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Part 6
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Angel could only watch as Buffy ran away from him as fast as she possibly could. He was torn between going after her and falling to the ground in tears. How could he have been so stupid to let her catch him? She'd snuck right up on him and he hadn't even noticed until she'd spoken. He mentally cursed himself for not paying attention. This was not what he had wanted to have happen.
Buffy wasn't supposed to see him; she wasn't supposed to know he was here. Her life was perfect now. She didn't need him coming along and lousing it up. And now that is just what he had done. The look on her face was enough to tell him that she didn't want to see him. There hadn't been an ounce of happiness in her eyes. Had he really expected there to be? Maybe before he'd come here he had, but now that he knew about the life she'd built he could understand her reaction.
There was no place for him anymore in her life. She had friends, a job, a life, and someone who could give her all things he could not. Whoever the man was, he filled the void that Angel couldn't. He gave her love, happiness, security, and a child, all things she rightly deserved. Angel was glad she had them, really he was. But it still hurt.
His eyes closed for a moment and his shoulders slumped as he felt the loss deep within his soul. Yes, he'd already lost her many years earlier, but now it felt even more final. She was truly gone to him now. And judging by her actions just minutes ago, she did not even want to speak to him or see him. So he opened his eyes and stared in the direction of where Buffy had run, knowing in his heart what he needed to do.
He didn't belong here. There was no reason to stay, not that he had planned on staying anyway. He also hadn't planned on letting her see him, but it had happened. Now it was time to leave before he caused any more damage. Turning, Angel started to walk away. He only made it a few feet before a voice stopped him.
"Going somewhere?"
Angel quickly faced the direction of the voice and saw a man step out of the shadows. He instantly recognized him as the dark haired gentleman that had been at the party. Shocked by the unexpected event, he could say nothing in return.
"Looks ta me like ya were about ta high tail it outta town," Doyle's accented voice spoke again.
"Who are you?" Angel narrowed his eyes at the stranger.
"Ya didn't answer my question," Doyle shot back. "But ta answer yer question, I'm a...friend...of yer old buddy Whistler."
"You know Whistler," Angel took a step forward and scented the air, picking up on something he had missed before. "You're a demon."
"Half demon, thank you," corrected Doyle in irritation.
"What do you want?" the vampire asked, growing wary of the half demon's intentions.
"Fer ya ta answer my question," Doyle repeated again. "Though, knowing what I know about ya I should already know."
"What's it matter to you?" Angel answered sadly, turning his head away from Doyle.
"It matters a lot ta me," Doyle replied hotly to the back of the vampire's head. "It matters because it involves people I care about."
"She doesn't need me," Angel spoke in a near whisper.
"She doesn't need you?" Doyle parroted in the form of a question. "And how would ya know that? A couple hours of stalking and ya have all the answers?"
"Leave me alone!" demanded Angel, growing angry with the stranger and still refusing to face him once again.
"Piece of advice, buddy," started Doyle, hoping this would work out. "I wouldn't be leaving so quick if I were you. There are things you don't know, things that you need ta face. You'll regret it if ya don't."
Angel heard the words, but didn't immediately react. When he finally turned his eyes back toward the half demon to question him on his statement, the man was gone. He searched for him in the surrounding area, but didn't find the cryptic messenger. Frowning, Angel just stood there trying to figure out what the demon meant and what exactly he was supposed to do now.
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"When's Mommy coming back?" Ashlynn looked up and asked Cordy from her spot on the floor amongst all her gifts.
Cordy knelt down and smiled at the little girl. "She'll be back real soon. She just went to get something."
"Okay," Ash nodded her head and went back to looking through the books she'd received from Tara.
Cordelia sighed and straightened herself up. For a few seconds, she watched Ashlynn play before walking toward where Willow was cleaning up one of the tables in the center of the club. She carefully glanced at the others to see what they were doing and found Lindsey taking down decorations on the other side of the room. Doyle, though, was no where to be found. She wondered where he'd run off to after walking Tara home. Seeing that no one was paying attention to her, though, she pulled Willow into a corner, needing to talk to the redhead.
