***
Okay everyone, here is the last part to this fic! Sorry for the delay, but RL has been rather hectic the last week and a half.
Nothing is resolved by the end of this part/fic...as I said before, this fic is part of a series, and the plotline will continue on to the upcoming fics. For those of you who have been asking about Angel, you will find out what he's up to in the next fic 'A Moment For Goodbye'. I will probably send out the first part in a week and a half or two weeks...I'm way behind on my writing!
Thank you for all of your feedback on this fic! Your support and comments have been wonderful!
Just a small note about this part...s3 canon had Cordy lose everything, including her car...I modified that a little!
Isis
***
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
Part 8
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
~two days later~
For nearly an hour Buffy had wandered around Sunnydale, seeing everything one last time: the charred remains of the high school, The Bronze, Giles' apartment, and of course, her house. She hadn't even realized she was walking there until she found herself standing there on the sidewalk staring at what used to be her home.
Part of her wanted to go inside, but she knew it was useless. It wouldn't change anything. Her Mother had made her feelings perfectly clear, as had everyone else. She hadn't seen any of them since their falling out. And, really, that was fine with her. She had no desire to listen to their cruel words anymore.
The only person she'd been around the last two days had been Cordelia. The concept was still mind-boggling. Of all the people she could have considered as someone who would stick by her, Cordelia would never have been one of them. But life tended to have a strange way of working things out from time to time. The fact that she would soon be heading to Seattle with Cordy was proof of that.
Strangely enough, Buffy found that Cordelia wasn't quite as bad as she had thought she was. Well, at least the new, marginally humble Cordelia. In the last two days she'd learned more about the former cheerleader than she'd found out during the previous two and a half years. Cordy was still her typical tactless, blunt self, but there was also something different about her. It showed in her eyes, and she was a bit more considerate of others than before.
That, of course, was most likely due to what she, herself, had been through. Buffy could only imagine what it was like to one day have everything: cars, a huge house, designer clothes.and anything else she could have possibly ever wanted...and then the next day, have it all vanish along with your family. Actually, Buffy didn't really have to imagine it. In fact, she knew only too well what that felt like.
Only three days ago, she'd had her friends, Giles, her Mother, a home, a life...even if it had been an unhappy one. And today, she had none of it. It had certainly made her see the world differently, and she'd only been dealing with it for two days. Cordy had been on her own for over two months. So, really, it wasn't all that strange to accept the change in Cordy's demeanor.
But it was still weird to think about how she was leaving behind her whole world and going somewhere else with Cordelia. She was happy, though, that she wouldn't be completely alone, at least for the trip to Seattle. Who knew what would happen once they got there.
With a last look at her house, Buffy turned and walked away, for the final time. She needed to get back to the motel soon since Cordy was waiting for her. First, though she had two more stops to make before leaving Sunnydale behind her.
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
The moment she stepped inside the large, open room, Buffy wondered if it had been a mistake to come here. Memories, good and bad, fought for dominance in her mind and she found herself only able to stand there, shivering slightly. So much had happened in this room, so many bittersweet and agonizing moments that would forever linger deep within her soul.
A few unbidden tears trickled out from beneath her now closed eyes as she vividly recalled her final battle with Angelus. There had been a moment, one single frantic moment, during that fight that she'd almost welcomed death, wanted to be free of the endless tormenting pain. She'd stared eye to eye with him, his sword pointed directly at her, and realized that she couldn't let him win, couldn't fail Angel by giving up. Looking back, maybe she should have let him kill her. Anything would have been better than gutting her Angel, condemning him to eternal damnation.
Then, of course, Angel had come back, returned to the mortal coil in this very room. The blackened outline of his body had long since faded, but it was still present in her mind. And she'd certainly never forget the truly animalistic way he'd been after returning.
Those few things were only scratching the surface of all that had happened in not only this room, but the mansion as a whole. It was here that Angel had taught her Tai Chi, here that she had tried to break up with him, here that they had taken post-Slayage naps, here where she had offered herself to save his life, and it was up on the hill nearby where she persuaded Angel not to give up on living.
