Author's Note: Poor Hermione, I don't mean to torture her.... but its so damn fun! Anyways, I promise you this dream is going to be hilarious! Even though I re-read it and scared myself. I think I should turn myself into the psycho ward! MUHAHAHA!

Chapter 5: TOGA!

Hermione's dream seemed normal and Lupin free. She was walking up the steps to Grimmauld place. When she knocked on the door it took forever for someone to come and answer.

"HERMIONE!" Tonks greeted as she ushered Hermione in the house.

Hermione noticed there was a huge party going on and everyone was draped in white sheets with olive branches around their heads. "Is this a toga party?" Hermione asked Tonks.

"Yuppers! Why aren't you in costume?"

"I had no idea," Hermione yelled over the loud music.

Everyone seemed to be there and having a great time. And to Hermione's surprise Lupin was nowhere in sight. But the strange thing was that Sirius was there.

"Who wants a Mighty Aphrodite?" He asked as he held up two large margaritas.

"SIRIUS! You're alive!" Hermione shrieked.

"Yep! I'm alive and loving it!" He sang. "Hey! Why aren't you in costume?"

"I didn't know this was a toga party," Hermione said.

Sirius tore off one of the curtains nearest to him and threw it around Hermione. "There you are! Now make a name for yourself and PARTAE!"

Hermione draped the curtain around her body and accidently crashed into Dumbledore. "Headmaster?" She asked.

"Nope. I am the almighty ZEUS! MUHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAH" And he raised his arms and lighting bolts struck random places in the house.

Hermione rushed away from him and found Snape bent over at the snack table, he was wearing his usual black and Hermione decided to speak up.

"How are you professor? Enjoying yourself?"

"I'm not your professor! I am the lord of the dark world! HADES! MUHAHAHAHAH!" And he lifted his arms in the air and shot fire out of his mouth like a dragon.

Hermione rushed away from him and desolated herself in a corner. It was one of those times you're in a dream and you know you are.

Okay, this is just a dream, relax...you can do anything you want here...

She saw Hagrid over the crowd, wearing a red toga, and decided to walk up to him.

Guessing what would happen next, Hermione asked him his character. "Are you supposed to be Zeus, too?"

"Nope! I'm Santa Claus! You hoe hoe hoe! Have you been a good little girl this year?"

"What the hell?" Hermione yelled out loud.

"Did someone call me?" Snape said coming towards them. "I heard the word hell!" And Snape stuck out a hand and flames shot out of his palm.

Hagrid took a big intake of air and his face contorted. "Santa has a present for all of you!" And he made a huge fart.

The flames Snape shot out of his hand made contact with the gas from Hagrid and blew up half the room.

"MARS THE GOD OF WAR HATH DISPLAYED THY ANGER!" Sirius shouted.

When the smoke cleared, neither Hagrid nor Snape were in sight.

"WAKE UP!" Hermione shouted to herself.

Dobby the house elf emerged from the smoke carrying a goblet and a scepter.

"Oh Dobby! How's it going?" Hermione asked.

"My name isn't Dobby! It's Herpes! I mean...HERMES! The messenger god!" And he picked up his scepter and began hitting Hermione with it.

"Ow! Stop that!" She yelled as she ran for cover. But Dobby kept following her and beating her with it.

"DIE YOU BITCH! BLEED!" Dobby screamed as he chased Hermione around the room.

Hermione couldn't run very fast, which was common in most dreams.

"I'll save you!" Ron shouted from across the room.

"Ron?" Hermione asked.

"Nope! JULIUS CAESAR! MUHAHAHA!" And he kicked Dobby all the way across the room. "Take that you overgrown furby!"

"Thank you, Ron – I mean, Caesar."

"Anytime! My beautiful damsel in distress!"

"SHE'S MY DAMSEL IN DISTRESS!" Harry yelled.

"Harry?" Hermione asked.

"Nope. HERCULES! MUHAHAHA!" And he picked up Ron and threw him into the snack table. "Take that pizza boy! MUHAHAHA!"

