AN: THANK YOU to everyone who reviewed! They bring me smiles as corny as that sounds. Thank you: Aiesha, hope165, lysser8312, CMMJL4EVR, lauren, OTHlover04, Jill, and mildlybizarre.

Chapter 5: The Bahaman Beach Front

One whole vacation day was wasted for Haley. Completely and utterly wasted. Down-the-drain wasted. In-the-dump wasted. Why? Well, our dear comrade just sat by the phone all day and night. 24 hours. Of course, there was the occasional bathroom break where she would sprint to the toilet and back, then check the messages just to be safe. But all in all, she came up empty handed. And an empty handed Haley is a cranky, PMS-like Haley.

"I knew it! I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!" was her constant chant as she paced through the hotel room. Okay, so what if she was shouting at herself? Sometimes, people need a little blatant self-condemnation... even if your next-door hotel neighbors think you're a meth addict.

Fuming and muttering random obscenities, she pulled on some clubbing clothes hastily. In fact, she was so mad, she put on two different shoes; one orange, another blue. Note to readers: never dress yourself when you have guy troubles. I guarantee you'll regret it.

Slamming the door, her thoughts ran in her head a mile a minute. "God, I am so stupid. I should've known all he wanted was sex. Just look at me. All people see is sex. I'm a whore. O my God... I am a whore. Look what guys have done to me!?! They have made me into a whorish sex addict. Ok, so maybe not to that extreme, but look at what all males do to proper women. Why can't women inherit the world and just use men for breeding purposes? There would be no low self-esteem, no anger, no cat fights... just peace and harmony. Of course, the world would be unbearably boring but we could always bring them up from underground for nonsexual entertainment purposes. I could finally use the whip and shackles in my closet for good reason too. I could just dust them off and use them on Nathan THE Dick-head Scott. He would have to be naked of course... for maximum pain exposure... not for me and my weird ideas of pleasure. No, not for pleasure, because I don't get any such thing from any manwhore. I am an independent woman. Now all I need is to dance to that stupid song by Destiny's Child (no offense) and I'll be independent to boot. You'll see, stupid consciousness! I'll show you! I will ignore every man tonight. No, not only ignore all of them, I'll insult them so bad they'll be crying for their mama when I'm done. I'll whip them up and down, all around. Hah, just wait... just wait," Haley thought eerily as she exited the hotel and walked to the nearest club in hopes of meeting Tim.

While Haley sat, Nathan was sitting in his dark hotel room. Being a busy bee, he had many phone calls and what not, but whenever he had free time all he would do was sit and stare at his cell phone, at her number. Yes, creepy I know...

Why is he still staring? Why can't he flip the fcuking phone and dial the fcuking number? It's not that hard. Hell, you don't even need a brain to use technology nowadays. All you need are hands, which he has... and they are big... very big hands (to add to that wink wink).

Anyway, there he was just staring. He was so nervous and intimidated by her. He could make or break whatever the hell they have going on. He liked to call it the Emotional Mystery... only because it sounded like he was something short a detective. Yeah, deep down he was this nerdy guy afraid of the world. He was scared. Why? She saw through his façade and she might not like what's under his mask. He's supposed to be this Greek god-like, rich hotshot who liked cars and bikini playmates. Underneath this cover, he was a guy who liked chic flicks, sunsets, and girls who wear those one piece swim suits. He was a dork deep down. And this all just felt like high school too. She was that popular chic and he was that nerd in the corner who played Dungeons & Dragons...not that there's anything against that game, the game's awesome.

Fumbling with his cell phone, he finally got the nerve and dialed her number... only to be greeted by her phone message.

Beep!

"Um... hey Haley, listen I'm sorry I didn't call... On the bright side, it was only one day. Not like I screwed you and never called you ever again... Ok, I should shut up now... Look call me, because I think there's something here between us and I can't turn away from it. I won't let you try either. Call me at 555-567-3425. If you don't, I'll get my bodyguard to stalk you. I'm dead serious too."

