You are mine, Ellie Nash, a degrassi fanfic

[disclaimer: i dont own degrassi or tatus all the things she said. i wish I owned adamo tho!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU, ADAMO! MARRY ME!"}

All the things she said
All the things she said
Running through my head
Running through my head

I could hear her words in my head over and over again. We were at a party of Hazel's and she had gotten a bit drunk. While she had been drunk, I remember her wrapping her arms around me and telling me that she loved me. She reeked of alcohol but was still so beautiful. Did I want her to love me? Even after all of the stuff I had been through, could she love me? Was I now unable to be loved? Maybe I did want her to love me, but I couldn't admit it to myself. I wasn't a lesbian, but yet I still loved her. I was in love with Ellie Nash.

All the things she said
All the things she said
Running through my head
Running through my head
All the things she said

I remember when I was going threw my Goth stage and how I had wanted to make her like me. Was I in love with her then but too dumb to see it? She had told me I was her best friend. I was still her best friend. That wasn't enough though. I wanted more. I wanted to kiss her over and over again until my lips became numb. Yet, im still only her best friend. I want more.

This is not enough

My name is Ashley Kerwin and I'm in love with Ellie Nash. I am a lesbian.

I'm in serious shit, I feel totally lost
If I'm asking for help it's only because
Being with you has opened my eyes
Could I ever believe such a perfect surprise?

I want to be apart of your punk rock world, Ellie Nash. I want you to want me. I want to make you not cut anymore. I know you cut, Ellie. I know your skin bleeds because you cut because you feel as though no one loves you. You doesn't think Sean loves you. You don't think your alcoholic mother love you. You doesn't think your dad in the military love you. But I love you, Ellie Nash. I love you more than you will no. I'll show you how much I love you with the touch of my hand against your soft skin and my lips and yours. But do you love me, Ellie? I want you more than you will ever no.

I keep asking myself, wondering how
I keep closing my eyes but I can't block you out
Wanna fly to a place where it's just you and me
Nobody else so we can be free
Nobody else so we can be free

So, I decide to tell you. You're at my house studying. Your red hair looks absolutely gorgeous under the ceiling light. You're reading the history book. You look bored. You look pretty. I want to make you mine, Ellie. I will make you mine right here and now. If you're not mine, I will press a razor against my skin and feel not loved.

"Ellie?"

"ya?"

I kiss you and you kiss back. My hand roams around your skin as you unclothe me. And then we make love until the sun comes up. Then I wake up and you're asleep in my arms. I love you, Ellie Nash. I love you so much. Now you love me.

All the things she said
All the things she said
Running through my head
Running through my head
All the things she said
All the things she said
Running through my head
Running through my head
All the things she said
All the things she said
This is not enough
This is not enough
All the things she said
All the things she said

Paige finds out because she's Paige and she knows everything. Then the whole school finds out. They exile me and you, but we're together and it's not my fault. I can't control my desires. I want you, Ellie. Now I have you. Now I want to keep you.

And I'm all mixed up, feeling cornered and rushed
They say it's my fault but I want her so much
Wanna fly her away where the sun and rain
Come in over my face, wash away all the shame
When they stop and stare - don't worry me
'Cause I'm feeling for her what she's feeling for me
I can try to pretend, I can try to forget
But it's driving me mad, going out of my head

"shes such a FREAK," Emma Nelson screams at me as I walk down the hallway.

"Ugh, lesbians sicken me," Manny whispers to Emma.

"Dude, u made her a lesbian," Spinner says to Craig who makes out with Manny.

"Lesbians are hot," Jimmy says.

"Your mom is hot," Marco replies.

All the things she said
All the things she said
Running through my head
Running through my head
Running through my head
All the things she said
All the things she said
Running through my head
Running through my head
All the things she said
All the things she said
This is not enough
This is not enough
All the things she said
All the things she said
All the things she said
All the things she said
All the things she said
All the things she said
All the things she said
All the things she said, she said
All the things she said
All the things she said

"I love you, Ellie," I say.

"I love you too, Ashley," She says. We enter the house hand in hand.

Mother looking at me
Tell me what do you see?
Yes, I've lost my mind

"I CANT BELEVE MY DAUGHTER IS A LESBIAN SLUT AND A DISGRACE TO THIS FAMILY," my MoTher yells at me. "YOU ARE NO LONGER ALLOWED IN THIS HOUSE, YOUNG LADY! GO RUN OFF WITH YOUR LESBIAN GIRLFRIEND BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU EVER AGAIN!"

She hits me and hits me again. I'm covered in bruises. You stare at me.

Mother looking at me
Tell me what do you see?
Yes, I've lost my mind

"I WILL NOT HAVE MY STEP DAUGHTER BEING A LESBIAN," George screams at me. "I WILL SHOW YOU THE PLEASURES OF BEING STRAIGHT, YOU BITCH!!!!!!!!"

Then George, my step dad, rapes me. And you watch.

We sit on the sidewalk. You look at me.

"Ashley, I don't love you," You say. No, YOU DO LOVE ME! SAY YOU LOVE ME!

"YES YOU DO," I SCREAM. "YOU DO LOVE ME! I LOVE YOU!"

"No, I don't," You reply. "I just wanted to see what it was like to be a lesbian."

This is a nightmare.

"I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, ELLIE," I scream. "I WILL DIE FOR YOU! WATCH!"

I take a piece of glass from the sidewalk and slice my skin with it. Then I slice again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Now, my arm is covere din blood. It's for you, Ellie Nash, because I carved my name into my skin. Now I die.

For you, Ellie Nash.