At long last the finish! Dedicato? No! Though there's still time... Thanks to everyone who reviewed and/or read this collaboration. We may do another, and don't be surprised if this one has an epilogue. :)

° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° °

Chapter 9 - Fate's Fickle Fortune Un-flushed

Previously on Natalie's Merchant...

"Well, Cap'ain, our reserve plasma relays are fused solid. We need some new ones...or some high-grade itonium."

°°°°°°°°°

"On behalf of the Secretary of Tourism and the Trendarian people: Welcome to Trendar! I'm sooooo happy to meet you!"

°°°°°°°°°

"We're in a real bad storm down here, Sub-commander."

°°°°°°°°°

Zapppp!

°°°°°°°°°

"You BLEEP-ing BLEEPS!!"

°°°°°°°°°

"Come on, Buggerov! Let's have a show then what!"

°°°°°°°°°

"Don't hurt him too badly, Travis... He's just defending- Good Lord! Travis! Travis??"

°°°°°°°°°

"OK, I want everybody down on the ground NOW!! Oh, man! Look at that butt-ugly ship!"

°°°°°°°°°

"Your bail has been posted. You're free to go."

°°°°°°°°°

"You came all this way to find me? Well, I must admit to being more than a little flattered, but I don't understand why."

°°°°°°°°°

"Smells like...Engineerin'."

°°°°°°°°°

And now the conclusion of...

Natalie's Merchant

An odd-looking monkey sat in an average-looking chair, staring down at his ordinary shoes. He was soon joined by another odd-looking monkey, who delicately bent and whispered in his ear. He nodded in agreement to something which seemed to satisfy odd-looking monkey #2, because she left, after which, odd-looking monkey #1, aka Jonathan Archer, waited.

°°°°°°°°°

The decision had not been an easy one to make, but the facts were irrefutable: Plumpy was a veritable itonium factory.

"Just what are you trying to say?" he squawked incredulously. (He also flapped incredulously, but his impromptu perch in the doctor's sickbay was less than steady, so he thought it best to limit any future dismay to noises only.)

Phlox, recently returned from his subterranean adventure, searched for the most agreeable language possible - a difficult task considering the subject matter and the delicate nature of the translations involved.

"Ahhh, yes," he said. "Well, it seems that your vacation spot, as it were, contains large deposits of the mineral, itonium!"

"And?"

"That is why communications were so difficult," T'Pol quietly explained to Captain Archer. "It is also, I believe, the reason for your equipment failure."

"Since when does itonium cause problems like that?"

"Since always," she continued. "Generally, the mineral is found only in limited amounts, so the effects are negligible. However, the concentration levels in this particular part of Natalie II are significantly higher than normal."

"All extremely fascinating, to be sure," Brim grumped. "But that still doesn't explain to me just exactly why in the name of all that's decent and proper you feel it necessary to examine my-"

"Mr. Plumpy," Phlox interrupted. "You have the most amazing digestive tract!"

"Thanks?"

"You see, your enzymes do naturally what takes us years of expensive and painstaking processing. Your digestive system, and I dare say the digestive systems of most, if indeed not all Chalopans, possesses the unique ability to refine itonium!"

"99.999% pure," T'Pol added. "That is the highest quality I have ever seen."

"But I told you three times already," Brim puffed. "It's just not possible! I haven't eaten any of your fancy rocks!"

"I...understand your confusion," the captain nodded. "In fact, I share it."

"The level of concentration is such that it permeates the soil," T'Pol told them. "Every living thing in that area contains traces of it."

"Nuts!" Plumpy scoffed.

"Exactly!" Phlox chimed.

"What? Ohhhh," he said, finally getting it. "Though still, how would you feel if I followed you around with a funnel and a baggy? Waiting for nature to take its course? Hmmm? How would you like that??"

Without regard for life or wing, he flapped his disgust.

"Well, we probably wouldn't be too happy about it," Archer sympathized. "But then again, our... 'waste' has no value."

"It's not worth a squat," T'Pol said flatly, after which both Jonathan and Phlox nearly threw a circuit breaker trying to decide whether they'd just heard her say that until she explained, calmly and more flatly, how the 'squat' was the base unit of the Chalopan currency system, unlike the 'bundle', which was at the top, and "I believe that ultimately your droppings will prove to be...quite valuable."