He flipped the phone off and sat on his bed to think. "Sh!t, this doesn't feel right... She should've picked up. Girls always carry their cell phones everywhere... unless they're mad. Is she mad at me? Or is she ignoring me? Dammit, girls are so fcuking weird. Why can't they just have signs on their forehead? It would tell us guys if they're pissy or happy, sad or angry. God, that would be so much more simpler! Except if you were illiterate, then it'd be hard to read the signs. O I know! Girls could just tell us what they're feeling! That'd be good for everyone, both illiterate and literate people could understand girls... But I don't mean, them telling us in their weird code. I mean straight out, flat out truthful words. Not 'o yeah sure, go hang out with your guy friends; I'm perfectly fine with that' because let me tell you consciousness, they so don't want you going with your guy friends... but it's not like that would help me here. If I was a girl, I'd be pissed at the guy who fcuked and didn't call (even though it is only one day... seriously, girls need to relax but I suppose it's all those raging hormones. Girls and that PMS thing, whatever it is. All I know is that it's a curse on men sent from the devil because Eve was too happy, and on women too... I mean, that must suck to go through with that every single month). So yeah... she's probably pissed and knowing her slightly anti-girly-girl-like tendencies, she'd go to a club instead of wallowing in self-pity. So the closest club would be the best option... See, I'm thinking like a girl... creepy."

He grabbed his wallet and left his room, sprinted to the nearest club, just hoping she was in there. He didn't need much help to get passed the bouncer which may seem unusual seeing how this was a gay club and Nathan was certainly not into guy-on-guy action. But lately, the tabloids (namely The Enquirer, gotta love them... not) had been printing stories about Nathan and his apparent "gayness." How did these stories even cross into their minds? Well, since Nathan has been turning down many leading ladies' offers, the tabloids decided to have a parade. Yeah, it doesn't make much sense, but it happened. So the bouncer just smiled suggestively at Nathan and let him in with an arm on his shoulder. The whole time, Nathan was shuddering and convulsing.

Of course, Nathan hadn't the faintest clue that this was a gay bar... and neither did Haley. Thus, Haley was utterly perplexed as to why guys ignored her the whole night but she was instead being confronted by rather overly-friendly women.

"O well," Haley thought, "at least the Bahaman women have manners unlike some people. But I wonder where Tim is..."

Yes, Tim was off in another club and had forgotten to tell Haley its name. So right now, while Haley was talking to some delightful lady, Tim was screwing another delightful lady. And of course, he was having fun using up the money he had earned when he was gigolo-ing himself to that rich old lady.

Finally Nathan saw Haley talking to that delightful lady about the hottest topic to talk in any type of club, the upcoming presidential election. Yeah, Haley was known for being a party pooper and a fun sucker. And that lady was getting so bored, so she left with her "friend" and let Nathan to take her spot.

Haley sat quietly, ignoring Nathan. Nathan sat there, glimpsing at Haley every now and then thinking about how much his love life sucks. Yes, because it sucked major butt. But whatever, because THE Nathan Scott aka THE Womanizing Scott had a love life where the one girl he wanted, was the one girl who had the most mental issues he has ever witnessed. The most. And that's saying a lot when you're in show business...

Suddenly a girl came up to Haley and tapped her on the shoulder. Nathan, being a manly man, couldn't help but start choking out laughter. She did look umm... quite manly if I do say so myself. Squinting his eyes in an unattractive manner, Nathan had to make sure this was a girl. I mean, there was just so much testosterone in that human, it had to be male. But alas, the human was a very malish female.

"Dance with me or get outta my way," the girl (or beast to Nathan) said to Haley. Of course, Haley was scared sh!tless. Who wouldn't be? But Haley, being that brave gal, put on a bitchy front.

"Excuse me bitch, but how the hell did the bouncer let you in? Is he blind?" Haley asked calmly but a little confused as to why this person wanted to dance with her... Yeah, Haley's just that slow sometimes.