"You noticed it, too, didn't you?" the brunette whispered, hoping the guys wouldn't notice their conversation.
"Unfortunately. Something was definitely bothering her," Willow answered and leaned back against the wall.
"I know. She seemed worried about something and then she just ~had~ to go out and get ice cream," Cordy continued Willow's train of thought, keeping an eye on the others.
Willow frowned and thought back on Buffy's slightly odd behavior. "It was like she kept looking around the room for something."
"Or someone," added Cordy with a shrug not really meaning anything in particular. The statement, though, lingered between the two girls.
For an unseemly long minute, both females allowed the implication of Cordy's word to roll around their heads. There was something familiar about Buffy's behavior. Both knew it but couldn't quite yet place it. The realization seemed to hit both of them at the same time.
"No...," Cordy started to say.
"You don't think...," Willow trailed off, not sure she wanted to actually complete what she was thinking.
"Shit," spoke Cordy, her voice low and full of worry.
"We have to be wrong," Willow shook her head, trying to tell herself they couldn't possibly be right.
"Willow, we've both seen this before," the brunette whispered harshly, knowing they were correct, but hating it all the same.
"But-" Willow never got to finish her sentence because at that moment, the blonde in question came bursting through the front doors of the club.
The sounds of the doors slamming against the wall sent all eyes in the room looking toward the commotion. What they found caused instant worry in each of them. Buffy was standing just inside the door, half doubled over, panting with tears trailing down her face. The group quickly rushed toward her, noticing that she didn't appear to be hurt but instead, was upset about something. Willow and Cordelia shared a look of recognition, realizing their earlier assumption was likely true.
"Buffy?" Willow spoke softly so as not to spook her friend.
At first, the blonde didn't respond, but slowly she raised her head, casting her glazed eyes at Willow. She said nothing in return, only stared at the redhead looking lost and confused. At one point, Buffy's mouth opened as if to speak, but no words came out. Her mind was too trapped in a jumble of thoughts to try and form a coherent sentence.
"Buffy?" This time it was Cordelia who spoke, placing a hand gently on Buffy's shoulder.
The physical contact made the Slayer jump slightly. Her eyes nervously darted around the room for a few seconds. The walls felt like they were closing in on her. Everyone was staring at her, expecting something. She needed to get away, needed space, needed to get away from all these people who wanted something. So for the second time that night, she ran. In the blink of an eye, Buffy rushed passed the concerned group and darted up the stairs, not bothering to wait for the elevator to take her up to her apartment.
Willow and Cordelia looked at each other, growing more worried by the second. There was only one thing that could make Buffy act this way. They were both well aware of that. And neither really knew what to do. This was all so unexpected. Their state of shock was quickly halted when they saw Lindsey move to run after Buffy.
"Lindsey! No!" Cordelia shrieked without thinking.
"What?" the dark blonde haired man asked in confusion.
"Umm...don't go. You, uh, need to stay here. We'll go," Cordy nodded to Willow. The last thing Buffy needed was to deal with Lindsey at the moment.
"Why shouldn't I go? She's my-,"
Cordelia quickly cut him off, knowing she needed to do anything to keep him away from Buffy for right now. "It's a, uhh...."
"Girl thing!" Willow supplied for her.
"Yeah, right. Girl thing," babbled Cordy nervously, grabbing Willow's arm and pulling her toward the stairs.
"How do you know that?" Lindsey frowned at them.
"Because we're, uh, girls?" Willow spoke more in the form of a question.
"Yes! We're girls, and we...know these sorts of things!" Cordy supported Willow's previous statement.
"Aunt Cordy? What's wrong with Mommy? Why was she crying?" Ashlynn interjected suddenly making the group remember she was standing there watching all that occurred.
"Oh, umm...," Cordy knelt down to look at the little girl. "She's okay, sweetie. Sometimes, adults get upset over things and cry. Don't worry, though. She'll be fine. Aunt Willow and I will go make sure. Okay?"
Ashlynn looked toward where her Mom had run up the stairs and frowned. "Okay."
