Okay – this is the promised epilogue. This is really the end of this twisted pairing. I think they'll keep their hands off each other from now on. Thank you to all who took time to review this – you don't know how happy it makes me to read you. So please, do it again.
Disclaimer: Usual applies. It's all Fox and Josh, I own nothing, please leave me be.
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Chapter 5: Epilogue: Three Conversations.
September 2004It didn't take Ryan long to fit back into his Newport life. One day he was sweating his ass off on a Chino construction site, the next he was in the pool, lounging alonside Seth on a raft. He did a lot more of that now. After a summer of hard work, idle time had become more attractive. And it turned out to be a good bonding opportunity with that prince of idlers, Seth. They talked, now and then, about that weird summer. Like that morning after another Newport gala (god, he hadn't missed those), where he'd seen Julie for the first time since Chino. Not that Seth knew anything about that.
"Hey, dude, how's the head?" asked Seth, bobbing on his raft. "I definitely saw you ordering hard liquor at the bar last night. You're lucky mom didn't. And hey, you could've got me some, because I never make it past the barmen. So are you paying the price now, or what?"
Ryan shrugged. His head was fine. He'd gotten used to drinking again over the summer. "Yeah, like I'm going to get you drunk the minute I come back. Bet Kirsten would love this. And no, I'm not hungover, if that's what you're asking." He was still thinking about Julie, which pissed him off no end. She'd been friendly to him last night when they met. And she'd looked good, after her trip to Barbados with Caleb. Fuck the pair of them.
"So, do you think marriage to my grandpa has thawed Julie Cooper?" said Seth, sending Ryan into a short-lived panic attack before he realised that no, Seth wasn't inside his head. And still had no idea. But he'd obviously noticed something.
"What?" He shot Seth a sideways glance.
"Well," Seth said, "she seemed a lot chummier – as Dad would say – last night than she ever did. With you, I mean. She's always been pretty chummy with the rich Newport contingent. Maybe she feels guilty about Marissa and the accident."
"Yeah, I guess." Ryan was feeling distinctly uncomfortable. He wanted to steer the conversation away from this subject as quickly as possible, but he didn't want Seth to notice. Luckily, Seth was doing all the legwork.
"And of course, you're not hanging around Marissa any more. So you're not a threat. But I still think grandpa must've tamed her somehow. Do you think they really hit it off together? I mean, d'you think the old man's still got what it takes to..."
Ryan made a face. "Shut up, Seth!" That was one image he could live without.
"Sorry, you're right, I really don't want that picture in my mind either," Seth said quickly. He stared at the water, silent for an instant. When he spoke again, he sounded more subdued.
"Do you ever wonder about the accident? I mean, do you ever think that maybe Marissa did it..." He drew a breath. "That it wasn't an accident, I mean?"
Ryan didn't reply for a while. Sure he'd thought about it. But did he really think that?
"No. I mean, yeah, I did wonder," he said slowly, "but I don't think so. She's fucked- up, but she's not that fucked-up."
"Still," said Seth absent-mindedly, "she kind of did you a favour there." And then he stopped, aghast at what he'd just said. He tried to backtrack. "I don't mean it like that. Sorry. Sorry! It's an awful thing to say. Oh man, I really didn't mean to..."
"Shut up, Seth," said Ryan, again. He sighed. "Besides, it's not like I haven't thought that too. Even if it makes me feel like a shit."
Seth couldn't find anything to say to that.
Well, at least they weren't talking about Julie anymore, thought Ryan.
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October 2004
Ryan didn't actually get to talk to Julie properly – without Caleb or some Cohens hovering in the background – until the big Harbor School fundraiser in the fall. It was a particularly glittering occasion and he was wearing a tux, which made him feel like a penguin. Or a waiter. And he wasn't keen on either. So he slunk off after the congratulatory speeches and found himself a quiet corner in the grounds and lit up. His peace was short-lived.
"Well, well, well, if it isn't Newport's favourite juvenile delinquent," said a familiar voice.
He looked over his shoulder. Julie was alone, and there was no one else within earshot. She looked pretty sexy in a black sheath slit to the thigh.
"Fuck off, Julie," he said offhand, "We all know who's the felon here. Are you here to bum another smoke off me?"