Nathan seeing her act all defensive, decided to pull off the Knight In Shining Armor act. No matter what happens, the Knight always wins the Damsel in Distress's heart and beats the Ugly Ogre to pieces. In this scenario, he was the Knight, Haley was the Damsel In Distress and the manly girl was the Ugly Ogre. But of course, he wasn't going to hit the Ugly Ogre because ultimately she had two X chromosomes. Yeah... Look, I told you before, Nathan is a cheesy dork. He tends to come up with the weirdest things ever.

So soaring to her rescue, Nathan came in front of Haley and cocked his head in front of the man-girl. Exactly like this scene in this hysterically bad teen drama show I know... God, what was the name of that show? Hmm... All I know is that in both cases (on the show and in Nathan's Knight in Shining Armor act), the Knight was not needed at all. In fact, the Damsel in Distress could probably have defended herself. Even if evil cheerleaders and abnormal man-girls seem intimidating, they aren't that scary... ok maybe they are, but they can be beat.

"I think she doesn't want anything to do with you. So get outta here," Nathan said as buffed up his chest, which really was pointless. Either way, the man-girl had a bigger chest because she had duct-taped her cleavage... yeah, some people are just a little odd... and creepy...

"Psshh whatever you say man. Jus' so ya know, this here is a gay club," the man-girl huffed and turned around, leaving the horror-stricken duo to scramble their asses out of the club.

Huffing and puffing, the duo stood out of the club and unknowingly had raced towards the beach front. They broke out in laughter and fell onto the sand in one heap. Haley's head was buried in Nathan's chest, each shaking with fits of bubbling laughter. When the laughter had died down, they sat there in silence, gaping at how stupid and slow they were.

"O my God, I seriously was scared of that person though," Haley laughed lightly. She looked at the moving waves of whitewater, thinking "yeah right, that man-slash-woman was no person. She should be called an 'it.' No matter how mean and bitchy that sounds, it's the cold hard truth... wait, aren't I supposed to be ignoring every man, especially him!?! Aghhh... stupid libido. Stupid Nathan and this irresistible attraction that is so uncalled for." She relented and slumped down besides Nathan, her head leaning on his shoulder, her eyes photographing everything about him. She just couldn't get enough of him. He was addictive and she was too weak to fight back these emotions. And she couldn't help but think that maybe Hollywood isn't completely filled with schmucks. Maybe that's only the majority of them, but there were a few untainted ones.

Usually our dream team would most likely be talking about the weather, but I guess being in a gay club and facing a confrontation with an 'it' could certainly be that proper ice breaker. But soon, like all conversations, the talking started to dry up and the awkward silence filled the hollow void.

"So the weather looks mighty fine here, don't cha think?" Nathan asked uncertainly. He hated silence and as pathetically dull as the weather is, that was his escape route. Haley, on the other hand, just gaped.

"O no no no no no no. No. We are not going back to that of all things. No, we are going to talk about everything but that from now on. Do not ever talk about that with me. Talk to your local meteorologist, not me. No, we have to get over this—this phase type thing. I mean, you're a guy, I'm a girl, why can't we—like, go out on dates, do real talk, and stay together. God, I mean I like you—a whole lot. Lemme tell you, I like you a lot, no more than a lot. Like super duper mega lots. And I think you feel the same. I mean, maybe you do or don't. That whole let's-not-call-Haley-after-I-just-fcuked-her thing totally confused me. Am I a sex toy or something more? See, we need to talk about whatever the hell is going on. It's so—so weird. All I know about you is what the media says. I want to know what you say. And hell, you don't even know me. I mean, I could be a secret stalker or a spy or a hitwoman and you would never know. I could even be working for those tabloids that say you're gay and yet, you still would have not a clue. You really should be more careful. If this is how you treat every girl, then you need to be cautious. Like right now, I could be hiding a gun in my coat and I could so pump your ass with lead from this angle. And—"

"Ok, you're right Haley. It's just so weird talking about feelings and sh!t like that. But you're right. We can't talk about the bouts of weather forever... First, you're not just a sex toy. You're something more. Before the airplane ride, I was sex sober for months after the country club. And you're right. I don't know a thing about you. So I guess we should do that real talk and stuff..."