"Lindsey, stay here and help Ash clean up her presents. Willow and I will go talk to Buffy." Without waiting for his agreement, Cordy grabbed Willow's arm again and pulled her as she quickly ran up the stairs.
"You do know that we just made him even more suspicious," Willow mumbled as she was struggling to keep up with Cordelia.
"Yeah, well, did you want him to go up there and try to talk to her?" Cordy snapped back.
"No, but we don't even know if we're right!" the redhead glared.
Cordelia turned and gave Willow a 'duh' look. "Trust me, there's only one thing that could make her act like this. Now shut up."
The two girls quietly walked into Buffy's apartment above the club, looking for any sign of their friend. They didn't see her right away, but they could certainly hear her sobs emanating from what they thought was her bedroom. For what seemed like the millionth time that night, they shared a worried look before heading towards the sounds of crying. If they were right in what they thought happened, they knew things were about to get a whole lot more difficult.
Standing in the doorway to Buffy's bedroom, they found the blonde Slayer sitting on her bed with knees to chest and Mr. Gordo clutched in her arms. The strength of her sobs was causing her entire body to shake uncontrollably. It appeared as though she had no idea that two of her friends had followed her and were now in her room.
"Buffy?" Cordy spoke up, wishing she could do something for the person who had become one of the best friends she ever had.
She received no response, which wasn't entirely unexpected. Both Willow and Cordelia were torn on how to handle this situation. They knew it was likely that Buffy wanted to be left alone, but they also knew it was probably better if she talked about it. So they walked further into the room and sat on the bed, one on each side of their crying friend.
"Buffy, talk to us. Please?" Willow requested softly
"Whatever it is," Cordelia started, acting as if they had no idea what was behind Buffy's actions. "We're here for you. We want to help."
Still, there was no reaction from Buffy. The only sound in the room was that of her heavy sobs. Cordy and Willow began to wonder if she even realized they were there. Not knowing what else to do, Willow grabbed the soft fleece blanket from the end of the bed and draped it over Buffy's shoulders. It was when Cordelia was about to speak again that Buffy finally broke her silence.
"I saw him." Her voice was came out as a small, choked whisper.
"Who, Buffy? Who did you see?" Willow questioned although she already knew the answer, but needed confirmation.
Buffy said nothing for a moment, but finally, she raised her head off her knees. "A-angel."
Cordy closed her eyes and cursed inside her head. She and Willow were right. After seven long years, Angel was back. In the back of her mind, she knew it was something that would happen someday. Well, at least years ago it was something she had considered. But as time passed, it had become less of a possibility. She didn't know whether to be angry or grateful for his reappearance. On one hand, this was the man, err creature, who'd long been a part of her friends heart and deserved to know he had a daughter, but on the other hand this was something Buffy didn't need. Everything was going so well and now he was back. Either way, she supposed, it didn't matter because he was already here.
"Oh, Buffy," Cordy stated sympathetically and pulled the crying girl into her arms.
"What happened?" asked Willow, ignoring the slight pang of jealousy over the closeness between Buffy and Cordelia.
Buffy pulled out of Cordy's arm and swiped at the tears on her face with the edge of the blanket that was around her shoulders. After taking a few deep breaths she hoped would calm herself down, she told them about the feeling she had gotten at the party. She then explained about her walk and how she knew she was being followed. And finally, she described sneaking up on the man and finding that it was Angel.
"So you ran," Cordy concluded after hearing the tale.
"Yeah," Buffy looked down, feeling a modicum of shame for her cowardice.
"It's understandable that you did, Buffy," comforted Willow, sensing her friend's displeasure. "I probably would have passed out if I were you."
"I almost did," Buffy let out a meek laugh that turned into a sob. "I can't believe he's here."
"Did he say anything?" questioned Cordy, reaching for the box of tissues on Buffy's nightstand.
"No, just my name, and then I ran." Buffy accepted the tissues and tried to dry her eyes though it was a useless act because her tears were still falling.
Cordy looked to Willow for a moment before taking the plunge and asking the question she had on her mind. "Do you wish he hadn't of come?"
