Title: The Price of Happiness
Author: Arjen
Length: About 3.800 words
Summary: When Luke Skywalker and Mara Jade are about to be married, one unhappy woman reflects on her life.
Pairings: Luke/Mara obviously.
Rating: PG-13.
Disclaimer: All characters and other recognizable things are property of George Lucas, Lucasfilms, Timothy Zahn and whoever else wants to lay claim to them. Everything that I thought up is made using their property so I can't really claim that either.
Feedback: Preferably constructive criticism, tell me what I've done right and wrong and I'll be happy. Flames I consider as written by five years old who according to that ridiculous rating system aren't allowed to read this.
Timeline: This takes place after Vision of the Future, since I've never read Union this is different from what happened during that story.
The Price of Happiness
With nothing better to do, while I'm waiting, I spend the time doing the exact same thing that the rest of the galaxy is doing. Watching the so-called wedding of the decennium. The greatest event since the princess without a world married her smuggler-turned-general. The moment where the great hero, Luke Skywalker, was getting married to his love, Mara Jade.
Nobody could possibly deny the happiness the two seem to exude from every pore of their body, a happiness capable of making even the coldest heart melt. Unfortunately for me, their happiness reminds me of the one I once had. The hard-won happiness that was my due.
Happiness, looking back after all these years it's obvious to me that the word merely represents a fairytale. Well, why not? My life could be described as one. Unfortunately it didn't have a happy ending. Running my hand through my hair, I decide I might as well try to describe it for myself like that. Maybe even write it down, so that maybe, one day, someone might read about who I once was.
Propping up the holopad, displaying the wedding, I take another and begin to enter a fairytale version of my life.
Once upon a time, on a world not far from here, there was a little girl who was happy and lived in a beautiful palace. While she was no princess, she was one of the king's favorites and he always made sure that she was happy. When she was growing up the good king made sure that she was taught everything that she might ever need to defend her people and, most importantly in her mind, the king himself.
The little girl learned how to deal with the criminals that tried to do harm to the galaxy or her beloved king. And sometimes, she was sent on missions to discover the whereabouts of the traitors who dared to threaten the peace. Because like in every fairytale, there were the bad people who wanted to steal away from the king all the things he had worked so hard for. The peace he had brought to the galaxy was something they wanted to destroy, and even the prosperity everybody had wasn't enough for them.
So, they attacked the king. First they were small, but later they grew in size and power as more and more traitors revealed themselves. The king had no choice then, but to set an example. And a magnificent example it was, all who lived in the galaxy were shown what would happen to the traitors. But still they continued, not giving up on their so-called quest for freedom. As if they weren't free under the king's rule!
But who can understand the mind of a traitor? The little girl, at least, was incapable of doing so. The war against her great and kind king went on for years, but there was no sign of any progress on either side. The traitors never succeeded in more than a few small, and inconsequential, of their goals and the king's first knight, who had been sent to deal with the traitors, was unable to crush them.
As the king had to spend more and more time dealing with the traitors, he gave the little girl ever more responsibilities. It had become her job to deal with the criminals and traitors that were inside the capital. To do so took her away from the luxuries of the palace, but that was a small sacrifice she gladly made to ensure the peace. One day when the girl, who had grown up into a young woman, was called to the king she was told he had found a way to deal with the traitors. To do so however, he would need to leave the capital, but he was sure she'd keep it safe for when he returned. The young woman assured him that would indeed be the case, and left on another mission.
And then, the fairytale ended.
Looking at those last words, I can barely keep from crying. But while my heart hurts and my throat feels constricted, I refuse to allow the weakness signifying tears to appear on my face. Yes, that was when that horrible day happened, but I can't allow the memories of that event to overcome me.
Despite the pain it brings, I once more direct my attention to those days. Knowing however, that I'd never succeed in turning those days into a fairytale story I put the pad away.
Up until It happened, my whole life had one single purpose, to make Him proud of me. And ever since that horrible day, life has seemed dull and colorless. Nothing since has been able to completely lift the despair I felt when I found out. Since I was working undercover, I didn't have access to my regular communication channels and didn't find out until the rest of Coruscant did.