"Just, uh, how valuable are we talking about?" Brim perked.

She was about to answer when the party was interrupted by Commander Tucker, fresh from engineering.

"It's the real deal, Cap'ain," he grinned. "As soon as we manage to collect enough...stuff, I can start rebuilding the relays."

"Just how much will you need?" Archer asked.

"I don't know."

"Take a guess."

"It's hard to say..."

"Estimate."

"I'd really need my calculator."

"Guess-ti-mate," Jonathan furrowed. "That's an order."

"Ok, well... A hundred liters? That oughta get us started..."

The captain looked at Trip, then everyone in turn looked at Plumpy.

"I'll try my best," he said.

"···"

"···"

"···" (flatly)

"I appreciate your...spirit," Archer nodded, "but I...think we may need to try other avenues."

"What exactly do you have in mind?"

°°°°°°°°°

Jooly Damp had just finished filling out the Schedule 625B Department Secretary Executive Replacement Chair requisition form, when Nansy Pickles appeared suddenly in the doorway. At first quite startled, she soon rushed to hug.

"Oh, Nansy! Are you alright? It must have been awful!"

"I'm fine!" she smiled broadly. "These things happen."

"I heard about your coat..."

"Mm-hm," she hemmed, tight-lipped. "It was irreplaceable..."

"I'm terribly sorry."

Nansy sighed deeply.

"I know," she said, then changing the subject, "Soooo how are you doing? And who was that I saw kissing Doctor Necessiter on the cover of The Suns?"

"Well," Jooly said coyly. She then held up an irrelevant piece of paper so as to nonchalantly display a very relevant ring.

"Oh my God! Jooly!" Nansy screamed. "I'm sooooo happy for you! When did this happen?!"

"It was quite sudden," she said. "It's all been such a blur!"

"I didn't even know you two were an item!"

"Neither did we," Jooly laughed. "It just sort of... Well, I mean, I've always thought that Iam was, you know, cute, but- I guess we owe it all to you, really!"

"Me?"

"Yes," Jooly said. "Your...unfortunate run in with the aliens seemed to ignite things, you know?"

"I don't," Nansy grinned blankly.

"It's just that...we both were so worried about you, then when we found out you were ok, we both were equally relieved. The resulting highs and lows sort of built up the emotional charge which must have been underlying all along."

"How romantic," Nansy blinked. "Soooooooo, when's the happy day?"

"The 43rd."

"The 43rd??" she gasped. "God, Jooly, that's next Sartreday!"

"I know!" she replied. "I'll barely have time to find my dress!"

"You are wearing black, aren't you? I mean, you deserve to."

"You're sweet!" Jooly demurred. "I am."

"Who's, uhh, going to be your Best Maid?" Nansy asked expectantly.

"Well, you know, it's funny you should ask that, because, uhh, Iam and I talked about that very thing this morning, right before you got here as a matter of fact, yes, and I lobbied for you, Nansy, I did, but really, you know how Iam is about family..."

"Glynis?"

"Hmm? Ohhh. Yes! Glynis! Of course!" Jooly sputtered. "But I do want you to be Second-Best... If you're up for it?"

"Certainly," Nansy smiled graciously. "I'd love to! I'm just soooooo happy for you!"

This crescendo was followed by more hugs and a few sniffles, as the two shared a moment.

"I just hope we're doing the right thing," Jooly said finally. "Sometimes I wish we could have taken things much more slowly. You know, like you and Goff..."

"Mm-hm," Nansy clenched.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

"No, it's alright."

"Have you two... I mean, has he- ?"

"Not a peep."

"Well, you know, Goff is the quiet type," Jooly said. "Maybe you have to nudge him a bit."

"I've tried that."

"You weren't too subtle, were you?" she asked. "You know how men are."

Nansy drew in a deep breath and promptly crossed her arms.

"It was about a month ago," she began. "I said, 'What do you think about marriage?' He said, 'I think it's a lovely institution.' I said, 'Do you think you'll ever get married?' He said, 'Oh yes. Someday.' I said, 'Do you think we'll ever get married?'"

