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Part 5
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Whatever thoughts that had been in Buffy's head vanished the moment Angel's lips touched hers. It was like she was transported back in time to when she was sixteen years old and she and Angel would steal secret kisses in graveyards. His mouth felt exactly the same; so soft and consuming. She couldn't help the moan that rumbled in her throat as his tongue tangled with hers.
"Buffy," Angel murmured against her lips; a multitude of emotions roaring through his body.
That single, uttered word snapped Buffy back to the present and, horrified by her actions, she pried Angel off of her and stumbled across the room. Her back slammed against the far wall with such a force it caused her to wince. Lifting her hand, she touched her lips and gazed at Angel with confused, angry eyes. She opened her mouth to reprimand him, but the words wouldn't come out.
Seeing her distress, Angel looked down and mumbled, "I'm sorry."
"I...I-I need to...to go to bed," Buffy sputtered and started inching her way along the wall, palms resting flat against the surface to guide her
"Buffy-."
"I...sleep," she mumbled incoherently.
Buffy continued moving along the wall, making sure to stay as far away from Angel as possible. The moment she reached the hallway she turned and dashed toward her bedroom without a second glance at the stunned man left in her wake.
Angel watched her run from him, torn between going after her and staying where he was. When he heard her door slam shut, he knew she didn't want him to follow. And he knew in his heart that he'd had truly lost her. Forever.
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Late the next morning, Buffy hesitantly left her bedroom. She would have preferred to stay there the entire day and weekend, but she couldn't deny things such as eating and going to the bathroom. So after holding out as long as possible, she finally managed to make herself leave the safe confines of her room.
After stopping in the bathroom to obey the laws of nature and to brush her teeth, Buffy slowly walked out into the living room. She was surprised to find Angel sitting there in one of the chairs, still as a statue, staring out the large wall of windows at the outside. He looked as if he'd been sitting there the entire night if his unrumpled clothes were any indication.
She stood for several long seconds watching him as he made no acknowledgement of her presence. Finally, she shuffled away and into the kitchen for something to eat. If she were lucky, she'd be able to shovel in some food and get back to her room before he decided to talk to her, or something worse.
Once she'd quickly eaten a sandwich, Buffy grabbed a bottle of juice from the refrigerator and made her way back into the living room. She kept her eyes trained directly in front of her instead of on the silent man only a few feet away. All she wanted to do was make it back to her room. But just as she reached the entrance to the hallway, he spoke.
"I'm going to leave."
The words stopped Buffy instantly. Leaving? He was going to leave? Whipping around, she faced Angel with wide eyes. "What?"
Angel's gaze remained directed to the bank of windows as he spoke. "When they let us out, I'm going to pack my stuff and leave."
The bottle of juice that had been tightly grasped in Buffy's left hand slipped to the floor and her lower lip trembled slightly. He really was going to leave. She should have known he would. It's what he always seemed to do, whether intentionally or not. He'd left her the night of her seventeenth birthday, then again just after his soul returned, and then for the final time the night of her graduation.
"Why?" she whispered, fighting to keep her tears from falling.
The almost desperate question caused Angel to finally turn his eyes to Buffy. "Because it's obvious that you don't want me here. So when we get out, I'll leave and won't bother you again," he explained.
Leaving by far wasn't what he wanted to do. But Angel had sat up the entire night thinking about the situation and he'd come up with only one solution. He had to go. He couldn't stay and have Buffy continue hating him. It would be hard, leaving behind his daughter and the woman he'd always loved, but it was for the best.
"I don't hate you," Buffy cried out softly, raising her teary eyes to meet Angel's.
"You could have fooled me," Angel snorted in response.
"And I don't want you to leave," she continued on.
"Then what do you want, Buffy, because I sure as hell don't know," Angel asked, his tone louder than he'd intended.
"So you think that means you can just walk away?" she shot back, feeling her anger grow. Taking a few steps closer, she stood facing him, arms crossed. "Things get a little tough or too hard and you just leave. Is that how it works?"
