Chapter 1 – Her Name
"Kira, and Ms. Clyne! Glad you came!"
Sai Argyle was all smiles when he found out who knocked on his door were. He eagerly showed them inside his apartment, a large, spacious home thankfully paid for by his rich parents. Inside were the people invited by Sai to celebrate the publication of his book on the C.E. 71 war.
Cheerful Lacus was the first to enter, followed shortly by Kira, whose quiet expression made it seem like he was hiding behind Lacus. Both wore casual clothes, though Lacus' was more brightly colored, while Kira's darker choice of color seemed to reflect his current state of mind. Nevertheless, Sai warmly welcomed them.
"Congratulations, Mr. Argyle," Lacus said, shaking his hand, her tone formal and at the same time, sincere. Raised by a wealthy, high social status family, she had been taught proper etiquette. She continued, "You deserve to be praised for your work."
"Thank you, and please, call me Sai," he replied, exerting the same courtesy, "I just hope that this will shed a new light on the war last year, to help the people realize that its brutalities were nonsensical, yet at the same time, praise all those who have worked hard to achieve peace between Naturals and Coordinators. This, I hope, shall also speed up the peace negotiations."
Kira was momentarily surprised, and his eyes narrowed, fixed on Sai, he asked, "That was your true intention, behind this book?"
"Yes," Sai answered with a sad smile, "We've had enough of this war, and this is the least I could do in order to avoid any more needless tragedies."
Kira's eyes did not leave Sai's expression as he spoke. It seemed to waver and his despite the orange-tinted glasses, he could see that his eyes seemed to shake. He guessed that there might be something more to this, and was about to ask again, when Sai said, "Please excuse me, I should attend to the other guests."
He left with a slight bow and headed off to meet the others. Kira could not tell this time why he left, whether if it was truly because of the guests, or if it was because he sensed his piercing gaze.
"Come on, Kira," Lacus said, her voice almost trembling with excitement, "Let's meet the others."
She pulled him towards the crowd, and Kira was somehow compelled to follow. Some of the people there were unfamiliar to the couple, though they all knew who Kira Yamato and Lacus Clyne were and as they passed, they all received greetings and well-wishes. Lacus politely received them all with her sincerest thanks, while Kira just replied with a nod or a short wave of the hand.
"Kira, Lacus! Over here!"
They turned to where the call came from. At a corner of the room, were Athrun and Cagalli, longtime friends of Kira and Lacus. Cagalli was waving at them, motioning them to come over.
"Hello! Long time no see!" Lacus greeted, hugging both Athrun and Cagalli tightly. Kira just made a small smile and nodded at them.
Athrun saw Kira's odd behavior and asked him, "Are you feeling well, Kira?"
Kira made no effort to reply, but Lacus did it for him. "Kira's feeling a bit under the weather lately."
Cagalli saw the concern in Lacus' eyes when she took a glance at Kira and instinctively realized that that wasn't all to Lacus' excuse.
"Really?" Athrun said in return, raising a brow, "Well, I know the two of you have wanted some time to talk, so why don't I just take Kira to the bar over there and have us a little drink."
Cagalli smirked. "But, Athrun, you're only seventeen years old. You're a year too young to be able to drink. So is Kira."
"Oh yeah, I forgot," Athrun replied, chuckling, "Well, we'll get Kira something. See you ladies later!"
With a forceful shove, he pushed Kira away from Lacus and Cagalli. Kira did not even make an effort to move against Athrun; he just simply allowed himself to be pushed. Athrun made one final wave to the girls before he left with Kira, who just made another nod. They soon disappeared into the crowd.
Lacus heaved a heavy sigh. Feeling her anxiety, Cagalli put her hand on her shoulder and said, "You know, Athrun is right, I've wanted to talk to you. Come, follow me to the balcony. We'll get some fresh air."
Lacus smiled and nodded in reply, though it seemed to Cagalli that just smiling already seemed like an effort for her. Nevertheless, she accompanied her to the balcony of Sai's apartment, away from the crowd and into the silence of the night.
High above the ground, Sai's balcony apartment provided a most beautiful view of the city of Orb. The buildings, varying in size and shape, were illuminated with the brightest of lights, and vehicles zipped along the highways like fireflies. The sky above was adorned with the stars and the moon itself, seemingly the centerpiece, while cruisers and ships streaked across the skies.
