Jack gently set Carter's hand down on her stomach. She was so peaceful she looked like she was sleeping. Her colour was ebbing though, her face turning an ethereal grey. What did they say about soldiers?

'Old soldiers never die, they just fade away.' Yeah. But Carter wasn't old, heck; she was still in her thirties. Much too young to…to die?

Was that what this was then? Death? The real thing this time? They'd died so many times over the last seven years, he'd almost convinced himself they'd go on forever.

Almost.

He sat staring at them. His kids, his team. Daniel, who spent his final minute trying to comfort him, Teal'c who'd spent an hour in agony rather than make him feel guilty, and Carter, who'd died before she caused him pain.

All dead. Because of him.

Because of her…

A flash, Jack didn't even react, he just kept watching them, come on campers, rise and shine. Big day ahead of us.

"You may leave." The words echoed numbly in his head.

"What?"

"You may leave." The room spun, and he was standing, just outside the stargate now. Carter and Daniel had been sitting over there just a day or so ago. And Teal'c was checking that tree-line wasn't he?

"What about my team?"

The alien shrugged, "You observed their fate."

A tiny spark ignited in him, he felt something, "Their bodies, we have…we bury our dead." Anger, that was good.

She was staring at him, disdainful, "What becomes of their physical bodies is of no concern. Your rituals cannot change that." The gate was dialling up. He didn't ask where too.

"If it doesn't matter, why don't you just let me take them back?" He wanted to hit something again, but his fists were bleeding lumps of flesh.

"Because it is not necessary." A whoosh, the gate was active. "Leave now, or you will not leave."

He could stay, die with his team. It wouldn't be hard.

But they hadn't wanted that. And he owed them, big time.

He pulled the GDO out his pocket, tapped in the code. God forgive him for this.

Without a backward glance at the alien, at the planet, at the place SG1 finally run out of luck, he stepped through the stargate.

Welcome home SG1.

He had a vague impression of someone talking to him, a light in his eyes, and a needle in his arm. He thought indistinctly, perhaps the alien had taken mercy on him after all and let him die. A soothing blackness overcame him and he all too gratefully gave into it.

He woke up in the infirmary. He could tell that without even opening his eyes. The constant beep of the heart monitor, the itchy feeling of an IV in his arm. So why was he in the infirmary?

"Good evening Colonel." Guess he should reply,

"Fraiser?" He forced his eyes open. The Doc looked….a mess. Her eyes were red and swollen, and her hair a mess round her face. What-

Oh god.

Teal'c, Carter, Daniel, all gone.

He killed them.

Oh god no.

"How are you feeling?" Always the professional. Wait a minute…

"How did you know Doc?" He was pretty sure he hadn't told anyone. Couldn't even stomach saying the words. Fraiser looked like she was blinking back tears.

"You er…Talked in your sleep sir. To put it mildly."

Nightmares of course. He got them after Kawolski, after Jolinar, after Danny died of radiation poisoning…He got them a lot. He sat up abruptly, and ignoring the dull ache in his ribs, swung his legs over the side of the bed.

"Colonel what do you think you're doing?"

"Leaving Doc." He tried to stand up, yanking his IV. His legs betrayed him however, and Fraiser easily pushed him back down. "No Sir, you're not." Sorry Doctor, places to be you know? She was carrying on anyway. "You have two broken ribs, several severe burns and an awful lot of bruises. You're here for another forty-eight hours at least."

"Doc I can't stay here-"

"Yes Colonel you can." Jack turned at the unexpected voice; General Hammond strode into the infirmary. He was looking pretty bad too, haven't seen eyes that tired since Daniel-No don't think about Daniel. "Doctor, is he ready for a debriefing yet?" Suddenly he just wanted to get this over with.

"Yes sir."

"General I really would prefer to wait until tomorrow. The colonel-"

"Would like to get this over with Sir."

Hammond looked at him, pity in his eyes. God Sir, do NOT pity me or I swear I will start bawling.

"Okay Jack," before Frasier could protest, "Doctor I promise you this won't take long, but I need to know what happened." The doctor looked as if to say something, then she nodded and left them.

"From the beginning Jack." Hammond said, with as much compassion as Jack could take.

So he told him everything. From Carter and Daniel's excitement at finding the ruins to being knocked out by a glowing light. He told him about the weird alien woman with colourless eyes, about the strange arches Teal'c had so regretfully sent them through, about Daniel being told to murder, about Carter going blind. He told him about Daniel seeing Lord of the Rings, and Carter falling off a beam. About shooting Daniel to save his life, and pulling Teal'c back from the precipice. He spoke about the bravery of his team-mates as they faced their certain deaths.

And he told him why and how he had killed them.

When he was finished, he was exhausted. But he felt a little better. Not at peace by a long shot, but he didn't want to hit something anymore. He just wanted to sleep and sleep and sleep.

Hammond's face barely twitched as he recounted the story. When he had finally finished, he just nodded, and with a "Get some rest Jack", left the infirmary.

Doctor Fraiser appeared again, her eyes red-rimmed, maybe she'd been listening. He knew she was…had been close friends with Carter, and maybe Danny too. She told him to get back into bed before she called the SF's in to make him, he didn't argue. Not even when she injected something into his IV, clearly a sedative. Sleep sounded good.

He shut his eyes, trying to block out Daniel's terrified gasps, Teal'c's concentrated agony, and Carter's fearful eyes. He would decide what to do later. There was a roof at home, a clear sky, and stars.

And a gun in the cupboard.