Angel sighed and ran a hand over his face before speaking. "You know why I left."
"Yes, I do," Buffy conceded. "And I'm not saying that I...I don't understand or agree with your reasons, but that's not the point. You just did it. You didn't bother to consider my feelings or what I'd want."
"I did what I thought was right," he pointed out, still believing he'd done what was best.
"What about me?!" she shouted at him, slapping a hand onto her chest as the cool façade she'd been wielding the past week began to melt. "What about what I wanted? I didn't want you to leave!"
"But I don't regret that you did," Buffy kept going, swiping at the tears trailing down her cheeks. "Because if you hadn't we might never have slept together before you left and I might never have had Ashlynn. She was all I had left of you when you were gone."
Angel could say nothing to her claim. He knew she was right. If he hadn't planned to leave they would never have slept together, and so soon after he had consumed her blood. And if that had never happened, then Ashlynn would never have been conceived. Even though he'd only known the little girl for a short time, he was already in love with her and he could never wish that she didn't exist.
"Seven years, Angel," Buffy's tirade continued. "Seven years and you never once sent a letter or even bothered to contact me. And then all of the sudden, here you are."
"I didn't mean-."
"Yeah, I know. You didn't mean for me to see you," she cut him off, inserting her own interpretation of his actions. "And I also know you wouldn't even have come looking for me if you hadn't of thought I was dead!"
The guilty mien radiating off Angel was enough to tell her that her assumptions were correct. He had never wanted her to know he was around. All he'd planned on doing was skulking in the shadows for a while before disappearing again.
"I'm sorry," Angel mumbled, casting his eyes downward.
"I didn't know whether you were okay or whether you were hurt. For seven years, Angel, I didn't know anything. You could have been dust and I wouldn't have even known!" she screamed at him.
"I was fine," Angel managed to get out.
"Oh, fine? Well that helps knowing that now!" Buffy snapped at him, nearly panting from the anger racing through her veins.
"What good would it have done, Buffy? It would only have made it worse if I'd kept in touch," he defended himself, loath to admit she had a point.
"How do you know that? God! I couldn't even tell you about Ashlynn! I couldn't tell you about the beautiful little girl that we made," she half yelled, half sobbed.
"You could have tried to find me to tell me," Angel replied, feeling a little angry that she was placing the all the blame on him.
"Oh, right," Buffy snorted. "And how was I supposed to do that? Just go around searching seven continents and billions of people while I had a daughter to raise, your daughter, a job to go to everyday, and slaying on top of all that?"
Without stopping to let Angel say anything, Buffy's rant pressed on. "Then you come back but try to hide from me which didn't work. You were still going to leave after I realized you were here. Even finding out you have a daughter and meeting her didn't matter. You were still going to leave. Again!"
"I couldn't have stayed, Buffy. You know that. Nothing had changed," Angel explained softly. He couldn't tell her she was wrong because she wasn't. He hadn't tried to contact her, hadn't let her know he was okay, wouldn't have come back if he hadn't believed she was dead, and he certainly hadn't meant for her to see him. And, yes, he had planned to leave again even after she'd found him.
"Everything had changed! We have a daughter, Angel. YOU have a daughter! Didn't she deserve to know her Father?" she asked, her mind replaying the many times Ashlynn had wanted to know about the man she'd never met but knew was her Father. "And what about when we were with the Oracle? You were offered a chance for everything we'd ever wanted and you were going to say no! You would have rather stayed dead than come back to me!"
"That's not true!" Angel shouted back.
"Really? It's not? Whatever." Buffy shook her head dejectedly, shoulders drooping out of sheer exhaustion. "So you know what? Leave. Just leave. And don't come back. Ever."
"Is that what you really want?" he asked hoarsely, knowing that if she said yes he would do as she'd requested.
"No! That's not what I want!" she sobbed exasperatedly.
"Then what do you want from me, Buffy, because I don't have a clue!" Angel cried out, raising his hands in defeat. He couldn't have been more confused about what Buffy wanted.
