Some of you may have noticed that SiT #5 is now listed as 9 chapters instead of 8. In the process of revising and doing some rewrites, I decided to split up a chapter into 2 so now there are 9 chapters. I'm pretty sure no one will mind g

Gettin' close to the end (finally). I hope you'll all enjoy the remaining chapters!

Isis

To read the other parts in this series, use the following

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Part 6

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"Ow," Buffy groaned, shifting slightly on the couch.

"What's wrong?" Angel mumbled, his voiced dulled because his mouth was pressed against Buffy's hair.

"I don't think this couch is meant to sleep two," she answered, then yawned.

"Mmph," was his only reply.

The puff of warm air that Angel released tickled the back of Buffy's neck, sending a shiver down her spine. It was at that moment that reality hit her, and quicker than she should have, she flipped around on the couch to face Angel, nearly falling off in the process.

"You're still here," she whispered, tears threatening to fall as she touched his cheek to reassure herself of his presence.

A pang of guilt went through Angel at the gesture. He knew what made her say what she had. She'd woken up alone after their only other two times together. The first time he'd become Angelus and tormented her endlessly for months, and the second time he'd left town, not to be seen again for seven years. This was their first true 'morning after'.

"I'll always be here," he soothed her fears. "You'll never have to wake up alone again."

Buffy relaxed a little, realizing that things were very different than they had once been. Still, she couldn't stop the voices in her head that told her he would leave again. It wasn't that she didn't believe he would stay; it was just hard breaking years of defenses down in one day.

"I'm glad you here," she told him with a smile, but then winced when she tried to move into a more comfortable position.

"Are you okay?" Angel asked after noticing the pained expression on her face.

"Yeah. I'm just a little...sore," she replied hesitantly as a light blush crept over her skin.

"I...I hurt you?" he said, guilt suddenly plaguing him. He instantly berated himself for not being more careful with her.

"No. You...it's just been a while," Buffy responded softly.

"How long?" he questioned before his brain could tell him not to. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked that."

"It's okay," she told him, contemplating how she should answer that question. "About five years or so," she admitted after a minute.

"Oh," Angel mumbled, knowing right away the implication of her words.

"I'm sorry," Buffy apologized for her betrayal, casting her eyes away from him.

"No, Buffy," he quickly rebutted. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I wanted you to be happy."

"I tried to be," she relayed honestly. "It was just hard."

"Do you...do you want to tell me about it?" he asked, not sure whether he wanted really know.

Buffy looked at him curiously while she chewed lightly on her lower lip. She wasn't sure if she wanted to tell him about some of the things from when he was gone, but she supposed the truth was the best way to go. If they couldn't be honest with each other then they were fooling themselves to think they could have a future together.

"Are you sure you want to hear?" she finally said.

"Yes," Angel answered after only thinking for a second. He was about to say more when Buffy's stomach growled loudly causing them both to chuckle. "Maybe we should find some breakfast before we...talk."

"Yeah. I guess we do have a lot to talk about." She knew he was right. There was still so much to be said between them.

"We kind of skipped over that, didn't we?" he said, realizing they'd not spent much time really talking.

"Yeah," Buffy agreed, blushing again. She noticed a pensive look on Angel's face then and wondered what he was thinking about. "What?"

"I...I just...maybe we should have waited before we...," he trailed off, his manners getting the better of him.

"Oh. You regret what we did?" she asked nervously.

"No!" Angel replied emphatically. "I could never regret making love to you. It was absolutely wonderful. It's just...maybe....we have so much to work through. Maybe we should have waited."

Buffy thought for a moment before speaking. "I don't want to wait anymore. I've waited long enough for you. Whatever we need to talk about, we will, and we'll work through it, but I don't want to wait any longer to start our lives together."

The second the words left her mouth, Buffy realized how true they were. Perhaps for the first time she truly accepted that Angel was back, that he intended to stay, and that she wanted him to. She wanted him in her life, and Ashlynn's, and wanted to wake up next to him each day, and to go on picnics with her family. They could have it all now, and she wanted it.

Angel smiled blindingly at her as if he seemed to sense the thoughts that were going through her head. "I love you," he whispered, his voice a gentle caress.

"I love you, too," she replied, wondering if hearing those words would ever not make her want to cry.

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A short while later, the two sat on opposite ends of Buffy's bed with a tray of food resting between them. They nibbled on the bagels and fresh fruit for a few minutes, neither sure how to start this 'talking' thing they needed to do. It was Buffy who finally broke the silence.

"I met Lindsey not long after Ashlynn was born," she began talking about the subject she wished she didn't have to broach. "He performed on opening night at the club. The crowd loved him so Lorne had him start singing regularly. We became friends pretty quickly. I enjoyed talking to him."

"He told me you two weren't together," Angel stated slightly confused.

"We're not. At least not now," she corrected herself. "For a while we were friends and just hung out a lot. I knew he wanted more, but I just couldn't do it. Then about a year and a half after I met him we...we kissed one night."