"No...yes...I don't know," she pulled the blanket tighter around her. "I used to hope, so long ago, that he would come back to me, but now....it's so hard. I just stopped thinking it would happen."
"Do you still love him?" Willow figured she might as well get to the real heart of the matter.
"Always," Buffy answered swiftly, leaving no doubt to her feelings. "I never stopped."
"Are you going to talk to him?" This time the question came from Cordelia.
Buffy's eyes closed and her shoulders sagged under the weight of her stress as she pondered the question. "I don't know."
"Why?" Cordy prodded.
"Because I'm angry with him," she finally revealed, releasing a tense sigh. "I know I shouldn't be. I know his reasons for leaving made sense, but it still hurts. He didn't talk to me about it. He just decided it all on his own."
Buffy crawled out of the bed and walked to the window, her hand reaching up to touch the cool glass. "He just walked away and never looked back. If he loved me so much how could he do that?"
"Buffy, you know he loved you," Willow tried to reassure her.
"I know," Buffy conceded. She knew he really did love her. It was just hard to believe it sometimes considering what he had done. "It's just hard. And he doesn't even know...Oh God! Ashlynn!"
Reality suddenly smacked Buffy in the face. In the shock and confusion over Angel's reappearance, the full implication hadn't quite hit her. Angel was Ashlynn's father. Ashlynn was Angel's daughter. Buffy's forehead thumped loudly against the window pane as it became clear to her that this situation wasn't just about her. She had her daughter to consider. And, despite her anger with him, she had to consider Angel.
"Are you going to tell him?" one of her friends asked, though Buffy was so lost in thought she didn't know which.
"He deserves to know," she whispered more to herself than to Willow and Cordelia.
She'd always told herself that no matter what, Angel deserved to know he had a child, and Ashlynn deserved to know her father. Could she get past her own feelings and do what she knew was right? Buffy wanted to say yes, but there was still that part of her that resented his actions.
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~several days later~
Buffy sat in the rocking chair in her daughter's room alternately watching Ashlynn sleep and staring out the window at the night sky. She was still torn on what to do about Angel. Even now, three days later, she had yet to make any decisions. Her mind was constantly distracted by Angel's reappearance. Everyone was worried about her, not knowing what was going on since she had sworn Willow and Cordelia to secrecy. They'd been told it was just hormones from 'that time of the month' and because her daughter was growing up. She knew they weren't buying it, but so far no one had pushed the issue.
Angel was still there. She could feel him lurking outside in the shadows. Now that she was aware of his presence the tingle down her spine was stronger and she knew he was near. If she was guessing correctly, he was outside right now, standing across the street in an alley. Part of her wanted to run out there and leap into his arms, and the other half of her wanted to completely ignore he was there. And a small corner of her mind wished she could go back to a week ago before all this happened.
She knew she should talk to him. She knew she had to tell him about Ashlynn. She knew lots of things, but she still couldn't make herself confront the past. Hundreds of questions echoed in her mind. Why was he there? How did he find her? Did he still love her? Was he staying?
Of course, she knew that if she wanted answers to those questions she had to talk to him. Knowing what she should do, and actually doing it, though, was a bit harder. She wasn't quite sure she even wanted to know the answers. Could she handle it if he was just dropping by and had no intention of staying? As far as she knew, nothing had changed. Then again, she couldn't be sure. She had no idea why he was there. And she wouldn't know until she talked to him. Maybe she just needed a few more days to let this all sink in.
Glancing back at her daughter, Buffy was again struck by pangs of guilt. She knew she needed to deal with this because of her daughter. How would Ashlynn react to hearing her Father was there? Would she accept him? Would Angel want to even meet her? So many questions, and so many answers she didn't have.
Deciding to go to sleep instead of trying to come up with a solution, Buffy pushed herself out of the rocking chair. Her body swayed as a wave of nausea rolled through her stomach. Damn, she wished she'd kick this flu-bug already. Spending time getting to know the toilet wasn't making any of this any easier. She was just glad her friends hadn't noticed yet that she was sick. They'd only pester her more if they knew.
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TBC!
