Disclaimer: I don't own anything, but the plot, which was inspired by 'A Great and Terrible Beauty' by Liba Bray.

Summary: Kaoru, a recently orphaned teen, is struggling to discover herself and her 'gifts.' What will she do when a young man forbids her from further discovering them?

In A Bed of Roses : Prologue

What frightens you?

What makes the hair on your arms rise, your palms sweat, the breath catch in you chest like a wild thing caged?

Is it the dark? A fleeting memory of a bedtime story, ghosts and goblins and witches hiding in the shadows? Is it the way the wind picks up just before a storm, the hint of wet in the air that makes you want to scurry home to the safety of your fire?

Or is it something deeper, something much more frightening, a monster deep inside that you've glimpsed only in pieces, the vast unknown of your own soul where secrets gather with a terrible power, the dark inside?

-A Great and Terrible Beauty, Liba Bray

I don't understand what my life is all about. I don't understand why my mother wouldn't let me go somewhere beyond Japan. I don't understand why we have to be poor or why she wouldn't remarry.

I know life would be so much easier if she would only accept help, but something always seems to be holding her back. It was as if an anchor was bound to her, taking away her freedom as she slaved under her own pride.

It wasn't as if it was just me and my mother, alone. I had friends, not a lot, but I still had them and I'm happy for that. I tell them everything, even my dream to go to America one day.

Recently, many of our neighbors moved to America in hopes of finding 'freedom' and 'happiness.' I just want to see if it's true, what they say about it, I just want to see for myself. Taking a deep breath, I walk into my mother's room. I gently slide her door open and took small steps into the cool room. It was winter.

"Mom…?"

This is it, I'm going to confide with her. I'm going to ask her to take me to America.

"Yes, Kaoru?"

"Mom…" I pause, unsure of how her reaction would be and whether or not I wanted to see it. "Can we–"

I hastily break off, should I ask her?

Of course I should, she's my mom.

"Kaoru?" she prompts.

"Can we go to America?"

She stares at me as if I had grown another head; I knew this was a bad idea. She doesn't try to conceal her surprise, and I soon find that her tactlessness is quite irritating.

"Mom?"

"No."

"What?"

She frowns a bit, bringing her eyebrows to a tight knit between her eyes. "No."

"But, everyone else is going!"

"I said, no. And besides, how are we going to be able to afford a trip like that?"

I also frown, only because my mother is so unreasonable. "There are some Americans passing fliers saying that we can get a free trip if we promise to work at least five years under their company."

She looks at me for a while, and then turns her head away in disgust. I don't know why, but it seems that she is always disgusted by me. She looked back up at me while pulling her kimono tighter around her body, "No."

She gets up and gently pats her clothes to relieve it of any dirt or dust it might have collected, and all the while she keeps her eyes on the floor.

"Mom?"

"Kaoru, I'm going to the market. I'll be back soon, don't let anyone in the dojo."

I always thought it queer that we lived in a dojo and yet couldn't afford good food or clothing. My father was the dojo master and a very popular one at that, but when he died many of the students left even though I took over the lessons. It was like they were dispirited by me, like I was a curse that drove them away from the dojo.

With no more students, I stopped training so I know I'm out of shape.

"No one is going to want to come here, Mom."

My mother sighed and glared at me, "You should act more like the lady you could be."

"Mom, please not another lecture."

I groan inwardly as she shoots off with how I misbehave. She gives me the same lecture almost everyday.

"You should respect your elders."

In my mind this means, Your not fit to even speak to me in such a manner.

"Stand up straight."

You're such a dwarf already, don't make it worse.

"You should smile more."

Try to look happy so I can marry you off.

She sighs when she sees that I'm not really paying attention. She walks by me, but stops and pulls back my shoulders so that I'm standing straight. I moan in protest, but she ignores them and doesn't release my shoulders till I'm standing the way she wants me to. Nodding in a professional fashion, she leaves me alone in the dark room. I'm alone… again, and thinking about it now I realize how much I look forwards to these frequent moments to myself. The door slides close and I relax my shoulders as the soft thump of the door was heard.

Even though I tell my friends everything, I have a secret. One that I haven't told anyone.

I don't understand what it is nor what it does, but its still something that I only I know about.

I sigh as I flop down on the floor and sit cross legged in front of the large windows. I close my eyes and let another 'vision' consume me.

I don't know why I see things, but I just refer to them as visions. I let the familiar cold chill spread through my body as I feel like something's pulling me into a different dimension. The sickening pull lessened and I find myself in a dark tunnel.

Shivers run up my spine, this is so much more different than usual. Normally, I end up looking down at myself as if I had been pulled from my body. This time, however, it was like I pulled my body with me.