"I was so confused because I still loved you so much, but I liked Lindsey. And Willow kept telling me to go for it. So we started dating," she continued, thinking back to a time she regretted. "The night of the club's two year anniversary Lorne had a huge private party. We all got completely smashed."

Angel cringed in his mind. He had a feeling he knew what she was going to say next.

"I woke up the next morning with a horrible hangover and I was in his bed," she explained, moisture filling her eyes. "I tried to tell myself that it was okay, that he was a really great guy, and that he was wonderful with Ashlynn. But it just felt so wrong."

Hearing that she'd been with someone else stung, but Angel wasn't upset about it. He knew she had every right to try and move on. And as much as he didn't want to admit it, Lindsey did seem like a good guy. He hated to see her hurting, though, so he crossed over to the other side of the bed and pulled her into his arms.

"Shh, it's okay. I'm not mad at you," he soothed her tears.

"It just feels like I betrayed you," she said quietly.

"You didn't," Angel stated definitively. "I wanted you to be happy, and to have all the things I couldn't give you."

"You're the only one who can make me happy," she replied, brushing away the tears that had fallen.

Angel smiled lovingly at her before delicately asking what wanted to know next. "What happened with Lindsey?"

Sighing, Buffy snuggled back against Angel's chest. "By the time he woke up, I was lying on the bathroom floor sobbing. I think he knew it would never happen again because he just gave me this sad smile. Then he went and tossed his cookies in the toilet."

Despite the seriousness of their discussion, they couldn't help but laugh at the imagery. Angel smoothed her hair off her face and kissed her forehead to reassure her that he wasn't mad about what she'd told him. "I guess you decided to stay friends?" he added in more of a question than a statement.

"Yeah," Buffy nodded. "He left for a while afterwards to give me some space and because he was hurt, but he came back eventually. It was weird between for a while, but we talked and I told him I just wanted to be friends."

"I can't imagine that went over well," Angel wondered out loud.

"No, not really, but he went along with it," she said with a shrug. "I think he believed if he gave me enough time I'd give him another chance. I tried to tell myself to so many times, but I just couldn't."

Angel thought to himself for several seconds before he asked seriously, "Were you happy though? I mean with your life here?"

"Yes," Buffy answered without hesitation. "I like my job, and I had my friends, and Ashlynn. She made every day worth living. There were some tough times, though."

"Like when you got this?" Angel posed as his fingers slide under her shirt and touched the long scar that trailed down her back and around her side.

He'd seen it the night before and been completely horrified. He knew just by looking at it that it must have been a serious injury. When she finally told him how it happened he wanted cry and curse himself for not being there to protect her. But Angel couldn't change the things of the past. He was damn sure, though, that he would be there to protect her in the future.

"Yeah," she said, shaking her head in the affirmative. Thinking about that battle was something she generally tried to avoid. "And the first few months after leaving Sunnydale were hard."

For the next two hours, Buffy told Angel about the different things that had happened since he'd left Sunnydale. He had already heard some of the basics from Cordelia and Willow, but hearing them from Buffy meant more. She was also able to give him small details that an outsider wasn't privy to.

So he listened as she talked about finding out she was pregnant and what happened afterwards. She told him each and every little detail about what being pregnant was like, and then being a mother. His heart ached and rejoiced at hearing it all. He wished he could have see her swollen with their child, and been their for his daughter's birth.

She also explained to him more about Doyle, Lorne, and the club, then about how Willow and Oz had come to stay. Tale after tale she told him about the years he'd been gone. When she came to her Mother's death, he held her as she cried for the relationship gone wrong that could never be mended, and promised her they'd all take a trip to Sunnydale again soon to say a more thorough goodbye.

"I wish I could have been there for all of it," Angel recited mournfully.

"I wish you could have been, too," agreed Buffy, her voice slightly tinged with anger.

Angel heard the underlying tone of her voice and shifted on the bed so he could look at her. "I had to leave, Buffy. You understand that, don't you?"

"I try to," she answered, her eyes avoiding his.

"I just wanted you to have all the things you deserved, things I couldn't give you," he answered back, taking her hands into his. "I wanted you to have picnics in the sun, and to someday have children..."

"I think WE got the child part covered," Buffy pointed out.

"We never even knew it was possible then," Angel replied. "And there was the curse to worry about."

This time, Buffy did look directly at Angel. "But I told you that sex didn't matter to me."

"It would have, eventually," he disagreed seriously. "But it wasn't sex that triggered the curse, Buffy. It was the happiness of making love to you, and holding you afterwards. I felt at peace then for the first time since I'd been cursed. And I began to worry that something as simple as watching you sleep would make me too happy. Every day I wondered how happy was too happy. I just couldn't take the risk of letting Angelus loose again."

Hearing his words spoken with such sincerity made Buffy realize for the first time what he'd been facing back them. She'd never really thought about the limitations of the curse to that extent. It had always been associated with sex for her. But hearing his worries gave her a perspective she hadn't had before.

"You should have told me all of this back then, Angel," she spoke sadly, hurt over his lack of honesty with her.

"I know, and I'm sorry," he apologized, pulling her hands into his lap. "I just...everything was so confusing then. I only knew I needed to leave. I didn't mean to hurt you or make you think I didn't love you."

