Author's Note: SORRY! I just started school and I haven't been in the mood to type crazy insane crap! But I didn't 4get to update because I love you (and your reviews, thanx especially to lollilover!) Sorry for putting you all through that scary nonsense! I don't mean to! And I'm sorry to JK Rowling and her hubby for putting you through that terrifying experience. I apologize for taking so long to update peoples! It's hard to type when you're wearing a straight jacket! By the way, my little sister is still in shock with seeing her first penis, aw wouldn't you be in shock if you saw Lupin's wanker too? LOL! WRITE MORE REVIEWS! I LOVE Y'ALL!

Chapter 7: The REAL Reunion

Well the week passed by fairly quickly and it was time for the BIG reunion. (Dramatic music).

Hermione hadn't had any absurd dreams since that one crazy escapade dream in the Great Hall.

When Harry, Ron, Hermione and her two children stepped inside they gasped at the beautiful decorations.

The Great Hall was covered in wonderful decors and colorful lights. They had a number of snack tables filled with delicious treats. And the tables were labeled were everyone was assigned to sit. All of the previous students wore name badges and had a card on the table were they were assigned to sit.

All of the previous teachers were there, even the new ones that hadn't taught when the trio attended Hogwarts.

"HERMIONE?!" Lavender shrieked running up to greet her. "Oh Herm, look how much you've changed! Aw, are these your little ones?" She said in a high sweet voice. Lavender pointed to James and giggled, "Aw, your little boy looks just like his father! Oh, and your daughter is just so darling!"

James and Francesca smiled, since they were warned earlier that this behavior from mummy and daddy's old friends was bound to happen.

While Hermione was talking to Lavender, Harry was catching up with Neville, Seamus and Dean.

And Ron was off to talk to Remus and spill the beans on Hermione's dream.

When he finished telling Remus the only dream Hermione had told him, Remus was laughing to death. "Me? A stripper?"

Ron laughed hysterically, "Yeah! Insane right! HAHAHAHA!"

Professor Snape walked up to both Remus and Ron and demanded to know what was so funny.

"Professor Snape!" Ron said covering his mouth with his hand. "Oh my God! You've gotten SO fat!"

Snape sneered and looked at Ron as if he wanted to slap the shit out of him.

"Thank you, Weasley." Snape whispered with a hint of sarcasm. "You seem you're usual annoying self."

"Damn proud of it!" Ron said in a high annoying voice. He got up on the podium to make an announcement. He turned to Snape and said, "Me and a few students had this idea put together for the longest time."

He turned on the microphone and announced. "Okay people's! You know what to do!"

A few students ran up to where Ron was stationed.

Dean: "At graduation we think about everything that's happened in the past four years."

Seamus: "I think I'm really going to miss my friends."

Ginny: "I'm gonna cry my eyes out on my graduation day."

Lavender: "We've been best friends for four years."

Parvati: "Best friends since first year."

Ron: Sings; "So we talked all night about the rest of our lives, where were gonna be when we turned 25, I keep thinking times will never change and I keep on thinking things will always be the same. We will leave this year and we won't be coming back. No more hanging out cause will all be on a different track. And if you got something that you need to say you better say it right now cause you don't have another day! Cause were moving on and we can't slow down, these memories are playing like a film without sound and I keep thinking of that night in June I didn't know about your love but it came too soon. And there was me and you and when we got real blue we stayed at home talking on the telephone and we would get so excited and we would get so scared, laughing at ourselves cause we think life's not fair! And this is how it feels..."

Everyone: "As we go on we remember... all the times we had together! As our lives change from whatever we will still be friends forever!"

Hermione closed her eyes and shook her head, "Oh great I know this song...Ron you are pathetic!"

As Ron and everyone sang for the next three minutes everyone clapped when they were through and sat down to eat what they retrieved from the snack bar.

Then Dumbledore got up there to make his speech and as his old boring voice droned on everyone was practically falling asleep. Including, Hermione.