So many memories were tied to the old mansion, and all of them centered around the one man whom she was sure would ever hold her heart. Now he was gone. Where he'd gone, she had no idea. He hadn't exactly given her a travel itinerary. Instead, he'd just vanished without a trace, leaving her to forever wonder where he'd gone.
As she walked over to the large fireplace, Buffy mused if things would be different if she knew where he was. Would she contact him and tell him about her pregnancy? Yes, she probably would. Her first instinct after reading the positive symbol on the home pregnancy test had been to run to Angel. Of course, she couldn't do that. She had no idea where he was. So she'd had to resign herself to the fact that Angel would not know she was carrying his child. Maybe...someday...she'd be able to tell him.
Feeling her tears beginning to fall again, Buffy turned and quickly fled the mansion without a backward glance. The memories were just too strong to stay any longer.
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
Her steps faltered as she neared the door to her next destination. She didn't know if she really wanted to go through the door she was now standing in front of. The last time she'd been here had been the day after her seventeenth birthday. Instead of finding her Angel, she'd come face to face with Angelus, the demon who wore her lover's face.
Since that day, Buffy had not dared to return to the apartment. Honestly, she wasn't sure if she was ready to enter it now, but she felt as if she needed to see it one last time. Maybe it was because of some masochistic streak she had or maybe she just needed to put some closure on this part of her life.
Finally gathering up her nerve, she slowly opened the unlocked door. The room was almost pitch black even though it was early morning so Buffy flipped the switch near the door to turn on the overhead lights. Her heart constricted slightly at seeing the apartment almost exactly as it had looked years before.
The rooms were barer than they had been, and there was a heavy layer of dust covering all of the surfaces, but it still looked the same. Angel hadn't had much in the apartment, but the few pictures and personal effects that had been there were gone.
Buffy strolled further into the living room, her hand running over the back of a dusty chair. Her memory reminded her of the time Angel had sat in that same exact chair where she had bandaged his hand after Spike had used him to try and cure Druscilla. Then there had been the morning she'd come to Angel after her dream of Dru killing him.
Her most vivid memories of this place, though, were of the night of her birthday. That night had been so wonderful and so tragic at the same time. She couldn't help but feel guilt over what happened. If she hadn't of pushed Angel to make love to her, he wouldn't have lost his soul, but she couldn't change what had happened. It probably would have occurred sooner of later, anyway.
Unconsciously, her eyes drifted over to the corner of the room that the bed was tucked away in. The sheets still lay rumpled as they had the morning she'd awoken alone. Her gaze suddenly caught site of something resting on top of one of the pillows. She stumbled frantically toward the bed, dropping her purse without a second thought.
Upon reaching her destination, she stared wide-eyed at the object in question. There, nestled comfortably on top of one of the pillows was an antique white envelope with the name 'Buffy' scrawled across the front in flowing script. She inhaled a shuddering breath as her hand hesitantly reached for the paper.
With trembling hands, Buffy raised the envelope to her face, inhaling deeply in silent hopes that there would be some trace of Angel among the paper. But there was only the stale stench of dust. Tears blurred her vision as she shakily turned the envelope in her hand and pulled the out the sheet of paper from within.
Her heart thudded loudly inside her chest the moment the words came into view. She wiped at her tears, clearing her eyes, and took a deep breath before daring to read Angel's final words to her.
My Dearest Buffy,
I knew that sooner or later you would come here. I couldn't
leave Sunnydale without one last look at this place; the source
of my greatest happiness and my most torturous anguish.
No words can describe my sorrow at having broken your heart.
Maybe you don't believe me, but it is the truth. I wish I could
have stayed, but it would have led to repercussions that neither
of us want to deal with. Please forgive me for all of the pain
I have caused you. I only want the best possible life for you.
