Last part of SiT #4. Have no fear, there is still one more fic to go in this series (keep that in mind when you get to the end of this part).
Uhhh...a few warnings: angst, tissues, and a really big, sucky cliff.
Please don't throw large, heavy objects at me. They tend to hurt and give concussions! g
Enjoy,
Isis
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Part 12
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later that night
Despite Giles' assurances that there was no way to stop the mystical poison slowly killing Buffy, the group of friends was still determinedly scouring the books for any shred of hope to save Buffy. Cordy was currently sitting with Buffy, keeping watch in case anything happened. No one said it, but they were beginning to feel like they were on a death watch. Though they kept searching for a cure, hope was dwindling. Buffy had not spoken or even woken up in over a day. Time was running out, and they all knew it.
"Pizza's here," Oz walked out of the elevator and sat two full pizza boxes down on the coffee table.
"I think if I eat I'll throw up," Willow said, cringing at that thought of the pizza.
Silence descended upon the room as they all just sat and stared at the food. Eating meant acting like everything was normal, but things certainly weren't normal. Their friend was dying. How could they possibly think about eating now?
"There's nothing we can do is there?" Lindsey finally said what everyone was thinking.
"I'm afraid not." Giles' eyes teared up at the thought of losing Buffy. Things hadn't been good between them for so long, but he certainly didn't want her dead.
"She can't die," cried Willow helplessly.
"I-I can go to my s-store and try some of m-my contacts," Tara offered. She'd finally recovered enough from reading Buffy's aura to join in the researching earlier that day.
Giles was about to respond when they heard Cordy shriek from Buffy's bedroom. "OH MY GOD!!"
No one moved immediately following the shout. They all feared that the worst had finally happened. But even so, they needed to know. Almost as one, each person leapt from their seat and dashed toward Buffy's room, bumping and knocking into each other in the process. The sight that met their eyes was one none of them expected in the least.
"Dear Lord!" Giles exclaimed as he stumbled further into the room.
"Buffy?" gasped Willow, steadying herself against Oz.
"Uh, hi? Someone wanna give me a hand?" Buffy pleaded as she struggled to get out from underneath Cordelia's unconscious body.
Oz and Doyle quickly rushed to the bed and pulled Cordy's limp body off of Buffy and laid her down on the other side of the bed. Once free of the cumbersome weight, Buffy sat up on the bed and pushed her hair out of her face. "Thanks. She was kind of heavy."
"What happened?" Doyle worriedly looked down at his girlfriend and then to the Slayer who seemed to be perfectly fine.
"I think she fainted," Buffy answered with a shrug, the oddness of the situation not fully dawning on her yet.
"Ow," groaned Cordy as she started to come to. Suddenly she shot up in the bed and turned to look at Buffy. "Oh my God!! You're all right!!"
"What's going on?" Buffy was growing more confused by the second. The last few days were such a blur and she didn't understand why everyone was staring at her like she was a ghost.
"Yes, that's a very good question." Giles took his glasses off and furiously wiped at them with his handkerchief.
"Cordy? What happened?" chimed in Willow, torn between going over and giving Buffy a giddy hug and getting some answers to the strange occurrence.
Cordelia massaged her temples for a minute before answering. "I was sitting here reading when Buffy just woke up and was fine."
"Fine?" questioned Giles in disbelief. That simply wasn't possible.
"Yeah, fine," Cordy repeated and glared at the ex-Watcher.
"That makes no sense," he mumbled, brow furrowed in confusion.
"You don't feel sick at all, Buffy?" Willow moved to stand next to the bed.
"No," Buffy shook her head and glanced around at her friends who were all in her room. "Someone wanna please fill me in here?"
"Tara?" Giles turned to the dirty blonde. "I don't suppose you could do whatever you did before?"
"S-sure." She nodded her okay even though she really didn't want have a reoccurrence of what had happened before.
Buffy watched with wide eyes as Tara sat down on the edge of the bed. The witch went through her short meditation and then placed her palm onto Buffy's forehead. The others watched nervously, waiting for any sign to clue them in on to what she was sensing. Those who had seen her do the reading previously were immediately aware that Tara wasn't having the same reaction. When Tara pulled her hand away a minute later, they eagerly awaited the news.
"S-she's clean," Tara faced the group and stated. "T-the magick isn't t-there any m-more."
"This...this is unprecedented," Giles mumbled, staring hard at Buffy and needing to verify the fact that she was fine.
"Umm...hello?" Buffy waved her hands to catch the groups' attention. "I'm still waiting for an explanation here."
"Oh, sorry," apologized Willow sheepishly. "We're just glad you're okay."
"Yes, she is right," agreed Giles as he sat down in the chair near the bed. "Buffy, you were poisoned by the Council."
"Poisoned?" Buffy repeated, somewhat shocked. She could vaguely remember hearing Giles talk about a poison days ago, or what she thought was days ago.
"Yes. They found out you were not dead, as I'd led them to believe." At Buffy's hurt look he clarified his statement. "I knew if they found out that you had...left...Sunnydale and my guidance they would send a retrieval team for you so I told them you'd disappeared and were presumed dead."
