Chapter 35 - Darkness Beckons

It's late, or maybe even very early. Spike and I made love, then we chatted wrapped together in our bed. We talked about what I learned about Angel. And I needed to talk about that; I really did. I even know when it happened, remember all about the Mohra demon, just didn't know about the day that wasn't. Then, the chance to be with human-Angel would have been all my dreams come true. And he threw that away. No, he didn't throw it away. He decided it was in my best interests that it didn't happen. I shouldn't be surprised. He's been making decisions for that reason all along. I try not to show my irritation at that to Spike for fear that he think that I'd have been happier with Angel then. Truth is, I know now that it wouldn't have worked, and he'd have given up his chance to help the helpless, and we'd still have discovered we weren't the great love story we thought we were. It's just possible it might have been healthier to have done it that way, though - I don't know.

At last, Spike falls asleep. I don't really know how he kept awake as long as he did, exhausted as he was. I'm just hoping that a full night's sleep, natural sleep, will make a difference.

I'm tossing and turning, unable to settle, and I'm afraid I'm going to waken him, so I get up and pull on a robe. It's been quiet in the apartment for a while, so I assume everyone's gone to bed. I creep into the living room on my way to the kitchen, aware that Wes might be sleeping on the sofa.

He's not. He's sitting in the dark, working on his laptop. He looks up as I go in, as surprised to see me as I am to see him.

"Couldn't sleep?" he asks.

"No. You?"

"Haven't really tried," he admits. "I was just trawling through some information, making sure that whatever we end up doing, we don't fail because of something we've overlooked."

I nod at that. He sounds like Giles. Not that Giles ever said those words, but it was Giles' philosophy.

"I was just going to get a drink," I say, moving towards the door. "You want something?"

"What are you having?" he asks.

"Cocoa. Want some?"

"Please. I suppose I should try to sleep, and it might help."

He follows me into the kitchen as I set about making the cocoa.

"You're very calm," he observes.

"Calm? Can't say that's how I feel."

"I know you followed me."

"Oh." What do I say now? "Why didn't you say something?"

"I thought about it. But then I thought you might as well know what was happening. I also thought it'd be better if you didn't have to speak to Angel, so I let you think I didn't know you were there."

"I would've appreciated it if you'd discussed it with me before."

"I know. And I would have, except …"

"You said you thought I'd agree."

"Yes. But I'm still surprised you're taking it so well."

I pour the cocoa into two mugs, and we go into the living room to drink it.

"So why didn't you tell me in advance?"

"Well, to be honest, it only really occurred to me that we might need Angel after Spike was incapacitated. It was something Lucy said while we were looking at the contract. She seemed very worried that Spike might not be well enough to take part in something, implying that you alone might not be enough. She wouldn't tell me more, and I think she was embarrassed at letting me in on that much. So, I started thinking. Without Spike, and with you worried about him, we were sort of lacking in the greater-than-human-strength department. And right now, my only priority is getting Gina back in one piece. I consider my best chance for that will be to make sure the Senior Partners are defeated. We needed another option, and naturally, I thought of Angel."

"Which still doesn't explain why you didn't say something. You knew before you left that Spike was on the mend."

"I did, but I arranged to meet Angel before I knew that. And it's always possible that he might prove essential in the end."

"I see." Well, what else can I say? I really do see. I'd have done the same if I thought it would improve the chances of getting Spike back. In fact, I did. I acted as I thought best without discussing it with Wesley, so I can't really complain about him doing it to me.

"You're taking Angel's revelation better than I thought."

"Am I?" I shrug. "It's not as if it's the first time he's made a decision in my best interests without consulting me."

"Ah. No, I don't suppose it is." There's silence for a moment, before he adds, "So, how do you feel?"

"About human-Angel or about having him on the team?"

"Having him on the team. You going to be able to deal with that?"

"I'll have to. You know, when I told Spike what happened, I reminded him that I had to fight the others to get him accepted onto the team back in Sunnydale. He ended up being the person who swung the whole thing. So, no, I'm not going to be making any waves. But it won't be easy. And if he starts in on Spike, then I won't be responsible for what happens."

"Fair enough. I don't plan on telling him too much of what's happening until the last moment anyway. I want him to be 'business as usual' over at the office."

"Makes sense. And Spike'll be relieved. He said that Angel would be wanting to take over the show. So, if nothing else, it'll save some arguments if he's not around too much."

"There's not a lot of love lost between the two of them, and a lot of that has nothing to do with you, you know."

"I do. But I also know that if they start bickering, I might start reaching for a stake. Still, we'll keep them apart as much as possible, and we might even get through this."

I drain my cup, and Wes starts to close down his computer.

"Lucy said Clinton would be here in the morning. I think she wants some decisions from you. If they're the right ones, she might actually start parting with some useful information."

"I hope so. I really do. I want Gina back too. And I also want some time to enjoy the fact that Spike's back - a chance to build on what we've got and see if it's as good as it seems to be when I'm not in Slayer-mode."