"You didn't!"

"I did."

"What did he say?"

"He didn't say anything. He just made this sort of gurgling sound and turned pale... Well, more pale."

"Oh dear..."

"BLEEP-er," she muttered.

"Maybe he's just not ready, you know?" Jooly shrugged. "How long have you two been seeing each other?"

"Three years, eight months, and fourteen days."

"Oh," said Jooly. "Well, he was quite brave in his Section 4, though, you have to admit."

"Yes, he was, wasn't he?" Nansy smiled.

"I would have loved to have seen that!"

"Jooly!"

"Well, I would have!" she admitted. "Was it a good fight?"

"Not really," Nansy said. "I mean, you know how Goff is with his Thrashing... I almost felt sorry for that idiot alien! The fight lasted two seconds, tops!"

"Speaking of the aliens," Jooly said. "I wonder how Iambard is doing?"

"God, don't tell me those people are still here!"

"I believe they are. Iam said they'd found a source of that stuff they'd been looking for, then he said their captain asked him if he wouldn't mind helping them contact the Chalopan embassy."

"I wonder what those goons would want with them?"

Jooly shrugged.

°°°°°°°°°

High above and one hour later, Captain Archer, his dog, and his science officer walked briskly down the corridor towards the shuttle bay.

"I just got a call from Doctor Necessiter," he said. "The Chalopan High Council has granted us a meeting."

"That is good news," she said. "Lieutenant Reed has the landing party assembled. They are all waiting for you in the bay."

"Alright," he said. "You have the ship until we get back. Oh, and thanks for doing those quarterly crew evaluation reports yesterday."

"You are welcome."

"So what exactly happened between you and Admiral Forrest?"

"I simply did as he requested and finished your reports in time for his presentation."

"He said you wrote them in Vulcan?"

"Since none of the reports had been completed," she explained, "and since Admiral Forrest seemed to be in a hurry, I chose to complete the forms in my native language...to save time."

Captain Archer stopped short in front of the shuttle bay doors and looked her squarely in the eyes.

"I can understand that part," he squinted. "But the admiral told me you wrote them in Ancient Vulcan. He said their translator wouldn't work, and he had to ask Soval for help."

There was a long and heavy silence.

"Ok, well, whatever," Archer said, bending to pet Porthos. "Just, from now on, do everything in English."

T'Pol nodded.

"Oh, and one more thing," he remembered. "Trip said his sensors reported some unusual water consumption on your deck. Have you noticed any leaks?"

"No."

"Well, keep your eyes open."

"Certainly," she said. "May I ask how many kilos of nuts you plan to deliver to the Chalopans?"

"Enough to get things...moving," he said. "I guess..."

"Is that another euphemism?"

"Yes."

"May I ask why you seem uncomfortable with the Chalopan digestive processes?"

"Well, in less than forty-eight hours, I'm scheduled to go before the Chalopan High Council, present them with how ever many nuts we collect this morning, then ask if they would distribute them among the population on the condition that the participants save their crap for a few weeks so that Trip can fix his relays."

"And?"

"Just watch the ship until we get back."

"How long do you think the harvesting will take?"

"Well, with Plumpy's help," he guessed, "no more than four hours... Assuming he remembers where the trees were and providing we don't get hit by another storm."

"I will try to warn you if one is approaching."

"Much appreciated," he smiled. "Come on, boy."

Porthos barked.

°°°°°°°°°

Porthos stared.

"Quit it."

Porthos stared.

"I told you... I don't have any cheese!"

Porthos stared and wagged his tail.

Malcolm looked the other way.

Suddenly, a strong gust of wind rocked the shuttle pod, lifting it up a good meter before rudely returning it to the ground. It landed with a thud, a bark, a few choice swear words, and a series of irritated...squawks.

"I say, Bugg-, err... Lieutenant Reed! Why do you humans have such poorly designed craft?"

"I haven't the foggiest," he grumped. "I'm just the armoury officer."

"Still..."

Less than an hour after reaching Natalie II, the landing/nut-gathering party had been caught in a storm that was reasonably similar to the one the day before, the only real difference being that this one was much, much worse.