Even though I may be gone, never forget that I love you, and
will always love you. You will forever be in my heart no matter
how far apart I am from you.
Don't be afraid to open your heart again. Love is the greatest
source of happiness. Find love again and be happy. You deserve
everything that life can offer you.
Inside the envelope you will find something I want you to have.
I found it at the mansion after I came back. I wanted so many
times to return it to you, but the timing was never right. I
couldn't leave without assuring that it would again belong to
you.
Love eternally,
Angel
Through bleary eyes, Buffy slowly looked down at the envelope in her left hand. She knew in her heart what was inside. Her fingers slowly inched there way into the paper housing, both fearing and grateful for what Angel had left her. Sobs began to shake her body as she grasped the tiny object and pulled it into view. There, gleaming brightly even in the dull light of the apartment, was the Claddagh ring Angel had given her the night of her seventeenth birthday.
Tears flowed in heavy drops as she stared at the symbol of their love. Unable to stand any longer, she collapsed onto the bed, the tiny ring clutched in her hand against her heart. Releasing all of her pent up emotions, Buffy wept for love lost, and for her child who would never get to know his father.
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
Buffy sniffled slightly as she stuffed the first of her bags onto the back seat of Cordelia's car. Her detour through Sunnydale had taken much longer than expected, but if she hadn't of done it she would have never gotten Angel's letter. And she wouldn't have her Claddagh ring safely tucked away on the chain around her neck. The gift was a mixed blessing. It was a tangible memory to her relationship with Angel, but it was also a reminder that he had left her. Still, she was glad to have it back, and glad to have read Angel's final words to her.
Shoving the last of her bags into the car she groaned at the physical exertion. Thankfully, she was feeling much better than two days earlier, but still was not back to her old self. At least she had gotten a decent amount of sleep and eaten some food recently.
Even though she'd not quite been hungry, she'd forced herself to eat. Knowing that she was pregnant had made her realize that she needed to take better care of herself. There was no way she was going to hurt her baby by continuing to do what she had been doing which was hardly ever sleeping or eating.
"Is everything in the car?" Buffy questioned to Cordelia who was checking over the things she put in the trunk.
"Yup, there's nothing left in the room. I just checked." Cordy answered while checking her hair in her compact mirror. She turned to Buffy before speaking again. "Are you sure you want to do this?"
"Yeah, I can't say it's exactly what I wanted to do, or had planned on. But, yeah, I'm sure," replied Buffy, having no doubts about her decision to leave Sunnydale behind her.
"Ok, I just wanted to make sure," the brunette stated. She still wasn't sure why she was so concerned about Buffy, but for now she wouldn't question it. She was just happy to be getting out of Sunnydale after everything that had happened.
"I think we're ready. We've got the snacks, something to drink, and the maps. Anything else?" queried Buffy as she tried to think of anything they could be forgetting.
"Nope, I just need to turn in the key to the room and then we're ready to go," said Cordy before she went toward the office to hand in the key.
Five minutes later, the car with the two sort-of friends, both feeling as if they'd been exiled from their homes, headed out of Sunnydale. They were a mismatched pair, pulled together by the common feeling of being alone. But maybe together they'd be able to start new lives. Only time would tell.
As they passed the 'Now Leaving Sunnydale' sign, Buffy's hand moved to touch the glass of the window facing the sign. She said a silent goodbye to all that she'd once had. She would miss her former life, but she needed to do what was best for her baby. Maybe she was making the wrong decision, and maybe not. But she was determined to do whatever possible to give her unborn child a good life.
A few miles outside of Sunnydale, Cordelia turned to Buffy with a perplexed look on her face. In all the time that they'd spent together in the past couple of days, the thought had just now occurred to her, "I thought vampires couldn't have kids."
"So did I," Buffy mumbled in response, repeating it again in a mere whisper. "So did I."
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
THE END!
Coming Next: 'A Moment For Goodbye' #2 in the 'Shadows in Time' series: We catch up with Angel...find out what he's doing, and what he's thinking about.
