As I predicted, Michael called me that evening.
"Let me guess, you want the details on Leaves," I said, sinking onto the couch. Truth be told, I was feeling just a teensy bit jealous, and not just of Leaves for catching Michael's eye. I didn't want to chase after the same guy as Michael, because I could so see Leaves switching his sexual preference after taking a good look at half-naked Michael. Unless he already is gay…
OH, GOD. What is wrong with me? Am I seriously doomed to be a fag-hag?
"Actually, no. But did you see his brother?"
"What was his name again? Matt?" Tina had found me after sixth period to gush about him.
"Max," he said, sounding annoyed. "And, Lord, is he fine."
As is his brother. Even though he has these big, bulky glasses, that doesn't stop his gorgeous sapphire eyes from shining through. And he's got this short, messy black hair that I yearn to run my fingers through.
"He has this shiny, jet black hair that falls just right into his eyes. And, oh man, his eyes are the perfect shade of green…kind of like a foresty color…fringed with long, long lashes. Oh, and I swear to God he uses lip balm or something, because no one has such great lips naturally…"
Dear Lord, Michael and I sound like two teenage girls. At least I have an excuse, and I guess he does too. I mean, I think this is his first real crush on someone he knows. And I know only too well how those can get a little out of hand.
Suddenly I heard a new voice in the background of Michael's ramble. "Go away, Mom," I heard him say tensely. "Fine, whatever. I'll be there in a second."
"What was that about?" I said, propping up my feet on the coffee table.
"Oh, God, Thermopolis. She just walked in when I was gushing over how his pants really accentuated his assets."
I cringed, feeling his pain. "What'd she say?"
"She wants to talk to me in the kitchen. Shit."
His nonchalant demeanor was betrayed by the fact that I could practically hear him sweating. "So what are you gonna do?"
"The only thing I can do...lie."
Right. If it were me in this situation, I know that Michael would be urging me to spill the beans to my mom. But I can't say I've ever experienced anything quite like this. Plus, I think Michael's gone through enough today, what with his premature coming-out party. There were even decorations, or at least Josh spray-painting 'Homo' onto Michael's locker. It was only small consolation that Josh got suspended for two weeks because of it.
"What if she knows already…like maybe Lilly told her or something?" I didn't even know if Lilly had heard yet. She didn't mention it to me, and she's not one to hang around with Josh and Lana, who had been cackling with their crowd about it all day. Jeez, it just goes to show how boring Albert Einstein is (the school, not the guy), that something like this will probably provide comedic fodder for about three weeks.
"God, you think? I mean, all my parents are going to do is psychoanalyze me to death and probably have me 'record my feelings' or whatever for them to study…but it's still ridiculously lame."
"Hey!" Journaling happens to be healthy and fulfilling. "Aren't gay guys supposed to love expressing their feelings and everything?"
"Nice generalization. And there's a difference between expressing my feelings and my parents making me express my feelings for their own sick entertainment."
"Sorry," I said meekly. I mean, I hate when Grandmere forces me to regale the recent events of my life as she sips on her Sidecar and cackles whenever she hears about a particularly horrific moment.
"Anyway, I'm off to face certain doom. Ciao, bella."
Almost as soon as I had set the phone down, it rang again. Instead of being Lilly, Michael, or Tina, like it usually is, the caller had an unfamiliar baritone.
"Hey, is Mia there?"
I gave up trying to figure out who it was. "This is she." Dammit, Grandmere's influence strikes again. Next thing you know, I'll be drinking and smoking all the time and making coats out of puppies.
Wait, wasn't that Cruella Devil?
Whatever.
"Hey, uh, this is Leaves. Leaves Broderick. Principal, uh…Gupta told me that I was supposed to call you and ask you to be kind of like my guide around school or something."
Ooh! Even though Grandmere probably had a hand in this. She's always trying to get me to be more diplomatic. But all I can say is…
THANK YOU, GRANDMERE!!!!
After a minute of silent-freaking-out, it occurred to me that Leaves was still waiting on the phone. "Um, okay. I'm not very good at directions or anything. I mean, I had this compass once, but it was totally cheap and wouldn't work. And also, I kind of dropped it out of the window of my apartment, but that's only because I was trying to figure out which way it was to Iceland. And I thought maybe the North Star would work better than the stupid compass. The globe I was holding got smashed too."
God. I hate when I ramble. Leaves started chuckling quietly, but it was a nice chuckle. "I know how you feel. I got this Tamagotchi and it was a complete piece of crap. I think all toys should be waterproof. Seriously, I've written to Congress a few times about this."
I barely even know this guy, but soon we were off on this schizophrenic train of conversation, covering such topics as Beanie Babies, R. Kelly, Britney's one-second marriage, and even Vanilla Ice.
I've never talked to a guy this much. Even with Michael, I spent more time ogling. Leaves said he had to go after about an hour (I could hear someone shouting at him in the background) and it was only after he had hung up that I realized I had been talking to the brother of the guy of Michael's dreams. Should I have said something? Or is it even really my place?
No. I definitely, definitely was right to keep my mouth shut. You don't just tell some guy you've never even talked to that another dude has a crush on him.
The phone rang a second later and for once I checked the caller ID. It was Leaves' number. I squealed and scooped up the phone, only to be greeted by an unknown voice for the second time today.
"Is this Mia?"
"This is she."
"Good. Just so you know, that story Leaves fed you about Gupta wanting you to be his guide was completely bull. But humor him and go along with it."
"Oh, okay."
"And, uh, you're friends with that, um, Moscovitz guy, right?"
"Yeah."
I could hear Leaves in the background. "I gotta go," the caller said hurriedly. "Bye."
It just goes to show how completely oblivious I am to everything that it was only hours later, as I drifted off to sleep, that it hit me.
I had been talking to Max, hadn't I?
And he asked about Michael.
Once again, I'm not going to say a thing until I know more. But could Michael be getting himself a boyfriend?
Good for him. Seriously.