Lacus was held in its splendor and could not help but be momentarily spellbound. Cagalli came up to her and said, "I know, it's hard to believe that it was once ravaged by the Earth Alliance's attack back in C.E 71, but just as our hopes for a peaceful world keep rising, so shall the reparation of Orb."
"In truth, I've never been anywhere other than the Plants and the orphanage," Lacus confessed, taking her eyes off the view, "By just looking at the city, it's quite obvious that you're doing remarkably well as the new leader of this country."
"It wasn't just me," Cagalli replied, "Everyone's been supportive of me, and it's a good thing that a lot of the people here share the same sentiments of peace between the Naturals and Coordinators. Hopefully, it'll be soon that we shouldn't have to divide the human race into two classes."
"And Athrun?" Lacus asked, a bit hesitantly, though Cagalli failed to become aware of this.
"Athrun…well, Athrun has been also very supportive, helping me think through things, helping me make the right decisions…well, in short, I appreciate him by just being there for me whenever I need someone to confide to," Cagalli replied, seemingly getting lost in her words, "You know men, they aren't really expressive of their feelings, but with Athrun, by just talking to him, by just being with him, I can feel totally relaxed, and I can feel like I can let go of my responsibilities even for a short time, and just be myself."
Cagalli was about to say more when she noticed that Lacus had become sullen. She then said, "Oh…I'm sorry, Lacus, I didn't mean to…"
"It's okay, really," Lacus replied, forcing a smile, "It's nice to hear that you and Athrun are getting along so well."
"Lacus…" Cagalli said, hearing the forced cheerfulness in her voice, and, taking a stern tone in hers, she replied, "You can drop the act."
Lacus was startled.
"I know you're hurting inside, Lacus. I know that Kira's been acting strangely lately, since you wrote me that e-mail. You don't have to be so formal with me, this isn't the war, you know," Cagalli replied, taking her hand, "This isn't where you'll have to force a smile or be pokerfaced just so that everyone around you can be comfortable and confident about themselves."
Lacus was at a loss of words. She could feel her defenses breaking.
"If there's anything I've learned from Kira, it's that you can't fight with only just your emotions, your feelings. Sometimes, you'll have to truly take a stand and find out what the hell's going on," Cagalli continued, her voice unyielding, "And Lacus…keeping it inside, where it hurts the most, is not going to help. You yourself will have to take a stand and if that's not possible, then look for help."
Facing her and looking at her square in the eyes, she finished, "You can count on me. If my little brother's been a jerk to you, then I promise you, I'll kick his ass to Kingdom come!"
Moments passed, and finally, Lacus made a small smile, and at last, Cagalli saw that this one was not just a façade. She said, "Little? Don't you mean big brother?"
Cagalli almost tore her blond hair out in frustration. "What?! Not you too, Lacus!"
Lacus giggled, and said, "I'm just joking, Cagalli…and thank you…Yes, I'll talk about it, about Kira."
"Well, that's better," she said, grinning. "From what you wrote, he's been awfully quiet, and doesn't seem to talk to anybody, not even you, right?"
"Yes," she replied, sadly, "And even now, I don't have the slightest clue what brought such a behavior in him. I was happy when he said that he was going with me to this party, and I'd hoped that that was just it, he missed his old friends, but…well, you can see now that other than not talking now, he's also added nodding quietly to his list of actions."
"Can you think of anything that could have lead to him acting like this?" Cagalli asked, "Maybe it was something either one of you did."
Lacus frowned, thinking hard, and after a moment, she replied, "No…no, I don't think so. We were living very quiet, peaceful lives. We did the same chores required of us in the orphanage, same things day in and day out."
Cagalli smirked, and said, "Maybe it was that, maybe he got bored to death."
Lacus was a bit outraged, but relaxed as soon as she realized Cagalli was being sarcastic. She replied, "Oh, of course not, I'm sure of it. He enjoyed this kind of work, nothing too harsh, nothing too easy, and he was among kids, and he had a good relationship with them. I remember him smiling at the time…he was even laughing when…"
Cagalli noted that her voice was lined with sadness, regret, and reminiscence and Lacus smiled warmly as she talked about her life with Kira before he changed. She kept on and on, enumerating each thing that they did together, each laugh they shared, just about everything in their life together as a couple on the island orphanage.
And as Lacus was about to end, Cagalli asked her, "You really love him, don't you?"
Lacus stopped short when Cagalli asked her question, and she fell quiet, turning slightly away from her. After a while, she shyly nodded.