Okay everyone, here is the last part to this fic! Sorry for the delay, but RL has been rather hectic the last week and a half.
Nothing is resolved by the end of this part/fic...as I said before, this fic is part of a series, and the plotline will continue on to the upcoming fics. For those of you who have been asking about Angel, you will find out what he's up to in the next fic 'A Moment For Goodbye'. I will probably send out the first part in a week and a half or two weeks...I'm way behind on my writing!
Thank you for all of your feedback on this fic! Your support and comments have been wonderful!
Just a small note about this part...s3 canon had Cordy lose everything, including her car...I modified that a little!
Isis
***
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Part 8
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~two days later~
For nearly an hour Buffy had wandered around Sunnydale, seeing everything one last time: the charred remains of the high school, The Bronze, Giles' apartment, and of course, her house. She hadn't even realized she was walking there until she found herself standing there on the sidewalk staring at what used to be her home.
Part of her wanted to go inside, but she knew it was useless. It wouldn't change anything. Her Mother had made her feelings perfectly clear, as had everyone else. She hadn't seen any of them since their falling out. And, really, that was fine with her. She had no desire to listen to their cruel words anymore.
The only person she'd been around the last two days had been Cordelia. The concept was still mind-boggling. Of all the people she could have considered as someone who would stick by her, Cordelia would never have been one of them. But life tended to have a strange way of working things out from time to time. The fact that she would soon be heading to Seattle with Cordy was proof of that.
Strangely enough, Buffy found that Cordelia wasn't quite as bad as she had thought she was. Well, at least the new, marginally humble Cordelia. In the last two days she'd learned more about the former cheerleader than she'd found out during the previous two and a half years. Cordy was still her typical tactless, blunt self, but there was also something different about her. It showed in her eyes, and she was a bit more considerate of others than before.
That, of course, was most likely due to what she, herself, had been through. Buffy could only imagine what it was like to one day have everything: cars, a huge house, designer clothes.and anything else she could have possibly ever wanted...and then the next day, have it all vanish along with your family. Actually, Buffy didn't really have to imagine it. In fact, she knew only too well what that felt like.
Only three days ago, she'd had her friends, Giles, her Mother, a home, a life...even if it had been an unhappy one. And today, she had none of it. It had certainly made her see the world differently, and she'd only been dealing with it for two days. Cordy had been on her own for over two months. So, really, it wasn't all that strange to accept the change in Cordy's demeanor.
But it was still weird to think about how she was leaving behind her whole world and going somewhere else with Cordelia. She was happy, though, that she wouldn't be completely alone, at least for the trip to Seattle. Who knew what would happen once they got there.
With a last look at her house, Buffy turned and walked away, for the final time. She needed to get back to the motel soon since Cordy was waiting for her. First, though she had two more stops to make before leaving Sunnydale behind her.
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
The moment she stepped inside the large, open room, Buffy wondered if it had been a mistake to come here. Memories, good and bad, fought for dominance in her mind and she found herself only able to stand there, shivering slightly. So much had happened in this room, so many bittersweet and agonizing moments that would forever linger deep within her soul.
A few unbidden tears trickled out from beneath her now closed eyes as she vividly recalled her final battle with Angelus. There had been a moment, one single frantic moment, during that fight that she'd almost welcomed death, wanted to be free of the endless tormenting pain. She'd stared eye to eye with him, his sword pointed directly at her, and realized that she couldn't let him win, couldn't fail Angel by giving up. Looking back, maybe she should have let him kill her. Anything would have been better than gutting her Angel, condemning him to eternal damnation.
Then, of course, Angel had come back, returned to the mortal coil in this very room. The blackened outline of his body had long since faded, but it was still present in her mind. And she'd certainly never forget the truly animalistic way he'd been after returning.
Those few things were only scratching the surface of all that had happened in not only this room, but the mansion as a whole. It was here that Angel had taught her Tai Chi, here that she had tried to break up with him, here that they had taken post-Slayage naps, here where she had offered herself to save his life, and it was up on the hill nearby where she persuaded Angel not to give up on living.