She looked apologetic. "I wish. Caleb would kill me. And Kirsten would kill you, if she knew. How do you get away with it?"
Ryan shrugged. "I don't know. Breath mints. Keeping my distance. No kissing. Oh, and not sleeping in her bed helps."
"Very funny." She sat down next to him. "So how have you been doing since you got back, anyhow? Everything okay?"
"Yeah.Yeah, it is. Really."
She smiled.
"You know, you better be careful. If anybody finds us out here...." he said, gesturing vaguely.
She cut him off. "Oh come on Ryan, we're virtually family. It would take a diseased mind to imagine anything. Not that there aren't plenty of those here, mind you." She eyed his cigarette. "Come on, give your grandma a drag."
He laughed and handed it to her. "Yeah, well, Seth's noticed something. He thinks Caleb's mellowed you out; he's so amazed at how nice you are to me these days. He chalks it up to the old man's sex appeal."
"Maybe he's right," Julie said. "Jealous?"
"Nah. I know better," said Ryan. "So how are you doing?"
"Actually," she said, inhaling the smoke deeply. "I kind of miss Chino." And as she said that she looked at him just so and he felt himself go hard. It freaked him how quickly she could get to him, still. He wanted to grab her and kiss her and he knew that if he did they'd end up naked and fucking right here on the bench. His heart was pounding. He could almost taste her already. They might not even get caught. It was a big garden. He shook his head. Crazy shit. He had to take off. Now.
Obviously she came to the same conclusion because as he stood up to leave she did too and they nearly collided with each other. He smiled at her and backed off, hands raised. It was like she was Kryptonite or something. As long as he didn't touch her he might make it. If he didn't think about the memories of her crowding his brain and tried to focus on getting out instead.
"You stay. Finish the smoke. I'll go find Seth and see if we can score some champagne. And then I'll get drunk and avoid you. If you don't mind."
"No. You go. I'll just stay here and think about the good times." He could hear the smile in her voice as he walked off. He stopped himself from looking back at her, knowing it would just make it harder to leave. Fucking tease.
It got easier after a while, but Ryan never quite stopped thinking about Julie that way.
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December 2004When Luke came back to Newport for Christmas vacation, he ended up spending much of his spare time over at the Cohens. With Seth wrapped up in Summer all day long it meant more time with Ryan than ever before. And strangely, they hit it off. They watched sports together, listened to rock bands and even talked some. One afternoon when Sandy and Kirsten were out to work and Seth was out being pussy-whipped Luke brought some beer round and they proceeded to get good and drunk, something Ryan hadn't done since coming back. Luke stole a march on him pretty early on – but Ryan started catching up once he uncorked a bottle of whiskey to keep the beers company.
"So, Chino, you got any tats?" Luke said out of the blue. He was stretched out on Ryan's futon, a beer balanced on his midriff.
"Huh?" Ryan squinted at him from across the room. What the fuck was he on about?
"You know, I thought all you Chino guys had them back in the hood.... Aren't tattoos, like, part of the whole tough guy thing?"
"Fuck, Luke, I'm not a fucking gangbanger. You kids have got the weirdest idea of what it's like outside your bubble." Ryan sounded pissed. "Besides, you've seen me in the changing rooms, man. Nothing there. Nada."
"Hey, I never look," Luke said defensively. But he couldn't let it go. "What about piercings?"
"That's it, man, I'm taking the booze away from you," announced Ryan. "No offence man, but you're beginning to sound gay. So either there's something you want to tell me..."
"No, no, no, no," said Luke hurriedly. He sat up on the bed and promptly knocked his beer over, causing Ryan to hiss with annoyance. "I just... I don't know. I met this girl in Portland and she's kind of into piercings and she 's been trying to talk me into..." He stopped, blushing, and busied himself with a towel, mopping up the beer stain.
Ryan's pissed glare had turned into something more benign. A smile twitched at the corners of his mouth. "What? An eyebrow piercing? A nipple ring? Or something altogether more intimate?" Even the thought of it made his eyes water, slightly.
Luke shook his head. "Fuck no. I'd never do that. But yeah, she likes the idea of a nipple ring and I'm just not so keen. Hell, it's got to hurt."
"I thought you were used to that," Ryan said. "Didn't you use to wax your chest?"