The good and kind king had been brutally murdered by the Rebels while they tore apart his newest weapons and a large portion of the Imperial Fleet. When I heard the news, it was the first time in a long time that I really felt the need to cry, but doing so would betray His memory. He had taught me that crying would show weakness, and even after His death, I would not betray His trust in me.
Sitting in my room, I watched as people went out into the streets to celebrate His death. Celebrate! As if it was the best thing that had ever happened to them. They had no clue of who He really was, that everything He had done was out of the same love He had always shown me. The love of a ruler for his subjects. And they thanked Him for His efforts by celebrating His demise.
I was the only person who remained behind in my building, while I was undercover and this risked my cover, I could not act out on that aspect of it. And besides, I knew that while He might no longer be alive, His legacy would live on. The fools in the streets didn't figure that out, until it was too late.
The screams of the dying and wounded when the stormtroopers came to restore order, is probably the only positive memory I have of that time. And even now, every time I'm overcome with the memories of those dreadful weeks, I recall the way the troopers opened fire on the ungrateful bastards and enjoy the memory of their suffering.
In the days after that massacre my, still ecstatic, so-called friends and allies started to wonder about my lack of happiness. Their suspicions were easily laid to rest with the story that my brother had died in the battle, so my feelings were two-sided. Despite the fact that they already 'knew' my brother was a fighter pilot for the Rebels, I'm still surprised they actually bought into that. There was no communication possible with anyone around Endor, so how could I have known he had died?
They continued to believe it though, and when I told the leader of that little band of alien-lovers that I needed to move to another group, he was very nice about it. Sympathetic about my loss, he claimed to understand my need for a fresh start, where I wouldn't be reminded of my 'brother's' death all the time. He even gave me a letter of recommendation, so I could show the leader of my new group what a good little Rebel I was.
I was grateful for that, since it would make it easier for me to infiltrate the new group. In fact, my gratefulness was so enormous that I waited a whole three weeks before sending all information I had about my former team to Imperial Intelligence. Well, thinking about it, it probably wasn't so much gratitude as the need to allay suspicion that made me wait three weeks. But the result was the same, they had another three weeks of freedom before Isard got her grubby hands on them.
The next several years were spent in this fashion, drifting from one little group of rebels to the next, earning their trust and then betraying them some time after I left. This worked perfectly, until Isard unleashed the Krytos virus and Rogue Squadron 'saved' Coruscant.
Thinking about that time, anger flares up and for a moment I glare at one of the guests at the still ongoing wedding. But there is nothing I can do against him at the moment, so I let the anger go. Grabbing the canteen I brought along, I take a couple of sips of water. Alcohol is what I really need, but that's impossible for the moment. Maybe later though.
Looking at the fairytale again I make a couple of small, stylistic changes, before deciding that I can handle writing the next part.
It was a dark time in the capital, and the young woman was confused and disappointed by the easy defeat of the woman who had taken over the government, after the king had died. But when she then finally encountered the counter-revolutionists, the young woman had a good idea of what the regent's plan had been.
Not even having to think about it, she accepted the offer of helping these brave men and women who were bent on restoring true order to the galaxy. Once more she had a real cause, one that meant she could help Him, and she was able to show her true colors among people who, while not exactly like her, were close enough to understand her.
For the first time in years she was happy, but once again, in the end that battle too was lost. Many of the traitors lost their lives during the fighting, but in the end the regent used one of the king's biggest ships to get herself to safety. And the young woman too, had to make sure she was nowhere to be found. Once more fleeing into obscurity, she had to face the reality that the capital itself was now lost to the traitors as well. That realization hurt her almost as much as the death of the king had done, and like that time she was inconsolable for several weeks.
Time went on however, and while the young woman spent that time trying to forget everything that had happened, one of the king's greatest commanders returned. This commander was the best of the king's tacticians, and had therefore been sent far away to protect the borders of the kingdom. With his return the loyal troops rallied however, and soon victory followed victory in their battles against the traitors.
The young woman heard this, and once again she was happy for a while. But with the return of the commander, came the return of a long lost sister.