So many memories were tied to the old mansion, and all of them centered around the one man whom she was sure would ever hold her heart. Now he was gone. Where he'd gone, she had no idea. He hadn't exactly given her a travel itinerary. Instead, he'd just vanished without a trace, leaving her to forever wonder where he'd gone.
As she walked over to the large fireplace, Buffy mused if things would be different if she knew where he was. Would she contact him and tell him about her pregnancy? Yes, she probably would. Her first instinct after reading the positive symbol on the home pregnancy test had been to run to Angel. Of course, she couldn't do that. She had no idea where he was. So she'd had to resign herself to the fact that Angel would not know she was carrying his child. Maybe...someday...she'd be able to tell him.
Feeling her tears beginning to fall again, Buffy turned and quickly fled the mansion without a backward glance. The memories were just too strong to stay any longer.
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
Her steps faltered as she neared the door to her next destination. She didn't know if she really wanted to go through the door she was now standing in front of. The last time she'd been here had been the day after her seventeenth birthday. Instead of finding her Angel, she'd come face to face with Angelus, the demon who wore her lover's face.
Since that day, Buffy had not dared to return to the apartment. Honestly, she wasn't sure if she was ready to enter it now, but she felt as if she needed to see it one last time. Maybe it was because of some masochistic streak she had or maybe she just needed to put some closure on this part of her life.
Finally gathering up her nerve, she slowly opened the unlocked door. The room was almost pitch black even though it was early morning so Buffy flipped the switch near the door to turn on the overhead lights. Her heart constricted slightly at seeing the apartment almost exactly as it had looked years before.
The rooms were barer than they had been, and there was a heavy layer of dust covering all of the surfaces, but it still looked the same. Angel hadn't had much in the apartment, but the few pictures and personal effects that had been there were gone.
Buffy strolled further into the living room, her hand running over the back of a dusty chair. Her memory reminded her of the time Angel had sat in that same exact chair where she had bandaged his hand after Spike had used him to try and cure Druscilla. Then there had been the morning she'd come to Angel after her dream of Dru killing him.
Her most vivid memories of this place, though, were of the night of her birthday. That night had been so wonderful and so tragic at the same time. She couldn't help but feel guilt over what happened. If she hadn't of pushed Angel to make love to her, he wouldn't have lost his soul, but she couldn't change what had happened. It probably would have occurred sooner of later, anyway.
Unconsciously, her eyes drifted over to the corner of the room that the bed was tucked away in. The sheets still lay rumpled as they had the morning she'd awoken alone. Her gaze suddenly caught site of something resting on top of one of the pillows. She stumbled frantically toward the bed, dropping her purse without a second thought.
Upon reaching her destination, she stared wide-eyed at the object in question. There, nestled comfortably on top of one of the pillows was an antique white envelope with the name 'Buffy' scrawled across the front in flowing script. She inhaled a shuddering breath as her hand hesitantly reached for the paper.
With trembling hands, Buffy raised the envelope to her face, inhaling deeply in silent hopes that there would be some trace of Angel among the paper. But there was only the stale stench of dust. Tears blurred her vision as she shakily turned the envelope in her hand and pulled the out the sheet of paper from within.
Her heart thudded loudly inside her chest the moment the words came into view. She wiped at her tears, clearing her eyes, and took a deep breath before daring to read Angel's final words to her.
My Dearest Buffy,
I knew that sooner or later you would come here. I couldn't
leave Sunnydale without one last look at this place; the source
of my greatest happiness and my most torturous anguish.
No words can describe my sorrow at having broken your heart.
Maybe you don't believe me, but it is the truth. I wish I could
have stayed, but it would have led to repercussions that neither
of us want to deal with. Please forgive me for all of the pain
I have caused you. I only want the best possible life for you.