"Listen, just how long do these 'monsoons' last?" Malcolm asked, changing the subject.

"Some for days on end!" Plumpy chirped merrily.

"God."

"What's the matter, Reedy?" he asked. "You don't mind if I call you Reedy do you? Lieutenant Reed seems so formal, what? Whereas Reedy... Reedy has such a nice ring to it! Reedy! Reedy!"

"I don't rightly care what you call me," Malcolm fumed. "So long as you do it quietly."

"Alright," Brim squawked lightly. "Reedy, Reedy."

Outside, the rain suddenly turned to hail the size of bowling balls. Fortunately for all concerned, the reference was to Chalopan bowling balls, so in actuality, the stones were quite small.

"Reedy? Where's the rest of the crew? Reedy, Reedy!"

"I imagine they are once more holed up in the cave," he sighed. "Lucky sods."

"What was that, Reedy?" Brim asked. "Reedy?"

"I said they are probably in the cave."

"No, the other thing, Reedy!" the bird clarified. "What's a sod?"

"Well, it's a, umm..."

"Y-e-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s?"

Just then Malcolm's communicator went beep, and he gratefully answered it.

"This is Reedy- oh bloody hell," he cringed, then taking a slow, deep breath, "This is Reed."

"Lieutenant?"

"Sorry, Sub-commander," he said. "This is Lieutenant Reed. Go ahead."

"What is your status?"

"Is that T'Pol?"

"I am currently trap- er... I mean, I am currently taking shelter in the shuttle pod with our guest. Another storm came up, and we were separated from the rest of the party."

"Tell her I said hello!"

"How many kilograms of nuts have you collected so far?" she asked.

"Reedy?"

"Listen, will you please be quiet??"

"Lieutenant?"

"I'm sorry, Sub-commander."

"Tell her I said hello!"

"Mr. Plumpy says-"

"I heard him," she said. "Tell him that I said hello in return."

"Did you hear her?" he asked the bird.

"Yes! Tell her that I-"

"You can talk to her yourself when I'm finished," Malcolm gritted. "If you don't mind?"

"Alright, Reedy!"

"Reedy?" she crackled.

"Reedy-Reed Reedy!" Brim confirmed.

Malcolm slumped.

"Lieutenant?"

"Go ahead, Sub-commander," he sighed.

"How many kilos of nuts have you collected so far?" she repeated.

"Four large barrels' worth," he said. "I'm not sure of the weight."

"Very well."

"Um, Sub-commander? The captain said that you were planning to warn us of any and all approaching storms..."

"Yes."

"May I ask why you didn't?"

"Apparently the storms origi... at ex... of the terr...," T'Pol said statically. "There was n.. way to ...dict them, at ...east none th... our sens... coul... dete-"

"You're breaking up," Reed yelled, but it was too late. He closed the communicator and his eyes and enjoyed about a second of peace before:

"Back to just you and me, Reedy!" Brim banged. "And Porthos! We mustn't forget Porthos! Por-r-r-t-h-o-s-s!"

Porthos perked at his name then quickly returned to his comfy curl.

"Drat!" the bird remembered suddenly. "I never did get to thank T'Pol for the Vulcan Meditation Salts."

(He didn't want to... He tried not to... But finally...)

"What the devil are Vulcan Meditation Salts?"

"Well, Reedy-Reed... As far as I can tell, they are very similar to regular bath salts, the main difference being the name, 'Vulcan Meditation Salts', which makes them a hundred times more valuable! Hee!"

"We don't have baths on Enterprise! What would she be doing with such a thing?"

"Say that again, Reedy!"

"Say what again?"

"Bahhthz!"

"Baths."

"Ha!"

"I'm glad you're amused," Malcolm sneered. "Regardless, why did T'Pol give you Vulcan Meditation Salts?"

"She didn't have a squat to her name, Reedy!" Brim said. "Say 'bahhthzzz' again!"

"No. She didn't have a- ? Why did T'Pol give you the Salts?"

"I needed something to bail you out with, didn't I, Reedy? I don't know how things work where you come from, but around here you don't just get out of jail free!"

"You bailed us out with bath salts??"

"Bahhth!" Brim mocked. "Ha!"