Part 6
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Angel could only watch as Buffy ran away from him as fast as she possibly could. He was torn between going after her and falling to the ground in tears. How could he have been so stupid to let her catch him? She'd snuck right up on him and he hadn't even noticed until she'd spoken. He mentally cursed himself for not paying attention. This was not what he had wanted to have happen.
Buffy wasn't supposed to see him; she wasn't supposed to know he was here. Her life was perfect now. She didn't need him coming along and lousing it up. And now that is just what he had done. The look on her face was enough to tell him that she didn't want to see him. There hadn't been an ounce of happiness in her eyes. Had he really expected there to be? Maybe before he'd come here he had, but now that he knew about the life she'd built he could understand her reaction.
There was no place for him anymore in her life. She had friends, a job, a life, and someone who could give her all things he could not. Whoever the man was, he filled the void that Angel couldn't. He gave her love, happiness, security, and a child, all things she rightly deserved. Angel was glad she had them, really he was. But it still hurt.
His eyes closed for a moment and his shoulders slumped as he felt the loss deep within his soul. Yes, he'd already lost her many years earlier, but now it felt even more final. She was truly gone to him now. And judging by her actions just minutes ago, she did not even want to speak to him or see him. So he opened his eyes and stared in the direction of where Buffy had run, knowing in his heart what he needed to do.
He didn't belong here. There was no reason to stay, not that he had planned on staying anyway. He also hadn't planned on letting her see him, but it had happened. Now it was time to leave before he caused any more damage. Turning, Angel started to walk away. He only made it a few feet before a voice stopped him.
"Going somewhere?"
Angel quickly faced the direction of the voice and saw a man step out of the shadows. He instantly recognized him as the dark haired gentleman that had been at the party. Shocked by the unexpected event, he could say nothing in return.
"Looks ta me like ya were about ta high tail it outta town," Doyle's accented voice spoke again.
"Who are you?" Angel narrowed his eyes at the stranger.
"Ya didn't answer my question," Doyle shot back. "But ta answer yer question, I'm a...friend...of yer old buddy Whistler."
"You know Whistler," Angel took a step forward and scented the air, picking up on something he had missed before. "You're a demon."
"Half demon, thank you," corrected Doyle in irritation.
"What do you want?" the vampire asked, growing wary of the half demon's intentions.
"Fer ya ta answer my question," Doyle repeated again. "Though, knowing what I know about ya I should already know."
"What's it matter to you?" Angel answered sadly, turning his head away from Doyle.
"It matters a lot ta me," Doyle replied hotly to the back of the vampire's head. "It matters because it involves people I care about."
"She doesn't need me," Angel spoke in a near whisper.
"She doesn't need you?" Doyle parroted in the form of a question. "And how would ya know that? A couple hours of stalking and ya have all the answers?"
"Leave me alone!" demanded Angel, growing angry with the stranger and still refusing to face him once again.
"Piece of advice, buddy," started Doyle, hoping this would work out. "I wouldn't be leaving so quick if I were you. There are things you don't know, things that you need ta face. You'll regret it if ya don't."
Angel heard the words, but didn't immediately react. When he finally turned his eyes back toward the half demon to question him on his statement, the man was gone. He searched for him in the surrounding area, but didn't find the cryptic messenger. Frowning, Angel just stood there trying to figure out what the demon meant and what exactly he was supposed to do now.
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"When's Mommy coming back?" Ashlynn looked up and asked Cordy from her spot on the floor amongst all her gifts.
Cordy knelt down and smiled at the little girl. "She'll be back real soon. She just went to get something."
"Okay," Ash nodded her head and went back to looking through the books she'd received from Tara.
Cordelia sighed and straightened herself up. For a few seconds, she watched Ashlynn play before walking toward where Willow was cleaning up one of the tables in the center of the club. She carefully glanced at the others to see what they were doing and found Lindsey taking down decorations on the other side of the room. Doyle, though, was no where to be found. She wondered where he'd run off to after walking Tara home. Seeing that no one was paying attention to her, though, she pulled Willow into a corner, needing to talk to the redhead.