Mara Jade, even now it's hard to believe that the woman had turned against everything she had been taught. I can still clearly remember those early days in the palace when we explored that great new playground. Of course, that had only been in the beginning and after the first months I had never seen the redhead again, except maybe in passing, and even then it was obvious she didn't recognize me.
But nobody who had ever met her could forget about the redhead, and I never have. Now I understand why we were separated, but when it first happened I couldn't stop complaining. A smile creeps on my face as I think about that, it was then that I was thought that crying is a weakness. Shortly after that my training started anyway, and I didn't have the time to pay attention to my childish needs.
But to think that Mara too had become one of the Emperor's Hands, that knowledge keeps amazing me and I've often wondered what happened to the other children that helped us explore the palace. Have they been trained as well? Are they hiding somewhere, waiting for an opportunity to fight? Have they become traitors, like Mara? Or did they fail to pass the test, and were removed from the palace?
That last option seems a likely one, since in those days the two of us were the leaders. In fact, I can remember a time or two when the guards asked me where my sister was. Sister, I snort at that ridiculous thought, as if any relative of mine would betray Him.
The commander was winning the war, until one day another blow was struck against peace. The commander, last hope of the kingdom, had been betrayed by his own bodyguard. The young woman didn't find out about that until the evil queen, who had taken over the palace, announced it. And once more her hopes of happiness had been dashed, until something wonderful happened.
The king, long believed to be dead, returned to his capital and liberated it from the traitors. Never before had the young woman been as happy as she was during the moment she found out that he was alive. Surely, now everything would be put to right. Deciding that hiding from the evil queen's henchman would not be of any use to her king, she tried to contact him.
But as before, her happiness was of a short duration as the evil queen's knight used trickery and deceit to win the king's confidence. And before the young woman had been able to contact her king he had already been killed by that same dark knight. The same knight who had seduced her sister from the true path.
The young woman realized there was nothing she would be able to do against the knight, like the king he was capable of magic, and she lacked that ability. But, she swore, one day she would have her revenge. That revenge became her sole reason for existing, and once more hidden among the scum, that the traitors had allowed to soil the capital, she brooded on a way to achieve that.
In the dark years that followed, the young woman gave up any hope that the kingdom would ever be restored to its former glory. She was still driven by the need for revenge, but even that began to abate. The only thing that she now might do was to leave the capital, but her time with the counter-revolutionists had ensured that wouldn't be possible. The evil queen and her henchmen knew what she looked like, and would ensure that she couldn't succeed.
But even if that hadn't been the case, the young woman never would have left the capital. Her king had asked her to take care of it for him, and while she had failed in that mission she couldn't give up entirely. Her days were filled with meaningless little jobs and she stopped from paying attention to the depressing news about what little remained of the kingdom.
And then, once again a bit of happiness entered her life. A handsome prince had seen her, and gave chase until she had finally consented to be his wife. Like she wasn't a real princess, her prince was no true prince. That didn't matter to the woman though, as he constantly treated her as a queen. Why would she be bothered by his actual low status as a worker if he was that kind to her?
The man didn't know anything of her past, and only judged her by what he had seen. And once again color came back into her life. She might not be capable of feeling any real love anymore, but the woman repaid his kindness with their marriage. When months later their marriage proved to be fruitful, her happiness was no longer feigned.
With the birth of her son, the woman lost all the need for revenge and threw herself into this new life she had created. She got friends, she went to parties, and she enjoyed herself. In every other fairytale the next words in this story would have been: "And they lived happily ever after." But not here, for the woman had forgotten that everything came at a price, even happiness.
I look at the datapad showing the live coverage of the wedding, and notice that, while thinking about my own marriage, the happy couple had exchanged their vows. There was still time however, so for a moment I allow emotions to take over and bending my head silently cry, remembering all that I have lost.
After a short time, I once again take control of my emotions and try to shut out their names, having learned that even thinking them will destroy my delicate control. A look at my chrono reveals I only spent a couple of minutes crying, and the wedding hasn't progressed that much further. The Republic dignitaries are all applauding the couple... No not Republic dignitaries, Rebels, they are only rebels. I almost laugh at myself, having spent so many years among them that I have even started thinking of them as the New Republic, instead of the rebels they are.
