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Perfect
When will they stop?
Why don't they realize that I'm not like them?
They are my parents and I love them, but they expect so much.
I have to believe in God
I have to get perfect grades
I have to be nice
I have to be on top of everything
I have to be energetic even if I've gone without sleep for over twenty-four hours
I have to agree with their opinions
I have to live by their rules and their rules only, including no makeup, even though I'm seventeen years old
I have to everything that is required of me, everything that they "need" of me.
I hate it
I'm not perfect and they have no right to demand it of me and when I confront them about it, they claim that they don't mean it, that of course they don't care about my grades, that they want me to be happy.
They don't
I know it
I can feel it in the way their eyes bore into me when I announce my grades
I just know that if I bring home only and Outstanding, they'll be disappointed, they'll take me out of Hogwarts, they'll-
They'll be disappointed in me
They'll know that I'm not good enough
I'm not even close to their standard of perfection
And it kills me inside because I'm not the daughter I'm supposed to be
I'm not good enough.
They say that they hope I'll make "good choices" and I just want to scream at them
I'm their daughter; they should know by now that I would never do anything like that
But every day as I wake up, I am so tempted, just to get away from them, from their expectations, from their everything.
But I can't because it would be so wrong
But they don't see that
They have lived with me for all of my life, how can they be so ignorant, how can they know me so little?
I try and be angry at them when they do say something stupid, but I can't, they're my parents.
I'm supposed to love them, I'm supposed to depend on them, I'm supposed to at least not hate them
But I do
Because they expect so much and I hate it
Every time they ask me if I've done my homework during summer vacation
My "darling daddy" wants me to be finished with it the day I come back from school. He won't even let me read the books I want to read, watch movies with friends I haven't seen since winter vacation, go out and just have fun.
He just wants me to stay locked up in my room working
When I tell him he's caging me in, that I need to breathe, he says that he lets me, I just need to finish my homework
When I say that it's done (I'm lying) then he lets me do what I want to do, but he asks so many questions
Where I'm going
Who I'm going with
How long it'll be
Who's giving us rides back and forth and here and there
Why doesn't he give the rides instead of someone else's parents because he doesn't want it to be "too much trouble for them"
Why I have to go in the first place.
He says he wants me to get out of the house
But he won't even give me space to breathe.
My mother is just as bad
When my father is interrogating me about my company, she joins in
Then later, she comes into my room and tries to talk to me
When I tell her I don't feel like talking, she asks me why I'm so mean
I know I'm flawed, and I don't like it, but I have to live with it
Maybe that's why I hate her
She made me, she's to blame for the way I am
When I try to tell her this, she breaks down and rails against me and calls me devil spawn
I can't love her because she says she just wants me to happy I know she doesn't I know she just wants for her to be happy and for that to happen I have to be perfect and miserable.
I hate it
All their expectations, pouring down, crushing me into tiny oblivion, sweeping me into the trash where I belong
When will it stop?
Perfect
When will they stop?
Why don't they realize that I'm not like them?
They are my parents and I love them, but they expect so much.
I have to believe in God
I have to get perfect grades
I have to be nice
I have to be on top of everything
I have to be energetic even if I've gone without sleep for over twenty-four hours
I have to agree with their opinions
I have to live by their rules and their rules only, including no makeup, even though I'm seventeen years old
I have to everything that is required of me, everything that they "need" of me.
I hate it
I'm not perfect and they have no right to demand it of me and when I confront them about it, they claim that they don't mean it, that of course they don't care about my grades, that they want me to be happy.
They don't
I know it
I can feel it in the way their eyes bore into me when I announce my grades
I just know that if I bring home only and Outstanding, they'll be disappointed, they'll take me out of Hogwarts, they'll-
They'll be disappointed in me
They'll know that I'm not good enough
I'm not even close to their standard of perfection
And it kills me inside because I'm not the daughter I'm supposed to be
I'm not good enough.
They say that they hope I'll make "good choices" and I just want to scream at them
I'm their daughter; they should know by now that I would never do anything like that
But every day as I wake up, I am so tempted, just to get away from them, from their expectations, from their everything.
But I can't because it would be so wrong
But they don't see that
They have lived with me for all of my life, how can they be so ignorant, how can they know me so little?
I try and be angry at them when they do say something stupid, but I can't, they're my parents.
I'm supposed to love them, I'm supposed to depend on them, I'm supposed to at least not hate them
But I do
Because they expect so much and I hate it
Every time they ask me if I've done my homework during summer vacation
My "darling daddy" wants me to be finished with it the day I come back from school. He won't even let me read the books I want to read, watch movies with friends I haven't seen since winter vacation, go out and just have fun.
He just wants me to stay locked up in my room working
When I tell him he's caging me in, that I need to breathe, he says that he lets me, I just need to finish my homework
When I say that it's done (I'm lying) then he lets me do what I want to do, but he asks so many questions
Where I'm going
Who I'm going with
How long it'll be
Who's giving us rides back and forth and here and there
Why doesn't he give the rides instead of someone else's parents because he doesn't want it to be "too much trouble for them"
Why I have to go in the first place.
He says he wants me to get out of the house
But he won't even give me space to breathe.
My mother is just as bad
When my father is interrogating me about my company, she joins in
Then later, she comes into my room and tries to talk to me
When I tell her I don't feel like talking, she asks me why I'm so mean
I know I'm flawed, and I don't like it, but I have to live with it
Maybe that's why I hate her
She made me, she's to blame for the way I am
When I try to tell her this, she breaks down and rails against me and calls me devil spawn
I can't love her because she says she just wants me to happy I know she doesn't I know she just wants for her to be happy and for that to happen I have to be perfect and miserable.
I hate it
All their expectations, pouring down, crushing me into tiny oblivion, sweeping me into the trash where I belong
When will it stop?