"I know you didn't," she answered honestly before sitting up straighter and facing Angel. "If we're going to make this work, Angel, we can't keep things from each other. I can't...I won't go through all of that again. I want to be with you, but you have to respect and trust that I'm able to make my own decisions."

"I do trust you, with all my heart," Angel replied softly. "I promise to discuss things with you from now on. I'm not perfect, though, Buffy. So I need you to promise me something."

"What?" she asked, somewhat surprised at his request.

"You can't just run away if things get tough, or if you're angry, or if I do something wrong," he explained, staring directly at her. "It doesn't solve anything, and we can't work through our problems if you run. We have to talk through them whether they are about us, or slaying, or even if it's something between you and you're friends."

"I...I...," Buffy sputtered, looking down as she tried to deny his claim.

"You know I'm right," he said with a sigh. "After...after Angelus you ran away, and Willow told me about how you left Sunnydale, and then when I came here you tried to avoid me. You have to let people in, Buffy."

"It's just...it's hard. It's easy to just ignore it and hope it goes away," she whispered, knowing his words were true.

"But whatever it is won't go away. It only creates more problems if you run from them," he told her. "If I hadn't stayed here after you..."

"After I treated you like crap?" she filled in.

"Yeah...I hate to think what would have happened," he continued, his voice breaking over the thought of how Buffy may have died.

"I'm sorry I treated you so badly," she spoke guiltily. "It was just such a shock. I never thought I'd see you again and I wasn't prepared for it."

"I understand. I probably would have felt the same way," Angel responded and then pulled Buffy closer so that she leaned against him once more. "We've both done a lot of things we shouldn't have."

"Yeah," she agreed.

"I can't promise you that things will be perfect," started Angel, running a hand up and down her back. "Nothing's ever perfect, but I promise that I will try my hardest to make you happy."

"Having you here with me and Ashlynn is enough to make me happy," Buffy answered back.

Angel smiled and hugged Buffy tighter to him, placing a kiss onto the top of her head. It felt so natural to have her in his arms even though they'd been apart for so long. He never thought he'd have this chance. His days had been destined to be dark and lonely, but by some miracle he had a chance for everything now. He intended to spend the rest of his life by his beloved's side, and thanking whoever was in charge of this world for giving him a second chance at life.

Neither spoke for a while. Buffy was content to simply rest in his embrace. Feeling his arms wrapped around her always made her feel so safe and loved. It brought tears to her eyes to know that he was there for good. She'd never go another day without having him close if she had any say about it. And to think she'd almost pushed him away and made him leave. She wanted to kick herself now for acting the way she did. It didn't matter now, though. She had her Angel and she intended to keep him.

"You haven't told me yet what you've been doing the last seven years," Buffy finally asked after several minutes of silence.

"There's not much to tell," he answered indifferently.

"I want to hear anyway," she replied, shifting them so that they rested against the bed's headboard.

"I mostly just traveled around," Angel started, shrugging his shoulders slightly. "I traveled from place to place, never staying anywhere longer than three or four months."

"How come?" she questioned just before a yawn crept past her lips.

"I don't know, really. It just seemed like the thing to do," he explained and then pulled the covers up over the two of them as he realized Buffy was getting tired.

"Oh. So what did you do in all those places?" she asked, snuggling down a bit to get comfortable.

"I fought demons when I needed to, tried to keep people safe. I read, and basically just tried to exist," he went on, feeling slightly ashamed that he'd not done anything better with his life.

"Sounds lonely," Buffy responded sleepily.

"It was. Every day I wished you were there with me," he answered, love shinning through his voice.

"I wish I was too," she said quietly and then asked a question she already knew the answer to. "What made you come back?"

Angel sighed and hesitated for a moment before telling Buffy about his run in with Spike. He relayed what the blonde vampire had told him and how he'd believed her to be dead but needed to know for sure. Then he went on to explain how he'd gone to Sunnydale and searched for her, and his run-ins with Xander and Faith.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm glad you thought I was dead. I wouldn't have gotten you back if you hadn't," she stated softly before yawning again.

"I know what you mean," Angel agreed. He'd hated thinking she was dead, but he knew she was right. If he hadn't of run into Spike he wouldn't be in the position he was in now. "You should get some sleep."

"Don't want to," Buffy responded, her eyes drooping shut.

"Why not?" he questioned, confused by the vehemence in her voice.

"Cuz I'm afraid you won't be here when I wake up," she answered after a moment's hesitation.

The sincere fear in her voice tore at Angel's heart, but he knew she had reason to say what she did. "I will be here in the morning, beloved."

"Promise?"

"I promise," he swore firmly. "Go to sleep, baby."

"Mmm 'kay," Buffy mumbled, already half asleep.

Angel kissed her forehead and tucked the covers closer around her body. He stayed awake for a while longer, content to merely watch the rise and fall of her chest as she slept. But soon, he too felt his eyes drifting shut. Pulling Buffy closer, Angel fell asleep, a happy smile playing on his face.

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TBC!!