"You noticed it, too, didn't you?" the brunette whispered, hoping the guys wouldn't notice their conversation.
"Unfortunately. Something was definitely bothering her," Willow answered and leaned back against the wall.
"I know. She seemed worried about something and then she just ~had~ to go out and get ice cream," Cordy continued Willow's train of thought, keeping an eye on the others.
Willow frowned and thought back on Buffy's slightly odd behavior. "It was like she kept looking around the room for something."
"Or someone," added Cordy with a shrug not really meaning anything in particular. The statement, though, lingered between the two girls.
For an unseemly long minute, both females allowed the implication of Cordy's word to roll around their heads. There was something familiar about Buffy's behavior. Both knew it but couldn't quite yet place it. The realization seemed to hit both of them at the same time.
"No...," Cordy started to say.
"You don't think...," Willow trailed off, not sure she wanted to actually complete what she was thinking.
"Shit," spoke Cordy, her voice low and full of worry.
"We have to be wrong," Willow shook her head, trying to tell herself they couldn't possibly be right.
"Willow, we've both seen this before," the brunette whispered harshly, knowing they were correct, but hating it all the same.
"But-" Willow never got to finish her sentence because at that moment, the blonde in question came bursting through the front doors of the club.
The sounds of the doors slamming against the wall sent all eyes in the room looking toward the commotion. What they found caused instant worry in each of them. Buffy was standing just inside the door, half doubled over, panting with tears trailing down her face. The group quickly rushed toward her, noticing that she didn't appear to be hurt but instead, was upset about something. Willow and Cordelia shared a look of recognition, realizing their earlier assumption was likely true.
"Buffy?" Willow spoke softly so as not to spook her friend.
At first, the blonde didn't respond, but slowly she raised her head, casting her glazed eyes at Willow. She said nothing in return, only stared at the redhead looking lost and confused. At one point, Buffy's mouth opened as if to speak, but no words came out. Her mind was too trapped in a jumble of thoughts to try and form a coherent sentence.
"Buffy?" This time it was Cordelia who spoke, placing a hand gently on Buffy's shoulder.
The physical contact made the Slayer jump slightly. Her eyes nervously darted around the room for a few seconds. The walls felt like they were closing in on her. Everyone was staring at her, expecting something. She needed to get away, needed space, needed to get away from all these people who wanted something. So for the second time that night, she ran. In the blink of an eye, Buffy rushed passed the concerned group and darted up the stairs, not bothering to wait for the elevator to take her up to her apartment.
Willow and Cordelia looked at each other, growing more worried by the second. There was only one thing that could make Buffy act this way. They were both well aware of that. And neither really knew what to do. This was all so unexpected. Their state of shock was quickly halted when they saw Lindsey move to run after Buffy.
"Lindsey! No!" Cordelia shrieked without thinking.
"What?" the dark blonde haired man asked in confusion.
"Umm...don't go. You, uh, need to stay here. We'll go," Cordy nodded to Willow. The last thing Buffy needed was to deal with Lindsey at the moment.
"Why shouldn't I go? She's my-,"
Cordelia quickly cut him off, knowing she needed to do anything to keep him away from Buffy for right now. "It's a, uhh...."
"Girl thing!" Willow supplied for her.
"Yeah, right. Girl thing," babbled Cordy nervously, grabbing Willow's arm and pulling her toward the stairs.
"How do you know that?" Lindsey frowned at them.
"Because we're, uh, girls?" Willow spoke more in the form of a question.
"Yes! We're girls, and we...know these sorts of things!" Cordy supported Willow's previous statement.
"Aunt Cordy? What's wrong with Mommy? Why was she crying?" Ashlynn interjected suddenly making the group remember she was standing there watching all that occurred.
"Oh, umm...," Cordy knelt down to look at the little girl. "She's okay, sweetie. Sometimes, adults get upset over things and cry. Don't worry, though. She'll be fine. Aunt Willow and I will go make sure. Okay?"
Ashlynn looked toward where her Mom had run up the stairs and frowned. "Okay."