Even though I may be gone, never forget that I love you, and
will always love you. You will forever be in my heart no matter
how far apart I am from you.
Don't be afraid to open your heart again. Love is the greatest
source of happiness. Find love again and be happy. You deserve
everything that life can offer you.
Inside the envelope you will find something I want you to have.
I found it at the mansion after I came back. I wanted so many
times to return it to you, but the timing was never right. I
couldn't leave without assuring that it would again belong to
you.
Love eternally,
Angel
Through bleary eyes, Buffy slowly looked down at the envelope in her left hand. She knew in her heart what was inside. Her fingers slowly inched there way into the paper housing, both fearing and grateful for what Angel had left her. Sobs began to shake her body as she grasped the tiny object and pulled it into view. There, gleaming brightly even in the dull light of the apartment, was the Claddagh ring Angel had given her the night of her seventeenth birthday.
Tears flowed in heavy drops as she stared at the symbol of their love. Unable to stand any longer, she collapsed onto the bed, the tiny ring clutched in her hand against her heart. Releasing all of her pent up emotions, Buffy wept for love lost, and for her child who would never get to know his father.
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
Buffy sniffled slightly as she stuffed the first of her bags onto the back seat of Cordelia's car. Her detour through Sunnydale had taken much longer than expected, but if she hadn't of done it she would have never gotten Angel's letter. And she wouldn't have her Claddagh ring safely tucked away on the chain around her neck. The gift was a mixed blessing. It was a tangible memory to her relationship with Angel, but it was also a reminder that he had left her. Still, she was glad to have it back, and glad to have read Angel's final words to her.
Shoving the last of her bags into the car she groaned at the physical exertion. Thankfully, she was feeling much better than two days earlier, but still was not back to her old self. At least she had gotten a decent amount of sleep and eaten some food recently.
Even though she'd not quite been hungry, she'd forced herself to eat. Knowing that she was pregnant had made her realize that she needed to take better care of herself. There was no way she was going to hurt her baby by continuing to do what she had been doing which was hardly ever sleeping or eating.
"Is everything in the car?" Buffy questioned to Cordelia who was checking over the things she put in the trunk.
"Yup, there's nothing left in the room. I just checked." Cordy answered while checking her hair in her compact mirror. She turned to Buffy before speaking again. "Are you sure you want to do this?"
"Yeah, I can't say it's exactly what I wanted to do, or had planned on. But, yeah, I'm sure," replied Buffy, having no doubts about her decision to leave Sunnydale behind her.
"Ok, I just wanted to make sure," the brunette stated. She still wasn't sure why she was so concerned about Buffy, but for now she wouldn't question it. She was just happy to be getting out of Sunnydale after everything that had happened.
"I think we're ready. We've got the snacks, something to drink, and the maps. Anything else?" queried Buffy as she tried to think of anything they could be forgetting.
"Nope, I just need to turn in the key to the room and then we're ready to go," said Cordy before she went toward the office to hand in the key.
Five minutes later, the car with the two sort-of friends, both feeling as if they'd been exiled from their homes, headed out of Sunnydale. They were a mismatched pair, pulled together by the common feeling of being alone. But maybe together they'd be able to start new lives. Only time would tell.
As they passed the 'Now Leaving Sunnydale' sign, Buffy's hand moved to touch the glass of the window facing the sign. She said a silent goodbye to all that she'd once had. She would miss her former life, but she needed to do what was best for her baby. Maybe she was making the wrong decision, and maybe not. But she was determined to do whatever possible to give her unborn child a good life.
A few miles outside of Sunnydale, Cordelia turned to Buffy with a perplexed look on her face. In all the time that they'd spent together in the past couple of days, the thought had just now occurred to her, "I thought vampires couldn't have kids."
"So did I," Buffy mumbled in response, repeating it again in a mere whisper. "So did I."
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
THE END!
Coming Next: 'A Moment For Goodbye' #2 in the 'Shadows in Time' series: We catch up with Angel...find out what he's doing, and what he's thinking about.