Changing tides

I had been riding around for hours before I finally decided to stop and make up my mind about where to go next.

The little lay-by where I sat, head in hands, was dusty and uncomfortable, full of little stones and weeds and murky puddles. Not exactly the most comfortable place to make a life changing decision, but I didn't have much of a choice. The wind whipped the dust in my eyes, but I didn't really seem to notice.

Faces flashed before my eyes. I closed them but the faces remained. My…friends? Could I call them that? We had been war buddies, the bond of war holding us together, to care for each other, to help each other. Now there was no war, no danger, only the long road of peace leading to some unknown end. So were we still friends, is that how it worked? Now that the bond of war was gone what was the connection between us? But this is what I been thinking about, wasn't it, all that time roaming the world, using up the funds I had stolen from OZ like water on a thirsty garden? What I should do next?

It wasn't lack of money that had driven me back to look for my friends however, it was the loneliness. So I hadn't wanted to admit it to myself, I had denied it for two whole years. I had travelled, wondering the peaceful streets, sailing on the calm sea, riding the tranquil air. I couldn't take the quiet; I couldn't take the quiet that surrounded my life. Alright, so it took me two years to become lonely, don't say a word. I'm good at surviving on my own, but someone can only last so long before everything starts falling apart. So you never thought that you would hear that from me? Heero Yuy, the perfect soldier without a heart, without pity, the boy who needs no-one. Well, someone obviously. Especially when the world you once knew, the war you grew up in, the life you had, is now gone completely.

I stood up and walked over to my Yamaha GP. Wiping the dust from the saddle I straddled the bike, my mind finally made up. Before I set off I checked Quatre's address one more time, wondering what he would do when I turned up at his door. Probably choke and then faint. Oh well. I revved the engine and skidded out of the dusty little lay-by, determined that I would see only Quatre and then be on my way. He could fill the hole in me all by himself with that fiery optimism of his. As long as I didn't see "him", everything would be fine. I didn't think I'd be able to say anything to "him". Unlike me, isn't it?

The light was failing and the sky had turned a dusky pink when I finally skidded into Quatre's driveway, handling my bike nimbly as I headed for the tarmac at the side of the house. Out of habit more than necessity I half hid my bike behind an overgrown rhododendron bush before heading for the door.

Quatre…I hadn't seen him for two years. I wondered if he'd changed. Probably not. I hoped not. I don't think I could handle yet another random factor in my mucked up life. I needed at least a little stability or I would just go to the bridge and get it over and done with.

Reaching up for the doorbell, I hesitated. Now…I don't hesitate, it just doesn't happen. When I set my mind to something it gets done come hell or high water. So you can imagine my surprise when my stupid, usually so obedient trigger finger wouldn't ring a god damn doorbell. Well thankfully Quatre, being the strange empathic person that he is, opened the door anyway. I stood like a complete idiot, staring at him from under my too long bangs, my biker jacket and pants covered in dust and completely ragged, with my hand almost pressing the doorbell. A Kodak moment, Quatre told me later. And all he said was:

"Come in," as if he'd been expecting me. So I did.

I was glad to find Quatre the same friendly, warm individual I had known during the war. Of course he had changed physically, he'd grown a little taller, and his face was more masculine, less boyish, as was his build. However he was still enthusiastic and welcoming. Just what I needed, although I guess it didn't quite come through my cold exterior. As they say, old habits die hard. I just wanted to have some company and then leave, mission accomplished.

He let me shower before we ate and I was glad to have the dust out of my eyes for once. He asked me about where I had been for the last two years and I could see the disappointment in his face as I divulged hardly any facts about my whereabouts or my actions. In truth I wasn't even ready to deal with the conclusion I had come to while scouring the wilderness of Alaska or of Quatre's "native" Arabia, discussing it with someone else was not the first thing on my list. Instead I had him talk about everything that had transpired in my absence. It was comforting just to hear him talk of the peaceful world in which we lived with such joy and exuberance. Perhaps it gave me a little hope.

"So how are the others?" I asked.

We had moved into the sitting room with its large comfy armchairs and deep yellow wallpaper, almost the same gold as Quatre's hair.

"Fine, I think," Quatre said handing me a drink, "you missed Duo this morning and Trowa is coming to visit in a few days."

