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Part 3
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"WHAT?!?!" Giles snapped at her while staring at her with angry eyes.
"You slept with him?" yelled Xander as he jumped out of his chair, eyeing her menacingly.
"Y-yes," Buffy choked out, taking a slight step backwards from the force of the fury radiating toward her. "I.w-we d-didn't intend for i-it t-to happen."
"Oh well that makes it okay then," Xander spoke sarcastically, his eyes blazing.
"What were you thinking, Buffy? You know full well the consequences of such actions," Giles chastised, his head shaking back and forth in disbelief.
"H-he.he." Buffy started before taking a moment to wipe at the tears threatening to fall. "He came to my room that night, after graduation.j- just to s-see me one m-more time...just t-to say g-goodbye." The last word was a mere whisper.
"Last time I checked, it took more than a few words to get someone pregnant," sneered Xander, clearly disgusted by the situation.
Buffy looked down, not able to see their disapproving faces any longer. "H- he kissed me-"
"What did he do? Force himself on you?" Xander screeched at her, already plotting the vampires dusty demise.
"NO! H-how could you even think that?" asked Buffy in shock that he could even suggest such a thing.
"Well, it is obvious Buffy that you did more than kiss," spoke Giles, his voice uncharacteristically cold and forceful.
"H-he went to l-leave...a-after he kissed m-me. I-I begged him to s- stay...n-not to leave me," sobbed Buffy, remembering the heartbreak of that night. "I-I kissed him, again. S-somehow we ended up in m-my b-bed."
She stopped speaking for a minute, feeling as if she were about to hyperventilate. Regaining some control, she went on, but still avoided looking at her friends. "I..I asked him to make love to me. I.I needed to be." Buffy paused for a moment, searching her heart for the right words to explain her actions.
"I had.. I had to know that he still loved me," she finished, her voice a mere whisper at the end.
Buffy finally gathered the nerve to lift her head and look at her friends. Willow was staring down at her hands. Giles was staring at her in complete disbelief, and Xander was pacing the room angrily. The shame she already felt for her actions seemed to increase drastically.
"I don't need to remind you what happened the last time you engaged in such activities with Angel," Giles spat out harshly.
"I know," Buffy whispered, averting her eyes once again. "B-but last time...we didn't know...about the curse. How could he have been perfectly h-happy when both of our hearts were being t-torn to shreds? H-How could either of use have found happiness knowing we would n-never see our soul mate again?" she questioned pleadingly.
"So you slept with him," Willow concluded in more of a statement than a question. Her mind was reeling from what she was hearing, and she didn't know how to feel about it all. Buffy had done something incredibly risky, but at the same time if she had been in that situation would she have done the same thing?
The group remained silent for a moment, but all eyes were still focused on Buffy, trying to let what she had done sink in. She knew they had every right to be angry and to yell at her. She *knew* she shouldn't have slept with Angel. If anyone *knew* what the repercussions of her actions could have been, it was her.
But she also *knew* that perfect happiness could not have been achieved that night.
Neither of them were able to find happiness in what they had done. It was an act of desperation and she'd spent the duration of their night together shedding silent tears, knowing it was likely the final time she would ever see her soulmate.
No, perfect happiness had definitely not been possible that night, but even so, she knew they would not understand that, and she couldn't blame them one bit. They didn't understand Angel or their relationship. She couldn't expect them to understand the intricacies of perfect happiness. She just hoped that in time they would forgive her for what she'd done.
"You disgust me!" Xander shouted at her, breaking the silence. "You put all of us, and the world, in danger just so you could screw your vampire lover!"
He stormed toward her, clearly not finished his with tirade. The others just watched, none of them making a move to stop him.
"Was it good? Huh? Did you *enjoy* yourself? I *really* hope you got your kicks out of it. Cuz if you didn't, you put me, and everyone else you supposedly care about in danger just so you could screw a dead body. Did you even think about the rest of us or were you just too desperate to get laid? If I'd known that, I would have taken you for a ride."
Tears flowed out of Buffy's eyes from one of her best friend's harsh words. She'd expected them to be angry, but she'd not expected this. Her eyes glanced to the others, almost as if they were pleading for help, but no one obliged.