"Oh. I guess that makes sense," Buffy mumbled.
"Unfortunately, they were able to gain the knowledge that you were in fact alive and here in Seattle. Needless to say, they did not take the news well and sent a team to, well for lack of a better term, take you out," Giles explained and carefully eyed Buffy. "They somehow slipped you a mystical poison."
"That's why I haven't been feeling well," pondered Buffy out loud, recalling the sickness that had plagued her for the past two weeks.
"You are correct," Giles confirmed her assumption. "The poison's effects start off slowly and then rapidly get worse which is why you have been so ill the past few days."
"But I feel fine now," Buffy stated, trying to understand all of what Giles was telling her.
"It appears so. That is what has us quite perplexed," Giles replied, standing so he could pace around the room.
"Why?" Buffy's eyes followed Giles as he paced.
"Buffy," Willow started softly. "The poison had no cure."
"No cure? Then how..." Buffy suddenly understand what had the entire group confused. "I was going to die?"
At her question, all eyes in the room shifted away from Buffy, not wanting to admit that they'd all but conceded defeat. How were you supposed to tell someone that they were going to die? Giles' fervently recalled the time years ago when Buffy was to face the Master and meet her death. He hadn't wanted to tell her then, and he didn't want to tell her now even though it seemed as though the poison was gone from her system.
"I was, wasn't I?" Buffy whispered through her tears.
"I'm afraid so," Giles affirmed her suspicions.
Doyle, hand still clutching Cordelia's, lifted his head to face the former Watcher. "Do ya have any idea what's goin' on?"
"None whatsoever," Giles shook his head. "The poison should have..."
"Killed me," Buffy filled in the final words, a shudder going through her body.
Their discussion was interrupted by a small voice coming from the doorway. "Mommy?"
"Hey, baby." Buffy smiled at her daughter, tears once again threatening to fall as she realized how close she'd come to never seeing her beautiful little girl again.
"Aunt Cordy said you were sick. Are you better?" she asked softly, her tiny hands clutching her favorite stuffed animal to her chest.
"Yeah, Sweetie. I'm feeling better." Buffy patted the bed next to her. "Come here."
Ashlynn padded softly into the room and climbed up onto the bed. "I missed you."
"I'm missed you, too. Were you a good girl while I was sick?" Buffy questioned, smoothing her hand down Ashlynn's hair.
"Yes, Mommy," Ash nodded insistently. "And I played with Daddy this morning."
"You played with...oh my God! Angel!" Buffy tensed and her eyes shot up to scan the room looking for the vampire. "Where's Angel?"
"I don't know." Willow tried to remember when she'd last seen Angel. "He was here earlier tonight."
"Where'd Daddy go, Mommy?" Ashlynn's lower lip quivered. She already missed her Daddy.
"I don't know, Sweetie," Buffy distractedly answered as she tried to remember what had happened while she was sick and how it was that Ashlynn appeared to now know her Father. She had fuzzy memories of Angel being there and talking to him about Ashlynn. He must have met her at some point after that. Where was he now, though? Would he just disappear after meeting their daughter?
"He, uh, probably just went ta get somethin' ta eat." Doyle was grasping at straws, but he had to say something. A sinking feeling in his gut was telling him that something wasn't quite right, and that maybe he'd played a roll in whatever that was.
"I'm hungry, too, Mommy," Ash chirped and bounced lightly on the bed.
"Oh, uh, right," Buffy said, running a hand through her messy hair. There was so much plaguing her mind; Angel returning, him finding out and meeting his daughter, the Council poisoning her, but right now her daughter was her first responsibility. She could freak out about everything else later.
"We have pizza. It's probably still warm," Oz chipped in.
"Cool!" Ashlynn scrambled off the bed and was out the door before anyone could even blink.
"I guess we should follow the Little One if we want any pizza," Lorne laughed at the exuberant child.
Buffy started to get out of the bed when Doyle caught her attention. "Are ya sure yer okay to get up?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little stiff," she replied and stood up, stretching her achy muscles.
Almost the second she was on her feet, Willow pulled her into a firm hug. "I'm so glad you're okay."
"Me too, Wil," Buffy tearfully mumbled.
Cordy followed suit and hugged Buffy the moment Willow released her. "Don't do that to us again."
"Ya gave us quite a scare, lass," Doyle told her and kissed her on the cheek.
"I don't know what we would've done without your pretty face to look at everyday, Sunshine," Lorne too gave her a welcome back hug.
"I love you guys, too," Buffy returned the sentiment, wiping at the tears falling down her cheeks.
It was then that she noticed both Giles and Faith standing uncomfortably in one corner of the room. She hadn't even noticed Faith before, and it threw her slightly to see her sister Slayer for the first time since their fight before graduation. From what Willow had told her years ago, Faith had returned to the good side, and her appearance with Giles seemed to reinforce that. For now, she'd give the brunette Slayer the benefit of the doubt. It wasn't Faith's presence, though, that had her tense. Giles was the cause of that.