My husband never thought of them as rebels, and he probably would have been shocked at my doing so. He was a fan of these people, and followed their adventures like they were his favorite holoshow. During the crisis on Correllia, he hardly left the apartment, afraid he might miss some important event, even though all news was already old by the time it reached us.
He even infected little T... No! No names, I shake my head in order to clear it of those traitorous thoughts. Despite his young years, our son too idolized the Solos and Skywalker, and his father encouraged it by supplying him with all the nonsense that came with it, from action figures to posters.
Feeling hungry I take a bite out of a tasteless ration bar, and decide that I might as well write some more of the story before I'm no longer able to do so. After all, the people who read it might wonder what the ending would be, if it wasn't the normal happily ever after.
One day, not long before this story reaches its end, there was a fight among the leadership of the traitors. A long time ago, one faction of them had caused the death of another. And when this news was made public there was a public outcry for justice, an outcry that brought the galaxy back to a state of civil war where it seemed as if the traitors would kill each other.
Before her marriage, the woman would have been happy about it, but now she only feared for the safety of her family if it came to that. Luckily the crisis was averted, and an actual peace treaty was signed between the remainder of the kingdom and the traitorous regions. No more people would have to die in that war, and the woman and her family decided to celebrate that event.
Putting on their finest clothes, they went out for dinner and had a wonderful evening. The peace treaty had finally completed her life, and she had lost all the longing for her former life. While walking home her husband and son were horsing about and she would always remember how she was laughing during those last moments of happiness.
A group of ruffians than barred the road however and demanded their money. Frightened for the safety of their family the two had no choice but to comply to the request. The ruffians however, had no intention of letting them go as they would be able to identify them.
Years without training had taken their toll on the woman, and she was forced to see both her husband and little boy die. Anger released her self-imposed control however, and within minutes their murderers followed them into the grave. But while her family might have been avenged, her brief spell of happiness had once again come at a terrible price.
After that, I wrote only a single sentence on the pad, one that would explain my actions, but I couldn't stop from thinking about that night. I remember how I sat motionless among the bodies, until finally getting up and running to the apartment of my parent-in-law. Between sobs, I managed to tell them what had happened, and they were the ones to contact the authorities. I have no idea what would have happened without them, as they handled everything from the funerals to ensuring that I would actually eat something.
Then one day while I was staring into space I could hear Organa-Solo on the holo, announcing the upcoming wedding of her brother and Mara. Soon after hearing that, I began showing signs of life again, I think my relieved in-laws believed that I had finally realized that life hadn't ended for me with my husband and child. And within a week I left their apartments, while they tried to be supportive and told me how I was acting more like myself again.
They never realized how right they were about that. Upon leaving them I went to access several accounts that I hadn't used since before It happened and, while most of them had been closed down, I was still able to access enough credits for my needs. It took me a while to find what I needed, but in the end I got everything that was required to accomplish my goal.
Once I had everything, all that was left was the waiting. Two days ago I moved here and haven't left since, in preparation of this moment. I take notice as the happy couple moves to leave the building and retract the antenna that was my only link to the outside world during those long hours. I then shift my focus away from the blank datapad, and open the camouflage net hiding me from the prying guards.
Peering through the scope of my sniper rifle, I aim at the spot, a mere kilometer away. A target always knows when you're aiming at them and that counts even more for Jedi. Licking my lips in anticipation I ignore the twinges of discomfort, as I aim away from the newlyweds.
Only at the last possible moment do I shift my aim and briefly take note of the shocked expression on their faces, when they finally notice the sudden danger I represent. Not dwelling on that however, I aim for the blond groom and while gently caressing the trigger, I have only one thought. The same thought I wrote down at the end of my fairytale. 'Why should I be the only one to pay a price for my happiness?'
End
Post-fic comments: This is a one-shot fic and I doubt I'll ever write a sequel to it. If it seems a little familiar, I posted a version of this story on almost five months ago. I was never really happy with it though and today I rewrote it, almost doubling it in size. Not that it isn't still the shortest thing I've ever written but at least it has a little more depth. Of course, I still don't know what caused me to write a strange story like this.
Anyway, don't forget to review and tell me what you liked and didn't like.