A/N: One might need a tissue for this chapter--just a suggestion. I'm not anywhere near finishing this story--just trying to clean up Jolie from how the writer's have left them lately. Until next time--PCGirl.

"I really am glad you decided to come home, Nat. If you had stayed down there much longer I was going to get on a plane and bring you back myself," said Rex as he stood behind the counter at Ultra Violet, Jessica sitting next to her.

"Yeah, well I've got something else big to tell you both. I want to tell you before I tell Mom and Roxy. I've been too dependent on men since Cris died—and I need to realize I can have a life and do things without having men around—no offense Rex."

"None taken."

"So what's next?" asked Jessica.

Natalie opened her purse and pulled out a brochure, "I'm taking a retreat—it's out in Northern California. It's a four week long ordeal—I can receive mail, but only from those I have on a list. All other mail I will receive at the end of the retreat."

"What about if there's another emergency with mom?"

"Well, hopefully there won't be—but I am giving Kevin the telephone number there for emergency calls. Make sure he doesn't forget to call me—I'll leave the retreat in a heartbeat if something happens."

"Are you sure this is what you want to do?"

"Yeah, I don't have another choice. If I don't do it then I'm scared I'll do something stupid again."

"When do you leave?"

"Tomorrow night—my plane takes off from the airport at 6 pm. I need to go talk to mom and Kevin—I'll see you both before I go though, ok?"

"What about John? Are you going to tell him?"

Natalie shook her head, "No, he's as much of the problem as Paul is," she said looking up and seeing he was walking in with Evangeline behind him, "I need to go—I'll see you later," she said giving Jessica a hug and coming around the side to get a big hug from Rex.

"Thanks for understanding mom, and I apologize for the way I acted before."

"Oh sweetie—don't apologize. You never have to apologize to me for anything, ok?"

Natalie's eyes started to tear up and again went to put her arms around Vicki's neck and just cried on her shoulder for a few minutes, "I just wish everything was more clear right now. I wish I didn't have to go but I need to. Ok, that's it—no more tears. I'm not crying for anyone anymore—that's the first thing they tell about in the brochure that they want you to learn. I'm going to be strong, and figure out what to do with my life, and how to move on with it while still being myself."

"And I'm glad for that. Who knows what will happen in the end—maybe just by accident you'll find the real Natalie on the inside and she'll know who, what, or where she belongs."

"You think this trip might have some type of serendipitous effect on me?"

"Anything is possible—now go have fun with Jess and Rex for the night."

"Will you be ok?"

"I'll be fine. I'm tired though, so I'm going to go to bed—will you lock the door when you leave?" asked Vicki as she began to turn on the stairs and Natalie watched as she walked the rest of the way up and when she heard her Mom's door close she opened to see Paul standing there.

"What are you doing here?" asked Natalie out of shock that she hadn't wanted to have a confrontation tonight.

"I got your note this morning when I woke up. Why did you just split like that? I thought we were having a good time—that we were a good team, what happened?"

Natalie gave out a loud sigh and stood taller, moving her hair behind her shoulders with a shake of her head, "We're not a good team Paul—you are a poison to me that's not good for my system. Just go back to Puerto Rico—good luck on finding the money, but I can't go back with you."

"Why not?"

"Because I have somewhere else to be—and it's not with you."

"It's McBain—he somehow got in touch with you and has talked you out of this, hasn't he?"

"No—this has nothing to do with John," she said and realized she meant it this time. "I have changed a lot in the past few months, and maybe you haven't noticed, but down in Puerto Rico I noticed—and I have to find the real me again."

"I'll help you find the real you—just give me a chance, please Natalie."

"No. The only person that can find the real me is me. Now please go Paul," she said walking away.

"Natalie—will you stop?" called Paul as he followed her into Ultra Violet.

She had been trying to lose him on the drive over, but it hadn't worked. Natalie whipped around and glared at him—her eyes burning with anger at his refusal to let her be, "Will you stop following me?"

"Is there a problem here? Do I need to escort you out?" asked Rex as he walked over and stood behind his sister, his hands resting on her shoulders for a moment before she turned to look at him, "Are you ok? You want me to get rid of this punk?" he said as the word caught John McBain's attention across the room. He gave a half smile at seeing Natalie there—realizing that she was trying to get rid of Cramer and excused himself and got up and began walking over.

"No Rex, he's fine. He just doesn't want to accept the truth that I don't need him around."

"They've brainwashed you Natalie—me and you, we work," he said taking a step towards her but then having Rex literally standing between the two of them.

"Ok, that's enough—I think you've had a little too much to drink and it's time to be escorted home. Jess—will you call him a cab?"

"I haven't had anything to drink. What are you talking about man?"

"Fine, but you've definitely got some disorderly conduct tonight," said Rex as he reeled back his arm and punched Paul in the face.

"Rex!" screamed Natalie as she looked to see John standing there. She ran behind the bar to make up a quick ice bag.

"McBain—I want to press charges for assault," said Paul as he put his hand up to his nose and brought it down to show drops of blood on his hand.

John put his arms in the air in confusion, "I didn't see any assault. All I saw was you fall and run into one of the chairs at the bar. Definitely a sign of excessive drinking—is that cab here yet Jessica?" he said looking at her and giving her a wink and pushing Paul to the door.

Natalie checked Rex's hand one more time for broken bones, "Does this hurt?"

"To see that Paul got what he deserved—no it doesn't hurt any," he smiled. "You going to go thank your cop buddy over there for saying there was no assault for me?" he said moving his head over towards where it seemed John and Evangeline were now having a very intense conversation.

"I better not—he seems busy."

"Do it for me," he said as he pushed her over to John.

"Hey—how's Rex's hand?"

"He'll survive," she shrugged. "Listen, thanks for what you did before—Paul, he just wasn't taking no for an answer."

"I gathered as much. You've got a good brother Natalie—he'll stick up for you no matter what."

"Yeah, thanks. Well, I better go," she said turning and going back to chat with Jessica and help Rex at the bar.

John walked into Rodi's and saw Natalie standing next to the bar chatting with Mac, "Hey—can I steal you away for a moment?"

"Sure—but I want to talk to you some more before you leave," winked Mac as he turned to help a customer.

"It's none of my business, but I was wondering—what was it that set Paul off last night? You said he wouldn't take no for an answer. What was the question?"

"You're right, it's none of your business, but I guess I should tell you. I'm leaving town again, but this time I'm going by myself. I have to find myself John—maybe you should try the same one day," she said as she turned and left—coming back later once John had left to finish her conversation with Mac.

Natalie sat on the airplane waiting for take off—she knew this was the right thing to do. Unlike the other week when she got on the plane with Paul—this time it felt like she knew where she was going, which was the first time that had happened in a long time. She opened her carry on bag and saw a letter had been put in there. She opened it up and read it silently,

Natty,

I wanted you to know you are the best big sister a guy could have. I'm going to miss you while you are gone—who else can help me put up with Roxy the way you do. You are much stronger than I ever could be by doing this—I hope whatever you find on this retreat will help you in life.

Always remember there are people that love you here, and want what's best for you. I've been a jerk lately—hope you can forgive me for that. Until my next letter—I just wanted to say I love you and you are my hero.

Rex.

Natalie smiled through tears—she sure didn't feel strong right now, she felt like running back off the plane and fighting Evangeline for John's comforting arms, but she knew what she had to do—and there was no turning back as she realized they were heading down the tarmac going west into the setting sun.