Chapter 34 – Bridges

It's still daylight as I emerge from the apartment building. It seems odd to be looking for problems while the sun is still in the sky, but I pause just outside anyway, closing my eyes and just trying to sense if there's something going on. I can't feel anything, but there's something in the back of my mind telling me to turn left, so that's what I do. As I walk, I'm sending out my Slayer senses as far as I can, alert for any hint of trouble, but at the same time, I'm rifling through my memories of many conversations with both Wes and Gina for a suggestion of where he might have gone in these circumstances.

I reach a major intersection, and instinctively turn left again, moving away from Wes and Gina's place. There's a memory tickling at the back of my mind. Some sort of inside joke between Wes and Gina. I remember a comment about the amount of time he'd spent there before he met Gina. I can't even remember the name of the place, only its rough location and the fact that there was something about the name that seemed oddly appropriate.

Another intersection, and this time I have to think. I know the general area, but I don't think I've ever been there, so I'm not certain which is the best route. Straight ahead, I decide, but soon, I'm going to have to head left again.

About thirty minutes after leaving the house, I know I'm close. This is definitely a step down from where my apartment is. I pass a couple of bars without recognition, turn another corner, and then I see it. It's called the Stake Out. That's the name I couldn't recall. I approach the doorway and try to look inside, but it's dark in there compared to the still bright sunshine of outside, so I take a step inside.

It takes a moment before I can see anything clearly in the gloom, and when I do, I almost wish I hadn't. A couple of guys are looking at me – I think it's appreciatively, but if I didn't know I could beat their asses, I might feel intimidated by it. At last, I spot him in the corner, his head bent over a drink. He hasn't seen me, and I consider just leaving. He's entitled to have a drink if that's what he wants. I'm just backing out of the doorway, when he seems to move suddenly, and I jump, diving out of the bar as fast as I can. Once I'm across the street and there are enough people around that I'm not too obvious, I turn back to see what's happening. I spot him easily, coming out of the bar and turning away from both his apartment and mine. Of course, he could just be looking for somewhere different to have a drink, but I decide to follow him anyway.

Fortunately, he doesn't seem to be paying much attention to his surroundings, so following him is easy. Within ten minutes, we're in a warehouse area, and the numbers of people on the street have dropped, making it harder for me to keep out of sight. Of course, that would only be important if he was actually looking.

Still, I hang a bit further back, and, at last, I see him disappear off to the left. I speed up then, and find myself at the mouth of an alleyway. I peek in, but there's no sign of him. Taking a couple of steps into the late afternoon gloom, I still can't see him, but I can sense a vampire somewhere. There's a doorway still banging ahead, and I assume that's where Wes went. Still, I want to be subtle about this, so I take a look at the building, and spot a fire escape stairway just this side of that door, and I creep up it to an upper floor.

The door there isn't locked, so I open it and slip inside. I'm on a raised walkway overlooking a huge empty expanse. For a warehouse, it doesn't seem to be very full. I remain where I am, every sense alert, trying to get a fix on the vamp, and then I spot Wes. He's moved into the centre of the expanse below, and he pats his pockets in a manner I instantly recognise as checking for weapons, then checks his watch as if waiting for someone.

I freeze, keeping as still as I can, as Angel appears close to Wes. Score one for Spike.

"So, Wes, what can I do for you?" Angel's voice is clear.

"Maybe it's more what I can do for you."

"Look, Wes, I'm sorry how things worked out, but I can't see how you could help me."

"Remember when we were first offered Wolfram and Hart?"

"Yeah," he answers, his eyes narrowing as he tries to understand Wes' point.

"I do too. Except, now I remember all of it. All of what happened before then. I remember about Connor, about what I did, about how you tried to kill me. I remember what happened to Cordelia. I know that you agreed to take on Wolfram and Hart in order to get a normal life for Connor."

"You know, Wes, I did what I had to do. I'd do the same again if I had the chance."

"I understand."

"You do?"

"Well, not too happy about you trying to kill me, but I do understand."

"You see, when I got your call, I thought you wanted one of two things. Either you wanted me to tell you how to find your wife, or you wanted to kill me. The first, well, I can't help with, because I don't know any more than you do. As for the second, I'd have to try and stop you, but I can see why you'd try.

To you, I'm associated with Wolfram and Hart, and, indirectly at least, they're responsible for what happened to Gina. Now? I don't know what you want. Why did you call me if all you wanted to do is discuss history?"

"When you agreed to take over Wolfram and Hart, apart from getting that normal life for your son, what did you want?"

"To make a difference. To take the resources of Wolfram and Hart and use them to fight evil." Angel sounds very certain, his voice clear.

"And how do you think that's gone?"

Angel looks closely at Wes, his eyes narrowed again in thought.