Hermione now desperately tried to wake herself up.

Colin walked through the door dressed up like some kind of an elf. "What's going on? What's the theme of this party?" He asked.

"MVP bitch!" Sirius yelled.

"Sirius! You told me this was a Lord of the Rings party!" Colin yelled.

Hermione couldn't stand this anymore. It was just too strange. She ran into the nearest room and closed the door. When she turned around she got quite a shock.

Professor Lupin was there completely naked and in a strange standing position.

"REMUS!" Hermione gasped.

"Nope. THE NAKED STATUE OF DAVID! MUHAHAHAHA!" And he ran up towards her but all the sudden the door was locked.

Hermione screamed but she no longer had a voice.

Before she knew it Remus had grabbed her, and Hermione melted for his touch. He placed warm kisses on her face.

"Oh..." Hermione moaned.

And she began to have strange urging sensations for him.

Remus picked her up and led her to the empty bed.

Just then Sirius busted the door open and screamed.

"REMUS!" He cried. "How could you?!!"

"SIRIUS!" Remus apologized. "My love come back I can explain!"

"I thought we had something you BITCH!" And he took off one of his sandals and threw it at Lupin's face.

"Sirius! My Siri Poo! Come back!"

Sirius cried down the hall and yelled. "I'm going to kill myself!"

"DID SOMEONE SAY KILL!" Snape yelled shooting flames from his hands and mouth. "Come here Black! I'll help you with that! MUHAHAHA!"

Hermione ran out of the room after Sirius and Remus. She rushed out the front door and saw naked Remus chasing Sirius down the street.

"HIT ME!" Sirius yelled as he stuck out his wand for the Knight Bus to come and run him over.

"NO!" Hermione yelled.

The Knight Bus did come but stopped in front of Sirius.

"RUN ME OVER DAMN IT!" Sirius demanded.

Stan came out of the bus and explained. "It's against our insurance policy, Sir."

"FUCK YOUR INSURANCE POLICY! KILL ME!"

Remus caught up to Sirius and hugged him. "Come on Siri, let's go back home now!"

"NO!" Sirius cried. "RUN ME OVER ALREADY!"

Ernie rolled his eyes, "Come on Stan just let me run him over! Anything to make him shut up!"

"No," Stan said. "I'm not losin' me job jus' cuz this fella ain't movin!"

"FINE!" Ernie yelled. And Ernie got up from his seat and ripped off the little Jamaican head from the bus corner.

"NO!" Stan yelled. "Not our marijuana scented air freshener!"

"YES! Either I'll throw this annoying little piece of crap at that dude's head and kill him or you let me run him over!"

(Alfonso Cuaron the proud yet strange and annoying director of the third Harry Potter film runs into dream)

"What's wrong with my idea? I thought the talking head was a good addition?"

"Shut up!" Ernie yelled.

"No, Mr. Alfonso Cuaron. But it was nice of you to let Sirius and I kiss in the movie. Otherwise we would have never found our true love for each other!" Remus giggled.

"Yeah!" Sirius yelled at Alfonso. "That stupid talking head was in the movie more than I was!"

(Bus pulls forward and runs over Alfonso's head)

"ADIOS!" Everyone yells.

Snape runs outside and picks up Alfonso's dead body. "MUHAHAHA! I've been waiting for you for a long time! You could take out the part in the book with Sir Cadogan, but yet you put in the part with me in the dress! BURN! MUHAHAHA!"

(Takes away Alfonso's dead body)

"What the heck was that about?" Remus asked.

"Oh who cares? KILL ME ALREADY!" Sirius demanded.

(Ernie throws the Jamaican head at Sirius and kills him)

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Hermione and Remus yell.

"WHAT'S WRONG!" Harry demanded as he jumped out of bed.

Hermione darted upright. "Oh...it was just a dream."

"Don't scare me like that!" Harry breathed.

"Harry?" Hermione asked.

"Yeah?"

"Who's Alfonso Cuaron?"