Truth Like Water
River sees more than anyone would like.
Notes: No copyright infringement of any sort is intended in this or subsequent chapters.
The Crew
They say she's moody, temperamental, an unknown quantity and therefore can't be trusted. The words shout from behind their eyes along with careful pats on her arm as they pass her in the corridors. River knows they won't voice these things out loud unless circumstance or danger brings them to the fore, but she still feels the words the same way she feels the prick every time Simon slips the needle (so many needles) into her arm.
The soft inside of River's arm has scars. Small, hard knots that show puncture upon punctures. She's a gorram junkie dressed up in baby-doll castoffs like some prairie child's plaything (and maybe she is). Serenity knows, but she's the only one who doesn't tell River much anymore. She's a ship and ships are women and women all carry secrets inside them that they'll never tell about death and life and shelter in need.
Some (Jayne) say she's a gorram freak and should be kept in check. Those that don't say it with their lips whisper it quiet-like so only River hears. They whisper it right next to their circular riddles of 'what if she knows, can she know, will she say?' One murmur covers the other, but River hears them all.
They say she's distant and doesn't let them in, so River laughs and squeezes her eyes shut, imagining bee sting kisses sewing her lips together tight. Never tell, never tell, and never tell. They're all so naked in front of her, and ain't not a one of them who isn't afraid.
A couple of them imply that she's pretty. They hide this too, fearful and fumbling, desperate to smother those truths because they don't want to suss out what they mean…not really. It's too much to think about, a truth they can't handle. But River knows. Thoughts like that keep her warm in her cabin when Serenity's powered down for the artificial night. River sits cross-legged on her bed and uses her fingers, her long bony fingers, to tease out the secrets that keep her toasty.
River's always untying knots that no one wants to see. She smoothes the knobby edges away and the next day Simon and Kaylee are smiling again without anyone being the wiser. Some knots are easy because they want to be untied. Serenity is a secret-woman and a ship and they're all sailors; sailor's lives are full of knots.
They don't let her out of their sight planet-side. Sure there's always the threat of Feds or bounty hunters (Jubal put the fear into them right good he did). They haven't seen a lick of Alliance blue in months, but there's always more-more-more where Early came from and Mal worries. She's flighty, they say; she'll wander off and cause a ruckus.
Perhaps. But River knows that's not why Mal makes Jayne keep an eye on her when he has to take Simon in as a face-man. It's not why Book always seems to linger in the shadows cradling the Word…Word…words he holds so precious, so tight, wanting to believe them unquestioningly because he's got to hold onto something, anything.
It's because of the secrets. They've all got secrets and they know she's seen them. They know she knows and ain't a one of them wants those secrets out. It's easy, it's better to say that River's capricious, that River's a risk.
The better to keep an eye on her, my pretty.