GOBLIN WARS

Disclaimer: J ain't mine. Thank the Lady. Unfortunately the Great George

owns the SW stuff. The Listians are their own.

Chapter 1

Jareth, King of the Goblins, Ruler of the Labyrinth, stared listlessly out the window of his throne room to his vast, ever changing maze. Listlessly was a good word for it- his Listians had left him. The list was no longer choked with stories of their adventures with Didymus or Higgle, nor had there been one hair dye or baldness incident for months. Even Afton, the Goblin Princess had forgotten how to enjoy a completely Labyrinth day. And Selah and her cronies… Now there was a case study. Now everything his listians wrote had some mention of Star Wars. Every single piece of dialogue, every visitation, and every plot line had some mention of the thing.

So many of the listians who had so loved him, now declared Goblin Kings were childish: Jedi Knights were in. At first this trend had angered him, but he had not been able to stop it, so he decided to adapt. He had read and watched all things Star Wars in an effort to find what his listians thought so intriguing. And to his surprise he discovered parts of it interesting. For a long time he had been thinking of taking a leave of absence from the Labyrinth… and now he had the perfect reason! He would train to become a Dark Jedi Master. A lord of the ways of the Sith. A role model to an entire galaxy…

Pulling on his most majestic high-collar black cape he walked out onto the balcony to address the goblins waiting below in the square.

Back on Earth, a girl frowned at the picture playing through her crystal. What was the King of Cover Girl up to? He was in matte black and barely any make-up. Not good. Not good at all. She bushed a loose lock of hair away from her face and picked up the phone, still watching the crystal intently.

"Hello?" came a voice on the other end.

"Hi, Afton. Are you watching J's announcement?"

"Hi, Lonespirit. And yes, I am. I have mega bad feelings about it, too."

"Yeah, I have this overriding sensation Tights Boy is going to do something monumentally dumb."

"Everything Fairy Boy does is dumb. He's using the Royal We too… Uh-oh. Are you hearing this?" Afton asked, staring unbelievingly at her own crystal.

Jareth smiled down at his goblins. "You have been good and faithful subjects throughout Our long reign, stupid though you are, you have ever served Us as well as you might. That is why We have faith that in Our absence you will continue to prosper, as well as Goblins may, until We return.

"And thus, We gladly leave you until such time as Our business… abroad is done unto your own devices. It is with confidence in your abilities to govern yourselves that We leave to begin Our training as a Dark Jedi. When We return We shall be not only King of the Labyrinth, but a Lord of the Dark Sith and the Emporor of a galaxy. Until then, fare well, my subjects!"

With that, Jareth tossed a crystal into the air and disappeared in a flash of blue light using more powerful magic than he had for several centuries.

The goblins looked around at each other in confusion. "Er, whud he say?"

"I dunno. Somfun about him and some body is going on a train?"

"No, he said him and some Jeda girl are going fithing."

"Nu-uh it was that we is good and he is gonna call us Sith."

"We ain't his sisters!"

"What would you know about it?"

"Who cares! Himself is gone! Let's chase a chicken!"

Thus agreed they left the castle in search of chickens, though some remained behind engaged in fistfights over exactly what Himself had said.

On earth, Lonespirit gaped at her crystal, not at all believing what had happened. "Afton- did he? He didn't… Darth Jareth?"

Afton groaned. "He did. When I get my hands on Darth Sock Man, I'm going to…"

Lonespirit grimaced as she heard the impact of Afton's phone hitting the floor. "Hello? Afton? Are you there? What happened? Hello?"

It felt like someone suddenly twirled her chair around. A disoriented Lonespirit looked around blankly. It was safe to say she wasn't in her bedroom anymore…

Afton turned to a surprised gaze at Lonespirit, and grinned. "Hi. Having fun?"

Lonespirit giggled. "Too early to tell. Where are we? And what new adventure is this?"

"Well as far as I can tell, this is… shoot me for being nuts," she looked around the hot, dusty, crowded street they had appeared on, the double suns

in the sky, and the menagerie of aliens around them, "um… well, this looks like Tatooine." Lonespirit sniffed.

"I guess J's spell had a kick to it. We need to have him take a Magic Practice License test again."

"I concur."

"But when are we here? Prequel? A New Hope? Or one of the book series?"

Qui-Gon Jinn stood in the doorway of the Toydarian Watto's shop. He frowned, feeling a strange tremor in the force. He turned to look out at the crowded street and stared as two girls, younger than his apprentice, perhaps not out of their teenage years, simply appeared. They might be Trade Federation… he would have to keep an eye on them.

Afton and Lonespirit looked at each other. And back down the street. "I'm seeing things. Please tell me I'm seeing things," Afton said worriedly.