Rebuilding Your Life in 10 Easy Steps

Part 6

A/N: I am very very very extremely sorry about the ungodly slow updates! I try, I really do…but as my '7 Habits of Highly Effective Teenagers' states: 'I try' is a pathetic excuse. -sigh-

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Buffy stood at the top of the stairs, trying to calm down. Christmas dinner. It had seemed like such a nice friendly thing a few hours ago. But now she would rather face exams in classes she didn't have than eat dinner. At least my dress is perfect…she thought glumly, looking down to survey herself. When she opened the box her mother had sent, she had been so thrilled about wearing this dress. Dusty red velvet, snowflake sparkles along the hem, slit on the side that went just high enough to be flirty without being overly sexy. The perfect dress.

"Buffy…" her eyes focused quickly on the bottom of the stairs where Spike stood, holding out his hand to her. She could tell that he liked her dress. The drooling was a kind of giveaway.

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"Such a nice dress…" he purred in her ear. She sat down on his bed and he followed, never seeming to detach from her.

"Thanks…" she murmured back. This was it. Everyone always told her that when she met 'the one' she would know. She would just know. She never believed them. Not till now. Because he was the one. She knew he was and couldn't explain how. She just knew.

"Spike," she whispered. This was how it had to be forever. She just…all she wanted…"Spike…I want you to be my first…" She didn't know how she expected him to react. Surprise…happiness…anything really. But not this. He leapt backwards and pressed himself against the wall as if she was suddenly a dangerous killer.

"You…you mean, eh, you…you're…" he stuttered, completely discombobulated and lost. Buffy turned to stare at him.

"Yes…" she replied slowly. He closed his eyes and shook his head.

"No, no. I can't. I can't do this Buffy. You don't…a guy like me…no."

"But Spike," she rose, tears starting to fill her eyes. This was not what was supposed to happen, "I…I love you." His eyes opened slowly and he looked at her with an almost bemused expression on his face.

"Thank you," he smiled sadly. Then he walked forward and embraced her tightly, "Thank you, Buffy. But all the more reason to wait a while."

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He rose slowly out of the chair he had been sitting in. Smiling at Buffy, sleeping on the bed, he slipped towards the door and opened it gently. A sliver of light shone on Buffy's face. She wrinkled her nose, then opened her eyes, just in time to see Spike exit. Frowning, she rose and, silently, followed him.

The pair walked all through the house, up stairways and down corridors until he reached a heavy wooden door. Producing a key from his pocket, he opened it slowly. Buffy peered confused at him but had to stifle a horrified gasp. There was a woman standing behind the door. A darkly gorgeous woman, with long dark hair and large, strange eyes.

"My Willy has come to visit me…" she murmured, a smile slowly curving her lips, "come now. Give us a hug."

Buffy's mouth hung open in dismay as Spike…her Spike!…leaned forward and hugged this stranger.

"I wouldn't leave you alone on Christmas…" he replied, and he entered, the door closing with a thud behind him.

Buffy didn't really remember running through the halls by the time she got back to the room. But with every footstep she heard the vicious little voice in her head. He doesn't care. He's using me. He never loved me.

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"Morning sweet." Buffy opened her eyes slowly. They burned into his back when he turned. How dare he…pretending nothing was wrong. Nothing had changed. When it had all gone to hell.

"Have a good sleep?" he asked giving her a smile. But instead of melting her heart like it usually did, her heart hardened. That bastard.

"Not really. I tossed and turned. I had the most terrible dream. You left."

"Bloody stupid dream," he shot over his shoulder, opening the curtains, "that would never happen." It was too much. Buffy sat up, seething with anger and hate.

"Cut it out Spike! I know! I saw her and you and the whole thing!" Spike stopped and turned slowly to look at her. Buffy continued her tirade, even angrier seeing his face, "So I'm just the warm-up girl huh? Someone to keep you busy until you get a chance to go see your real girlfriend? Is she more fun than me? Does she kiss you more lovingly than I can? Is she…" Buffy looked down and when she looked back up the tears were leaking out, "Is she why you won't say you love me?"

"Buffy-" he started towards her but Buffy looked away quickly and sniffed, trying to wipe some of her tears away.