"I can't believe you're still so shy about it after living with him in a desolate island for almost a year!" Cagalli exclaimed, "You're technically on a permanent honeymoon living there."
"Cagalli!" Lacus shouted back, her face absolutely red with embarrassment.
She giggled loudly, replying, "I'm kidding, Lacus! Don't get so flustered."
Lacus pouted, as Cagalli waited for her to calm down. After a few moments, she wondered, "Now…I wonder what could be wrong with Kira?"
As soon as Lacus was about to reply to Cagalli's question, a resounding crash emanated from inside the apartment, followed by a sudden, deafening hush. There was no sound, and no movement from within the room. Lacus and Cagalli were curious, so they went back inside.
Walking through a still, quiet crowd, they realized as they neared the center of the crowd, some sound grew louder, stronger. They all seemed to watch some kind of spectacle, and whatever was happening was causing a ruckus. They continued walking.
"Excuse me, um, please, I need to go through…" Lacus' voice trailed off, and she was stopped dead in her tracks. She had reached the center before Cagalli, and she was shocked by what she beheld, even more so than the crowd around her.
"Lacus? Why'd you stop…what the…Kira?!" Cagalli was just as stupefied.
Kira, once quiet and sullen, who never invoked a single emotion, now wore a mask of utter anger, growling like an enraged animal, as he throttled Kuzzey Buzzkirk, one of his old friends back at Heliopolis. The latter was completely terrified.
"Stop it, Kira! What the hell are you doing?" Athrun yelled, trying his hardest to pry Kira away before he nearly strangled Kuzzey. He and Sai were both pulling on Kira.
"Don't you DARE talk about her like that!" Kira growled, pulling a fist back to land a blow on Kuzzey, but was stopped by Sai.
"Oh no," Cagalli said, dumbfounded, "Did that person say something about you, Lacus? Kira seems really mad about something he said."
Lacus was still speechless. Never had she seen Kira act so violently before, with the exception when the SEED, a berserker-like state in a few Coordinators where their abilities achieve a heightened status, was activated, but he wasn't piloting a Gundam now and he's certainly not in a battle.
But what scared her most were his eyes. SEED WAS somehow activated, triggered by his rage. His eyes lost their shine, replaced by a dull flatness that represented utter concentration in battle.
Lacus was scared, not only because of what might happen to Kuzzey but what was happening to Kira. She wondered, what could have Kuzzey said about her that infuriated him to the point of entering SEED?
"Kira! Stop this!" Cagalli yelled, which accidentally, yet promptly snapped Lacus out of her thoughts.
"Listen to me, Kira," Sai said, his voice forcibly calm, "What he said, was a mistake. So let it be, don't let it get to you, Kira!"
"NO!" Kira roared, nearly breaking free from Athrun and Sai's holds, putting all his strength into getting free and going after Kuzzey, "DON'T YOU DARE STOP ME!"
"Stop it, Kira! Get over it, damn it!" Athrun shouted.
His eyes boring into Kuzzey's, who lay at the ground shaking in terror, he roared, "You have no idea! You weren't there! You don't know anything, so don't you dare…"
He stopped, breathing ragged, strained breaths, yet his eyes remained angry, his teeth remained bare, as he screamed, with all the fury he could muster, "DON'T YOU DARE TALK ABOUT FLLAY!"
It was almost as if time slowed down once Kira let out those words, along with a chilling atmosphere that suddenly spread throughout the room.
The guests of Sai's party began their incessant mumbling amongst themselves, appalled by the unusual behavior of who should have been a great man.
Sai Argyle's eyes closed, his teeth clenched, his face contorted in what seemed to be deep regret.
Cagalli Yula Athha clasped her mouth, a shocked gasp narrowly escaping, and she quickly took a look at her friend beside her.
Lacus Clyne was pale, her hands clammy, and her entirety frozen in shock, though her heart still beat rapidly. A multitude of emotions were coursing through her entire body and she could not tell what she was truly feeling now.
Athrun Zala's eyes widened, his muscles relaxing, a sudden weight lifted off his arms.
Kira Yamato had passed out, and everything around him had faded into black.
"I had my driver bring him back to your hotel, just like you asked, Lacus," Athrun said, bringing a cup of coffee to Lacus, distraught and confused, as she sat in one of Sai's apartment's chairs. Cagalli sat beside her, her arm around her shaking body, trying to comfort her.