To say that Nathan was nervous would be the Understatement of the Year. From his perspective, he was about to pour out his heart to someone. Not like those stupid interview specials on TV where the interviewer holds a box of Kleenex while the interviewee bawls his eyes out because his childhood dog got wounded in a near-fatal accident with a truck. No this was going to be the real deal. No crap included, only the truth and that was nerve-wracking. I mean, how does one tell their lover everything about himself? People are just supposed to know your favorite color is blue because over time, they'd notice you always sport blue clothes. It's just so awkward to put on a dorky smile and say "Hey, love of my life! Just in case you didn't know, my favorite color is blue, but more specifically sky blue. I like how the sky's color is so transparent and blends so well. Thus, don't be alarmed when I wear a completely blue outfit. No, I'm not color blind!"

Haley, realizing Nathan's hesitance, decided to go first. Yeah, it's just a tad awkward listing all your faves and what not, but they needed to start somewhere...

"Ok, I guess we should start with the basics. Hi, I'm Haley Rebecca-Ann James. I'm a 26 year old who works at a red carpeting company. I was born and raised in Tree Hill, North Carolina. I have a weird accent, because I lived in New York to go to NYU, the place where I started my whole rampage against rich folks. My best friends are 3 strange guys and a girl named Theresa who works for NASA in Annapolis doing science and wonders. My parents suck. I haven't seen them since 10th grade. But they randomly make appearances every now and then. I guess they work behind the scenes. My sister, Jules, the one with the baby, likes to scream directly into your eardrums. My brother, Jason, is in the army. My dog, G-unit, is a total Southern gang dawg. He has the spiky collar and all. My favorite color is red because it's symbolic and I'm one of those insane people that read too much into everything. The best food in the world is mac n cheese. My favorite animal is the Chihuahua because it's tiny and compact. I don't have a favorite movie, but my favorite song is 'One' by Three Dog Night. I tend to sing that song everyday in the shower or whenever I get lonely or am just plain hyper. My motto in life is 'Live, Fcuk, Roll Over, then Die.' My hobbies are running, talking, and being overdramatic. I hate going to work, because my boss is a slave driver and a money swindling pig. He's like the much less wealthy and ugly version of Hollywood stars. I'm dead serious, he looks like a pink wrinkly big blob of fat oozing around. O and I tend to ramble on forever and sometimes I'm an insensitive bitch... or so I've been told. In high school, I always told people the truth. Some mistook me for a bitch, but I like to think of myself as—outspoken, raw, honest, and unique. And I was nice... if you weren't trying to become popular by using me. But seriously, what the fcuk is the big deal with being popular? I tried to make myself so uncool. I wore plaid pants and big eagle rimmed glasses and even started to correct people's grammar. But all that did was make me popular. The whole high school scene just confused the crap out of me, so college was welcomed... I think that's all the basics..."

Nathan just stared at her wide eyed. "Of all the chics I had to fall in love with, it had to be a complicated one. Just give her a set of tomboy clothes and voila! Instant replica of Avril Lavigne. She probably hates all her exs too. No, not just hate, she probably publicly denounces them as a royal jackass... Sh!t, what if things go wrong and she hates me and all this crap happens? O God, what if I mess up? She probably won't because girls are like that. They sometimes slip, but that's occasionally. Us guys mess up on a daily basis... Sh!t, she's looking at me... what do I tell her?"

Haley drummed her fingers on her purse, thinking "God, of all guys I had to fall in love with, it had to be a slow one. Just give him blonde hair and voila! Instant replica of Jessica Simpson. He probably asks dumb questions too. No, not just dumb, they're probably insanely stupid. But in spite of his slowness, I still have this crazy thing for him. Wait, did I just start my whole thought process by saying I had fallen in love with him? Wow there, let's take it slow—Nathan Scott style... What's taking him so long to move his damn luscious mouth? Just say something... we've been sitting in silence for 5 minutes and it's creepy..."

Finally, after an additional 5 minutes of silent waiting, Nathan finally decided to open his trap and talk...