"I want you to stay! I want us to be a family! I want you, Angel! Since I was sixteen years old all I've ever wanted is you!" she recited helplessly. Why didn't he get it?
The desperate plea drove Angel from the chair he hadn't moved from the entire night. He stepped up in front of Buffy, who refused to look at him, and took her hands into his.
"I'm right here, Buffy," he soothed in a reassuring voice, tilting her chin upwards with his right hand.
"No! You're not!" she answered, twisting away from him. "You'll leave again. I know you will! You'll find some reason to leave me!"
Suddenly, it all made sense to Angel; the way she'd acted after discovering him, the cold shoulder he'd been getting for the past week, and her current outburst. She was afraid he would leave, not trusting him to stay. And he couldn't blame her. He'd given her no reason to believe differently. If he were in her place he wouldn't trust himself either.
But everything was different now. For the first time in many, many years, he could see a future, one filled with love and happiness and everything he'd ever wanted. He could make love to Buffy without fearing the return of Angelus and he could take his family out into the sun without turning to dust. It was a dream come true, and he wanted to stay and be part of it.
"Buffy," he said, forcing her to look at him. "If you want me stay...if that's what you really want then I will."
"How do I know, Angel?" Buffy whispered in a tear-laden voice. "How do I know that tomorrow, or next week, or next year that something won't happen to make you change your mind?"
"I've always wanted to stay with you," Angel responded, daring to reach a hand up to stroke her cheek. "You're the only woman I've ever truly loved. I would have given anything to have stayed and been with you. I just wanted to do what was best for you."
"But don't you understand? It wasn't just about you. It was about us, and now it's about Ashlynn, too," she answered back, fighting to urge to nuzzle his hand. "Whether what you did was right or wrong it should have been about both of us. You can't make decisions for me."
"But I didn't-."
"Yes, you did," Buffy interjected, pulling away slightly. "You just told me you were leaving before graduation. I know maybe in the long run it was for the best, but you should have talked to me."
"It wouldn't have changed anything," he replied, shaking his head.
"Maybe not," Buffy somewhat agreed. "But we should have talked about it. I may be young, Angel, but I'm not a child. I can handle adult conversations."
"I never meant to make you feel like a child," he said apologetically.
"I know, but you do," she admitted sadly, staring up into Angel's deep brown eyes. "Like with the Oracle when you just jumped in and went to turn down the deal when it was my decision to make."
"I just want what's best for you," Angel reiterated, holding her stare.
"I know you do, and I appreciate that. But it was my decision, or at the very least OUR decision because this is MY life, too. I deserve to have a say in what happens in it," Buffy rebutted in sturdy voice.
"I'm sorry that I made you feel like you were a child or that you were somehow unimportant. That wasn't my intention. I just wanted you to be happy," Angel explained.
Buffy stepped up closer to Angel, tilting her head back so that she could look into his eyes. "You make me happy, Angel. YOU...whether you're a vampire, or a human, or whatever it is that you are now. All I want is to have you in my life. Forever," she said as sincerely as possible. Raising a hand, she placed it over his now beating heart. "Don't you know how much I need you?"
"You don't need me, Buffy," Angel disagreed. "You've made a wonderful life for yourself here. Without me."
"Yes, but I missed you every single day. I missed talking to you, feeling your arms hold me, and having you watch my back. No one has ever known me as well as you have," Buffy answered back, trying to convey all of her emotions through her words. "I want you to stay, but I need you to want it, too."
Placing a hand over top of the one Buffy had on his chest, Angel caressed the smooth skin as he tried to think of what to say to her. How could he convince her that he really wanted to stay? She had every right to distrust him. His track record allowed her that. But he did want to be with her and their daughter. He wanted them to be a family. Now, it was just a matter of convincing her.
"I do want to stay," he whispered honestly. "More than anything else in this world I want to be here with you and Ashlynn."