"And if everything else goes back to normal, will you go back to work as usual?"

"I think so. I was doing a useful job, I really believe that."

"And what about Spike?"

"Well, you'd have to ask him."

"I will, but … I thought I'd see what you think first. I'm finished with Wolfram and Hart. Even if they wanted me back, I wouldn't be going. And you know I've been trying to set myself up in business independently. Not doing too badly, actually, but I could use some help. And someone with Spike's rather unusual talents, let's just say, he could be ideal for the job. Of course, I'm not sure how it'll pay, at least for the moment. We used to do OK when we were just Angel Investigations working out of the Hyperion, so we should be fine. As it is, I'm going to have to dig into our savings for a while."

"Like I said, you'll have to talk to Spike, but I think he might be interested. And if money's tight, then I can probably put something in …"

Wes starts to object, but I plough on regardless. "I mean officially, shares or something. I've got some savings. But we're getting ahead of ourselves now. What I need is some sleep, if I can persuade my mind to slow down enough to let that happen."

As I stand up I yawn deeply, then smile at the absurdity of it. "Looks like I may be able to sleep after all. Goodnight, Wes. Sleep well."

"And you, Buffy."

"You have everything you need?"

He nods to a pile of bed linen on the other chair.

"I'll be fine. I could go home, but …"

"No, Wes. You shouldn't be alone right now. It's no more than you and Gina did for me when we were trying to get Spike back. Least I can do."

"Well, we were hoping for some babysitting later …"

"Goes without saying," I answer, pleased to hear him sounding so much more positive. "Honorary Aunt Buffy at your service."

I creep back into our room, dump my robe on the floor and crawl back into bed. I try not to touch Spike, afraid that I'll wake him, even though I crave the contact so much it's like a physical ache. Despite my best efforts, though, as soon as I'm in, Spike wriggles towards me, still asleep, and I fall asleep with his arm around me.

It seems only seconds later, but judging by the light shining through the window, it's been longer than that when I wake to find Spike studying me closely.

"What?" I ask.

He screws up his eyes and shakes his head slightly.

"What're you looking at?" I repeat.

"Well you, obviously. Just watching you wake up. It's taken a couple of minutes already since you started stirring."

"I'm that fascinating, eh?"

He shrugs, almost in embarrassment, and I feel a small stab of guilt.

"Suppose it's only fair," I admit. "I spent a lot of time watching you waking up recently."

He seems satisfied with my answer. I snuggle closer to him, enjoying the moment, but he glances at the clock and sighs.

"It's late already. I think we should get up. Not that I wouldn't love to spend the whole day right here, but we've got other people who need our time right now."

Of course, he's right.

"You want a shower?" I ask.

"Might be a good idea. You want to go first?"

"No, I'll just lie here and wake up slowly. You won't be long, will you?"

"Not as long as if you came with me."

"Probably just as well I stay here, then," I add firmly. I've got to say it firmly, because I need convincing too.

Clinton's already there when I make it to the kitchen for some breakfast. I pick up some cereal and take it into the living room, where he and Lucy are already deep in conversation. Not that it's the sort of conversation you can listen to or anything. I mean, not with the actual spoken words, more of the thought transfer thing.

The really surprising thing, though, is the fact that Spike's got the controller in his hands. He's fidgeting with it, twining it round his fingers. My attention is taken from watching Spike by Willow's voice in my head.

"Creepy, huh?" I look up to see her moving her eyes in the direction of Clinton and Lucy.

"And you doing that to me isn't?"

She shrugs. "I hope we're going to get what we need this morning. If you want my opinion, Wes is ready to crack."

I glance at him, and outwardly he seems his usual calm self.

"It's his aura," Willow adds. "I finally worked out how to do something Tara could do effortlessly. You know, when we were together, I thought I was the one with all the power. And in some ways I was, but I never spent the time trying to learn the little things, the things that came naturally to her. It was almost like, if she could do it, then it wasn't so much, so I had to go and try something bigger."

"You still miss her."

"Every day. I think that's the part that makes me see that what I've got with Kennedy isn't in the same league. I miss Tara more right now than I miss Kennedy. And it's been eight years since I touched her, heard her voice, except in my dreams."

There's sadness in Willow's mental tone, and it's reflected on her face. I smile back at her, a smile that's intended to tell her that I understand. I glance at the others and realise that Clinton and Lucy have been watching Will and me. Looks like it's show time.

"As you know, I have had your contract with the Senior Partners checked over by the foremost experts we have within our community," Lucy begins as soon as she knows she has our attention. "We have scoured Wes' memories as well as the paper contract, looking for anything which we can use against them. And I'm sure Wesley has told you, we believe that the Senior Partners have outwitted themselves as regards the contract that you signed. If you wish, we can now explain what we found, so that you can make some sort of decision as to your actions from here." Lucy's voice sounds clear, but there's a concerned frown on her face. Despite her apparent confidence, there's something she's not sure about, and I wish I knew what it was.

