Dismal Angel 2010 - Episode 22

Chapter 2: Bitter Memories

Remy LeBeau walked through the winding corridors of Bayville General Hospital, following Kitty Pryde closely as she navigated her way from the directions she'd gotten from the girl at the reception.

He wished now he hadn't gotten himself into this. He'd spent enough time in hospitals and doctors offices to last a life time.

Remy could see Kitty's apprehension simply by the way she walked, he could see the tension in her neck and shoulders, and even from behind he could tell there was dread stretched upon her pretty face.

I know this corridor, Remy thought to himself as he followed Kitty down a wide corridor, clinical smells swirled around, and the smell of strong detergent. Remy felt his own tension grow now. Why do I know this corridor? He wondered.

They approached a reception desk, it all seemed very familiar to him, and he was sure his stomach was rising within him as he looked around confusedly. Kitty stepped up to the desk, the receptionist raised her tired old eyes from whatever it was she had been doing.

"I have an appointment with Doctor Smith," Kitty said very quietly, "at nine am."

The receptionist moved away from one side of the desk to go to the other where the computer was, "name?"

"Katherine Pryde," Kitty replied, she rested her arm on the desk, watching the receptionist anxiously.

Remy stood looking around the area, it was irking him as to why he couldn't remember why he'd seen this corridor before. He'd been here before, obviously for some reason, and yet, it didn't seem to register.

"Address?" the receptionist asked tapping keys on her keyboard.

"1407 Graymalkin Lane," Kitty responded nervously.

"Alright, if you'll just take a seat in the waiting area…" the Receptionist smiled and gestured towards the waiting area.

Kitty entered the waiting room opposite the receptionists desk, and Remy followed. It wasn't until he was through the door he recognised the room, the same coffee coloured walls, the same threadbare old chairs.

"This is where I waited…when I was waiting on my baby being born…" Remy trailed off, stopping at the threshold, he was almost too afraid to walk in.

Kitty turned and looked at him. She hadn't known this, she hadn't been with Remy when he and Rogue had gone with Bella Donna to the hospital the night that she'd gone into Labour. All she remembered was the dead look in Remy LeBeau's eyes when he'd returned several hours later.

Although Kitty wished she could just up and leave she knew she couldn't, this was something she couldn't just ignore any longer as she had been doing. But Remy didn't have an obligation, he could up and leave as easily as he wanted to. Don't leave me, she pleaded with him in thought. Please don't leave me here alone…

Kitty looked at him desperately, and he stepped the rest of the way through the door just like she knew he would, because although she understood he would want to be selfish and walk away before more memories were stirred up, he still had a good heart somewhere inside him. It was that moment that proved as a reminder of why she remained friends with him.

Remy took a deep breath, still looking around the room, he could almost see himself sitting in that same chair beside Rogue, could almost feel her fingers against his hand, and absently, he ran the tips of his fingers over his own hand remembering it. And then the sound of the doctors voice as he called his name.

July 19th 2004

"Mr LeBeau?"

Remy had been ready to kiss Rogue. With her powers negated for the time being because of MutantX there was nothing on earth that need stop him. But when that doctor came into the room, the moment was lost. He turned his head, and felt Rogue accidentally kiss his stubbly cheek as she'd leaned forward as he'd swung his head.

"Oui?" Remy asked, apprehension building up inside him, any moment now that Doctor could tell him he was a father. Granted, these were not the circumstances that he would have liked to have had a child under, and certainly not with Bella Donna. And he certainly wouldn't have chosen to have it the way that he and Bella Donna had agreed on – for her to have the baby then to leave him with the child. But life had dealt him the hand and he had to play it accordingly. There were guys in the world much worse off than he was, and if they could deal with being a single parent, Remy was sure he could too.

"May I speak with you privately?" the Doctor asked, he gestured towards the door, and waited patiently.

Remy glanced back to Rogue momentarily, she looked tired, and hurt, her face bruised from a rape that had taken place barely twenty-four hours previously. "I'll be right back…" he said to her, then he got up and left the room with the doctor.