(And it's up to Ron to get the party started)

Ron walks over to snack table. Next to him is Pansy Parkinson who sees her favorite food and shouts, "Oh my God!"

This sparks a song to Ron's head; thus beginning the strangest most absurd thing I've ever written, and I guarantee you will ever lay eyes on.

Ron: Oh, my, god. Becky, look at her butt.
It is so big. scoff She looks like,
one of those rap guys' girlfriends.
But, y'know, who understands those rap guys? scoff
They only talk to her, because,
she looks like a total prostitute, 'kay?
I mean, her butt, is just so big. scoff
I can't believe it's just so round, it's like,
out there, I mean - gross. Look!
She's just so ... black!

The DJ at the front of the Great Hall starts 'Baby Got Back'.

Everyone cheers and commits the most insane acts in the history of man, woman, children, animals, muggles and wizards.

Harry: Wipes his ass with Bill Clinton's new book.

Ron: Rubs his BUSH in John Kerry's face.

Hermione: Gets on her knees and wonders what she did to deserve this.

Draco: Gets on a pink tricycle and starts his hair on fire.

Lucius: Gets on a horse and puts on a cowboy hat and starts singing, "Back in the Saddle Again!"

Fudge: Busts dance moves from 'You Got Served'

Karkaroff: Starts rubbing against little boys

Voldemort: Takes off his robe to show off his new thong, SpongeBob bra, net pantyhose and nipple rings.

Peter Pettigrew: Changes into a rat and crawls into Voldemort's thong for a snack.

Percy: Changes his name to pussy instead and cuts off his wiener.

Fred: Swings on a rope and kicks people's heads as he passes them.

George: Gets on a tire swing and pours acid on peoples heads and then accidentally falls into a pool of his own acid and melts away.

Ginny: Changes her name to VAGINEY.

Bill: Dresses up like an Indian and shoots people with arrows and then drinks their blood.

Charlie: Cuts off Bill's ponytail and shoves it up his own ass.

Arthur Weasley: Dresses up as the purple Teletubby.

Molly Weasley: Starts trying to screw the antennae on top of Arthur's head.

Aunt Petunia: She allows the Slytherins to play horseshoes using her long neck.

Uncle Vernon: Gets naked and jiggles his fat everywhere.

Dudley: Grabs a surfboard and starts riding Vernon's waves.

Aunt Marge: Makes a huge fart and deflates.

Dobby: Picks up a scepter and chases Hermione around beating her with it.

Winky: Runs away from a VERY horny Kreacher.

Kreacher: Chases around Winky with his winky hanging out.

Tonks: Changes her hair from, red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, black, brown, silver, gold, fuschia, magenta, scarlet, piss yellow, dirty blonde, pewter, and white. Announces she is a lesbian and changes her hair to all colors of the rainbow with a huge bald spot on the middle of her head.

Mad-Eye-Moody: Looks through everyone's clothes with his magic eye.

Hedwig: Returns to mutilate Mad-Eyes Eye again!

PIG: Gets caught and eaten by Mrs. Norris.

Mrs. Norris: Sniffs Crookshank's ginger furry ass.

Crookshanks: Turns around and fucks Mrs. Norris again, again, and again before discovering Mrs. Norris is plenty big because of Filches previous rapes.

Filch: Skateboards on his hands screaming, "I love cat pussy!"

Hagrid: Dresses up as Santa and delivers lubricant and vibrators to everyone.

Snape: Gets on roller blades and wears a really short pink skirt and delivers people milkshakes and cheeseburgers.

Lupin: Takes off all of his clothes until he is his black Speedo underwear and pulls it down while pouring whip cream all over his body and private part. (Wink)

McGonagall: Coughs up one of Snape's hairballs.

Lockhart: Autograph's his penis.

Dumbledore: Makes a rainbow and smiles.

Trelawney: Puts on a pink see-through gown and goes bowling with her crystal balls.