"Thank you…" she replied, her voice barely audible.
He sighed, and said, "Lacus… I don't know what to say…I've known Kira my entire life, but I can't think of anything that could have made him…"
"Fllay…" she mumbled.
"What?" Athrun asked, not hearing what she just said. She repeated it, and he said, "Fllay…it sounds familiar, I think I've heard Kira mention that name before…"
Cagalli kept quiet. She had an idea who Fllay was, but she was not sure if she should bring it up, in front of Lacus.
"Her whole name is Fllay Allster," Sai intruded, coming into the room, a cup of coffee in his hands. He looked exhausted, and as soon as he closed the door behind him, he rested his back on it.
"Mr. Argyle," Athrun said, coming up to him, "I'd have to apologize for Kira's odd behavior today. The party ended so early…"
Sai shook his head, and replied, "Please, just Sai's all right, and it's all right. Luckily, the publisher's head had to take a rain check on today's party. Seeing Kira like that might have led him into thinking that I was incorrect in my details."
He weakly laughed, hoping to ease the tension, but Athrun still looked apologetic, Cagalli still seemed worried, and Lacus still seemed like in a state of shock.
He sighed deeply, and said, "Well…perhaps I should have expected this kind of behavior from Kira, especially on this day…"
That sparked a reaction from all three of Sai's companions, even Lacus. Sai sat himself down on a chair, and said, "You see…Fllay Allster was, in a way, Kira's first lover."
Athrun's eyes widened. He had never known of this until now.
Cagalli remained silent. Her fears were materializing.
Lacus' hands were shaking. She could barely lift the cup of coffee.
"And it is ironic that on this day, the day when my book about the tragedy of the war of C.E 71 should be published, was also the day when Fllay Allster died," Sai said.
Porcelain shattered, as Lacus had dropped the cup of coffee. It broke into pieces, and the coffee splashed on the floor. Sai's expression was grim, and Cagalli quickly retrieved a rag to attend to the spill on the floor.
Sai continued, "She died in the last battle, at Yakin Due, shot down by the Providence as she tried to escape with her crewmates. You should have seen that, she was on that escape ship that left the Dominion minutes before it was destroyed by the Archangel's Lohengrin."
Athrun said, "Tell me…was she also in the escape pod that left La Kreuze's battleship, but was taken by the Dominion?"
Sai replied, "The very same one."
All three of them remembered those events, when the escape ships Fllay Allster was on was sent into space. Kira went into an almost berserk state, risking his Gundam and even his life just to save her. They clearly remembered the Freedom's head was blown off as he sped across enemy fire just to reach the escape pod. They all remembered how Kira almost died to save Fllay Allster.
Cagalli also remembered her, from another viewpoint. Back in the desert, she watched her scream out loud in front of Sai that she had already slept with Kira. She also saw Kira almost break Sai's hand as he tried to pursue them. It was so obvious back then that Kira was infatuated with her, to the point that he would hurt someone for her.
Lacus remembered her as well. In her brief stay on the Archangel, during an attack, Fllay threatened the ZAFT forces that she would kill her if they continued their assault. She was a beautiful girl with the darkest crimson hair.
"What more can you tell us about her?" Athrun asked.
Sai shook his head, saying, "I'm…I'm sorry. Fllay Allster's not someone I can talk about so easily. As much as I don't want to admit it, I may have some remaining feelings for her…take this. This is a picture of her, back in Heliopolis."
Taking a picture from his wallet, he handed it to Athrun. Even Athrun raised an eyebrow when he saw how beautiful she was. He passed it on to Cagalli, who then turned it over to Lacus. She held it in both hands, looking at her face.
"If you want to learn more about her, maybe you should ask some of my old friends from Heliopolis, Miriallia Haww, Kuzzey Buzzkirk, or maybe even Captain Murrue Ramius. Fllay enlisted herself in to the Earth Alliance military while on the Archangel, so she also may know something about her. Also, there may be other people who know her, maybe someone who knew her when she was in ZAFT custody."
The room fell silent. Sai drank the last drop of coffee and said, "If you think you know enough, then come back here. I'll help fill in the blanks. But…not now, please. This day gravely affects me as well."
After saying goodbye to Sai Argyle, Lacus, Athrun and Cagalli made their way downstairs, and onto the street. It was adequately illuminated by street posts, and on the road, there were only a few cars driving by. After all, it was deep past midnight already. The trio waited here for Athrun and Cagalli's driver to come back and drive them home.