"Mr LeBeau…" the doctor had taken him into a small private office to speak with him, and that was when Remy felt that there was something incredibly wrong. "Take a seat, please…"
"What's going on?" Remy asked, his heart began to pound like the warning drums of an ancient cannibalistic civilisation before the hunt.

The doctor looked at him, "Your wife—"

"She's not my wife," Remy said quickly, insulted even by the suggestion of it.

"—Is fine," the doctor continued.

"And the baby?"

"I'm afraid there was a complication during delivery – the umbilical was wrapped around the child's neck…" the Doctor said, "I'm sorry, Mr. LeBeau. We did all that we could."

Remy shook his head, "No…" he whispered, "no…"

It almost felt as if his world was about to fall apart right then, crumbling away in large pieces, stripping his very soul away until there was barely anything left.

There was a loud and anxious knock at the door, Remy's tears had freed themselves as the door opened.

"Doctor Jackman, she's gone…"

The Doctor stood up, startled, "what?"

"Miss Boudreaux is gone…we had placed her in a recovery room, but she's gone…the window was wide open…"

Bella Donna was gone, his child was gone, and he felt for sure, his future and his heart, and his soul, everything seemed to have disappeared completely. Remy broke down in the doctors office crying for the second time that night.

7th May 2010

"Remy?" Kitty asked, he'd stood there for so long in silence, he looked a million miles away. His eyes distant and glazed, his head slightly tilted to the side, mouth hanging open.

"I'm fine…" he said, breaking out of his bitter memories, he stared down at that empty chair in which he'd once sat, he could not bring himself to sit down. There were several other chairs, but somehow he felt as if that one chair were meant for him and him only. But he wasn't ready to sit down just yet.

Kitty moved over slowly, "you sure?"

"I'm fine…" he repeated, he looked down at her, "and you?"

"I'm…just Dandy-o," she said in an obviously fake enthusiastic tone, she shuddered, "I so don't want to be here…but I can't keep running."

Remy looked at her, "can I ask you something?" he said softly, he looked down into her sapphire eyes, and they looked back at him with wonder and apprehension.

"Sure…" Kitty shrugged.

"Do…you think…that things happen to me…bad things I mean…because…I'm being punished for every sin I've ever committed?"

"No," Kitty responded, "because…I think, for all the good you've done, you've somehow…atoned…for all those sins," she said.

"Then why do these things happen?" Remy sighed, he touched the armrest of that chair he'd sat in years before, one arm rest was more faded than the other, which meant it definitely was the same chair, he remembered that so clearly.

"Because bad things happen to good people?" Kitty shrugged, "No one has it good ALL the time, Remy. Life would suck if that was so…wouldn't it?" she asked. "There'd be no surprises, no pain, no hurt, no stupidity…but then, without that, what foundations would you have to build yourself up on?" she asked. "Without mistakes, what could you learn from?" she asked, "without pain, how would you know what pleasure is? Without disappointment, how would you know how excitement felt? Without depression…" she touched his shoulder, "How would you know what happiness was?"

He looked at her, she was right of course, on all these things. If his life had been perfect, he suspected it might be empty and meaningless, even more so than his hectic, and unhappy life was now.

"And these things…make you appreciate how the good stuff REALLY feels…" Kitty added. "Ororo once told me…that it all comes down to nature," she said.

"When I think of 'nature' I think of trees and grass, petit," Remy said softly.

Kitty shook her head, "no, nature is about balance – and these things are part of that balance. For every bad thing, there's a good thing," she explained. "Yin and Yang, black and white, sad and happy, pain and pleasure…" she gestured as if she were weighing these things out in her hand. "And for all the pain you've had in your life, eventually THAT'S going to be balanced out with something, Remy. Something good. You just need to keep holding on until it does."

Remy looked at her, "And you?" he asked, knowing that this had to have some relevance to herself as well as him, because somehow it sounded as if she were trying to convince herself as well as him.

"Me…I'm on the bad end of the balance for now…" She admitted softly, "but roughly by the end of this year…I guess I might see the good of it again."

"What are you saying, Kitty?" Remy asked softly, he racked his brains for what might happen at the end of the year.

Kitty took a breath, she looked away for a moment and smiled slightly at the thought of what she was about to say, "I'm saying…I'm keeping this baby."