Harry Potter & the Spy Who Shagged Me
By: Diet Vanilla Coke
Ron strolled casually into the Room of Requirement (the D.A.'s official meeting place) nearly twenty minutes tardy for meeting.
Hermione abruptly stopped mid-sentence to throw him a look that clearly said 'you're not getting a shag out of me anytime soon'. "Why, pray tell, are you late, Ron?"
"Who made you president of the D.A.?" Ron asked, grinning broadly and slapping a roll of parchment on the table before her.
Hermione frowned. "So you're late and you've brought us junk, too?"
"Junk? Junk?! My dear, I've spent hours in the library and what I bring you today is not junk!" Ron exclaimed. He picked up the roll of parchment again before waving it above his head for all the D.A. members to see. "Listen up everyone. I hold in my hands the key to unveiling the terrifying plot Voldemort has plotted."
"Sounds like junk to me," Hermione grumbled.
"It sounds fascinating to me!" Luna exclaimed, casting Ron a look of admiration before turning her huge eyes back to the ceiling. Hermione looked furious.
"See, no one else thinks this is junk," Ron said with a triumphant smile.
"Okay Ron. Then tell us, what fascinating information have you brought us?" Hermione asked, glaring at Luna as she emphasized the word 'fascinating'.
The Creevey brothers clapped in excitement as Ron began to speak. "Voldemort and his sycophants have been spotted recently in Cancun, Mexico. We must go there immediately."
The room remained silent for a few moments before Hermione spoke, "We can't go to Mexico now! Where will you get the money?"
Ron pondered this question for a moment before turning to Harry, who was humming 'I Feel Pretty' and plucking his eyebrows. He gently put the tweezers back into his sequined purple purse before turning to Ron and batting his eyelashes.
"What do you say, mate?"
"You want to take me to Mexico? Really?" Tears of glee shone on Harry's face. "Heavens, I don't know what ever I shall pack!"
Ron shook his head in disgust. "No! We need you to fund this trip," he said, as an afterthought, "I suppose we'll need to use aeroplanes."
Harry pursed his lips and pondered this a moment before responding musically, "Only for you, Big Boy."
"Right," Ron said, turning to Hermione as if waiting to hear more protests. She did not disappoint him.
"Well, I, for one, was planning on using vacation to study for—"
"N.E.W.T.s, right. Yep, you're the only one. Anything else?" Ron asked.
Hermione looked helplessly around the room, realizing that she could not win on this one. The D.A. was too eager to stop Voldemort at any cost, and a week in Cancun was too tantalizing an idea for anyone to reject. "Cancun's a Muggle tourist area," Hermione said, weakly, in a final attempt. "We'll attract too much attention."
"Not if we go undercover!" Ginny piped up, and the room exploded with noise and shouts of agreement as everybody voiced their anticipation for the upcoming mission.
Everyone chatted happily until Neville began to shout. "I can't come! I promised my Grandma I'd stuff vultures," he blushed as he sheepishly added, "she wants new hats."
"Well, how many people can come then?" Ron asked. Nearly everyone in the room shouted they could come.
"Here," Hermione said with a frown, "If you're coming write your name down." A sheet of parchment made its way through the Room of Requirement before reaching Ron.
Hannah Abbott, Lavender Brown, Susan Bones, Terry Boot, Colin and Dennis Creevey, Justin Finch-Fletchley, Seamus Finnegan, Hermione Granger, Luna Lovegood, Ernie Macmillian, Parvarti and Padma Patil, Harry Potter, Zacharias Smith, Dean Thomas, Ginny Weasley, and Ron Weasley had all signed up to go to Cancun.
"Well Harry, can you fund this excursion?" Ron asked his friend, who was now applying a third layer of lip-gloss.
"Of course I'll pay sweet cheeks," Harry said, smiling at Ron.
Ron looked like he was going to be ill and quickly turned away from Harry. "Well, it's settled then. The 18 of us will be going to Cancun with Harry's money," Ron declared. Everyone cheered happily as Ron loudly shouted, "This meeting is adjourned!" Hermione slapped her forehead in disbelief and sunk into her chair.
Unbeknownst to the D.A., Malfoy & friends had listened in on the evening's meeting with a pair of extendable ears, and were plotting themselves on how to rain on the D.A.'s parade.
A/N: You guys loved this, didn't you? Come on, we know you did. So why haven't you reviewed already? Don't you want another chapter? Now go read our other (slightly more sane) stories under the names of Azkaban Fugitive & Silver Ice. Super! Das ist spitze! Danke schoen!