"Good Lord!" Father Mulcahy cried, staring at the object on the ground as it gave a feeble shudder. Some sort of a door in the front dropped open and an unidentifiable creature crawled out.

"It's an alien!"

"Oh my God!"

"Someone kill it!"

"No, don't do that!"

"They come in peace!"

"How d'you know?"

"Wait... look!"

Looking dazed, and irritated that someone had taped a pair of makeshift green alien antennae between his ears, the camp mutt barked once, wagged his tail, and trotted off into the darkness.

Everyone stared.

"PIERCE!" The collective roar rose so loudly it could have shattered a dozen windows, nurses and corpsman and officers and enlisted screeching their rage at Hawkeye. But the ravenhaired surgeon was nowhere to be seen.

Suddenly, atop the hill at the chopper pad, two small lights blazed into life, shining up into the black night sky and moving back and forth. A moment later a helicopter came into view, steered precariously in the darkness, and landed, just as the entire population of MASH 4077 flooded up the hill and charged like a herd of angry bulls at Hawkeye and Lieutenant Marcus, the chopper pilot, who were hanging off eachother and laughing fit to burst.

The two men were overtaken by the crowd, pummeled relentlessly by some and laughed at by others. After what seemed like every single man and woman out of the two hundred who resided in camp had had their say with Hawkeye and Lieutenant Marcus, BJ hefted Hawkeye off the ground and helped him back to the Swamp, but not after Hawkeye had recieved a hefty slap in the face from Margaret, who had then burst into a fit of unrestrained mirth.

Once back in their tent, Hawkeye collapsed onto his cot and faded into unconsciousness and the first real sleep he had had in over a week.

OOOOO

Hawkeye awoke almost two days later, and as he headed for the showers, several people congratulated him on how well-planned the whole scheme was. No one seemed to be permanently angered by his little joke, except maybe Frank. Even Colonel Potter had a good laugh.

Everyone had decided to leave up the traces of the aliens' visit. There was transparent green plastic over the lights that lit up the compound at night, which had obviously been very quickly applied in that short period of time after the lights went out and before Lieutenant Marcus had gone up in his helicopter. Purple exorcism marks were all over doors and tentposts. Also, the 'space ship' was on display in the Mess Tent. It was rather cleverly made in a saucer shape that made it float easily down from the helicopter like a frisbee. Its frame was made out of tongue depressors and the outside was a hospital sheet, with random phrases like "Best Care Anywhere" and "I've eaten a river of liver and an ocean of fish" and "I love making whoopee" painted on the side. A rope was tied to the top so it could hang from one of the capsules on the side of the choppers, with their 'alien' inside.

All in all, quite creative.

Frank had been furious when he discovered that the lights he saw were caused by Hawkeye scaling a lightpost with the aid of a ladder, and holding a metal Mess Tray above his head while Lieutenant Marcus shined a flashlight on it.

OOOOO

"Hawkeye... it's been great fun. Gimme a call anytime you're bored, alright?"

A neverending smile pasted on his face, Hawkeye shook the Lieutenant's hand and gave him a quick hug, laughing.

"I'll be sure to do that!"

There was a chorus of groans from behind him. With a last shake of Hawkeye's hand, William Marcus climbed into his helicopter and lifted off into the clear blue, waving as he left the camp behind.

OOOOO

"Colonel, I'm bored!"

Hawkeye stormed into Colonel Potter's office, and plopped down into a chair in front of the big wooden desk. Potter looked up and wrinkled his nose, setting down his pen, and sat back in his seat.

"Yes, Captain Pierce?"

"Colonel, I have a question for you," Hawkeye said, his face the very picture of innocence, "What do we do if..."

Potter reached beneath his desk and pulled out an old fashioned riding crop, rising halfway from his chair and brandishing it in Hawkeye's face.

"Do you want to finish that sentence, Pierce?"

The small piece of leather brushed against his forehead and Hawkeye got up very suddenly, heading for the door. Just as Colonel Potter sat down and restored the crop to its place under his desk, Hawkeye's ravenhaired head poked back into the office and he gave his best smile, inquiring

"Have you ever given a thought to rabid purple turtles? I've heard they're sweeping across the country faster than the North Kore- OKAY! OKAY!" he cried as the boot that slammed into the doorframe just barely missed the side of his head.

End.