"···"

"Ooo! I didn't know humans could change colors!" the bird exclaimed. "Can you do purple??"

"I can in a few more minutes," Reed clenched. "You bailed us out with bath salts?"

"Ha! Noooo! Don't be ridiculous!"

"How did you bail us out then?"

"Credit card."

"You have a credit card??"

"Two," he squawked. "Why does that surprise you?"

"I- You- Grrbbb! Where do the bloody bath salts fit in the picture??"

"It was a trade, Reedy-Reed," Plumpy said. "Economics wasn't your strongest subject, was it? You did go to school, didn't you, Reedy? Reedy?"

"Yes."

"Speaking of learning things, Reedy!" he continued. "I was looking through your database earlier!"

"What of it?"

"I was looking particularly at your games!"

"And?"

"Do you perchance know how to play...checkers??"

"They're not checkers, they're-"

"Yes? Yes??"

Malcolm's eyes narrowed into two tiny slits.

"Not checkers, but-t-t-t-t?" Brim prompted. "Come on..."

"Alright, who put you- ?"

"Reedy?"

"Never mind," Malcolm said. "I suppose he put you up to this 'Reedy' business as well?"

"Hee!"

"Right."

"Where are you going, Reedy?" Brim asked as Malcolm stood smartly up.

"Well, first, I'm going to open the hatch," he said as he pushed the button.

"Reedy?"

"Then, I'm going to run across that field, through the woods, and into the cave," he said as a torrent of wind and rain blew inside the shuttle.

"Reedy??"

"THEN, I am going to commit murder upon one Commander Charles Tucker the LAST."

"Lahhhst! Ha!"

Malcolm closed his eyes, drew a calming breath, then bolted head first into the storm.

"Bring me back some fresh nuts!" Brim yelled. "Reedy-Red-Reedy!!"

°°°°°°°°°

Twenty or so small, angry birds perched high in a large, indifferent tree. They were in the middle of an emergency meeting that Carl had called to determine what action, if any, should be taken in response to the recent spate of nut thefts. At times quite heated, what with the raging storm and everything, they finally decided that the culprits were indeed those damned tall monkeys, and "Are we just going to sit here like a bunch of shuttlecocks while these foreigners come in and take our food???"

"Noooooo!!" they all tweeted angrily, followed by Jack whistling at the top of his lungs, "Look! The rock's opening up!"

With this, they all peered down at the mysterious rock in the meadow, just as one of the evil, nut-stealing monkeys sprang evilly from it.

"Why, there's one of the bastards now!" Carl shrieked. "What say you, Jim?"

"Aye."

"What say you, Gary?"

"Aye."

"All in favor, then?"

There was a collective, "Aye!", at which point Carl tweeted, "So be it!"

Then, puffing himself up into a feathery, bellicose ball, he whistled quite loudly:

"ATTACK!!!"

With this command, the twenty or so small birds took to the air and descended upon the not-quite-as-tall-as-all-that monkey, who promptly ducked, screamed, and flailed the suddenly agressive air.

Inside the shuttle pod, Brim reacted quickly. He immediately flapped up and closed the hatch, then he squarely pecked the comm button.

"I say! Enterprise!"

"This is Enterprise."

"Ahh! T'Pol! I wanted to thank you for the Vulcan Mediation Salts!"

"I trust you were able to sell them for a reasonable sum?"

"Yes, yes!" he said. "The lady at Pier 4 Imports was quite pleased. She also asked when she might expect another shipment?"

"I imagine it will be quite some time before we return to this sector," T'Pol crackled flatly.

"Too bad," Brim sighed. "I don't suppose there are any supply ships that travel regularly in this direction?"

"None of which I am aware," she said.

"Darn."

"Was there anything else?"

"Hmm? No, not really... Oh, wait! Yes! Your Lieutenant Reed is being attacked by, umm... a plague of small, angry birds."

"Pardon?"

"Does your shuttle pod have some kind of horn that I could blow?" he asked. "I'm sure that would scare them off."

"Did you say that Lieutenant Reed is being attacked by birds?"

"Small ones, yes."

"What is he doing outside the shuttle pod?"

"Some kind of odd dance," Brim muttered as he squinted through the window.

