked off into the darkness of night.
Everyone thought she was fine, but she wasn't. Not in the least little bit. Each day she hoped it would get easier. It never did. The simplest little things were a struggle to do, and no one seemed to particularly care that the moment Angel had walked away from her it had felt like half her being had been torn out of her. No, they didn't care about that.
"Well, I think dinner went very well. Don't you?" Joyce questioned after Riley had finally left.
"Yeah," Buffy shrugged, but couldn't have cared less about the stupid dinner.
"I like Riley. He's a ni-"
"Nice young man. I know," snapped Buffy, thoroughly sick of hearing her mother sing Riley's praises. "I have to go...promised the gang I'd stop by the Bronze and then I have to patrol."
Ignoring her mother's disapproving frown, Buffy grabbed her jacket and some stakes before quickly exiting the house. She didn't bother to tell her mom that Giles had given her the night off. If her mother had known that, she would have made her stay home and Buffy had no desire to listen to one more word about the farm boy with stupid hair.
That was what they wanted, though. All of them. Forget and move on. They just didn't understand that it wasn't possible. Nothing could ever make her forget her Angel.
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
"Hey Buffy!" Willow chirped happily from her spot at the table in the Bronze next to Oz and Xander.
"Hey guys," spoke Buffy solemnly. The last thing she wanted at the moment was to be around her giddy, ignorant friends.
"So...how was the big dinner?" asked Xander, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.
Buffy groaned internally at the motion. "It was fine."
"When are you going to go out with him again? Ooooh! We could go on a double date. There's a really good movie playing at the cinema," babbled Willow with a grin, not noticing Buffy's lack of interest.
"I don't think I'll be seeing him again," answered Buffy, hoping they'd get the point that dating wasn't part of her plans now or in the near future.
Willow frowned slightly. "Why not? Your Mom said he was a really nice-"
"Nice guy. Yeah, I know. How could I not?" Buffy grumbled, wondering if it would be wrong for Mr. Nice and Perfect Normal Guy to have an unfortunate encounter with a vamp. "I gotta go guys...slayer...vamps...patrol."
"But you just..." started Xander, but before he even finished Buffy was gone. ".got here."
Buffy quickly exited the Bronze, wanting to get far away from the people inside. She collapsed against a nearby building, no longer able to hold back the tears that had been threatening to fall. Quiet sobs shook her tired body.
Why didn't they understand? Did they really think she could just go on like Angel had never been a part of her life? He was the one person who'd ever remotely understood her life and all the sacrifices she had to make. He was the one person who could make her smile with just a look. She couldn't just forget about those things.
Forcing herself to calm down, Buffy wiped the tears from her eyes. Slowly, she picked herself off the ground. She had no desire for any of her friends to find her like this. Pulling out a stake from her pocket, she wandered off to one of the graveyards hoping that she wouldn't run into any vamps since she wasn't in the best fighting condition.
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
~later that night~
With a groan, Buffy eased herself through the window to her bedroom. She didn't know why she was using her window. It wasn't like her Mom didn't know that she'd been out. But it was familiar, and familiarity was something she desperately needed right now, especially after the forced dinner earlier where her Mother had completely disregarded her feelings toward Angel and pushed her toward another guy and then her friends had pretty much acted the same way. Buffy couldn't help but feel like her entire world was crashing down around her.
Numbly she limped into her room, carelessly dumping her stakes on to her desk. Her whole body ached, and not just because of the tough fight with an unusually strong vamp she'd had earlier. No, not just because of that. A lot of it was due to the fact that the past two months, since the day of her high school graduation, she'd hardly slept more than a few hours every couple days, and she seemed to eat even less. Her body just couldn't handle the concept of food. If it weren't for the fact that she was the Slayer she had no doubt that she'd be in the hospital right now.
Weak and exhausted, Buffy slumped to the floor against her bed. All she wanted was one night of peaceful sleep, but she knew it wouldn't happen. Sleep only ended up tormenting her whether it be by visions of the past, hopeless dreams of the future, or the worst. horrid nightmares of pain, torture and death. They were always there every time she closed her eyes.
In short, her life had pretty much gone to hell the last two months, all of which could be traced to the lingering pain in her heart caused by the absence of her soulmate. Tears formed in her eyes as she cast her memory back to the man who'd torn her heart out and ripped it to shreds.
She wanted to hate him for leaving her, for forcing her to bare the weight of her destiny alone, but she couldn't. It was impossible to hate him when the love she felt for him still scorched the very core of her being. So instead she wallowed in the misery his absence had heaped upon her.
She kept hoping that each day it would get a little easier, that her heart would ache a little less. But it seemed as if the opposite were true. Each day it all only seemed to get worse. Angel was the first thing she thought of when she awoke each day, and the last thing she thought of before the few hours of sleep she'd attempt to get each night. And even when she did sleep, he'd just dominate her dreams.
How had her life gotten so bad? Only a few months earlier she had been relatively happy. Things hadn't been perfect, but at least she'd had some peace now and then. She'd also had her Angel. He had been the one solid thing she could always count on. Now he was gone and she was alone.
Well, she wasn't quite alone, she still had her Mom, her friends, and Giles, but they seemed to be oblivious to the endless pain she was in. Her Mom, though she never said it aloud, was happy Angel was gone and kept trying to get her to go out and meet someone new. Giles was Giles, content to have her focus on her training and slaying. Xander was still finding ways to berate Angel and her past choices and didn't seem to care at all that her heart was dead and continuously aching. The only one who seemed to be aware of her emotional condition was Willow, but even she seemed more apt to push her to move on when she wasn't yet ready, if she ever would be at all.
So instead of being able to turn to her friends and family for support, Buffy found herself feeling more alone than she ever had in her whole life. The only thing she wanted was Angel. She missed his calming words, his soothing embrace, and most of all, she missed the loved feeling she got whenever he was near. Would she ever feel like that again? If the last two months were any indication.
Buffy's thoughts abruptly stopped at the seemingly innocuous internal statement.
Two months.
Two months.
It had been two months since Angel had left. Her eyes widened at that particular realization. Jumping up from her spot on the floor, Buffy dashed across her room and out the window. As she ran off into the night the words 'two months' continued to echo through her mind.
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
TBC!