"But how do I know? How do I know that someday you won't find another reason to leave me, us?" she questioned, expressing her strongest fear.
Angel took both of Buffy's hands into his and raised them to his mouth to place a gentle kiss on each set of knuckles before speaking. "I wish I could promise you that everything would be perfect from here on out, but I can't. Neither of us knows what the future will bring. I can promise you that I will do everything in my power to always be here with you and Ashlynn. And I can promise you that if something should come up that I will talk to you about it instead of just making a decision."
"I wish I could believe you," Buffy responded in a meek voice, averting her eyes from his.
"You can. You just have to trust me," Angel spoke, his tone almost pleading as he again lifted her chin to look at her. "Can you trust me?"
Buffy stared into his deep brown eyes and felt torn. Could she trust him? Could she have faith that he would stay, that this time would be different? She wanted to. She desperately wanted to. For as long as she could remember she'd dreamed of having a future with Angel, but something always came between them. But now everything had changed and the future was standing there gazing into her eyes.
It was the loving shining out of those eyes that told her all she needed to know. All the things that she didn't want to believe shone there for her to see. She knew in that instant that he was being honest when he said he wanted to stay. And she knew that he'd never wanted to hurt her and would do anything possible to make things right this time. There were no guarantees, though. Nothing in life was set in stone. But could she take the chance again? Could she live with the regrets if she didn't?
As she stood there and continued to stare into Angel eyes, Buffy tried to picture her future in her mind. Just like when she was sixteen, the only thing she could see was Angel. She saw walks in the park with Ashlynn holding both their hands, the two of them working side by side to keep the world safe, cozy nights spend alone together, and a multitude of other scenarios she'd dreamed about but never dared to hope come true.
The lagging silence began to worry Angel, and with each passing second his heart broke more and more. He wanted so badly for her to trust him, to give them a chance, but he couldn't blame her if she wouldn't. If she told him no, if she told him to leave, he would. He'd hate it and it would hurt more than he could bare, but he would do it. Anything to spare her more pain.
So lost in his thoughts, Angel almost didn't hear her reply.
"Yes."
"I...y-yes?" Angel stuttered, trying his hardest not to get his hopes up.
"Yes," she repeated slowly, a few tears falling. "I love you, Angel. I always have and I always will."
"I love you, too. Forever," he replied, fighting the urge to weep over her acceptance.
Angel wasn't sure he'd ever expected her to take him back. He wondered if he'd dreamed the small 'yes' he'd just heard, but the hesitantly hopeful look on Buffy's face told him he hadn't. She really was giving them another chance to find happiness.
Despite know that things were still cautious and that they still had a lot to work out, the joy Angel felt inside brought a blinding smile across his face. Never in his life had he felt so hopeful about the future and what it may hold. And before he could stop himself, Angel was leaning down to capture Buffy's lips with his own.
The kiss surprised Buffy, but she didn't fight it. She was tired of fighting what she was feeling. So she gave herself in to the gentle embrace, responding by looping her arms around his neck and opening her mouth to his.
As simple as Angel's initial gesture of love had been meant to be, it soon spiraled out of control. Emotions long pent up boiled to the surface, turning the simple kiss into a fevered need to be closer. After being denied each other for so long, neither could stop the raging passion consuming them both.
Angel's hands slid up Buffy's back as his tongue slipped into her mouth, reveling in her unique essence. She tasted different which he attributed to his new human status. But she was still Buffy. His Buffy.
The warmth of Angel's mouth surprised Buffy at first. He'd always been so cool, but now he was warm, and human, like her, and she wanted more. She pressed her body closer to his leaner one as her tongue tangled with his in an all too familiar erotic tango.
"Buffy, maybe we should...," Angel murmured when he pulled away slightly to catch his breath, an entirely odd feeling.
"Shh. Don't. Just kiss me," she said, repeating words spoken so long ago.
Angel trembled at the familiar phrase. He hesitated only a moment before seizing her lips once again and slowly lowered her small body onto the nearby couch.
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TBC!!