My heart stopped momentarily before regaining its normal rhythm. Just the mention of his name could do this to me? I was glad he wasn't here so that I had to talk to him. I wasn't sure if I could. I know you're thinking how much this doesn't suit my Perfect Soldier image that you remember from the war. What can I say? I've changed, even if it wasn't all voluntary.

"Wufei is working for the Preventers now, as is Duo," Quatre sighed leaning back in his chair, "Trowa and I both work on and off, sort of part time. Well Winner Enterprises keeps me busy, and Trowa helps me sometimes. He likes to travel with Catherine when he gets the time, so he can't be on call for assignments. Commander Une, for all her Ice Queen exterior, can be quite understanding."

"Hn," I grunted remembering the hair in buns tight on her head, and the wicked flash on her glasses. Would have thought she would be the last to change.

"Guess a lot is different," I mumbled staring into my drink, "I know it's what we fought for Quatre, peace and understanding, but it's so quiet sometimes…"

I tailed off, knowing Quatre was silently urging me to say more. It was the most I had said all night…but I didn't want to say anything else, didn't want to look too weak.

"I know what you mean," Quatre offered sympathetically after a moments silence, glass clinking on glass as he poured himself another drink, "sometimes I can sit for hours just marvelling at the silence, knowing that it's not from death but from peace. It must be hard for you…"

But just then the door opened and a familiar scent flooded my nostrils. I know this is going to sound rather strange, but I knew he was there by his smell long before I turned to greet "him".

"Duo!" I had to hear Quatre say the words before the reality of it sunk in "glad you're back. Drink?"

"Nah," as soon as I heard his voice I felt a lump rise in my throat, "I'm not that thirsty," he continued in that deep husky voice of his.

I could hardly follow the short conversation as my mind swam at the thought of seeing him again. Two years. As soon as I heard his voice and felt his presence I could have sworn it had only been two minutes since we had last spoken. I thought it rather twisted that I had come to see Quatre when what had really brought me back had been Duo. I would have thought further on the subject if the words, "Duo, guess who's here?" hadn't called me back to the present. I hesitated again, the second time in the space of an hour, before standing up to look him straight in the eye.

"Duo," I said in my most monotone, unemotional voice, nodding ever so slightly at him.

He was utterly shocked. Had it really been that long? It didn't feel it to me. I could remember his annoying whistling and hanging around my shoulders as I tried to work as if it were happening right at that moment. It took him a little longer than usual to regain his cocky attitude, Quatre filling in the silence with a little explanation.

"Heero arrived about an hour ago," Quatre said, his eyes wavering in the dull lamplight "I was just as shocked and glad as you."

-Glad as you? - I repeated to myself while keeping my eyes firmly on Duo, but pushed the thought aside as I just looked at him. He, unlike Quatre, had not grown at all. He was still a little runt, his long braid dangling down to his backside and his bangs as long as ever. I could see his clear amethyst eyes staring at me intensely through his obtrusive hair, a smile growing on his lips. I answered with my usual non-committal grunts and one words answers, refusing to take my eyes from his as long as we talked. I wanted to make him feel uncomfortable under my glare, but it seemed that Duo was the only one completely impervious to it. Over use I guess.

I didn't want to seem like I was staying long, as I wasn't intending to, so I answered Quatre as casually as I could, mentioning something about finding a place to stay. I had no idea that Quatre would come out with his next suggestion.

"Well isn't that luck. Duo's just found an apartment near the centre of town. You were just there weren't you? Didn't you say it was a double? What was it like?"

I had never thought that an opportunity like this would come up. Now I know that I said Duo Maxwell could be annoying, well really annoying is closer to the mark. He doesn't tidy, he doesn't understand the words "shut up", he likes to laugh at nothing in particular and grin like a maniac for fun or spend hours running up the water bill staring at the water running from the tap. However, there is something about Duo that I find endearing. Yes, I did just say I found someone endearing, get over it. I was lonely, even though I hadn't fully admitted it to myself yet; but my subconscious took care of that. It answered for me.

"Sounds good," I said. Not exactly a commitment, and not a refusal either. Good.

I waited until he asked me if I was totally sure until I grunted out, "Hai" and asked him when he was moving in. It had happened so fast in my mind that I wasn't really sure what I had done until I was out the sitting room smiling to myself and leaving Duo in shocked silence behind me.

'I have definitely changed,' was all I could think as I followed Quatre to my room, "I wonder if Duo knows what he's getting himself into…"