They were silent. No words were shared after they had bid their farewell to Sai. Aside from the passing cars and the occasional gust of wind coursing through the street, it was deathly quiet.
"I…"
That made Athrun and Cagalli almost jump from where they stood, but they relaxed as they realized that it was Lacus talking.
"I…I have to know…I have to know who she is."
"Lacus?" Cagalli replied, facing her. She gasped, as she saw Lacus' face. She was crying, tears flowing down her reddened cheeks, but her face was marked with stern determination.
"If I want to know what's bothering Kira…If I want to help end it, and return him back to normal…then I'll have to know who Fllay Allster really is," Lacus said, her voice firm.
Athrun and Cagalli looked at each other, their eyes meeting, and then smiled, thinking the same thoughts. Cagalli said, "We'll help you, Lacus. I'll help you with your search."
"I'll watch over Kira should he do something," Athrun added, "Maybe we can do something that'll hopefully get his mind off this Fllay person even for a short while."
"Thank you, the both of you," Lacus replied, "Cagalli, you were right…I can't do things with only my emotions. I'll have to do something concrete as well."
Cagalli smiled, and gave her a comforting pat on the back, "We'll get him out of this, don't you worry, Lacus. You'll have Kira back."
She managed a weak smile, and Cagalli gave her a warm, comforting hug. Athrun just smiled at the both of them. Soon afterwards, Athrun's driver had returned. They entered his car and started to drive, bringing Lacus first to her hotel.
Softly, yet hesitantly Lacus opened the hotel room's door with her card key. As she entered, the room was completely dark, barely lit by a lamp. Thankfully, they bought an affordable, but comfortable suite. Not only did it have a well-equipped bathroom, it also had a very spacious bedroom, so Lacus did not have to walk far to go far in order to get back to bed.
As she approached the bed, she saw Kira on the bed, barely covered by the thick blanket, almost coiled up into a ball, sleeping, though his slumber was not as sound as Lacus had hoped. He was fidgeting in place, his fists clenching and unclenching, his body slightly trembling, his face wet with sweat. It seemed like he was having a bad dream.
Lacus went up to him, kneeling down before him, watching him sleep.
Her hands moved up to his, but she stopped. She no longer knew if her hands could truly be the ones he was seeking. She was no longer sure if her warmth was the one to take away his coldness. She was no longer certain if she still had a place in his heart.
It replayed in her mind. DON'T YOU DARE TALK ABOUT FLLAY!
Fllay Allster was his first lover, his first girlfriend, and it appeared to her that she died before they had settled everything between them. It seemed to continue haunting Kira like a ghost, and it climaxed today, the exact same day the year before when she died.
Lacus watched him. Did he truly have feelings for her, even up to now?
Did Kira still love Fllay?
And if that were true, if the one still holding Kira's heart was still Fllay, Lacus thought, as hard as it made her, what was she to Kira? How did Kira look at her?
Why didn't he tell her about Fllay? Why didn't Kira tell Lacus that he already had a previous relationship in the past, and that her death still haunted him up to now? Did he think that she would not be able to handle it? Did he think that she might look at it as a betrayal on his part?
She loved Kira with all her heart, but now, she had no idea if Kira loved her back.
Before all this happened, she had truly loved him and even now, and she believed that Kira felt the same way for her.
He was someone who she can depend on.
She was someone he could turn to, to cry on.
He was someone willing to protect her, even with his life.
She was someone who would do anything for him.
But Lacus realized that Fllay could have had the same role for him in the past…and maybe, Kira only wanted Fllay for that role.
Lacus did not know how she felt right at that moment. Was she sad because Kira betrayed her? Was she angry at herself for not realizing this sooner? Was she mad at Fllay for stealing Kira's heart even up to now? Was she furious at Kira for not trusting her? She had no idea, every feeling, every emotion was rushing inside her, welling up, confusing her even more and more as she thought about it.
But she was certain of two things.
Lacus truly, deeply loved Kira.
And now…she truly missed him.
Lacus Clyne began to cry, sobbing into her hands, and she did not why.
Next Chapter – Her Life
Author's Note - If you've read my other Gundam Seed fan fiction, entitled "Aftermath", you'll see that nearing the end part of the story, the one with the "He was someone, she was someone, etc.," I actually got that one from Aftermath. I thought that it was nice to use in this part of the story, so I did….that's it. XD