"No," T'Pol crackled firmly. "Why is he outside the shuttle pod?"

"He said something about going to murder Commander Tucker..."

"···"

"How about a spot light?" the bird asked. "Does this 'ship' of yours have one of those? That would probably scare them off as well."

"Did you say," T'Pol asked calmly, "that Lieutenant Reed was going to murder Commander Tucker?"

"That's what he said."

"Did you notice anything unusual about him before he left?"

"Well, he did change colors."

"To what color did he change?"

"Red," Brim said. "Is that unusual?"

There was a moment of silence.

"Not particularly."

"I see... Oh, jolly good! He appears to be fighting his way back to the shuttle pod!" Plumpy said, hopping up and down in front of the window.

"Yoo-Hoo!" he flapped excitedly. "Reedy-Reed! Hurry, Reedy, hurry!!"

"What is happening?" T'Pol asked.

"He's stopped."

"Are the birds still attacking him?"

"Viciously."

"Mister Plumpy," T'Pol said firmly. "If it is not already, open the hatch and let him in."

"I would," Brim said. "But he seems to have changed his mind for some reason. He's running in the opposite direction."

"Wh... wo..ld t.. te.. .im to st.. .nd turn b... to the p.d?" she cracked.

"I'm sorry," he squawked. "Couldn't understand a word you said. Oh! He's made it to the trees, and it looks like... It looks like the birds are retreating..."

"P..don?"

"Or regrouping," Plumpy shrugged.

"D... t.. th... ov.. h.s f....................." T'Pol probably said, but Brim could in no way be sure since the signal had failed completely. He shook his head at the comm, then did the same to the rest of the pod.

"How did they ever manage to get this far out in space?" he asked Porthos.

Porthos didn't know, or if he did, he wasn't talking.

°°°°°°°°°

Doctor-Secretary Iambard Necessiter stepped lightly through the door of his outer office, so lightly, in fact, that his Jooly didn't notice, and, before she had a chance to, he swept down upon her and planted a big, loud smooch on her neck, causing alarm, followed by surprise, followed by laughter, followed by a bit more smooching, until finally:

"You have got to go look in your office!" Jooly giggled.

"My office? Why?"

"Just go look!" she coaxed.

He did as she said.

"Sweet heavens!" he exclaimed from the other room. "Who rearranged my desk? Did you do this?"

"No," she said joining him. "Guess who did!"

"I have no idea," Iam said. "Would you just look at that stapler! And the Paste-It notes... Would would've have thought?"

"Well, Darling, your desk was rearranged by none other than the one and only-"

"Oskar Pickles!"

"I thought you had no idea!"

"It had to be," he said. "Just look how my inbox casts a shadow line on the paperweight! Classic Pickles."

"It is quite lovely, isn't it?"

"What on Trendar brought him by?" Iambard asked. "And what was he doing in here?"

"He came looking for Nansy," Jooly told him. "He wanted to take her out to lunch since she'd been having such an awful week."

"Ah!"

"When he arrived," she continued. "Nansy and I were on your computer looking at wedding dresses. He just popped in, took one look at your desk, shook his head, and went to work."

"How long did he take?"

"Not five minutes!" she said. "Can you believe that?"

"Amazing."

"He was going to do mine, but he was too worn out. He promised to come back sometime though."

"I can't believe I missed him," Necessiter said. "And all because of those Sun Flower people..."

"Starfleet," she corrected. "Did you finally get them taken care of?"

"I certainly hope so!" he said. "But either way, they've finally left orbit."

"Thank goodness," Jooly sighed.

"You can say that again," Iam agreed. "Say! Go sit in my chair so I can take your picture with the desk!"

"Alright," she said, after which she moved carefully behind and squeaked delicately down in his chair.

"Lovely!" Necessiter focused. "Now say, umm... Uhhh.... Oh, what is that dairy product that they always tell people to eat on these occasions?"

"Cheese, Darling," she squeaked.

"Indeed."

°°°°°°°°°

The odd-looking monkey named Archer slumped in his chair. He had been waiting on the Chalopan High Council for three hours and was none too happy. But it wasn't like he had a choice.