"Umm... ok... so I've never done this sort of thing. I mean, yeah, I've given interview type things, but not this. Well, you probably haven't either... Ok, so my name is Nathan Daniel Scott. I'm a 25 year old actor. I was born in Kentucky (AN: lol random but whatever) but raised in San Francisco. Whenever I'm there I like to sing that stupid song on that commercial about the San Francisco treat. People walkby and tend to think I'm some crazy bum, but I do a lot of stuff not captured by the media... yet. I hate tabloids. My best friend is Tim Smith, the dumbass on the Smith Show. I seriously don't know how he's not unemployed. He's the biggest dumbsh!t I've ever met, but I'm glad otherwise he'd bum off me. My parents are Dan and Deb, the biggest scam in this country. Don't tell anyone, but their marriage is a contract. You know the Dan & Deb Cooking show? Well, they've always hated each other, but they married because it was a good 'money move.' They met at some bar in college. I hate both of them. They sicken me. O and then there's this whole scandal with my dad knocking up some helpless cheerleader back in high school and Deb right after her, landing himself with me and my half brother. I swear, my life is a soap opera. Like, you would think this crap doesn't happen in real life? How stupid could a guy be? There are things called condoms and what not that stop pregnancies. And in case that doesn't work, there's a fabulous thing called abstinence. I know lots of people don't follow it and hell even I don't, but hey it prevents these things. My half brother is some weird girly brooding basketball player who always seems to think the weight of the world is on his shoulders. I hate him; he's like a walking talking freak show. My dad loves him though. It's so messed up. I have a dog, but it got ran over by a truck. So it's injured. I strongly dislike it. It bites me so many times on the ass cheeks, but I usually tell my sad dog story to reporters and then I cry. It's fun...in a sickening way. My favorite color is blue. I love tiramisu. I don't really like movies. After you see the mechanics of how they are made, it gets kinda boring, but I love acting. So I tend to act a lot even in real life. Like the one true time I actually cried was when my grampa died. Other than that, everything else was fake. My favorite song is 'All You Need Is Love' by the Beatles. I tend to think way too much into stuff. I think that's about it..."

Haley had to sit back and absorb all this stuff... This whole moment was weird. Who starts dating someone like this? It felt so much like a cheap dating show. It was just too easy to be real. There just had to be a gimmick... a snag... something that brought this weird surreal moment back to reality.

Just then a posse of giggling girls approached them. They were pointing at Nathan. Just then one of them walked away from the group and towards our dream team... "Great," Haley thought "there's the snag... stupid girls who ruin the moment, who are most likely gonna be annoying brats, and who are going to try to ruin our relationship..."

The girl giggled and twirled her hair in her dainty long fingers. She had perfected the Dumbass act and was ready to grab a guy, well not just any guy—this was THE Nathan Scott. Guys like him always fell for ditzy girls. At least that's what she thought...

Shaking her blonde curls around lightly, she came up in front of the lovey dovey duo. "Who's this chic? Whatever... I'll get him even if it means snatching him from another..."

She kneeled down beside Nathan making sure to wave her cleavage around for good measure. Of course, Nathan looked but just rolled his eyes. "O God, they are the fakest fun bags I've ever seen. They look like someone shoved a balloon in there. I bet I could pop them with a pin. Hah, that'd be gross. All the silicon would squirt out. Eghh... here she comes... O man, I hope Haley won't get mad at me for this. Aghh! The one chance I get to actually converse with Haley and some stupid stalker girl has to ruin it. O she'll pay alright..."

While Nathan was scheming ways to make the blonde girl pay for the damage she had caused to their moment, Haley was a little on the green side. And I'm not talking 'bout money, honey! Haley James was jealous. Who wouldn't be? Here ya are talking to this man who could be the love of your life and then some girl has to come over to chitchat. And y'all know she just doesn't want to chitchat with your man. No, she wants to do her dirty way with him. And it doesn't help that your man did look at her unrealistically huge boobs either... so what if he was only scoffing? He looked nevertheless. And of course, now you're sitting here watching the slut flutter her stupid eyelashes at him.

"Hi, I'm Erin. This is kinda embarrassing to ask, but my friend over there wanted to ask you if you think I'm cute," she said as she waved her boobs around some more. "Good," she thought, "start off with a corny pick up line... then pounce him..."