Part 5
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Whatever thoughts that had been in Buffy's head vanished the moment Angel's lips touched hers. It was like she was transported back in time to when she was sixteen years old and she and Angel would steal secret kisses in graveyards. His mouth felt exactly the same; so soft and consuming. She couldn't help the moan that rumbled in her throat as his tongue tangled with hers.
"Buffy," Angel murmured against her lips; a multitude of emotions roaring through his body.
That single, uttered word snapped Buffy back to the present and, horrified by her actions, she pried Angel off of her and stumbled across the room. Her back slammed against the far wall with such a force it caused her to wince. Lifting her hand, she touched her lips and gazed at Angel with confused, angry eyes. She opened her mouth to reprimand him, but the words wouldn't come out.
Seeing her distress, Angel looked down and mumbled, "I'm sorry."
"I...I-I need to...to go to bed," Buffy sputtered and started inching her way along the wall, palms resting flat against the surface to guide her
"Buffy-."
"I...sleep," she mumbled incoherently.
Buffy continued moving along the wall, making sure to stay as far away from Angel as possible. The moment she reached the hallway she turned and dashed toward her bedroom without a second glance at the stunned man left in her wake.
Angel watched her run from him, torn between going after her and staying where he was. When he heard her door slam shut, he knew she didn't want him to follow. And he knew in his heart that he'd had truly lost her. Forever.
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Late the next morning, Buffy hesitantly left her bedroom. She would have preferred to stay there the entire day and weekend, but she couldn't deny things such as eating and going to the bathroom. So after holding out as long as possible, she finally managed to make herself leave the safe confines of her room.
After stopping in the bathroom to obey the laws of nature and to brush her teeth, Buffy slowly walked out into the living room. She was surprised to find Angel sitting there in one of the chairs, still as a statue, staring out the large wall of windows at the outside. He looked as if he'd been sitting there the entire night if his unrumpled clothes were any indication.
She stood for several long seconds watching him as he made no acknowledgement of her presence. Finally, she shuffled away and into the kitchen for something to eat. If she were lucky, she'd be able to shovel in some food and get back to her room before he decided to talk to her, or something worse.
Once she'd quickly eaten a sandwich, Buffy grabbed a bottle of juice from the refrigerator and made her way back into the living room. She kept her eyes trained directly in front of her instead of on the silent man only a few feet away. All she wanted to do was make it back to her room. But just as she reached the entrance to the hallway, he spoke.
"I'm going to leave."
The words stopped Buffy instantly. Leaving? He was going to leave? Whipping around, she faced Angel with wide eyes. "What?"
Angel's gaze remained directed to the bank of windows as he spoke. "When they let us out, I'm going to pack my stuff and leave."
The bottle of juice that had been tightly grasped in Buffy's left hand slipped to the floor and her lower lip trembled slightly. He really was going to leave. She should have known he would. It's what he always seemed to do, whether intentionally or not. He'd left her the night of her seventeenth birthday, then again just after his soul returned, and then for the final time the night of her graduation.
"Why?" she whispered, fighting to keep her tears from falling.
The almost desperate question caused Angel to finally turn his eyes to Buffy. "Because it's obvious that you don't want me here. So when we get out, I'll leave and won't bother you again," he explained.
Leaving by far wasn't what he wanted to do. But Angel had sat up the entire night thinking about the situation and he'd come up with only one solution. He had to go. He couldn't stay and have Buffy continue hating him. It would be hard, leaving behind his daughter and the woman he'd always loved, but it was for the best.
"I don't hate you," Buffy cried out softly, raising her teary eyes to meet Angel's.
"You could have fooled me," Angel snorted in response.
"And I don't want you to leave," she continued on.
"Then what do you want, Buffy, because I sure as hell don't know," Angel asked, his tone louder than he'd intended.
"So you think that means you can just walk away?" she shot back, feeling her anger grow. Taking a few steps closer, she stood facing him, arms crossed. "Things get a little tough or too hard and you just leave. Is that how it works?"