"Better than it could have gone, but maybe not as well as I'd hoped."

"Why?"

"Look, what is this? If I want someone to do an analysis of my life, I'll go and see a shrink."

"Just answer the question."

"I don't know. After a while, maybe I just got so bogged down on sorting out the obvious things that needed doing, I stopped looking elsewhere."

"Maybe you listened a bit too closely to Lilah too?"

He bristles at that, but then his shoulders slump.

"Maybe. I don't know. I just had this thing, you know, this belief, that one day, Buffy and I'd be together. The shanshu prophecy seemed like the way that was going to happen, and then Lilah came up with this scheme, and it seemed to follow the prophecy, and I thought, maybe this was it. My last chance. I had a chance once before, …"

"I know, you decided to come to LA, give Buffy a chance of a normal life. It's an old story."

"No, after that. Not long after I moved to LA, Buffy was visiting, and I got into a tussle with a Mohra demon. Its blood …"

"Mohra? It has life-giving properties."

"I ended up with a beating heart, the whole thing."

I gasp, then realise I might have been heard, so I step further into the shadows. Despite my fear, the conversation continues, so I think I'm safe for now.

"And Buffy knew?"

"Yes. She did then. Now? No."

"So what happened?"

"What happened? I had the most wonderful few hours of my entire existence. No curse to worry about. Then I realised I was no use to her. I was weak and useless, and I knew if I stayed like that, Buffy would die, and I'd be responsible. So I went to the Oracles, and they agreed to fold back time, to send me back a day so I could do things differently. I was the only person who would remember that day."

I raise my hand to my eyes, roughly wiping away the tears that are filling them. I don't love Angel, I haven't, not really, for a long time, but I'm torn between feeling grief for what he lost that day and fury that, yet again, he was responsible for playing with my memories.

"Oh," Wes says, softly, but there's compassion in the tone.

"Long time ago," Angel continues. "But the memory was more bearable if I thought it was a temporary thing. Lilah? She just told me what I wanted to hear. I know that now, but then? It just seemed … right."

There's silence below, both men looking towards the floor.

"But you still haven't told me why you called."

"To give you another chance," Wes replies.

"You mean Spike's hurt her already? I'll …"

"Another chance to get back to where we started."

"I don't …"

"Look, Buffy loves Spike. And from what I've seen, Spike loves her. You'd be better to accept that. What I meant was a chance to get back on track. We're going after the Senior Partners. We could probably use some help, if you're interested. If not? We'll probably be ok without you."

"Why?"

"It might make the difference, and anyway, I remember how it was in the early days. You … really believed in what you were doing, rescuing the world one person at a time. Now, we've got the chance to take a huge step forward. No, we're not going to wipe out evil, but it could make a hell of a difference."

"What makes you so sure I'm not going to go back to the Senior Partners and tell them what you've said?"

"Well, if you do, then I'm not the judge of character I think I am. And anyway, what have I told you? Nothing they don't either know or suspect already at some level."

"What does Buffy say about this?"

"I didn't tell her I was meeting you. But Buffy's a realist. She'll understand."

"You sure?"

"As I can be."

There's another pause, and I find I'm holding my breath. I let it out slowly, desperate not to make any noise.

"I'm in," Angel says, his voice firm.

Wes gives him a small, tight smile, and nods.

"I'll be in touch."

"Wes," Angel says, as Wes turns to go.

"I'm sorry about Gina. Really. I suppose, on some level, I resented the happiness you two have. But, I think I know how you feel, you know. And, if I can help, I will."

Wes turns back to Angel, holding out his right hand. Angel grasps it in his own, and they shake.

"Thanks," Wes answers, before once again turning to leave.

I step back, further into the shadows to make sure Angel won't see me, and wait until my senses tell me he's gone. Then I slip back out of the building, and home.

Wes is already in when I get back, but it seems Willow just told him I needed some air after spending all that time at the hospital. Wes doesn't say he doesn't believe it, but he does give me a funny look.

Spike has given up on sitting with the others, and I find him in our room, where he's trying to make it look like he came to bed a while ago, but I know from Willow that he's spent a lot of time since I went out pacing. I explain to him what I overheard. Spike's first reaction is predictable.

"Knew it. Knew he'd go and see the Poof."

"But he didn't hit him, didn't try to beat him up for information or anything. He's asked him to join us in trying to destroy the Senior Partners."

"Don't need his help. We'll do just fine without him."

"Maybe," I agree. "But then there was a time when the Scoobies said the same thing about you, but I insisted I wanted you in. And you ended up saving the world."

"Does that mean he gets to wear the jewellery this time?" Spike answers, an innocent-looking smile spreading across his face. At least, he thinks it looks innocent. I've got another word for it.