"Ok, what did you find?" I ask, directing the question more at Wes than Lucy, but Lucy answers anyway.

"We believe that in their dealings with you, the first priority of the Senior Partners was to keep quiet about the history that links them with Carnolans. That led to some wording in the contract which could be construed as very careless, but which we believe was intended to keep that information from you. As the contract stands, you have agreed to destroy the Carnolan species, but there is no definition of exactly who is meant. As part of its deal with them, the Darkness granted the Senior Partners immortality, so there must be some sort of physiological difference. And that's in addition to the, shall we say, cultural differences. As we understand the contract, you are required to destroy one group, but it will be up to you to choose which sub-species is in greater need of destruction."

"So, you're saying that if I destroy the Senior Partners, then I'll fulfil my contract?" I ask in disbelief.

"Essentially," Wes confirms. "It seems most likely that having me involved in the contract was unexpected. They did not intend to have a witness who was versed in the detail of such things. They assumed also that you would simply allow yourself to be pointed in the direction of a demon species and that you would destroy without thought. In fact, they expected you to behave in the way that countless Slayers have done, at the behest of the Council. You know what I mean. There are no shades of grey, just demons who are evil. The fact that they intended to take Gina, was, in my opinion, due to more than Spike's ability to thwart the control of the amulet. I believe it was intended to make us act rashly, to go ahead and destroy the Carnolan people."

"But why would they think I'd be a good little Slayer and seek and destroy? I've never exactly been the Council's puppet."

"We can only guess," says Lucy. "But, from what I've already told you about Carnolans, one idea suggests itself. They don't understand change. It simply doesn't fit into their way of looking at the world. Slayers have always been the instruments of the Council, and, for the most part, done exactly what they were told. Those who didn't, well, let's say, the ritual at their eighteenth birthday can be made easier or more difficult depending on the result believed most appropriate."

"You mean they intended me to die?" The certainty of that almost takes my breath away.

"I believe that's likely," Wes confirmed. "It's not something which was generally known, and certainly, those who were assigned as Watchers to the girls concerned were never told, but when Giles managed to retrieve whatever of the Council's documents were not stored in the main building, that much became obvious. A great number of highly secret documents were actually found in the cellars of Quentin Travers' home."

"And Giles didn't tell me this? And neither did you?"

"Giles believed it wouldn't serve any purpose, and to be honest, I can see his point. You survived, and went on to save the world. And I know that Giles felt even more guilty about his involvement in the ritual after he discovered the real purpose of it."

"So, these Senior Partners thought they could just point me and I'd solve all their problems?" I'm trying to put this new information to the back of my mind for later. I don't need any more to deal with right now.

"That seems the most likely scenario," Lucy agrees. "It's certainly true that there are many among our own people who believe it too, who couldn't understand why we would seek you out. It's only because of my influence, and the influence of many of my predecessors, that we have been able to try to bring you to our side of the divide. And now that you know what you do, I must ask you whether our risk has been in vain."

And instantly, I know why she's unsure. She really doesn't know which way I'm going to jump on this. Or at least, she's afraid that something she's been warned about is going to happen, and that she's going to be proved wrong.

I turn towards Wes. "So, as far as you're concerned, this all makes sense. The Senior Partners left the contract woolly so that I wouldn't be alerted to the fact that there are two versions of Carnolans around these days. And if I destroy their version, I'll be keeping my end of the bargain."

"As far as I know, yes. The contract's been checked out as thoroughly as we can arrange, and that's what it says."

"And what would happen to me if there was something that you missed? If I destroy the Senior Partners and that doesn't fulfil the contract. They wouldn't exist any more, so they couldn't hold me to the contract so that'd be the end of it anyway, right?"

"Er, no. The contract is an entity in its own right. And it is possible that there's something else there, of such subtlety that we haven't been able to spot it."

"And that would mean?"

"Well, since I don't know if it even exists, then I couldn't say for sure. If it's there, it could require just about anything, up to and including your death and the subsequent destruction of the rest of the Carnolan."

"But it's not likely, is it?"

"Insofar as I don't believe that I was intended to be a party to the contract, I think that it was kept very simple as they had no reason to do otherwise. In their plan, you would never have spent enough time with Lucy to have the contract analysed by Carnolan experts, and I wouldn't have been involved at all. Slayers, after all, in their world-view, do not have friends."

So, this is it. And, surprise, surprise, I might end up dead, so nothing new there. But then, that's always the case. Every time I go into a cemetery after dark, or help out some poor unfortunate who's run into a vampire, I could end up dead. And they've been playing games with my Spike, and they wanted to take Gina. So it's personal.

"Ok, I'll do it. I'll take on the Senior Partners," I say.

Despite his silence throughout the whole conversation so far, Spike answers with an affirmation of his own.

"And me. Whatever needs to be done, I'm in too."

I smile at him, feeling better already about whatever we've got to face. Because with Spike at my back? What could go wrong?

"Right," I say, turning to face Lucy. "I think you need to give us some more information."