Xander stepped right up in front of Buffy, staring her dead in the eyes. "I used to look up to you, admired you for everything you've done and sacrificed.but you're just a whore who can't keep her legs shut. You don't give a shit about the rest of us or the world as long as you can have your vampire lover!" he finished, his words biting and bitter.
After he'd finished yelling at her, Xander stared at her for a moment longer before turning and storming out the door, slamming it behind him.
Buffy flinched at the sound, salty tears steadily raining down her cheeks. She wanted to sink to the floor and sob. How could he say those things to her? She'd thought he was her friend.
Not bothering to wipe the tears from her face, Buffy looked to the remaining people in the room, hoping someone would refute Xander's claims. She found no solace, however. Willow refused to look at her and Oz was focused on Willow. Giles was staring at his hands, but when he finally looked up Buffy only saw disappointment and shame in his eyes.
"I-I'm sorry," she sobbed, wrapping her arms around herself.
"You're sorry?!?!" Giles all but screamed at her. He stood up and walked to within a foot of Buffy. When he spoke, his words were harsh and cold. "I thought you had better sense than to do this. You put yourself before others and put us all in incredible danger. Did you even take a moment to think before you acted?"
Buffy's shoulders sagged further under the stern words of the man she considered more of a father than her real one. She could accept Xander's tauntings to a certain degree but to have Giles say these things.it was taking all of her remaining internal strength not to crumble to the floor and curl up in a ball.
"To say I'm extremely disappointed and ashamed of your actions is an understatement," continued Giles, his voice carrying not an ounce of understanding or forgiveness. "You have ridiculed your Calling and my position as your Watcher. The Buffy I know would have never put the world in mortal danger like that. I do not think I know who you are anymore."
Once he'd stopped speaking, Giles turned and walked up the stairs to his bedroom, not even casting a backward glance at the sobbing girl trembling in his living room. Buffy stared at his back as he just walked away from her. Her eyes closed in imposed shame. She had hoped they would have at least tried to understand her actions, but obviously she'd been wrong. Terribly wrong. And now everyone was walking out on her.
Buffy took a step toward Willow, hoping that at least her best friend would offer some comfort. She didn't think she'd be able to take it if Willow pushed her away too.
Sensing Buffy's movements, Willow looked up briefly and started to speak. "Buffy, I-I.," she trailed off, not knowing what to say and cast her eyes back down to her lap as Oz put an arm around her.
Taking her friend's halted words as rejection, Buffy whispered another 'I'm sorry' before turning and dashing out of the room, her sobs echoing off the walls. She stumbled into the courtyard and up the stairs, her vision blurred by a torrent of tears. Tripping on the top step, she tumbled painfully to the ground. A loud whimper escaped her lips as a rough edge on the concrete tore into the flesh of her arm and her forehead thudded against the frame of the staircase
She tried to push herself up, but her already weak body failed to support her and she crumbled back down on to the cement. Just then she noticed a shadow looming over her. When she looked up, squinting against the glare of the sun, she saw Xander stalking toward her.
"What's the matter? Can't handle the truth?" he sneered harshly at her. When he got no answer he went on. "Poor little Buffy, the pride and joy of the Council, knocked up by a vampire. I hope you have a nice life with your demon spawn." With that, he turned and walked away, leaving no doubt in Buffy's mind exactly what he thought of her.
Unable to hold herself together any longer, Buffy pulled her knees up to her chin and let her head drop onto them, not caring that blood from a gash on her forehead was seeping into her pants. She sobbed violently at the rejection of everyone who was important to her.
They all hated her, she knew they did. Somehow she'd thought they'd be angry but eventually forgive her. But she didn't see how that was possible now. They'd all but said that they never wanted to see her again.
In the span of a few minutes she'd lost everyone. Angel was already gone, and now the others were too. She was alone. Truly and utterly alone. That thought only served to increase her sobs. Her body shook under the force as she sat there rocking back and forth on the stairs as one word continued to echo through her mind.. alone.
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TBC!