"Lindsey, stay here and help Ash clean up her presents. Willow and I will go talk to Buffy." Without waiting for his agreement, Cordy grabbed Willow's arm again and pulled her as she quickly ran up the stairs.
"You do know that we just made him even more suspicious," Willow mumbled as she was struggling to keep up with Cordelia.
"Yeah, well, did you want him to go up there and try to talk to her?" Cordy snapped back.
"No, but we don't even know if we're right!" the redhead glared.
Cordelia turned and gave Willow a 'duh' look. "Trust me, there's only one thing that could make her act like this. Now shut up."
The two girls quietly walked into Buffy's apartment above the club, looking for any sign of their friend. They didn't see her right away, but they could certainly hear her sobs emanating from what they thought was her bedroom. For what seemed like the millionth time that night, they shared a worried look before heading towards the sounds of crying. If they were right in what they thought happened, they knew things were about to get a whole lot more difficult.
Standing in the doorway to Buffy's bedroom, they found the blonde Slayer sitting on her bed with knees to chest and Mr. Gordo clutched in her arms. The strength of her sobs was causing her entire body to shake uncontrollably. It appeared as though she had no idea that two of her friends had followed her and were now in her room.
"Buffy?" Cordy spoke up, wishing she could do something for the person who had become one of the best friends she ever had.
She received no response, which wasn't entirely unexpected. Both Willow and Cordelia were torn on how to handle this situation. They knew it was likely that Buffy wanted to be left alone, but they also knew it was probably better if she talked about it. So they walked further into the room and sat on the bed, one on each side of their crying friend.
"Buffy, talk to us. Please?" Willow requested softly
"Whatever it is," Cordelia started, acting as if they had no idea what was behind Buffy's actions. "We're here for you. We want to help."
Still, there was no reaction from Buffy. The only sound in the room was that of her heavy sobs. Cordy and Willow began to wonder if she even realized they were there. Not knowing what else to do, Willow grabbed the soft fleece blanket from the end of the bed and draped it over Buffy's shoulders. It was when Cordelia was about to speak again that Buffy finally broke her silence.
"I saw him." Her voice was came out as a small, choked whisper.
"Who, Buffy? Who did you see?" Willow questioned although she already knew the answer, but needed confirmation.
Buffy said nothing for a moment, but finally, she raised her head off her knees. "A-angel."
Cordy closed her eyes and cursed inside her head. She and Willow were right. After seven long years, Angel was back. In the back of her mind, she knew it was something that would happen someday. Well, at least years ago it was something she had considered. But as time passed, it had become less of a possibility. She didn't know whether to be angry or grateful for his reappearance. On one hand, this was the man, err creature, who'd long been a part of her friends heart and deserved to know he had a daughter, but on the other hand this was something Buffy didn't need. Everything was going so well and now he was back. Either way, she supposed, it didn't matter because he was already here.
"Oh, Buffy," Cordy stated sympathetically and pulled the crying girl into her arms.
"What happened?" asked Willow, ignoring the slight pang of jealousy over the closeness between Buffy and Cordelia.
Buffy pulled out of Cordy's arm and swiped at the tears on her face with the edge of the blanket that was around her shoulders. After taking a few deep breaths she hoped would calm herself down, she told them about the feeling she had gotten at the party. She then explained about her walk and how she knew she was being followed. And finally, she described sneaking up on the man and finding that it was Angel.
"So you ran," Cordy concluded after hearing the tale.
"Yeah," Buffy looked down, feeling a modicum of shame for her cowardice.
"It's understandable that you did, Buffy," comforted Willow, sensing her friend's displeasure. "I probably would have passed out if I were you."
"I almost did," Buffy let out a meek laugh that turned into a sob. "I can't believe he's here."
"Did he say anything?" questioned Cordy, reaching for the box of tissues on Buffy's nightstand.
"No, just my name, and then I ran." Buffy accepted the tissues and tried to dry her eyes though it was a useless act because her tears were still falling.
Cordy looked to Willow for a moment before taking the plunge and asking the question she had on her mind. "Do you wish he hadn't of come?"