Sure she'd spoke to him just minutes earlier, and listened as he explained what had happened to her, but it was just now hitting Buffy that Giles was in her room. With everything that was going on, her mind hadn't had a chance to associate the facts, and now that she had, the memories from her last few days in Sunnydale came back full force. His words that day in his apartment still stung as if they had just happened. She could tell he wanted to hug her as the rest had, but she couldn't let him, not after what he had said to her.
Giles seemed to notice the change in her posture because he gave her a slight nod of his head before speaking. "I'm glad you are well, Buffy."
"Thank you," Buffy replied stiffly, staring at him for another second before walking out of the room. At some point, she knew she'd have to talk to him, but she wasn't ready for that yet.
Upon entering the living room, Buffy saw that Ashlynn was already chowing down on a slice a pizza while Doyle and Willow were handing out plates to everyone else. She took a moment just to watch her friends and thank whatever higher powers there were for keeping her alive and for giving her such great friends and family. As she was about to join the group, Buffy noticed a familiar book on the coffee table. She didn't remember getting that photo album out.
"What's this doing here?" she asked as she walked over to the table and pointed to the album.
Lindsey looked up guiltily and strode over to Buffy. "I, uh, gave it to Angel so he could look at the pictures. I hope that was okay."
Buffy paled slightly, realizing that Lindsey had no idea that the book was more than just a photo album. Only Cordelia knew that she'd made the book for Angel, so that if he ever returned he'd able to get a glimpse of his daughter's life. She didn't know if she actually expected him to really return, and she definitely hadn't thought about what was going to happen when and if he did.
"Uh, yeah, fine," Buffy muttered while lifting open the front cover of the book. The letter she'd felt compelled to write a few years earlier had been opened, she could tell. That meant Angel had read it and looked through the book. Was that why he'd disappeared? Did he now want nothing to do with her and his daughter?
"Mommy? Aren't you going to eat?" Ashlynn interrupted her worrying.
"Yeah," Buffy said, forcing a smile on her face as she looked at her daughter. She could agonize over all this later when she was alone. Picking up the album to move it so they would have room to eat, she was startled to see a white envelope underneath with her name written on the front in a flowing script that she knew instinctively was Angel's.
"What's that?" Cordy asked with a frown and stepped closer to Buffy who was now holding the envelope in her hands.
"I don't know." Buffy turned the off-white paper over and hesitantly pulled out the letter inside. As she started to read the words addressed to her, she couldn't shake the sickening feeling settling in her gut.
"NO!" Buffy cried, the sound coming out in a wretched howl as the letter falling from her hands down to the floor. Her knees buckled, Lindsey catching her before she to hit the ground. She sobbed uncontrollably in his arms, hating Angel for giving up his life and hating herself for never saying all the things she wanted to say to him.My Dearest Buffy,
If you are reading this letter, it means that you are better and that what I have done was not in vain. I know you have no idea what I am talking about, but I will explain.
First, I want to tell you how sorry I am that I was not there for both you and our daughter. Words can not even begin to make up for all that I have been the cause of. It seems as though the only thing I ever do is hurt you. I never wanted to cause you any pain, but I didn't succeed in doing that did I?
I don't know if leaving you was the right thing to do. I don't know if staying would have worked either. Hindsight is twenty twenty, though, isn't it? I can't change what I did or did not do. All I wanted was for you to have a happy life. And you've done that, beloved. You have everything I thought you deserved and wanted you to have.
Ashlynn is a beautiful little girl. You've done an amazing job with her. I couldn't be any more proud of you. I'm honored to be her Father and glad to have been part of her life, if only for a little while. Please tell her that no matter what, I will always be her Father and that I will always love her.
I couldn't let you die, Buffy, not when you have so much to live for. You've survived so much and made the perfect life for yourself. You have loyal friends, a great job, and a truly wonderful daughter. They all need you, the world needs you.
No one needs me. That is why I have done what I've done. Willow and Cordelia told me about all that has happened to you since I left and about your friend Doyle. I thought that since he had a connection to The Powers That Be that there was a way I could talk to them and beg them to help you. He took me to this place where I could speak with the Oracle, a being who represents the Powers. I never told Doyle why I wanted to talk to them, just that I did. So don't be mad at him. He didn't know what I was going to try to do.
I offered the Powers a trade; my life for yours. There was no way I could let you die, Buffy, not when I could do something, anything, to stop it. You deserve more than to suffer because of some poison administered by a group that is supposed to be on your side. The Powers agreed with me. They said they would cure you of the poison in exchange for my life. They knew, just as I did, that your life is worth so much more than mine.
I took the deal without regret, only asking that they give me a few hours before they acted upon it. The reason I asked for time was so that I could me our daughter and spend some time with her, and with you. I couldn't leave without saying goodbye.
Since you're reading this, I'm assuming They honored our agreement. You can go on with the life you built for yourself, now. I wish you all the happiness I could never give you.
Always remember that I love you,
Angel
The others watched in confused horror, not understanding what had just happened. They could only make out one thing; a phrase Buffy seemed to be repeating over and over.
"But I needed you."
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THE END!!
Coming soon:
'A Choice For The Future' - #5 in the Shadows in Time series:
The final fic in the series.