Part 3
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"WHAT?!?!" Giles snapped at her while staring at her with angry eyes.
"You slept with him?" yelled Xander as he jumped out of his chair, eyeing her menacingly.
"Y-yes," Buffy choked out, taking a slight step backwards from the force of the fury radiating toward her. "I.w-we d-didn't intend for i-it t-to happen."
"Oh well that makes it okay then," Xander spoke sarcastically, his eyes blazing.
"What were you thinking, Buffy? You know full well the consequences of such actions," Giles chastised, his head shaking back and forth in disbelief.
"H-he.he." Buffy started before taking a moment to wipe at the tears threatening to fall. "He came to my room that night, after graduation.j- just to s-see me one m-more time...just t-to say g-goodbye." The last word was a mere whisper.
"Last time I checked, it took more than a few words to get someone pregnant," sneered Xander, clearly disgusted by the situation.
Buffy looked down, not able to see their disapproving faces any longer. "H- he kissed me-"
"What did he do? Force himself on you?" Xander screeched at her, already plotting the vampires dusty demise.
"NO! H-how could you even think that?" asked Buffy in shock that he could even suggest such a thing.
"Well, it is obvious Buffy that you did more than kiss," spoke Giles, his voice uncharacteristically cold and forceful.
"H-he went to l-leave...a-after he kissed m-me. I-I begged him to s- stay...n-not to leave me," sobbed Buffy, remembering the heartbreak of that night. "I-I kissed him, again. S-somehow we ended up in m-my b-bed."
She stopped speaking for a minute, feeling as if she were about to hyperventilate. Regaining some control, she went on, but still avoided looking at her friends. "I..I asked him to make love to me. I.I needed to be." Buffy paused for a moment, searching her heart for the right words to explain her actions.
"I had.. I had to know that he still loved me," she finished, her voice a mere whisper at the end.
Buffy finally gathered the nerve to lift her head and look at her friends. Willow was staring down at her hands. Giles was staring at her in complete disbelief, and Xander was pacing the room angrily. The shame she already felt for her actions seemed to increase drastically.
"I don't need to remind you what happened the last time you engaged in such activities with Angel," Giles spat out harshly.
"I know," Buffy whispered, averting her eyes once again. "B-but last time...we didn't know...about the curse. How could he have been perfectly h-happy when both of our hearts were being t-torn to shreds? H-How could either of use have found happiness knowing we would n-never see our soul mate again?" she questioned pleadingly.
"So you slept with him," Willow concluded in more of a statement than a question. Her mind was reeling from what she was hearing, and she didn't know how to feel about it all. Buffy had done something incredibly risky, but at the same time if she had been in that situation would she have done the same thing?
The group remained silent for a moment, but all eyes were still focused on Buffy, trying to let what she had done sink in. She knew they had every right to be angry and to yell at her. She *knew* she shouldn't have slept with Angel. If anyone *knew* what the repercussions of her actions could have been, it was her.
But she also *knew* that perfect happiness could not have been achieved that night.
Neither of them were able to find happiness in what they had done. It was an act of desperation and she'd spent the duration of their night together shedding silent tears, knowing it was likely the final time she would ever see her soulmate.
No, perfect happiness had definitely not been possible that night, but even so, she knew they would not understand that, and she couldn't blame them one bit. They didn't understand Angel or their relationship. She couldn't expect them to understand the intricacies of perfect happiness. She just hoped that in time they would forgive her for what she'd done.
"You disgust me!" Xander shouted at her, breaking the silence. "You put all of us, and the world, in danger just so you could screw your vampire lover!"
He stormed toward her, clearly not finished his with tirade. The others just watched, none of them making a move to stop him.
"Was it good? Huh? Did you *enjoy* yourself? I *really* hope you got your kicks out of it. Cuz if you didn't, you put me, and everyone else you supposedly care about in danger just so you could screw a dead body. Did you even think about the rest of us or were you just too desperate to get laid? If I'd known that, I would have taken you for a ride."
Tears flowed out of Buffy's eyes from one of her best friend's harsh words. She'd expected them to be angry, but she'd not expected this. Her eyes glanced to the others, almost as if they were pleading for help, but no one obliged.