"Well yeah," Nathan innocently started but received the evilest glare from Haley, but continued rapidly, "You've got to refer me to your plastic surgeon... My dog needs a bit of a face lift... ever since the accident..." Then, for special effects, Nathan cast his eyes wearily down and softly whimpered. Slowly, realization of what Nathan was doing dawned on Haley. To help with the performance, she patted him on the back and bowed her head in mock grief.

"O my God... are you alright?" Erin asked, completely oblivious to Nathan's jab at her boob job. Immediately, Nathan lit up his face brightly at the mere mention of the question.

"Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?" Nathan asked in feigned confusion but with a happy brightness. See, Nathan Scott loved to use his acting talent for evil purposes. Every now and then, he would act all schizno on a poor innocent girl. He also liked to mix it up with a bonus Multiple Personalities act. It was fun seeing the look of bewilderment on their faces. And this girl deserved to be frightened.

Erin looked at Nathan confused, but then decided to ignore it. She wanted to be on his good side. That's how one got sex from the elite. Then Nathan started to look around haphazardly, rummaging around the sand.

"Are you looking for something?" piped Erin while gingerly removing the sand from her hair. THE Nathan Scott was a tidbit rude. She had just got her hair done today and here he goes flinging sand all over her locks. O the audacity! "I swear, if he wasn't a hot celeb with great sex potential, I'd so kill him," she thought.

"Yeah... Have you seen my enormous jar of Penis Reducing Cream?" Nathan asked while seriously looking around the sandy lot for it. All the while evilly thinking, "God, she must be confused as hell." He glanced at Haley, hoping she would understand what he was doing. And apparently she did. For she was rolling around the sand, laughing her ass off. And of course—pretending to look for his cream.

"Umm noooo...," Erin replied bewildered. This guy, this famous celeb with walls lined with awards and honors, was a psycho! One second, he's crying about his wounded dog, next he's looking for some cream—his Penis Reducing Cream to be exact.

Then Nathan decided to take a different turn now. Well, this Erin girl was wearing a very revealing shirt. And Nathan was of the male gender. How could he not notice her rack? It was hanging out there, waving around in the moon's light. And of course, Nathan could be a real jackass when he wanted to. Thus, he decided a little wrongful sexual innuendo would justifiably creep her out. This was always the fun part, but sometimes it was painful... slapping tended to occur during this part of the Psycho act.

"Are those your breasts or are they Siamese watermelons?" Nathan heard himself say, then started to chuckle at how stupid the line sounded. But whatever, it was worth it. Haley was laughing her ass off now, shaking uncontrollably in the sand. Erin's face shone from POed to PMSed. Damn, here comes the slap...

"Excuse me," Erin spat out. How dare this prick say that to me? Who does he think he is? She walked right up to him, slapped him square on the jaw and made a beeline back to her posse. All the while, muttering obscenities and cursing Nathan like there was no tomorrow. "Stupid dick! My boobs are not to be oogled at like that! Yes, I did wear a skimpy top, but you're not supposed to say that! Ughhh!" She turned around and then screamed loudly, "Fcuk you Nathan Scott!" which just added to Haley's laughter.

Nathan held his jaw, blinking back the pain. Yep, that girl knew the art of slapping. Haley toppled on top of him, still laughing and cuddled next to him, reciting how damn hilarious that was and how he was actually talented; he could act!

Haley tugged at Nathan's arm to take him back to her room. As they walked, Nathan held his hand to his jaw in pain while Haley was still laughing hard. They crossed the board walk, where Haley saw Tim call at some girl. I believe his exact words were, "bitch, give me some of that disease!" Of course, the girl slapped him, making Tim run to Haley for comfort. Great... two slapped men whining about the red mark's pain.

She took them both to her hotel, where she dropped Tim off with a big bag of ice to cover his cheek. Then Haley and Nathan traveled to the Four Seasons suite. Haley dragged Nathan inside and gently massaged the sore spot with a little ice baggie. Needless to say, both enjoyed the "nursing."