Angel sighed and ran a hand over his face before speaking. "You know why I left."
"Yes, I do," Buffy conceded. "And I'm not saying that I...I don't understand or agree with your reasons, but that's not the point. You just did it. You didn't bother to consider my feelings or what I'd want."
"I did what I thought was right," he pointed out, still believing he'd done what was best.
"What about me?!" she shouted at him, slapping a hand onto her chest as the cool façade she'd been wielding the past week began to melt. "What about what I wanted? I didn't want you to leave!"
"But I don't regret that you did," Buffy kept going, swiping at the tears trailing down her cheeks. "Because if you hadn't we might never have slept together before you left and I might never have had Ashlynn. She was all I had left of you when you were gone."
Angel could say nothing to her claim. He knew she was right. If he hadn't planned to leave they would never have slept together, and so soon after he had consumed her blood. And if that had never happened, then Ashlynn would never have been conceived. Even though he'd only known the little girl for a short time, he was already in love with her and he could never wish that she didn't exist.
"Seven years, Angel," Buffy's tirade continued. "Seven years and you never once sent a letter or even bothered to contact me. And then all of the sudden, here you are."
"I didn't mean-."
"Yeah, I know. You didn't mean for me to see you," she cut him off, inserting her own interpretation of his actions. "And I also know you wouldn't even have come looking for me if you hadn't of thought I was dead!"
The guilty mien radiating off Angel was enough to tell her that her assumptions were correct. He had never wanted her to know he was around. All he'd planned on doing was skulking in the shadows for a while before disappearing again.
"I'm sorry," Angel mumbled, casting his eyes downward.
"I didn't know whether you were okay or whether you were hurt. For seven years, Angel, I didn't know anything. You could have been dust and I wouldn't have even known!" she screamed at him.
"I was fine," Angel managed to get out.
"Oh, fine? Well that helps knowing that now!" Buffy snapped at him, nearly panting from the anger racing through her veins.
"What good would it have done, Buffy? It would only have made it worse if I'd kept in touch," he defended himself, loath to admit she had a point.
"How do you know that? God! I couldn't even tell you about Ashlynn! I couldn't tell you about the beautiful little girl that we made," she half yelled, half sobbed.
"You could have tried to find me to tell me," Angel replied, feeling a little angry that she was placing the all the blame on him.
"Oh, right," Buffy snorted. "And how was I supposed to do that? Just go around searching seven continents and billions of people while I had a daughter to raise, your daughter, a job to go to everyday, and slaying on top of all that?"
Without stopping to let Angel say anything, Buffy's rant pressed on. "Then you come back but try to hide from me which didn't work. You were still going to leave after I realized you were here. Even finding out you have a daughter and meeting her didn't matter. You were still going to leave. Again!"
"I couldn't have stayed, Buffy. You know that. Nothing had changed," Angel explained softly. He couldn't tell her she was wrong because she wasn't. He hadn't tried to contact her, hadn't let her know he was okay, wouldn't have come back if he hadn't believed she was dead, and he certainly hadn't meant for her to see him. And, yes, he had planned to leave again even after she'd found him.
"Everything had changed! We have a daughter, Angel. YOU have a daughter! Didn't she deserve to know her Father?" she asked, her mind replaying the many times Ashlynn had wanted to know about the man she'd never met but knew was her Father. "And what about when we were with the Oracle? You were offered a chance for everything we'd ever wanted and you were going to say no! You would have rather stayed dead than come back to me!"
"That's not true!" Angel shouted back.
"Really? It's not? Whatever." Buffy shook her head dejectedly, shoulders drooping out of sheer exhaustion. "So you know what? Leave. Just leave. And don't come back. Ever."
"Is that what you really want?" he asked hoarsely, knowing that if she said yes he would do as she'd requested.
"No! That's not what I want!" she sobbed exasperatedly.
"Then what do you want from me, Buffy, because I don't have a clue!" Angel cried out, raising his hands in defeat. He couldn't have been more confused about what Buffy wanted.