I hear voices at the end of the mysterious dark tunnel, and my initial response was to duck behind something, but there was nothing around me. Clenching my fist and swallowing to suppress the growing urge to scream, I take a step towards the source of the voices.

I heard soft crunching under me as I take the tunnel step by step. I let my curiosity overwhelm my sense of reason and take a risk by looking down; I find that I deeply regret my decision. I was about to scream, but then stuffed my fist into my mouth to prevent any sound from being heard.

I bit into my fist as I stare down at lifeless eyes that stare back at me. I felt a single tear run down my cheek as the head suddenly rolled away. I look around for the body, but then find that there are only heads here. Suddenly, the tears just streamed down no matter how much I try to stop myself from crying. I bite my fist harder and soon I felt my teeth break through my skin, and blood seeped into my mouth leaving a bitter sweet taste.

Where am I?

The question bore into my like thousand of knives, consuming my body in a sea of pain. Where am I?! Damn!

Suddenly, a calm cold voices floods into my mind, 'It's not proper for a lady to curse.'

Why must my mother's voice come to mind at a time like this? Glancing around once more, I see thousands of heads staring ahead at something they'll never see, mouths open in a scream that will never be heard. My tears flow freely now, I don't understand. Why is this vision different from the others? What's happening?

The voices at the end of the tunnel are louder now and I find myself walking towards them, groping around for something to hold onto but my hand just meets cold air. The voices grew louder and louder as I approached them, getting closer and closer. There's a light… A light!

Finally, I can escape this insane hell. I walk faster and faster till I'm almost running towards the small beacon of hope. The voices are easily understood now that I'm so close to them. I ignore the crunching under my feet and I ignore the urge to look down and see if the heads are still there, because I know I'll only regret looking down again. Suddenly, it was as if something or something caught my foot, because I find myself falling towards the ground and with a sickening crack I feel myself collide with the ground and something much more sickening.

I fell into the hoard of heads.

I thrash, I scream, I fight. I'm scared, I won't deny it, I'm scared and that only further fueled my insane rampage against heads that don't move, heads that won't attack me. I try to calm down and turn my head to the side, but find myself staring into the face of a stranger. I scream once again while hastily getting to my feet.

I felt as if I was doused in cold water and left outside in the winter breeze because the sickening scene caused intense shivers to run through my body. I wrap my arms around myself in a futile attempt to stop myself, but I only feel myself shaking more.

What was this place? Why am I here?

I start running, trying desperately to get to the light. Again, the chilling feeling as I had been thrown into a pool of ice seeped into my already cold body. Finally, the light seems to be getting bigger till I could see the two figures I had imagined in my head. I was still too far away to be able to see anything past their shadowed figures, but as I approached I found that one figure was my mother.

"Mom…" I tried to call out to her, but I emitted no sound. I tried again and again to call out to her, but no sound was heard. I didn't hear my own quivering voice, I didn't hear them conversing anymore; it was so quiet that I swear you could hear a pin drop. I approached, I got closer and closer… but before I was able to reach them a piercing scream broke the silence that I had grown adapted to. I covered my ears in an attempt to block out the sound, but it was no use.

I looked up and saw watched as my mother's companion underwent a 'transformation.'

Now I was close enough to see both their faces and before the man transformed I saw that he was very handsome. Damn, why am I thinking about how attractive the guy is at a time like this?! I curse myself and watch as sickening black nails sprout from the tips of his fingers. He embraces himself as if he were in excruciating pain, then long black spikes emerge from his back and break through his clothing.

Then, his once handsome face molds into a hideous expression.

He was a monster, a sickening, hideous monster. I glanced back at my mother and see that she hasn't moved. Wasn't she afraid? Why isn't she running?

Suddenly, my mother pulls out a small dagger from the sleeve of her kimono and I became relieved. She would fight, and everything would be okay… she would live and we'd be happy in our empty dojo. I watch intently as my mother held the dagger in her hands, but then she did something I did not expect. She holds the dagger overhead and, without making a sound, plunges it in herself.

"Mother!" I scream, trying to get her attention, but it's like I'm not even there. The creature starts to disappear and when it's gone, I run towards my mother's unmoving body. Her cold, piercing blue eyes stare up at me, accusing me. I didn't help her, I just watched.

I collapse besides her body and pull her head into my lap.

Crying, I brush her hair away from her face and press my cheek against hers. My hand seeks hers, but I find that both her cheek and hands are cold… their like ice.

"Mom…"

TBC

Okay, I know that totally sucked, but the idea of a fic like this was nagging me…I just had to write it down and I know that the added fact that I have almost four unfinished fics out, this will slow down my update rate. I just hoped you all enjoyed it, and if not that's okay.

Please review!