"Not the same thing at all, dude. Or so I'm told."
"So that girl, she finds it a turn-on?" Ryan asked. He wasn't so hot about piercings himself, or tattoos. But he knew some chicks really got off on it. "She got any?"
Luke cracked a sly grin. "Yeah, dude, she's got a tongue stud."
Ryan cocked a questioning eyebrow at him. Luke nodded and grinned wider. Interesting, thought Ryan.
"So you've never tried that, huh?" Luke said.
"Nope. Sounds like I should, though," said Ryan, popping open another beer. "So is she trying to make you get a tattoo as well?"
"She's mentioned it. But I'm even less into that. Tattoos just don't do it for me. Although I knew this chick who had a really cool little snake on her butt. It was kind of sexy."
"Yeah", agreed Ryan, not thinking, "that is a cool tattoo...." He suddenly realised what he was saying and stopped. What the fuck had he just done? Maybe Luke was too drunk to notice his slip. Except that he wasn't. He looked shell-shocked and was staring at him wide-eyed.
"You know exactly who I'm talking about, don't you?" Luke said slowly. "Don't even try to fucking deny it. I can see it in your eyes."
Ryan dropped his head into his hands and groaned. Oh fuck, fuck, fuck. Of all the people he could have slipped up with it had to be the guy who had had a crush on Julie and nearly killed himself over her. Fuck. That was it. No more drinking. Drinking had landed him in that situation in the first place.
"It's not what you think," he attempted, before remembering that was pretty much what Luke had said when he confronted him about sleeping with Julie.
"What? You telling me you haven't fucked Julie?" Luke was beginning to sound good and angry. "Oh, this is rich coming from you. When I think of all the fucking grief I got from you when you caught us. You made me feel really shitty for sleeping with her and now you go and do the exact same thing. What kind of a motherfucker are you anyhow?"
"I guess motherfucker is appropriate," Ryan muttered. "Luke, I know this looks really crap. All I can say is... it happened in Chino. And I didn't think I'd ever come back here. I really didn't. And Marissa was off in rehab and... and fuck, Luke, she is kind of hard to resist."
"Sure, like that cut any ice with you last time round. How the fuck did she end up in Chino anyway? How did she end up with you? I thought she hated you."
"Me too. So we were both wrong. Look, I know you were kind of hung up on her. I'm sorry," said Ryan, trying to buy time to field an edited version of their meeting. No fucking way was Luke ever going to find out about the strip club. That secret he would take to his grave. And Julie had better, too. "We, huh, met in a bar. In L.A."
Luke eyed him suspiciously. "What were you doing in a bar in L.A.?"
"Waiting tables," Ryan said quickly. Best to stick to the tried and tested method of keeping lies as close as possible to the truth. "We talked a bit and she kind of came on to me and then... well it sort of happened after that. I'm really sorry. You have every right to be pissed. I'd be pissed." Please, please, please let that be enough, he thought.
Luke still looked put out, but he was simmering down. "She came on to you, huh?" he snorted. "Man, Julie is a real nympho sometimes."
You have no idea, Ryan thought. I bet she would've blown me then and there in the strip joint if I'd let her. "Yeah, well, I wasn't exactly fighting her off," he said out loud. He already felt like he was betraying her confidence without going into any detail about her persistence. "Say, um... you're not going to tell her are you? Nobody knows about this."
"Yeah, I can imagine. No, man, I'm not going to talk to her about it. But you have got a fucking nerve. And Julie, hell, I'm beginning to wonder about her. I thought she liked me. Now it looks like she just goes for Marissa's rejects." There was just a touch of hurt pride in Luke's voice.
"If it makes you feel any better," Ryan said wryly, "I seem to poach on Caleb Nichol's territory."
"Really?" Luke's eyes widened.
"I kind of hooked up with this girlfriend of his, a total babe, one evening. A long while ago. She was twenty-four before you ask." Ryan said quickly. Better not to dwell on what happened that night either, he thought, or Luke could get really pissed. Right now, he merely looked impressed. Maybe he did remember Gabrielle.
"So you're not like, upset, about Julie, are you?" Ryan asked cautiously.
"Nah, I got over her." Luke sighed. "Still the best lay I ever had though."
Ryan nodded in agreement and raised his beer. "And then some."
The end