"I want you to stay! I want us to be a family! I want you, Angel! Since I was sixteen years old all I've ever wanted is you!" she recited helplessly. Why didn't he get it?
The desperate plea drove Angel from the chair he hadn't moved from the entire night. He stepped up in front of Buffy, who refused to look at him, and took her hands into his.
"I'm right here, Buffy," he soothed in a reassuring voice, tilting her chin upwards with his right hand.
"No! You're not!" she answered, twisting away from him. "You'll leave again. I know you will! You'll find some reason to leave me!"
Suddenly, it all made sense to Angel; the way she'd acted after discovering him, the cold shoulder he'd been getting for the past week, and her current outburst. She was afraid he would leave, not trusting him to stay. And he couldn't blame her. He'd given her no reason to believe differently. If he were in her place he wouldn't trust himself either.
But everything was different now. For the first time in many, many years, he could see a future, one filled with love and happiness and everything he'd ever wanted. He could make love to Buffy without fearing the return of Angelus and he could take his family out into the sun without turning to dust. It was a dream come true, and he wanted to stay and be part of it.
"Buffy," he said, forcing her to look at him. "If you want me stay...if that's what you really want then I will."
"How do I know, Angel?" Buffy whispered in a tear-laden voice. "How do I know that tomorrow, or next week, or next year that something won't happen to make you change your mind?"
"I've always wanted to stay with you," Angel responded, daring to reach a hand up to stroke her cheek. "You're the only woman I've ever truly loved. I would have given anything to have stayed and been with you. I just wanted to do what was best for you."
"But don't you understand? It wasn't just about you. It was about us, and now it's about Ashlynn, too," she answered back, fighting to urge to nuzzle his hand. "Whether what you did was right or wrong it should have been about both of us. You can't make decisions for me."
"But I didn't-."
"Yes, you did," Buffy interjected, pulling away slightly. "You just told me you were leaving before graduation. I know maybe in the long run it was for the best, but you should have talked to me."
"It wouldn't have changed anything," he replied, shaking his head.
"Maybe not," Buffy somewhat agreed. "But we should have talked about it. I may be young, Angel, but I'm not a child. I can handle adult conversations."
"I never meant to make you feel like a child," he said apologetically.
"I know, but you do," she admitted sadly, staring up into Angel's deep brown eyes. "Like with the Oracle when you just jumped in and went to turn down the deal when it was my decision to make."
"I just want what's best for you," Angel reiterated, holding her stare.
"I know you do, and I appreciate that. But it was my decision, or at the very least OUR decision because this is MY life, too. I deserve to have a say in what happens in it," Buffy rebutted in sturdy voice.
"I'm sorry that I made you feel like you were a child or that you were somehow unimportant. That wasn't my intention. I just wanted you to be happy," Angel explained.
Buffy stepped up closer to Angel, tilting her head back so that she could look into his eyes. "You make me happy, Angel. YOU...whether you're a vampire, or a human, or whatever it is that you are now. All I want is to have you in my life. Forever," she said as sincerely as possible. Raising a hand, she placed it over his now beating heart. "Don't you know how much I need you?"
"You don't need me, Buffy," Angel disagreed. "You've made a wonderful life for yourself here. Without me."
"Yes, but I missed you every single day. I missed talking to you, feeling your arms hold me, and having you watch my back. No one has ever known me as well as you have," Buffy answered back, trying to convey all of her emotions through her words. "I want you to stay, but I need you to want it, too."
Placing a hand over top of the one Buffy had on his chest, Angel caressed the smooth skin as he tried to think of what to say to her. How could he convince her that he really wanted to stay? She had every right to distrust him. His track record allowed her that. But he did want to be with her and their daughter. He wanted them to be a family. Now, it was just a matter of convincing her.
"I do want to stay," he whispered honestly. "More than anything else in this world I want to be here with you and Ashlynn."