"No...yes...I don't know," she pulled the blanket tighter around her. "I used to hope, so long ago, that he would come back to me, but now....it's so hard. I just stopped thinking it would happen."
"Do you still love him?" Willow figured she might as well get to the real heart of the matter.
"Always," Buffy answered swiftly, leaving no doubt to her feelings. "I never stopped."
"Are you going to talk to him?" This time the question came from Cordelia.
Buffy's eyes closed and her shoulders sagged under the weight of her stress as she pondered the question. "I don't know."
"Why?" Cordy prodded.
"Because I'm angry with him," she finally revealed, releasing a tense sigh. "I know I shouldn't be. I know his reasons for leaving made sense, but it still hurts. He didn't talk to me about it. He just decided it all on his own."
Buffy crawled out of the bed and walked to the window, her hand reaching up to touch the cool glass. "He just walked away and never looked back. If he loved me so much how could he do that?"
"Buffy, you know he loved you," Willow tried to reassure her.
"I know," Buffy conceded. She knew he really did love her. It was just hard to believe it sometimes considering what he had done. "It's just hard. And he doesn't even know...Oh God! Ashlynn!"
Reality suddenly smacked Buffy in the face. In the shock and confusion over Angel's reappearance, the full implication hadn't quite hit her. Angel was Ashlynn's father. Ashlynn was Angel's daughter. Buffy's forehead thumped loudly against the window pane as it became clear to her that this situation wasn't just about her. She had her daughter to consider. And, despite her anger with him, she had to consider Angel.
"Are you going to tell him?" one of her friends asked, though Buffy was so lost in thought she didn't know which.
"He deserves to know," she whispered more to herself than to Willow and Cordelia.
She'd always told herself that no matter what, Angel deserved to know he had a child, and Ashlynn deserved to know her father. Could she get past her own feelings and do what she knew was right? Buffy wanted to say yes, but there was still that part of her that resented his actions.
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
~several days later~
Buffy sat in the rocking chair in her daughter's room alternately watching Ashlynn sleep and staring out the window at the night sky. She was still torn on what to do about Angel. Even now, three days later, she had yet to make any decisions. Her mind was constantly distracted by Angel's reappearance. Everyone was worried about her, not knowing what was going on since she had sworn Willow and Cordelia to secrecy. They'd been told it was just hormones from 'that time of the month' and because her daughter was growing up. She knew they weren't buying it, but so far no one had pushed the issue.
Angel was still there. She could feel him lurking outside in the shadows. Now that she was aware of his presence the tingle down her spine was stronger and she knew he was near. If she was guessing correctly, he was outside right now, standing across the street in an alley. Part of her wanted to run out there and leap into his arms, and the other half of her wanted to completely ignore he was there. And a small corner of her mind wished she could go back to a week ago before all this happened.
She knew she should talk to him. She knew she had to tell him about Ashlynn. She knew lots of things, but she still couldn't make herself confront the past. Hundreds of questions echoed in her mind. Why was he there? How did he find her? Did he still love her? Was he staying?
Of course, she knew that if she wanted answers to those questions she had to talk to him. Knowing what she should do, and actually doing it, though, was a bit harder. She wasn't quite sure she even wanted to know the answers. Could she handle it if he was just dropping by and had no intention of staying? As far as she knew, nothing had changed. Then again, she couldn't be sure. She had no idea why he was there. And she wouldn't know until she talked to him. Maybe she just needed a few more days to let this all sink in.
Glancing back at her daughter, Buffy was again struck by pangs of guilt. She knew she needed to deal with this because of her daughter. How would Ashlynn react to hearing her Father was there? Would she accept him? Would Angel want to even meet her? So many questions, and so many answers she didn't have.
Deciding to go to sleep instead of trying to come up with a solution, Buffy pushed herself out of the rocking chair. Her body swayed as a wave of nausea rolled through her stomach. Damn, she wished she'd kick this flu-bug already. Spending time getting to know the toilet wasn't making any of this any easier. She was just glad her friends hadn't noticed yet that she was sick. They'd only pester her more if they knew.
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
TBC!