It's all set then.

There's no possible way Michael will be able to go through this evening without at least wanting to kiss the hell out of me.

How, you ask? How will I take an apparently homosexual boy and make him fall for me, a rather average-looking girl?

I'll tell you how. By creating the perfect date (at least in Michael Moscovitz's mind). I've got his favorite movie (Return of the Jedi), his favorite meal (peanut butter and jelly sandwiches dipped in milk), and Weezer (his favorite band) as background music.

Once the lights are low and the movie's playing, I just have to make the move (and as cute as Michael is, this isn't going to be easy), and Michael will, in theory, be powerless to stop himself from kissing me back.

Right???????

This is all according to Tina, by the way. I didn't clue her in on who I was trying to 'seduce', but she still called upon her vast knowledge of romantic situations and helped a sista out.

Michael already seems pretty psyched about coming over. He said it'll give him something to do besides sit around and listen to Lilly gush about Boris. And apparently, I'm his only friend right now.

Do I want to jeopardize my friendship with Michael (which he seems to hold so dear) for something he has already claimed he doesn't want?

STOP. I can't over-think this. Because consciences tend to get me in trouble. So shut up, Jiminy Cricket.

I got my mom out of the way by getting her tickets to this show at the Met with Mr. G. She happily obliged, leaving Michael and me an evening alone in the loft.

He's going to be here any minute. Deep breaths.

I decided to wear this dress my mom still has from when she was my age, so it's sexy and retro and not completely sagging in the chest (she didn't develop until later on, so there's still hope for me, isn't there?)

The intercom, leading me to nearly hyperventilate before I gulped and went to answer it. "H-hello?" I said, my voice squeaky and breathless.

"Thermopolis? It's Michael."

Of course it was Michael. Who else could possess such a wonderful, mellifluous voice?

I buzzed him up and stood awkwardly at the door waiting. After what seemed like hours and hours, he finally knocked.

Jesus Christ. Is it possible to have a heart attack at fourteen?

"Hey, Michael," I said softly as I opened the door.

He let out a low whistle. "Geez, Mia. What's the occasion?"

I don't know if he meant for me to feel really stupid, but I did. He was just standing there in his Van Morrison shirt, jeans, and Converses. "Um, my mom was cleaning out her closet and had me try it on and I just haven't taken it off yet."

He smiled. "It looks nice, but you don't want to be uncomfortable watching the movie, do you? You might get chilly."

That's the idea, dammit. So you'll put your arm around me!!!

But, of course I didn't say that. I just grinned stupidly and went to change.

Why must I be practically androgynous? None of my clothes are tight, and even if they were, it's not like I have any body at all to show off.

"Better?" said Michael as I walked back out. I nodded a little and he followed me into the kitchen.

"I made us some dinner," I explained, picking up the tray of sandwiches, two glasses, and a pitcher of milk.

"Cool beans. So what movie are we watching?"

We walked into the living room and I set the food down on the coffee table. "Return of the Jedi."

"Ooh, Harrison," he said, licking his lips and grinning. "Good choice."

Oh, yes. He's still gay. But it's just a phase he's going through. Because Michael just can't be gay. He's too perfect for me!

My confidence in the plan was strengthened as the movie started. Michael sat super-close to me (or did I sit super-close to him?) and knocked his bare foot against mine. But the whole time his eyes were fixed on the screen and he'd grin coyly every time Luke or Han came on.

Nothing to worry about, though. Right?

Maybe he's just trying to convince me that he's gay, and it's really all an elaborate scheme so it'll be a big surprise when he confesses his undying love for me.

"Mia…" he said, putting a hand on my knee.

And then I decided now was the time. So with a pounding heart, I started to lean towards him. But then he spoke again, causing me to hesitate. "You've been so cool about all this. I mean, I've only told you and Felix, but I guess I've learned who my true friends are, right?"

Right. But what I'm about to do isn't the same as what Felix did. I'm not mad at Michael for thinking he likes guys. I'm just trying to show him that it really is nice over here.

And then, it was if a light bulb appeared over my head. The credits were rolling for the movie, and I finally had Michael's undivided attention. "Wanna come see my Buffy action figures?"

I mean, I sounded a little lame, but Michael fell for it and followed me into my room.

"Why aren't you turning on the lights?" Michael said, after he had followed me into the room.

"Oh, uh, they're burnt out," I said. He sat down on the bed and looked up at me questioningly.

"So, where are the action figures?"

Poor, unassuming Michael. I came and stood in front of him and he smiled. "What're you doing?"

But I didn't answer him. I just leaned forward and pressed my lips to his gently, pushing him down onto the bed.

"What're you doing?" he asked again after about a minute.

I pulled away, my face only inches from his and saw that he didn't look very pleased…or turned on.

"Uh…" I stammered as Michael sat up, carefully pushing me off.

"Are you trying to seduce me?" he said, with the barest hint of a smile on his face.

Shit. "Um, maybe?"

Now he didn't look amused in the least. "I thought we were clear on everything."

"We are, it's just…"

"It's just what?" he asked softly, but all the sweetness that normally occupied his voice was gone.

"Well, maybe this gay thing is just in your head?"

I regretted the words the moment they escaped my lips. He looked like I had just slapped him. "Mia, I'm just now starting to accept this. Do you think I'm pretending to be homosexual as a joke? For shits and giggles? I didn't lose my best friend for fun. And I'm not freakin' depressed all the time because it amuses me. This is real and I thought you understood."

My eyes filled up. God, I want to hit myself for how extremely stupid I've been. After all Michael revealed to me (none of these things being his lovely body, unfortunately)

"I'm sorry," I managed to whisper.

He folded his arms across his chest, still looking rather peeved. "So you planned all this?"

I nodded meekly and he groaned, putting his head in his hands. "But why???"

"Because I still like you and…and…I don't know."

"It just seems like every time we hang out, you feel the need to kiss me. And every time I have to turn you down. And I hate upsetting you. But you're not making any of this any easier on me, Thermopolis."

"I'm sorry," I whispered, shuffling my feet. "I…wasn't thinking. Of you, that is. I mean, I kept telling myself that I really liked you and we had to be together, but if I had actually stopped and thought of what was best for you, I probably wouldn't have gone through with it."

"Probably?" He grinned. "Why do you like me so much anyway? I'm not Josh Richter."

"Well, I've decided Josh isn't my type."

"Mine either."

I tentatively sat beside him on the bed. "Oh, so you have a type?"

His cheeks flushed. "Just not pretty boys. If it's too obvious that they're hot, then I'm not really into it."

A smile crept slowly across my face. Earlier this evening I'd been obsessing over my stupid little plot to mold Michael to my liking, but sitting there just now and listening to Michael talk about something he cared about was almost better than kissing him.