"But how do I know? How do I know that someday you won't find another reason to leave me, us?" she questioned, expressing her strongest fear.
Angel took both of Buffy's hands into his and raised them to his mouth to place a gentle kiss on each set of knuckles before speaking. "I wish I could promise you that everything would be perfect from here on out, but I can't. Neither of us knows what the future will bring. I can promise you that I will do everything in my power to always be here with you and Ashlynn. And I can promise you that if something should come up that I will talk to you about it instead of just making a decision."
"I wish I could believe you," Buffy responded in a meek voice, averting her eyes from his.
"You can. You just have to trust me," Angel spoke, his tone almost pleading as he again lifted her chin to look at her. "Can you trust me?"
Buffy stared into his deep brown eyes and felt torn. Could she trust him? Could she have faith that he would stay, that this time would be different? She wanted to. She desperately wanted to. For as long as she could remember she'd dreamed of having a future with Angel, but something always came between them. But now everything had changed and the future was standing there gazing into her eyes.
It was the loving shining out of those eyes that told her all she needed to know. All the things that she didn't want to believe shone there for her to see. She knew in that instant that he was being honest when he said he wanted to stay. And she knew that he'd never wanted to hurt her and would do anything possible to make things right this time. There were no guarantees, though. Nothing in life was set in stone. But could she take the chance again? Could she live with the regrets if she didn't?
As she stood there and continued to stare into Angel eyes, Buffy tried to picture her future in her mind. Just like when she was sixteen, the only thing she could see was Angel. She saw walks in the park with Ashlynn holding both their hands, the two of them working side by side to keep the world safe, cozy nights spend alone together, and a multitude of other scenarios she'd dreamed about but never dared to hope come true.
The lagging silence began to worry Angel, and with each passing second his heart broke more and more. He wanted so badly for her to trust him, to give them a chance, but he couldn't blame her if she wouldn't. If she told him no, if she told him to leave, he would. He'd hate it and it would hurt more than he could bare, but he would do it. Anything to spare her more pain.
So lost in his thoughts, Angel almost didn't hear her reply.
"Yes."
"I...y-yes?" Angel stuttered, trying his hardest not to get his hopes up.
"Yes," she repeated slowly, a few tears falling. "I love you, Angel. I always have and I always will."
"I love you, too. Forever," he replied, fighting the urge to weep over her acceptance.
Angel wasn't sure he'd ever expected her to take him back. He wondered if he'd dreamed the small 'yes' he'd just heard, but the hesitantly hopeful look on Buffy's face told him he hadn't. She really was giving them another chance to find happiness.
Despite know that things were still cautious and that they still had a lot to work out, the joy Angel felt inside brought a blinding smile across his face. Never in his life had he felt so hopeful about the future and what it may hold. And before he could stop himself, Angel was leaning down to capture Buffy's lips with his own.
The kiss surprised Buffy, but she didn't fight it. She was tired of fighting what she was feeling. So she gave herself in to the gentle embrace, responding by looping her arms around his neck and opening her mouth to his.
As simple as Angel's initial gesture of love had been meant to be, it soon spiraled out of control. Emotions long pent up boiled to the surface, turning the simple kiss into a fevered need to be closer. After being denied each other for so long, neither could stop the raging passion consuming them both.
Angel's hands slid up Buffy's back as his tongue slipped into her mouth, reveling in her unique essence. She tasted different which he attributed to his new human status. But she was still Buffy. His Buffy.
The warmth of Angel's mouth surprised Buffy at first. He'd always been so cool, but now he was warm, and human, like her, and she wanted more. She pressed her body closer to his leaner one as her tongue tangled with his in an all too familiar erotic tango.
"Buffy, maybe we should...," Angel murmured when he pulled away slightly to catch his breath, an entirely odd feeling.
"Shh. Don't. Just kiss me," she said, repeating words spoken so long ago.
Angel trembled at the familiar phrase. He hesitated only a moment before seizing her lips once again and slowly lowered her small body onto the nearby couch.
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TBC!!