"So…do you love her?" she asked, trying to sound nonchalant. Like her heart wasn't smashed and getting even more broken with every word.

"I do. With all my heart and soul."

"How long?"

"My entire life. I bet you've felt the same way Buffy," she started to nod to try and clear her head, "About a young girl." She stopped and stared at him.

"What?" Spike sighed and smiled a very melancholy smile at her.

"She's my sister, Buffy."

"Oh." She could feel the heat and color rising in her wet cheeks. Now she knew the true meaning of 'humiliation'. Desperately she searched for something to say so he wouldn't notice, "Why haven't I met her? Or even heard of her?" He opened his mouth and closed it again, trying to find a way to say what he needed to say. He put a hand to his forehead and finally decided on the most direct way he could.

"Drusilla is crazy, Buffy."

"Crazy? What do you mean-"

"I mean crazy! As in stark raving mad? Nuts?" She shrank away from him and Spike sighed, "I'm sorry, Buffy. It…it's painful. She's my older sister. She was always my best friend, even if I claimed differently. When Mom died…Dru was there. The doctors say it was a combination of the stress and grief that pushed her over the edge. She was always a little…weird."

"Spike…I'm so…" Buffy blew her nose on her sleeve and rushed forward to hug him. I can't believe this. I was so angry…and I had no reason to be. And I brought up a painful subject. God Spike, I'm so sorry.

"'S alright. Don't cry, luv. I can't bear it when you cry," he fondly wiped tears away. Buffy smiled through her hiccups. How could I have ever doubted him?

"I really do love you," she offered. He had to know. He smiled.

"I know you do, pet. I'm sorry if you feel bad that I can't say the same back. Hey, hey," he took her face in his hands when her eyes started welling up again, "hear me out. I can't say that I love you because I've seen so many guys who say it just to say it. Then it doesn't mean anything. I can tell you truly mean it when you say 'I love you'. I just want you to be able to be sure of the same thing when I say it. If it's any consolation…I care about you very, very much. And I feel that someday…I will be able to tell you. Just not today. Alright?" Buffy could feel the sincerity in his words and see it in his eyes clear as day. She smiled and nodded.

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"It was great meeting you," Buffy gave Liam a light hug and beamed at him. He returned the smile and kissed her hand.

"We shall meet again fair lady…perhaps then you will-" he noticed Spike standing behind him looking distinctly not amused, "eh…see you soon Buffy." She laughed and went on to say her goodbyes to Darla and Fred. Liam sighed and turned back to his cousin, "She's a good catch, Will. Just don't forget she's still a kid."

"What?" Spike was jerked out of his Buffy-daze to stare at his cousin, "how…how do you know that Buffy-"

"Calm down, cuz. Don't forget, I spend half my life guessing how old girls are," pausing, he glanced at Darla and raised his voice slightly, "that is, I did until I met my fairest goddess, Darla…" She shook her head almost imperceptibly. Liam sighed and directed his attention back to Spike.

"Thanks," Spike said quietly. No matter how wild or lecherous Liam acted…he was a good person. And he wouldn't tell anyone how young Buffy was.

"See you next year," with a grin, Liam embraced his cousin. A car pulled up the drive. "Ride's here!" he hollered toward Darla and Angel. They both said their last goodbye to Buffy and the rest of the group and the trio piled in.

"Well, I suppose Fred and I should be on our way," Wesley offered. Spike turned and looked at him. He was Wesley. A stupid little prick.

"It was nice seeing you," Spike offered and took a deep breath. Wesley stared at him in shock for a few moments trying to puzzle out what had just happened. Then he grinned widely.

"It was very nice seeing you as well," he stuck out his hand and Spike shook it, rather less reluctantly than he had expected.

"Goodbye," Fred smiled and allowed Spike to give her a quick hug. She really is a sweet girl, Spike thought grumpily. Soon they were both gone and it was just Buffy and Spike standing outside in the cold.

"That was fun," Buffy spoke first.

"No it wasn't," Spike disagreed, "I found out Wes isn't as big a wanker as I thought and I actually liked his girlfriend. It was a bloody terrible holiday."

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This one is a bit longer because I got kind of bored writing about the Giles family and I wanted to get away from them. Oh well…R/R