Flitwick: Pierces his butt cheeks together and starts dancing around a bonfire.

Madam Pince: Announces the new porn collection in the Hogwarts library.

Professor Sprout: Grows a giant marijuana plant and begins to smoke it.

Quirrel: Put's a plastic bag over his head and replicates a giant condom.

Olivander: Rides the rainbow Dumbledore made and screams, "Taste the rainbow!" and starts throwing skittles at people's heads.

Viktor Krum: "Must make pee pees!" Pees all over floor. "Ah!" he moans.

Fleur: Starts French kissing Viktor's crotch.

Tom the Hunchback Innkeeper: Rings Lupin's balls.

Stan: Does the splits and attempts to shove a silly straw up his pee-hole.

Ern: Drinks a bottle of Jack Daniel's and storms off to drive the Knight Bus.

The talking Jamaican head: Screams in pain as students attempt to smoke it.

The Dementors: Suck out everyone's virginity.

The Cornish Pixies: Pick up people and fly them to the top of the great hall where they get dropped to the floor to die in a puddle of guts and blood.

Seamus: Gets a flashlight and stares at the light until he goes blind.

Dean: Get's shot in the butt with one of Bill's arrows and is utterly convinced he's started his period.

Neville: Tries to catch a glimpse up Snape's pink skirt.

Neville's Grandma: Starts knitting a penis cozy for...

Buck Beak: Flys around and urinates in people's drinks.

The Three Headed Dog: Begins to lick itself with all three heads and moans.

Norbert: Turns Snape into Barbeque chicken.

Harry's Broom: Chases around all the pretty girls trying to impregnate them.

Spiderman: Flies around trying to save the day!

Aragog: Catches Spiderman in his even bigger web and eats him.

Alfonso Cuaron: "Me llamo es Alfonso Cuaron! I might come back to direct the fifth Potter film!"

Author of this stupid story: "I thought I fucking killed you twice Cuaron!"

Everyone screams and starts chasing Alfonso with Pitchfork's, knives, flaming arrows, Japanese throwing stars, police batons, swords, snakes and anthrax. They catch Alfonso and beat him with swordfish, then they start him on fire and pick him up by his wild hair and twirl him in circles, then they tie him up on the train tracks of the Hogwarts Express to get run-over. After the train runs him over, they put him in a plate of blue jello and then my Chow-Chow dog; Shadow comes and mutilates the remainders of Alfonso's body. And after my dog craps him out, everyone buries him alive with snakes, dirt, rocks, gravel, tile, concrete, coconuts and more dirt. They plant dynamite and blow up the ground then they flood the hole with freezing water and then throw in a blow-dryer to fry him in the water, and then everyone dances around the water like maniacs chanting death spells before throwing Piranha's in the water and 500 sharks, 900 jellyfish, and the giant squid. Then they drain the water and fill it with lava and boulders. Then the author of this stupid story runs out of ideas but insures you Alfonso is dead.

Everyone that stayed behind in the Great Hall is still acting wild, including Hagrid.

"SANTA!" James and Francesca yell to Hagrid.

"That's right! HOHOHO!"

A random owl drops a giant box off to Hagrid.

"Oh! A present for me?" Hagrid asks shaking the box. "I wonder what it is!"

"A dildo for you?" Ron says.

Hermione: "OH MY GOD!"

Ron: "Becky look at her butt it is so big!"

Everyone: "SHUT UP!"

"Hermione? Hermione? Hermione!" Harry says trying to shake Hermione awake while Dumbledore continues his dull speech.

Hermione: Wakes up and screams, "Harry! I think I'm having the baby!"

Author's Note: I MUST GET 5 REVIEWS FROM 5 DIFFERENT REVIWERS IF YOU WANT ME TO UPDATE! EMAIL YOUR FRIENDS, FAMILY, PETS, INVISIBLE FRIENDS AND PREFFER MY STORY! MUHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm not bitching with you guys, I just want to see if this actually works. LOL