Xander stepped right up in front of Buffy, staring her dead in the eyes. "I used to look up to you, admired you for everything you've done and sacrificed.but you're just a whore who can't keep her legs shut. You don't give a shit about the rest of us or the world as long as you can have your vampire lover!" he finished, his words biting and bitter.
After he'd finished yelling at her, Xander stared at her for a moment longer before turning and storming out the door, slamming it behind him.
Buffy flinched at the sound, salty tears steadily raining down her cheeks. She wanted to sink to the floor and sob. How could he say those things to her? She'd thought he was her friend.
Not bothering to wipe the tears from her face, Buffy looked to the remaining people in the room, hoping someone would refute Xander's claims. She found no solace, however. Willow refused to look at her and Oz was focused on Willow. Giles was staring at his hands, but when he finally looked up Buffy only saw disappointment and shame in his eyes.
"I-I'm sorry," she sobbed, wrapping her arms around herself.
"You're sorry?!?!" Giles all but screamed at her. He stood up and walked to within a foot of Buffy. When he spoke, his words were harsh and cold. "I thought you had better sense than to do this. You put yourself before others and put us all in incredible danger. Did you even take a moment to think before you acted?"
Buffy's shoulders sagged further under the stern words of the man she considered more of a father than her real one. She could accept Xander's tauntings to a certain degree but to have Giles say these things.it was taking all of her remaining internal strength not to crumble to the floor and curl up in a ball.
"To say I'm extremely disappointed and ashamed of your actions is an understatement," continued Giles, his voice carrying not an ounce of understanding or forgiveness. "You have ridiculed your Calling and my position as your Watcher. The Buffy I know would have never put the world in mortal danger like that. I do not think I know who you are anymore."
Once he'd stopped speaking, Giles turned and walked up the stairs to his bedroom, not even casting a backward glance at the sobbing girl trembling in his living room. Buffy stared at his back as he just walked away from her. Her eyes closed in imposed shame. She had hoped they would have at least tried to understand her actions, but obviously she'd been wrong. Terribly wrong. And now everyone was walking out on her.
Buffy took a step toward Willow, hoping that at least her best friend would offer some comfort. She didn't think she'd be able to take it if Willow pushed her away too.
Sensing Buffy's movements, Willow looked up briefly and started to speak. "Buffy, I-I.," she trailed off, not knowing what to say and cast her eyes back down to her lap as Oz put an arm around her.
Taking her friend's halted words as rejection, Buffy whispered another 'I'm sorry' before turning and dashing out of the room, her sobs echoing off the walls. She stumbled into the courtyard and up the stairs, her vision blurred by a torrent of tears. Tripping on the top step, she tumbled painfully to the ground. A loud whimper escaped her lips as a rough edge on the concrete tore into the flesh of her arm and her forehead thudded against the frame of the staircase
She tried to push herself up, but her already weak body failed to support her and she crumbled back down on to the cement. Just then she noticed a shadow looming over her. When she looked up, squinting against the glare of the sun, she saw Xander stalking toward her.
"What's the matter? Can't handle the truth?" he sneered harshly at her. When he got no answer he went on. "Poor little Buffy, the pride and joy of the Council, knocked up by a vampire. I hope you have a nice life with your demon spawn." With that, he turned and walked away, leaving no doubt in Buffy's mind exactly what he thought of her.
Unable to hold herself together any longer, Buffy pulled her knees up to her chin and let her head drop onto them, not caring that blood from a gash on her forehead was seeping into her pants. She sobbed violently at the rejection of everyone who was important to her.
They all hated her, she knew they did. Somehow she'd thought they'd be angry but eventually forgive her. But she didn't see how that was possible now. They'd all but said that they never wanted to see her again.
In the span of a few minutes she'd lost everyone. Angel was already gone, and now the others were too. She was alone. Truly and utterly alone. That thought only served to increase her sobs. Her body shook under the force as she sat there rocking back and forth on the stairs as one word continued to echo through her mind.. alone.
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TBC!