At long last, the tiny doors opened, and three elderly birds waddled out onto what looked like a long table. They all bowed, then they each hopped upon the three ceremonial perches before them, after which, the bird on the highest perch spoke.

"We're terribly sorry to have kept you waiting, uhh, Captain Archer, is it?" the bird said.

"No problem," he said. "Yes, I am Captain Jonathan Archer of the starship Enterprise."

"Very good," the middle bird said. "Now, what can we do for you?"

"The people of Earth bring greetings to the peop-, er... the birds of Chalopy," Archer said. "We are explorers, and we welcome this opportunity to make first contact."

"Excellent!" the middle bird chirped. "We are always pleased to meet new species, regardless of their flying ability. We don't discriminate here, you know."

"I appreciate that, uh, Mister...?"

"Oh, my sincerest apologies Captain!" the middle bird said. "I am Potentate Tim Wiffle, to my right is High Juxtapost Glim Frootsnak, and lastly, to my left is Ranger Mim Hue."

The Potentate again bowed, as did the other two birds.

"So," said Tim. "Tell us a little about Earth."

And the captain did just that, as the two species took the time to become better acquainted with each other. Finally, though, Jonathan got down to the business.

"We recently visited your neighbor, Trendar," the captain began. "We went there looking for some...spare parts. We didn't find any, but we managed to run across some raw materials."

"Yes," Mim squawked. "Do go on."

"If you will allow me," Archer said. "I have a sample of the materials in question."

"Certainly!" the potentate gestured.

With that, the captain got his communicator and called Hoshi, who quickly appeared with bowl in hand and bird on shoulder. Oddly enough - at least from the captain's perspective - the bird, Brim Plumpy, was carrying a small briefcase.

"Gentle, uh, birds, please allow my to introduce Ensign Hoshi Sato and-"

"Brim," Brim said, taking the briefcase from his beak. "Brim Plumpy."

"A pleasure to meet you both," Tim said, then turning to Brim, "Are you their lawyer?"

"No, Potentate Wiffle," he said. "I am but a humble merchant from Natalie, having migrated there some seventeen years ago. Hoshi, if you would..."

Hoshi nodded and placed the bowl before the council members. Brim hopped down and jumped up on one of the guest perches.

"Thank you, Hoshie," he bowed. "The purpose of my return visit is to help my newly found friends and to establish a special trading venture between Trendar and Chalopy. I believe this venture will benefit everyone involved!"

The three dignitaries nodded and smiled then looked into the bowl.

"They appear to be nuts," Mim said, adjusting his tiny spectacles.

"That's because they are."

"I, for one, enjoy nuts," Tim mused. "But we have plenty here already."

"Not like these," Brim said. "Try one!"

Tim made his selection, then, after a good bit of effort, he defeated the shell and promptly dispatched the meat inside.

"Delicious!" he exclaimed. "Mim, Glim, you two should try some of these!"

They did, then Tim asked, "I wonder why they're so tasty?"

"They contain trace amounts of itonium!" Brim chirped.

Tim, Glim, and Mim all stopped mid-chew.

"Isn't that, uh, something we should be concerned about?" Mim mumbled.

Captain Archer quickly spoke.

"Our doctor has conducted many tests on Mister Plumpy here," he said. "The itonium is harmless."

"Yet valuable," Brim added. "Especially when it's refined."

"And just how do you refine it?" Mim asked.

Jonathan sighed deeply.

"Funny thing about that," he began.

"One moment, Captain," Brim interrupted.

"Sure."

With a click and a click, Plumpy opened his small brief case and withdrew some tiny documents. He then placed them in front of the three Chalopans.

"What," Tim inquired, "is all this?"

"Just a standard non-disclosure agreement," Brim smiled. "I have to protect my patent rights!"

"Well, I don't know..."

"Oh, come on!" Brim goaded. "Don't be chicken!"

This universal insult had its desired effect: each of the birds promptly signed the tiny pages.

"Alright, we've seen your nuts, so to speak; we've signed your papers... Now, tell us," Tim flapped. "What is this refining process? Captain Archer? You were about to say?"

"Yeah..." Archer hemmed. "Ok, well... It's like this:"

°

the end


°